How do you dump a genuinely great girl who did nothing wrong?

Yes, I’m the first person you’re replying to. PLEASE tell her before sex if you care about her on any level, which I assume you do since you wouldn’t be worried about how to handle this otherwise.

>It sucks, doesn't it? You feel a girl will fix your life but in reality, it does nothing or makes it 10000x worse.
Yes it sucks. She’s been very very good to me. She’s gorgeous, successful, caring. Just a very solid woman. she’s super into me and has always been supportive and there for me. We both love each other a lot. But one big issue is I can’t have kids. I don’t want them. Like I SERIOUSLY don’t want them. Being a father is an actual fear I have. Just the thought of it terrifies me. I get stressed and anxious. But obviously, she wants kids. She keeps saying to me “I love you and I will give you more time to think about this. I love you so much and hope you change your mind”. The thing is, I know it won’t change. So I feel so fucking guilty because she really hopes I’ll change my mind and I don’t want to waste her time. She’s a good woman. We are going on vacation next week. I think sometime after the vacation I’ll have to bring up this conversation. I’m dreading it. I don’t want to make her sad and cry

Oh fuck, now I feel even worse because she went to the effort of buying cute shit to wear for me. Fuck I'm an awful person. I think I'm avoiding girls for a while after this.

I feel for you user. I think you really should do it as soon as you can. You sound like a good guy, but she deserves to be with somebody who is on the same page as her. I'm curious, how are you coping with this all, user? I have no idea how to right now.

I have been the girl in this situation and honestly I was fine with waiting for him to get his shit together because I loved him enough to be patient. The only way you’ll REALLY hurt her is if you tell her you need time to work on yourself/you can’t be what she needs or deserves right now and then immediately start dating or fucking another girl. Don’t do that. Be honest, be sincere. She’ll be fine, just like I was.

sometimes when I look at her I just have this feeling of sadness inside. I guess it shows because she’s sad a few times “baby why do you look sad??” and i’ll just make an excuse that I’m tired.

>then immediately start dating or fucking another girl
I was literately trying to repulse her and any other girl originally. I acted cold and silent near girls, but yet she still wanted me and pushed through. Fuck.

That hurts me. I really hope you solve this, user. Good luck with whatever approach you take.

Sounds like she loves you as much as I love my man. She’ll wait for you, just be honest like I said and make sure she knows this is all about you and your issues and not about her not being good enough.

The thing is what else can I do? I can’t have kids, she wants them. I don’t expect her to compromise for me. That wouldn’t be right

I will try that.

I get you, user. Have you considered therapy maybe? Maybe both of you could go to together and see if your problem can be fixed? It's up to you, my friend.
>I don’t expect her to compromise for me. That wouldn’t be right
This hits close to home.

Whether she compromises or not should be her decision. Just make sure you are absolutely clear that no matter how much you love her, you’re never going to change your mind about this.

This right here is gold.

Maybe you're not letting yourself fall for her? Maybe you feel like she's too good for you and you're just protecting yourself. Give her a shot bro, you'll miss her once she's gone

He should tell her BEFORE. She has obviously been thirsting for him for a while, and she will still want to have sex with him after he tells her he wants to focus on himself. Only difference is that she'll feel more respected.

I just do not want kids.

Yes I will tell her this. But, the reason why I don’t think she can compromise is I’ve read about this. Men and women who’ve compromised on not having kids with their partner. it only leads to issues, many people said in their 40s there was a lot of resentment against their spouse

>She has obviously been thirsting for him for a while
That's an understatement. I'd honestly be lying if I said her extreme sexuality makes me wonder if she could even do the girlfriend thing.

>I just do not want kids.
That's fair to be honest.

I'll think about it I suppose.

I think a lot of those people have a romanticised idea of kids. Maybe she should try being an au pair in a family with kids of different ages. It's extremely exhausting.

Yeah, just tell her you do not want kids, let her decide.

most people want kids. It’s a fact of life.

Oof fucking hell OP, I'm kind of on the opposite end of this. I'm falling hard for this woman I've been seeing and it seems that she feels the same way you do.

Me:
>Fulfilling career I enjoy
>No debt, have savings
>No mental health issues, never been in a serious argument in my life
>No drama

Her:
>Hard work, underpaid job she hates
>In debt
>Has had bouts of depression and anxiety and will get into nasty arguments
>An abusive ex that won't leave her alone, and a sickly father she has to look after and support

But let me tell you that I don't care. And I've tried telling her that, but clearly it's something she needs to come to terms with herself. It makes me really sad (and scared) when she talks about "not being good enough" for me and tells me how she feels she'll "ruin" me. I haven't told her it yet, it's too soon, but I think I love her. We get on amazingly well, we spend days and days on end together and still find ourselves missing each other after a few hours apart. It's romantic, it's sexy, it's intellectually stimulating, and it feels right. She clearly has, quite normal, self-worth issues. They're normal, lots of people have them. I want her to work on them because I want her to be happy, and I think you should work on yours too.

So I'm going to say stick with her if she makes you happy. Surely that's what matters. Tell her your concerns and your anxieties and I bet she'll support you.

And thanks for posting this, it's interesting to see it from the other side.

Most people want perfect, beautiful, healthy, successful kids. If you can't deal with your kid being dumb, ugly, unhappy or even handicapped/retarded, you shouldn't take the gamble imo.

right. But most people will take that gamble. I will not

>friends with benifits
still in HS i see

user, tell her what you told us here, and if she will understand , she will give you space to sort yourself out and be there for you when you will need if she will still want a relationship.Goodluck.

>However, I just CAN'T fall for her like she has for me
Why not?

You just have to be honest. Tell her exactly what you have told us, and make it clear that you are not willing to get into a relationship with her.

Of course it will upset her, but the longer you allow her to build up this image of you in her head, the harder she will take the rejection.