anons I have a 9/10 life with no desire to fuck that up. but my SO of 15 years has a libido that is crashed and has been crashed for several years. we sex a few times a month, but its a struggle. I've always thought, worst case scenario, i can go (be cheater scum) find side action in secret, not hurt my SO, and keep our lives intact. thought about sex workers to ensure no crazy affair partner drops a turd in my punch bowl. old school arrangement-- keep family and life and be decent/respectful to SO, but fulfill sexual needs outside our relationship I told SO I want to go to sex couples counselor for libido crash, etc. In conversation, SO asked me/ accused me of wanting to cheat. The idea of me stepping out had NEVER occurred to my SO prior to this. my question for anons: Did I fuck up by planting that thought in SO's head? I now feel that if couples sex counseling doesn't work, the side sex door is closed forever b/c now I've planted that thought, there's no chance of being able to cheat without getting caught and hurting my SO.
if you answer, I'd appreciate knowing if you are married/ have SO, or if you are an incel NEET, or whatever, so I can gauge the shittiness of your shit advice. inb4 all cheating is always wrong, inb4 MGTOW, inb4 christfags
Has your so refused sex counseling? What does she say is the reason for her libido crash?
Is there no possibility that she would be ok with you getting your needs met someone else if she can‘t/won‘t do that? I‘ve told my husband that if he ever has the desire to have some sexual experiences that i can‘t satisfy, i‘d rather know and let him have his fun than have him cheat on me behind my back. Maybe your so could come to a similar view?
Jose Anderson
Yeah you fucked up, but it's a blessing in disguise. It'll motivate you more to fix your existing problems with your SO instead of cheating and creating new problems. If all else fails, I'd recommend erotic massages over actual hookers.
>I'm single but not an incel NEET.
Carson Fisher
>Has your so refused sex counseling? no, SO genuinely wants to go. I am thankful she is game to go
>What does she say is the reason for her libido crash? she doesn't have an answer, or the slightest idea. she's had hormones checked and doc said normal range. does not take pill either
>Is there no possibility that she would be ok with you getting your needs met someone else if she can‘t/won‘t do that? I'm not sure, but we are going to see a sex-positive AASECT counselor, so at least it could be an option for us
>I‘ve told my husband that if he ever has the desire to have some sexual experiences that i can‘t satisfy, i‘d rather know and let him have his fun than have him cheat on me behind my back. Maybe your so could come to a similar view? I struggle with the ethics of everything and never want to hurt my SO. I have not stepped out because i dont want to go behind her back. my rock and a hard place is doing the right thing always vs being realistic about fucking up someday (and preventing that by maybe strategically stepping out?)
Grayson James
When will your appointment be?
What have you two tried so far to solve this? How long has it been this way? How was it at the beginning of your relationship?
I don‘t think it‘s hormonal, i think it‘s an psychological issue.
How are her views pn sex in general? Does she masturbate?
I get that our approach isn‘t for everyone. Infact, i‘m not sure i could actually handle it if it ever got so far. But i‘m atleast open to talking about it. It‘s the lesser evil compared to my husband having to go behind my back. I love him and i want to know what‘s going on in his life. Keeping stuff secret would make us feel very distant from each other. That‘s no solution for us.
Julian Bell
>blessing in disguise user, i believe you are right
Nicholas Adams
I think you're relationship is done. I really don't know how some relationships can drag on with just monthly sex. It smooths out so many problems. Even just a week of no sex I start thinking all the women in the grocery store are hotter.
The thing with low sex drive, is that you can usually still have sex even if you won't enjoy it.
>Live with my gf of 2+ years
Ian Cook
Ofc you can have sex without enjoying it. But why should you?
