A little while back I learnt the hard way that there are two types of people when it comes to longterm relationships. The ones to whom feelings are absolute, to whom the very concept of "falling out of love" or "getting bored in a relationship" is unfathomable, and the others.
Now, I am not here to judge that second category, they just function differently. But as someone from the former type, I would reaally like to make sure next time I get into a relationship the person I get involved with is like me. Is there a way I can make sure of that? How can you tell, do you have to straight out ask the person?
>I need someone with serious co-dependency issues /cgl/ is a good start.
Nicholas Harris
I don't know, it might work but they might lie? Or sincerely think they are like me too because they've never really given it a thought, but it'll eventually turn out they're not?
Jaxson Adams
>wanting life-long monogamy is now labelled 'co-dependency issues'
I hate this fucking day and age.
Henry Ramirez
>they might lie? Is that not also true of any number of other things you might ask about them? >Or sincerely think they are like me too If they don't know how are you going to?
JUst date the people you want, talk to them about your feelings on this issue, and keep your eyes open. Its all you can do. It'll get easier as you get older and women get more interested in settling down.
Nathaniel Young
>Pledging life-long monogamy before you even get to know someone thoroughly >Willing to live through abuse in the name of monogamy Yeah that's pretty much textbook monogamy. You should maybe get that sorted out instead of daydreaming about an age that's never coming back.
Evan Ross
>Is that not also true of any number of other things you might ask about them?
Yes but that one thing is just more important to me.
>If they don't know how are you going to? I don't know, maybe there are psychological "tells" for it. I really don't know though, which is why I was asking.
>It'll get easier as you get older and women get more interested in settling down. That's typically a reasoning from someone who belongs to that "second category" I am referring to. Going for a girl who had no problem moving from one guy to another and who then pragmatically decided that she would settle down because the clock's ticking is not an option for me. Simply does not compute with who I am.
Logan Price
>Pledging life-long monogamy before you even get to know someone thoroughly What kind of retarded argument is that? Just because I am into life-long monogamy doesn't mean I am not going to take the time to know the person thoroughly before getting together with them.
>You should maybe get that sorted out instead of daydreaming about an age that's never coming back. If true love belongs to an age that's gone then so do I. And most likely other people too. So all I got to do is stick to my kind it will be like that age never went away.
Jaxon Robinson
bump
Levi Davis
Your conclusion is wrong as there is no ultimate loyalty for there are basic needs every living being requires, even dogs who love their owners in a prejudge-free way will walk away if basic needs aren't met. With this knowledge, you can now be certain that every living person is capable of "falling out of love" if the conditions are met. Maybe it's an abusive or unloving partner or something as simple as finding someone who meets their needs best or the accumulation over time of those "little things" for time is the ultimate killer.
Wow, i was thinking about this at the same time you posted the thread. As someone who goes in 100% you always end up losing.
Zachary Parker
Typically you're from the second category. We could spend the night arguing about it but ultimately it's pointless, we just can't understand each other on this subject.
>As someone who goes in 100% you always end up losing. Unless you make sure you get in a relationship with someone who goes in 100% aswell.
William King
bumping for people to actually adress the question instead of trying to argue on a difference in nature we will not change.
Justin Fisher
I think I'm the same type of people and this interests me aswell.
Liam Williams
This age of lifelong love and monogamy never existed. You believe it existed because of old time shows but truth is if you want lifelong monogamy then you need to find someone who wants you more than anyone else and keep doing whatever possible to keep it that way for life. We all have the capacity to fall in and out of love. Find someone you love so much that everyday you wake up with intentions of making them continue to love you more and more. If the persons not a douche hopefully it should last forever
Dominic Davis
Women don't have near the pressure to go 100% as men do. Almost impossible unless shes a clinger
Matthew Bennett
>This age of lifelong love and monogamy never existed. You believe it existed because of old time shows
You are right and wrong. Firstly, I don't get my knowledge from tv shows. I have majored in Humanities and studied the history of many civilizations and periods aswell as their literatures.
I would say you are right on the fact that there wasn't an age where life-long monogamy was natural for everyone. It was enforced sometimes, but the two categories I talk about always existed and the second was always more numerous.
Where you are wrong is when you assume everyone is, like you, from the second category. When you say : >We all have the capacity to fall in and out of love
It's actually not true, and I know this because it is not true concerning me. It is hard to explain this kind of indistinct feeling, but in my conception of what love is, it doesn't disappear. Not when you were genuinely into the person from the start. Sure at some point you can feel annoyed with them or stuff like that, but for me it makes no sense to have a random change of heart. Of course if the person does something terrible I'll leave them and in time forget, but I would never just randomly fall out of love. That's just how some people work, not me.
Landon Butler
It's not a question of pressure. It's just a thing regarding how you view relationships. I guess my type of girl would be what you call a 'clinger'.
