A few months ago, I ended my relationship with my BPD gf of 5 years; it left me emotionally devastated

A few months ago, I ended my relationship with my BPD gf of 5 years; it left me emotionally devastated.

Three days ago, I happened to have a Facebook chat with a colleague of my ex. She is a very smart, successful and beautiful girl. I had previously met her only once, with my ex, a couple of years ago.

Suddenly, during the chat, she starts revealing me details about her sentimental life. Turns out she was in a 2 year relationship with a BPD guy. She broke up with him a year ago. She told me that she has lost faith in relationships and feels hopeless.

As she also told me she is not a friend of my ex after all, but just a colleague that sees her very seldom, I disclosed to her something about my case.

We had a very intense but pleasant chat, until she lightened up the atmosphere a bit and said she had to go have dinner.

The day after, I sent her a new message, with a video (potentially interesting for her). However, she replied that she is now on holiday in a place where the mobile signal is weak, so she cannot load videos. I have not heard from her since then.

I am getting mixed signals from this girl. Could you please help me choose among the following courses of action?

A) Do not contact her until August 12, when I will go to an event of her interest; send her a picture from there and, with that excuse, send her also my mobile number, suggesting to contact me when she will be back from her holiday, because I'd like to have a coffee with her.

B) Contact her today ("How's your holiday going"?), so we can keep our interaction alive. Later, on the 12, use that event as an excuse and give her my mobile number.

C) Contact her today and give her my mobile number right away.

I think we have a lot in common, and I surely don't want to pressure her into a new relationship. However, I am extremely curious about getting to know her better. And to understand why she opened up to me during that chat.

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Get coffee or something with her when she comes back from holiday. Say it helped to commiserate about having been with a BPD person.

Sure; however, I need to know when she will be back, to do so. Do you think I should contact her right away, and ask this openly?

don't be needy nor clingy. Wait for her to return.

Why are you going on about August 12 in the OP then? Don’t be that retard who uses fixed delays and shit to avoid seeming “desperate.”

If you chat again casually ask when she’s back from vacation, then when she is back ask her out.

The point is: I have no means to know when she will be back. Our only contact is Facebook, which she almost does not use at all. I need to find a way to know when she will be back.

Nevermind. I got your message wrong.

She probably thinks you're a creep.

She was the one who suddenly started to share with me private details of her sentimental life. Not me. How am I a creep? In total, we have interacted only four times. The first one, when I met with her with my ex. Then, we had a very short Facebook chat, a long time ago. After that, there was the long chat about private stuff, three days ago. Finally, I sent her that video. So? What's creepy about this?

I chatted with her again. When I introduced a topic she is very informed about, she started going on and on. I got that she will be back in city after August 15 (she did not tell me the exact date). As she had to interrupt the conversation because her battery was low, we agreed to continue the chat some other time. After she disconnected, I sent her my mobile number, just in case.

Still not sure about her attitude... However, she surely appreciates to talk with me. What do you think?

>chatting with a girl as nothing more than a means to get in her pants
Never gonna make it. Firstly, SHE KNOWS. Dozens of other men have chatted her up in her lifetime with the same intentions as you. You're soing nothing to excite her on a level beyond generic friendship.
Secondly, you sound like a fucking robot. "*beep boop* initiating chatting sequence! *boop beep* processing attraction level - 17% complete"... Just let things flow naturally, you autist.

I don't see what wasn't natural about our chat. Your reply is quite weird, instead. Attraction level? Seriously?

I am asking advice about the fact that, in my experience, I have never found a girl so willing to take part in long conversations after knowing so little about me. I am just curious to know your opinion, based on your different experiences.

Oh, by the way: there is actually something different from the many other chats she surely had with many men interested in getting in her pants. We both care about intelligence. We are at the same level, we respect each other, we challenge each other. And we like to be challenged. I am definitely fascinated by her intelligence.

You sound like a massive idiot OP. Everything you’ve said in this thread sounds unnatural and kind of forced. It’s really weird. It’s like you’ve never actually been in a relationship before, let alone on a date.

The really stupid thing is how transparently you’re trying to slide into this girl’s inbox, yet you think you’re being clever or careful or some shit. You’re acting like a high schooler that’s trying to cultivate an online gf only to get friendzoned.

I really don't see your point.

I don't know what could ever be weird about chatting. Moreover, you don't know nothing about the content of those chats.

I was just curious about your opinion on this girl's sudden openness. Some advice, especially if you are in front of a new situation, never hurts.

What I get, instead, is insults. Maybe you need to do this, in order to feel good with yourself. Ok. I won't judge you.

Now, please. If you have some useful comment, feel free to drop a line or two. Otherwise, your contribution is not needed. Thanks.

The words of a painfully mediocre and delusional man

Ok... It seems like it was a bad idea, to ask for advice in a place that seems istead made for the release of repressed primal needs.

By the way: I did not say that I am better than you. Nor that you are mediocre, or something. So, you might want to question yourself about why you felt the urge say that about me. Maybe, it tells a lot more about yourself.

You sound like YOU'RE the one with BPD. I smell it a mile away. You are also narcissistic and refuse the advice given to you.
You're trying to make it appear that this girl is into you way more than she actually is. You sound desperate and clingy, it's quite pathetic.

The only way you're going to know if she wants to date you is when she gets back and you ask her out on a date. Until then, chill the fuck out man.

I could only explain this with the fact that English is not my first language. Maybe my words had a wrong tone to them.

Anyway, obviously, I will ask her out, some weeks from now, when it will be feasible. Meanwhile, if I will feel like it, I'll chat with her. Just because I like it. I actually have something to say, and so she does.

It is quite hurtful to hear your immediate BPD "diagnosis", based on your "smelling" ability, after my real 5-year heartbreaking experience with a person affected by this disorder. Anyway, I went through troubles much worse than this. But the aggressiveness and lack of empathy of this community is baffling.

You both were attracted to mentally ill people for a reason. Chances are she can't form any real connection to you unless you yourself are mentally ill. Its pretty common among people with deeply seated savior complexes. People like that require chaos for a relationship. Really meaningful, stable relationships are boring and stagnating for people like them. On paper you both seem very good for each other but there's a good chance that emotionally either you or her just won't find it in you to invest in the other unless there is some kind of chaos or excitement. Its part codependency, part savior complex, all wrapped up in a neat little ball of insecurity. People, after all, don't allow themselves to be emotionally crushed and abuse by someone with a persistent mental illness unless they don't think they deserve any better. You can keep pursuing her if you'd like but don't be surprised if a true spark never develops. Broken people don't have a tendency to just start working simply because it would be in their best interest to do so. Real life is a lot more complicated than that. Good luck.

I'm not being mean but I honestly think the "disorder" rubbed off on you. It's very common to adopt these traits if you have been with someone who had them for that long (according to you)

Please go back and read your words. You sound very unstable and unnecessarily frantic over a situation that is quite simple.

I believe there is a fine line between narcissism and bpd and you have demonstrated bursts of both.

Narcissists will usually claim their ex/current partner is "crazy" or have mental illness/personality flaws of some kind. It's interesting. You reminded me that she also claimed her ex was bpd and maybe that's why they click so well.........according to op.