How do I forget her?

time is the only cure for getting over an ex. seriously, put it in perspective: you saw her for 2 months. meanwhile there are people who get divorced after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids. also, she has BPD, which you want to avoid anyway. just keep reminding yourself she probably wasn't worth it.

i dumped my last ex just over a year ago and sometimes i still feel sad about it. but gradually you will grow more apathetic or at peace with the issue. just don't let being sad about an ex be an excuse to not do your best in life. you will eventually really regret moping about her if you waste too much time doing it.

again, perspective is key. this was 2 months out of your entire life

Thanks

Yeah, her ex invested a whole year of his life and paid for a lot of trips for them both and she would just make dramas out of the belief that he didn't love her. He said he needed to get out.

It's weird because my ex of 2.5 years didn't trigger this in me. I didn't give a shit when I split with her in Feb. I just wanted to fuck new pussy and hit the gym again. Then this girl really sucked me in and fucked me up.

You're right about regretting the time moping. I have moped before and looking back now think "Fuck, what a waste of 1 month. That bitch could be dead now for all I care".

I just feel like since she was ice cold to me, it really gave me no closure. The night she kicked me out she said "I never liked you anyways"... It's been eating at my mind... I just don't know why she wouldn't want an explanation if I genuinely liked her? She hasn't wanted any closure or explanation as to whether I was secretly longing for my ex the entire time I was with her? She just doesn't want to say a word to me.

How do I not think of this new guy having sex with her? It really gets on my mind.

well that does sound reasonable actually

Well i talked to a friend of mine and she did do very similiar thing to him, so that is a likely scenario. It propably would be the wisest thing to do from me to just break the contact with her, but it's so hard to let go... I'm a weak ass cuck i guess

Bla bla break up oneitis incel feminism ad hominem red pill blue pill nazis mgtow god aliens we live in a society justice procreation genes jeans increase your worth misogynist hypergamy desoxiribonucelus potato

Did I cover it all?

I know how you feel. You have to forget your idea of her. Hope can save you but it can also imprison you. Hope isn't always good. Sometimes you need to know how to give it up. This is one of those times.

I am the most reasonable, logical thinker I know my dude. It is why my girlfriend loves me. I have a decent head on my shoulders. You're welcome and I hope I helped you guys out. Bad situation to be in.

Why do you even read this board? Clearly you should just stick to shit-tier facebook meme groups and tumblr.

I believe you do know how I feel. There is this hope that I know is unreasonable, but it seems like I can't get rid of it

Yeah thanks a lot man, your words were exactly what I needed

You need to invest in yourself. Soon someone will come along and you can have hope for them.

I've just started to get back into weightlifting as of two days ago. I have been wallowing in a pit of agony for the last few weeks. I also lost my job.

I need to invest in myself and build myself back up. Women aren't the answer. You need to find someone when you're in a better place mentally or you will just keep rescuing these whores like I used to do.

Read every article on this whole website: sharischreiber.com/waif.html

Esspecially this article.

Yeah, that sounds like a textbook BPD case. Intense periods of love and affection followed by short periods of emotional outbursts and drama.
This hot&cold thing APD/BPD people do takes a heavy toll on the brain, and it leads to you becoming even more hooked to them and their insanity, which allows them to manipulate you and your feelings.
If you wanna do some reading to understand more about it, check this site out
psychopathsandlove.com/
it's about psychopathy but the lines between apd/bpd/psychopathy etc are really blurry.
Frankly, you should be thanking the other girl at this point. Because of her you got out of this situation early - usually a BPD/APD case will stick around until he/she has drained you of every last bit of ego and emotion you can give, and then drop you like there's nothing to it and move on to someone else.
Stay as far away from her as possible, and go to a therapist if you think you can't deal with it yourself. Dealing with people like that is a terrible affair, and unfortunately only people that have gone through it already can understand what you're going through.

I'm btw.

Thanks for your reply.

Is it called trauma bonding? I will look at the site you linked me to now.