Blake Thomas
You're clearly young and have never had a relationship. You assume that if you get ever get a girlfriend, it will be a 100% perfect relationship and you will be together forever.
You will be in for a surprise one day. Hopefully you will grow up from your Disney movie mentality before that.
Leo Cruz
>You're clearly young and have never had a relationship.
You're wrong in your assumption. I have. That was kinda implied with : >A little while back I learnt the hard way
You think this is "Disney movie mentality" only become you are not the same way. Like I said, we could debate this but it would go on forever and it would be pointless. Neither one of us is right or wrong, we're just different regarding this matter.
Cameron Ross
Yeah, let's not discuss in a website built on discussions. And why would you assume that about me? I've had one girlfriend since high school and we're still together and very much in love. However I know people are capable of changing and therefore be able to "fall outta love"
Brandon Hernandez
Relationships require work. You can't expect someone to never fall out of love with you or to never get bored if you're being complacent about your relationships, don't meet your partner's needs or expect love to "just happen". If someone is getting bored in their relationship with you, then that's not down to being one of two types of people but because their relationship with you doesn't make them happy and they want out.
Samuel Cooper
Dont worry OP. You are not alone. Sadly we are a tiny minority. We have very low chances of happienes. Three options
Change your mindset Get lucky and find a Match Be ultra good as Partner and bypass their category two mentality that way.
Leo Sanders
OP, I know what you're talking about, I'm exactly like you. Don't feel bad that no one in this thread understands what you're talking about.
You should just operate on the assumption that you will never find a person like you. I think there is something wrong with people like us, actually, maybe we're empathetic to an unhealthy degree or something, I don't know. But you will be happier if you just go into any relationship assuming the other person will never care as much as you do and odds are they will get bored and leave inevitably and just make the best of it while you can. Not in a cynical way, just in a way that you are accepting reality instead of searching for something you'll never find and always feeling disappointed.
Austin Bell
So option one? But Im already very sad about that. Will sound gay but damn that breaks my heart in a way. And I already am pretty down...
Carter Gomez
All you can do is try your best in a relationship. That's what I do. One important lesson I have learned though is to not give more than the other person will give back.
I start at 100% and then adjust to the response I receive. If you don't do that you're getting used. Love your partner but don't be selfless.
Zachary Scott
>Be ultra good as Partner I have the same "problem" as OP. As arrogant as it sounds, I was one and it wasn't enough. I don't know what didn't work. I've been thinking about her every day, in various moments of the day, for 8 years, even though our actual relationship, which ended 4 years ago, lasted a single year.
Hunter Ward
reading your first several posts was like being able to see my own thoughts. this one in particular is something i've even expressed here a few times.
i don't know the answer to that question either. i know you've likely been hurt to a degree most people sincerely can't fathom, and i hope you'll be one of the luckier ones who doesn't have to experience it an additional time, but i don't have the answer to what you're asking. dunno if there even is one. not guessing blindly doesn't make it not a guessing game still. i can try and offer some suggestions that might give you something to work with at least.
>posting just this for now to bump while i get my thoughts together because thread is getting low in catalog
Charles Wright
People leave a relationship for one of 3 reasons. They either feel unloved, unliked, or disrespected. It matters not who you are with, the same rule applies. There is no such thing as a person without a breaking point.
What matters is keeping attraction and acceptance at a high level. That is that part of the relationship that requires active work.
Robert Scott
Great to know there are like-minded people out there. I would be greatly interested in knowing you guys gender, just because I have this very uncertain theory that maybe ours is a state of mind that a few men have but women don't based on mere observation. Would gladly be proven wrong.
>People leave a relationship for one of 3 reasons. They either feel unloved, unliked, or disrespected.
That is simply not true. Sometimes people just leave without any of these reasons applying.
Aiden Adams
Are you that empathy idiot again?
Alexander Fisher
Life-long monogamy is attained through hard fucking work. It's not just going to be handed to you. You think 90 year olds who've been together since they were 20 have never had times when they've felt themselves falling out of love with each other? The difference is in putting effort into rekindling it instead of walking away.
Kevin Morris
>Life-long monogamy is attained through hard fucking work.
Second category. For me, it doesn't require any bit of effort to stay in love with the same person. I don't renewment, I don't need breaks from them, I don't need anything. Even if they get habits I don't like, put on some weight, etc. , I might be bothered, will try to work it out with them, but I will simply never stop loving them and them only, and I will never care about anyone else. For me, it's not something that requires any effort. You, most people sure. Hence the category thing.
Jaxon Martin
>Second category. For me, it doesn't require any bit of effort to stay in love with the same person. You ever been with the same person for 60 goddamn years?
You're not some special category, you're just delusional and lazy.
Kevin Kelly
>You ever been with the same person for 60 goddamn years?
Have you?
No, this is just speculation based on the things you feel inside your guts. Mine feels differently.