Brayden Diaz
>When will your appointment be? two weeks from now
>What have you two tried so far to solve this? talking it out, asking what we can do different, asking what she might be into
>How long has it been this way? How was it at the beginning of your relationship? first five years were hot and heavy, last five years were like now; middle five were somewhere in between
>I don‘t think it‘s hormonal, i think it‘s an psychological issue. i tend to agree, but im not a professional
>How are her views pn sex in general? not negative at all
>Does she masturbate? never has, wont try to pick up the habit. ive asked her to explore bc might help her/ us but she just doesnt
>I get that our approach isn‘t for everyone. Infact, i‘m not sure i could actually handle it if it ever got so far. But i‘m atleast open to talking about it. It‘s the lesser evil compared to my husband having to go behind my back. I love him and i want to know what‘s going on in his life. Keeping stuff secret would make us feel very distant from each other. That‘s no solution for us. same, desu. even keeping sexual dissatisfaction from her driving us apart. bringing it up has already helped a little
Nolan Rodriguez
we're closer to weekly that monthly i bring it up with her because on the 5th or 6th day, I am suddenly really interested in the females in the produce section, i know that some day I will fuck up and I dont want that to happen
Chase Foster
That might be a bit far out there, but do you have any idea about how her parents stance on sex was when she grew up? For example, a strict and somewhat antiquated christian upbringing could mean that she unconsciously believes that sex is somethign sinful and dirty.
What was the outcome of „talking it out“ have you done anything different? Has she been able to tell you what she would need to get horny?
What does she say why she doesn‘t masturbate?
Yeah, i‘m a firm believer that real intimacy can only happen when you can be completely honest with your partner.
Can you pinpoint when the sex has started to fade? Is there a correlation with some other situation, like moving, new job, death in family, kids?
Ayden Reed
Because your partner needs it, obviously.
Lincoln Fisher
Nobody has died from lack of sex. It‘s not a vital requirement like water, food, air and sleep.
She doesn‘t want sex, he wants sex. Why should his needs be more important than her‘s?
Angel Williams
Can't be pinpointed, life comes at you fast. She was raised in a moderately left wing family, so that's not it... And no answers to what I can do it not do to help, what makes her horny. She is also said just not into masturbating.
Evan Anderson
Has she masturbates as a teen? How comfortable and confident is she in her body in general? Does she have other psychological issues? Eating disorders? Depression? Ocd? Selfharm? Burnout? Perfectionistic behaviour?
Gabriel Bennett
Because sometimes, when you are in a relationship, you do things you don't want to do to make your partner happy. Why are incels even in this thread?
Caleb Anderson
Sure, but having sex without enjoying or wanting to for years is a bit over the top honestly.
Anthony White
sorry, OP back. had to take care of some work matters.
>Has she masturbates as a teen? not to my knowledge, but i have not directly asked about it
>How comfortable and confident is she in her body in general? this probably has a lot to do with it. she's very fit and has a great body, but still seems not too confident at times
>Does she have other psychological issues? Eating disorders? Depression? Ocd? Selfharm? Burnout? Perfectionistic behaviour? none of this applies. shes an educated, very well adjusted and otherwise issue-free woman (as far as I can tell)
if those things don't apply, you think it could it still be psychological?
Robert Russell
I‘m still almost certain it is.
Has she ever been on a diet? How much does she exercise?
Can you describe how your average sex looks like?
Caleb Hernandez
I hope this is a troll. I honestly can't comprehend how little shame you could possibly have to ask for advice about this shit, anonymity or not.
no dieting, we eat healthy exercise is moderate, a couple of times a week average sex is best described as: obligatory and borderline rote. her mindset is here but that's no way to carry on so we're going to try to improve desu
Gavin Collins
Here's a (You) shame stops people from getting help I don't have shame about asking advice on an anonymous Taipai anime forum, or about going to see a counselor because my priorities in life don't include impressing internet anons, now fuck off back to /gif/ and finish fapping
Owen Parker
So she has never sturggled with her diet/weight ever? Not even as a little girl? Asking so i can eliminate „body dysmorphia“ from the possible causes she clammed up.
James Morales
not to my knowledge
Sebastian Gonzalez
That‘s good.
Have you ever felt like she wasn‘t really into it when you had more sex those first years?
Brayden Young
nope, she was into it. even says she used to be really horny, & doesn't know what happened.
Jack Jones
Hav me you had kids in the meantime?
Joshua Flores
yup so my kids did this. great.
Lucas Sanchez
Not necessarily.
How old are they now?
I mean, yeah, kids can really mess with your stress levels, which can really mess with your libido plus you might get so caught up in everyday errands that you can‘t find the off switch anymore.
Do you think she has an issue with feeling comfortable with her post pregnancy body?
Logan Hall
this will be the topic of conversation tonight i can report back soon, user. TY you've been helpful if youre not a real counselor, i recommend a new career as one
Henry White
Good luck!
Aww, thanks, that means a lot to me.
I‘ll keep checking for news from you. If you want to, you could do an update with the same op pic, so i can find you?