Before this trip, things were going good between us. Really good sex and we were building a future, or so I was hoping. But then she started to get really shitty with me over seemingly minute issues. For instance, if I was explaining some thing to her and said "you get what I mean?" on the end of my sentence (its just a filler like "like"), she would get really angry and say "WHY DO YOU SAY DO I GET WHAT YOU MEAN? IM NOT A RETARD OK?!"... I was like wtf. She would get really stroppy over a lot of other little things I'd say and do and also seemed to take things really personally when I was just talking in general or describing a situation in MY life.

She wouldn't stop accusing me of just using her for sex too. No matter how much time I spent with her, even when she was on her period, she thought I was just playing her. She then said "you'll get bored in a month". She just never trusted my intentions which I couldn't work out. I found this really draining and then before we went on the trip, she started to really act out. We had a massive argument because she showed me a song on youtube which I instantly said was "lame". She knew we had different music tastes and I always called her music lame, as did she with mine, but that night she just wouldn't talk to me and was giving me the silent treatment. Another textbook abuse method by BPD people.

Talking to her ex was insightful. He said she never believed he loved her no matter what he did. If he even used his phone, she would lose her shit and sleep in another room. She would argue with him about all sorts of stuff like if he didn't spend a lot of money on her etc. Him and I both worked out that the day her and I split, she called him and told him she missed him and that she needed to know if her and him would get back together because there was a "guy at basketball which I'm getting good vibes from". He said that he told her "good luck" to which she got angry and started arguing with him, saying he hasn't changed...

She told me she felt nothing for him and would never go back to him. I don't think she truly did miss him, but more went back out of desperation and need for validation. He told me that when I was seeing her, and he didn't know, he tried talking to her and she just was full no contact, so I don't think she was looking to keep him as an orbiter. She did seem pretty trustworthy as far as borderlines go.. I've dated a cheater borderline about 4 years ago. But yeah, he invested a year of his life into her and paid for a holiday where the same thing happened. Although she never talked about suicide with him... She told me "you are the only person that has ever made me want to kill myself"... that really hurt me.

I don't even know what my point was, but I had one...

Bump because this is so eerily similar to a relationship with a girl I had that ended in June. Holy fuck. I'm trying to forget. New Tinder thots help but it still hurts.

Thanks a lot man, feels good to talk about a bit about my problems here. I appreciate the support and the article looks really fucking interesting

The best way to get over a girl is to get on top of another.

Attached: proxy.duckduckgo.com.jpg (3323x2587, 840K)

Well I've fucked a new one since her and I still ain't over her?

Tell me your story? I'm curious?

>but the lines between apd/bpd/psychopathy etc are really blurry.

No, they really aren’t. I’m a psychologist you’re spreading outdated and inaccurate information by claiming that borderline and psychopathy are pretty much the same. Certain functions might appear similar but the core issues and motivations are completely different.

For example, both disorders involve problems with interpersonal functioning, but in APD this involves a lack of feelings, lack of empathy or concern for others. People with BPD do feel empathy and DO have feelings, but those feelings are extremely intense and unstable.

I get where he is coming from though. BPD sufferers can exhibit a lack of empathy and emotional amnesia though. It feels the same to me.

The girl in my OP showed that at various times. I just comes from the same place of selfishness and self preservation does it not?

How do I forget her? Can you give me some advice while youre here :)

BPD & psychopathy do share many of the same behavioural patterns and are believed to be caused by similar social and environmental factors. the fundamental difference is that BPD is characterised by an exaggerated response to emotional stimuli whereas psychopathy sufferers display a distinct LACK of response to emotional stimuli. so yeah, not the same. one feels emotions too strongly and has trouble regulating them, one doesn’t feel them at all.

Yep.

Well put. I really noticed that with this guy I was seeing. She would get really argumentative over minute comments I would make. She would take everything personally when it was nothing to do with her if I was talking about something too.

I guess, I'm trying to get my head around how she could just cut me off so coldly when I was seeing her 5 days a week and we were both so affectionate to one and other... She split me black and that was it?

