I started dating this girl about a month ago and things were going smoothly until last week. Suddenly she's kinda distant, the sweetness I was accustomed to is there, but much more infrequent. I can't call her out on it because she is talking to me just enough to where I would look paranoid pointing your the change, but it's there. We talked on the phone last night for a few hours, but im just feeling this weird vibe something is off. Add on top of that I know her ex, who remains in her friend group so she sees him often enough, has been bothering her a lot lately.
I don't know if our relationship is far enough along to step in and have a conversation about it all, I don't want to come across as too serious and scare her off, but should I just bite the bullet and have a talk with her?
That sucks bro. It kinda comes down to trust tho. And communication is important, any girl that would be scared off by an honest communication of concern, is either super immature or was just never really that into you.
Zachary Peterson
Yes, you should, just remember to keep it simple and try to keep your feelings out of it.
At this point, you're on a fact finding mission, nothing more. Don't make any accusations or assumptions, don't vent or whatever. No "I feel like you're ignoring me and I can't figure out why and I just really think we need to talk about it!!!" or shit like that. Stick pretty much exclusively to facts, and make it short.
This should be as simple as "Hey, you've seemed a little quiet this last week and I wasn't sure if something was on your mind. Are you doing alright?" And then just listen if she wants to talk about it, and move on if she doesn't.
If it continues to be a problem, maybe broach the subject one more time a little firmer, but I wouldn't force it. If it's obvious there's something the matter with her and she refuses to talk about, let it go. If she refuses to talk about it AND whatever it is is clearly having a negative impact on the relationship, then dump her because you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who stone walls you when it matters.
Luke Torres
It's just early in an already complicated relationship. When we started we didn't intend for it to ever become a serious thing, but neither of us really sleep around or anything so as we developed physically, we went on dates and hung out and talked, and we started feeling more emotionally. And I think it was good for a while, we were talking, using pet names regularly, messing around, building a real relationship I think, and suddenly she's just kinda pulled back it seem, emotionally and physically. I asked about it but she only really talked about the physicality, to which she just says she's afraid to progress sexually because I might leave and she doesn't wanna like me too much and get hurt. I tried to tell her I wouldn't leave her without a right, but it hasn't seemed to change much. I was more concerned with the emotional aspect anyway.
Evan Williams
Okay so you think just saying "hey I just have noticed a weird vibe from you lately, is everything alright between us?" And see where she goes from there? At what point do I address specific changes in her behavior or do I just keep quiet about that?
Evan Roberts
Blow her off for a few days and do something else. You're clearly too invested in this girl for only having been dating her for a month. Remember that this situation only exists to serve your needs right now, and if they aren't being met, seek fulfillment in other ways. If you were living together or married, that would be a different story, but a month? Pffft.
Colton Gonzalez
>"hey I just have noticed a weird vibe from you lately, is everything alright between us?"
NO!!
That is exactly what I'm saying NOT to do when I say "Don't make any accusations or assumptions." Like I said, stick to facts. A "weird vibe" is a subjective feeling/opinion of yours that she may totally not share. Her being quiet is not. And you've not only assumed the weird vibe, you've already made a guess that the cause is somehow your relationship, and it may not be.
You'll sound insecure, needy, and more concerned with making sure she's not leaving you than with genuinely finding out what's up with her if you say it like that.
Eli Harris
Ya know the funny thing is I felt this way until just about the time she started being distant. I was a bit shocked by how much her change in the way we interacted bothered me. It seems like the minute I started to actually care about her and like her, she backed off.
Right it's just the only thing that's changed about her is directly the way she's acting towards me, not anyone else as far as I know. So I guess a better thing would be to say "Hey are you doing alright lately? I've noticed you've been a bit different the last few days" and then if she asks just detail the difference in her communication, without putting any of how i "feel" into it?
Luke Nguyen
>Right it's just the only thing that's changed about her is directly the way she's acting towards me, not anyone else as far as I know. So I guess a better thing would be to say "Hey are you doing alright lately? I've noticed you've been a bit different the last few days" and then if she asks just detail the difference in her communication, without putting any of how i "feel" into it?
Exactly. Now you've got it.
Joseph Harris
Now to just wait till I see her again. I think it's a better thing to do face to face. Should I not mention anything about the fact she has been around her ex a lot lately, and just let her come to me about that?
Oliver Campbell
Have a normal human conversation with her. Start it by saying "ive noticed things have seemed a bit off, is there anything bothering you?" Then just follow the conversation with making accusations. Listen and let her talk. It's about her not you. If she's not forthcoming then it's too early in your relationship or you don't really have one. That's the point it becomes about you and you have to make a decision. GL
Nicholas Peterson
Unless she brings it up, that's a separate conversation.
Joseph Adams
Yeah, women are retarded like that. Early in relationships, it's all about their perceived value in relation to yours. The more you invest, the less valuable you seem, so the less attracted to you she is. If you want things to work with this girl, you have to establish a foundation that let's her know that you'll be just fine whether or not she's along for the ride. Don't say it, and definitely don't be mean, but demonstrate value by showing her you have other shit going on and that she's not your top priority.
Also, I don't say this to hurt you, but you need to consider the possibility that she may be talking to someone else. If she is and she's more into that guy than she is you, you're just fucked. The good news is, if that is the case, she's actually saving you a lot of heartbreak in the long run.
Elijah Johnson
Odds are her ex is trying to rope her back in. They are content to ignore their exgirluntil another person starts to move in. Then they just feel the need to duck with the girl for some reason. You might reminder her that there is no reason to think it would go differently a second round with him. But only if you care. Sounds to me like she may be keeping things from you or honestly torn
Ayden Stewart
I think the ex has a lot to do with it. She didn't start acting this way until recently and she brought up her ex "guilt tripping" her recently. The problem is he's a part of her friend group and I know she's hung out with him at least once during this weird lull period with her. She always talked shit about him being a liar and stuff but I feel like he may be coming back into the picture, and I have no idea how to handle that or even if I should bother if that's the case. I think they're even hanging out as I type this, not alone, but still. And I want to say something to her but I'm not sure if it's my place at this point.
Jason Butler
You're almost certainly right, and you've got the right idea about the risk of bringing it up.
Still, I don't think it's inappropriate to ask if there's something going on with her ex so long as it's not accusatory. Nothing wrong with "you said he was guilt tripping you and have seemed distant since then. Thought that might have something to do with it."
Andrew Harris
Well I think she's hanging out with him like I said, right now, so I asked her what she was up to and if she says that she's with him how do I respond? Im not gonna go ballistic on her but I feel like I should express some discomfort, not just now my head and get happily cucked.
Ryan Watson
Bow*
Caleb Wilson
Have that convo in person. Do not do that via phone or whatever, especially when she's with him.
All she'll do is be frustrated with you and vent to him and then you're the annoyance and he's her confidant.
Liam Cook
So what if she's with him now just respond nonchalantly? I don't want to exactly encourage it. But I think you're right yeah
Gabriel Bennett
Just say 'cool' and throw her a thumbs up emoji.
Leo Smith
Kek that sounds just passive aggressive enough okay, that'll work.
James Parker
Op here, just updating. She says she's with her friends. So I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, I'm not a jealous guy really, I just don't want to deal with Ex bullshit. If she backslides even an inch with him I'm fuckin out.
Thanks guys I'm gonna definitely try to talk to her this week when I see her about if anything's been bothering her recently.