People with BPD act cold to protect themselves because they care and feel too much, people with APD don’t have to act and aren’t protecting anything. They just truly do not give a fuck. The emotional pain people with BPD go through on a daily basis is unfathomable to most of us. I understand their behaviour causes other people pain, but I truly believe it doesn’t come from a place of malice and I feel like it isn’t helpful to paint them as callous monsters when they aren’t. That said, it’s absolutely understandable that you don’t want to deal with it.

As for getting over her, the best thing to do is to keep your distance. Distract yourself with other things and give yourself time to heal, there are no shortcuts.

I have BPD and when I have done this in this past it honestly comes from a place of “If I cut this person off, they will be better off” because I know how messed up I am and feel terrible about the pain and suffering I cause my loved ones. The same line of thinking is why so many of us end up committing suicide.

>She would take everything personally when it was nothing to do with her if I was talking about something too.

This sounds like me and I don’t know how my boyfriend puts up with it. I try so hard to change but in the moment it really does feel like he’s talking about me and I overreact and take it personally. I always apologize after, which probably seems like manipulation but I honestly just feel terrible about how I act when I get like that. I’m in therapy (DBT) now and it’s helping.

So the night we had this huge argument on the way back from this trip, I told her this is too much drama and I think we should take some time apart. I know this would have triggered one of the cornerstones of BPD, which is the abandonment fears. She did everything she knew how to keep me; manipulation, self pity via suicide threats etc. When I stuck to my guns and said "This time I'm not falling for that, you are manipulating me, I need to end this", could it be she looked on my phone to try to self sabotage and find something to demonize me over so it would make her cutting me off easier?

Someone with BPD told me that is what her logic would have been.

When she found those messages, she said I was dead to her and she never liked me anyways. It hurt a lot hearing all those but I knew I fucked up and shouldn't have been making small talk with my previous ex. I tried to get her to understand the situation but as I said, I was just cut off with no further communication.

We were working towards a committed relationship and I know she's had them in the past like with her ex bf who I spoke to. Although he said it was shit, she never cut him off. He ended it - but she did say once he was gone, she felt nothing and I believe that after some of the stuff he told me. So I mean, in her mind, I'm dirt and I was planning to go back to my ex. I just want to know I meant something to her and she missed me.... I know now, shes probably been dating this new guy fro 5 weeks or so and she literally wouldn't give a fuck about me due to her lack of object constancy.

Yeah, I was getting sick of it. One night she did it to me when we were just about to go to bed. I stayed calm while she showered and got her some water for her side of the bed. When she got in, I just cuddled her and held her close to me. Kissed her forehead and pretended nothing had happened. She asked if I was ok to which I replied "I'm ok, but I honestly mean well. I know I do. I really like you and don't appreciate when you get angry like that at me, it hurts me."

She broke down crying for like 20 mins while holding me and just said "I'm sorry, I know you mean well". She didn't seem to be able to control herself but I really saw in this moment that she couldn't help it and knew she was hurting me.

>When she found those messages, she said I was dead to her and she never liked me anyways.

This sounds like a pretty typical defense mechanism to me. She saw or felt that you were pulling away and cut you off and convinced herself that she doesn’t care in order to avoid dealing with the emotional pain of you potentially abandoning her. I’m sure you know that’s the biggest trigger there is for people with BPD and they will do anything and everything they can to avoid it.

>I really saw in this moment that she couldn't help it and knew she was hurting me.

I feel like this is the biggest misconception people have, that the way people with BPD act is calculated and intentional. You’re right though, they can’t help it and it hurts them too.

I mean, they CAN help it. But it takes a lot of work and therapy. Really not as easy as just telling yourself to stop overreacting or manipulating people to stop them from leaving you.

So when she did this cutting off. She genuinely wouldn't care now, would she? Is it like out of sight, out of mind for BPD sufferers?

Would she know deep down she wanted me instead of the guy shes with now or would her intensity just override that since shes with him now? I mean, I had really good sex with her and made her orgasm 3 times in a row when she had never had that before, would she fondly remember stuff like this? I know it's superficial but I just feel like I meant nothing to her.

Also, how can she just resist talking to me after it was all over? Like a week or so later, we had to talk about dividing the airfares but when I told her I missed her and really feel bad, she just left me on seen. She didn't seem to want any closure for herself?

Once we sorted it all out via facebook, I assumed she would reblock me instantly but she didn't.. So I asked her to please block me if she has nothing to say to me and her feelings for me are dead. I said I couldn't do it because I didn't want her to become a memory? She seen it and still didn't block me? Why?

Was it for ego boosting purposes? If she wanted to hurt me, she would have just instantly reblocked me but she didn't? Maybe it was just being defiant of my request since she truly didn't care?

>She genuinely wouldn't care now, would she? Is it like out of sight, out of mind for BPD sufferers?

I would say that’s the goal when we cut people off but it doesn’t really work like that in reality.

I still think about all the guys I’ve cut off over the years, and I did genuinely have feelings for all of them. I’d say the intensity of those feelings does change though. I can only be “obsessed” with one person at a time. If she ever cared about you, then she most likely still does but her new FP is going to be her main priority and focus.

>I know it's superficial but I just feel like I meant nothing to her.

Please believe me that even if it doesn’t seem like it now, at one point you meant EVERYTHING to her.

new poster in the thread.
Im trying to stay friends with an borderline-PD (I think) ex-bff,
partly cause of selfish reasons
partly cause I want to help
this cutting-off issue - is it worth suffering through? I feel I could help her with things but shes got some unresolved shit with me (the way she perceives me), nevetheless IF we manage to meet (quarterly..) she seems really glad and tells me so.

I see. How can she go to a guy who was trying to take her out while she was seeing me? She genuinely wasn't interested in him at all and as I said, asked me how to get him to leave her alone? He isn't attractive at all either so I don't know why she's dating him now... I guess she has low self esteem? She said to her ex when trying to manipulate him into being back with her after me that this basketball guy gives her attention in a group scenario and she likes that because apparently her ex used to ignore her with his friends. I don't know.. I'm thinking so much.

Why do you think she didn't reblock me when I asked her?

I think friends are a little different, I don’t see anything wrong with staying in her life and being her friend. What do you mean when you ask if it’s worth suffering through?

>She genuinely wasn't interested in him at all and as I said, asked me how to get him to leave her alone? He isn't attractive at all either so I don't know why she's dating him now... I guess she has low self esteem?

Yes, low self esteem and desperate need for validation and approval has made me say yes to guys that I previously rejected or had no interest in.

>Why do you think she didn't reblock me when I asked her?

I think it’s probably because she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She does still care on some level, like I said. Just not as much as she cares about her new man. The intensity of that relationship is most likely overriding everything else for her right now.

wrote that wrong shes my ex but also one of my closest friends.
And by suffering thru.. well, its kinda apparent, we see each other rarely, she barely texts back, unless its that closed pocket of time around our meetings, we do phone calls that last 1-3 hrs each time too.
But its not really a "functional" friendship, i cant just call her whenever, I cant text her wassup, dunno what going on in her life etc...
and it hurts, dunno if itll ever be "normal", if i can help her at all, if shell be able to overcome the cut-off issues, i think she cares deep down.
(should probably mention that she told me im the only one she has issues being in contact with..) its just weird... and its takin a tol on me
trying to keep the friendship alive
i know we hold each other special, but she wont contact me out of feeling bad/guilty/not being into it at that moment/whatever
sorry for a messy long post

Hmm. Interesting. So if you weren't sexually attracted to them?

I thought maybe she was preoccupied with him and thats why she didn't want to block me then. I just wish there was something I could say to her to jog her memory or feelings for me and make her switch back but I know it wouldn't be healthy for me. If you cut a guy off, and still felt something but had completely devalued him in your mind, and he was telling you how much he missed you, how could you resist responding?