A couple of days ago I replied to a thread about long-lasting, unresolved relationships. What I wrote was walls upon walls of texts, mostly encouraged by one other user. My biggest disclaimer is that I'm not here for relationship advice per se. I will openly admit that my view on partnership differs from most other anons'; most importantly that I don't think lightly of monogamy, and seeing as I firmly believe that it's important to truly know each other, and grow together spiritually before one even considers entering into sexual exclusivity, I won't get affected by anyone's shitposting, no matter the names being thrown at me.
This is my TLDR: >met 23yo woman in 2010, fell in love >initially told her I was poly, and chose her over another, since the other wanted exclusivity >agreed to monogamous LDR a month and a half later >she cheated on me with one other bloke during the entire first year >she moved back and was depressed for the next 14 months >her family blamed me, and she didn't defense against accusations, due to panic anxiety >we officially ended, but continued to meet in secret, on and off >this continued for another three years >we talked about one day starting a family >six months later she got pregnant with a guy she met in Thailand, during backpacking
The kid is now one year old. The father left three weeks after her was born. I've visited a couple of times this summer, and there is nothing but loving kindness between me and her, but we haven't been intimate since January 2016. She's 31, a single mom and rents her childhood home from her parents, who moved up north earlier this year. We've talked loosely about how she wants her son to have at least one sibling, and somewhat jokingly, but sincere mentioned that I'm her best candidate, since she can't see herself starting to date again. She told me tinder was something she couldn't deal with.
>You caved in, and went on tinder afterall! I'm ovulating >Haha, then this shouldn't be a problem for you It's a huge problem, because I don't see anyone fitted for sperm donations >Do you want me to come over tonight then? Not a good idea, unless you want a mini-us to be running around the neighbourhood >Wasn't that part of the plan from the get-go? >I bet you'll be pressed to match with anyone who wishes to procreate on the first date In that case, you should come over tonight :D >So it's now or never? Got plans with friends tonight, and should stay for at least a few hours I usually ovulate once a month, so no stress. I'll browse tinder in the meanwhile, looking for quality sperm! >Protip: be honest about your intentions! I promise to check in on you regularly! Haha, thanks for the tip!
She no longer wishes to get into open relationships, but who's to say parents need to stay together in order to cooperate. There is no animosity between us what so ever, and although we don't mention it much, we got a strong bond established years ago.
Is it my time, fellas? Talk me out of it.
Jackson Parker
there’s so many trainwrecks in this story i don’t know where to begin
best just play it safe and kill yourself
John Smith
wow cool
Noah Martinez
the kys guy is right
James Robinson
Not to be unironically a douche but if you think that there is an option besides cutting and running you're not just a tool, you're a fucking DeWalt deluxe two-tiered tool chest
This bitch is Chinese environmental and ethical standards levels of red flag She's the North Korea of red flags We're talking "how the fuck did you get down to a Trump versus a Clinton" kinds of awful, continuous and unabashed decision-making skills.
I don't know what to tell you man. You chose one of God's given warnings to men and instead of heeding the sign you humped the sign.
If cutting your losses isn't an option for you, maybe a swan dive into oblivion is all that's left. To call this "painfully, obviously a bad idea" is a grievous understatement.
Jace Mitchell
The effort to think for oneself is dismal, even when attempting to offend.
Sebastian Smith
That's better. You're not completely wrong. She's made her mistakes, sure, but from what I can tell she's a good mother to her son. And I can tell, having had 11 years experience working in kindergarden.
She didn't plan on getting pregnant, and she's made up for the wrongs she put me through, years ago.
Ian Davis
If you want to board a sinking ship, power to you. Why even come here if you're resolved, though? That seems... counterproductive.
She made up for them because it was that or nothing. When you open her options again, I think you'll see. Bonus points for engaging a date whose family hates you.
Kayden Young
Jesus Christ have mercy where to start
Im not gonna pretend to be calling out the truth this is imo so:
>She is not to be trusted Says she doesn't want pooy but cheated on you and had someone else's children already therefore it seems like she just wants someone to be a ground for her to live off
>You're going to have the kid and want to go back to the poly life after she fucks up (high probability there) She cheated on you once and doesnt seems to repent she is going to do it again and when you try to do the same she is going to get mad at you saying that her situation is different cuz she has a condition with her anxiety or whatever
>You dont really want a kid Do you, i feel like you're in love or just really hooked up on her and this kid just means (or so you hope) that the relationship between you two is going to be real now
But most importantly there's a kid involved here the one already there and that who's to possibly come
William Rivera
It's like you're the captain of the titanic, only you see the iceberg and keep going.
This is pretty sound advice.
Juan Parker
8/10 effort to sound like a pretentious faggot while failing to insult and/or not seem insecure af 0/10 judgment seeing a genuine sentiment expressed, assuming it's an attempt to offend you, then proceeding to totally not "get affected by anyone's shitposting" 0/10 display of critical thinking 2/10 bait, got me to reply
Isaiah Thomas
dont do it unless youre going to raise it kids get fucked up without both parents around and she sounds like someone i would definitely not want to team up with long term. sounds like a trap senpai
Jaxson Perry
First of all, the two of us having children beyond what happened one year ago, was my idea, not hers. I've slipped it into conversation a couple of times, and she's warming up to the possibility. Her family got no power over me, and the woman in question is the most boyant part of the clan. Her sisters and mother are walking nightmares, though. Her dad is leading is his field, and she has in the recent year decided to follow in his steps, and gone back to school. Her future will be secure with or without any man, and the dad isn't the one who hates me. Which leads me to >she just wants someone to be a ground for her to live off In all likelyhood she will always be a lot more wealthy than I ever will. Her dad owns seven houses in different European countries. My contribution will be as a role model. The father of her first child haven't payed a dime for his kid, but we live in a country where the government provides not only child support, but also pays for single mothers' education, should they choose to take it. She doesn't need a man, she wants her kid to grow up with a sibling. Family has always been very important to her.
>the relationship between you two is going to be real now I don't even need anything beyond a platonic relationship with her, to enjoy being around. I got enough offers elsewhere, and I won't quit my current woman for anyone. I wrote in the original thread that I also want to impregnate my other ex, who's currently living in the ground floor flat that the woman in question rents out. They've been best friends since I introduced them in 2011.
I don't expect any of them to want to be in a conventional relationship with me, I would simply rather be the father of their future children, than to see some other hopeless morons get leave them before the children learn to walk, like the last guy. Ideally, both my exes would live in the same house, raising the children, and I would visit several times a week.
Christopher Baker
I will answer, but I won't get affected emotionally.
That's the point. As I stated above, I don't believe these women will ever get into ever-lasting relationships, and seeing as I don't care much for monogamy, it seems like a win-win, since the pressure is off when it comes to traditional relationship, and I won't ever bail due to the failure of something that doesn't exist in the first place. Think of it as friends having children together, and free to explore romantic/sexual relationships with other people, without it influencing the equivalent of a sense of family for the children.
Without someone like me, the one year old won't have a proper father figure. Who wants to date a single mom of 31, who before anything else want to make more children? Not me, unless I had already known them for 8 years, know how to communicate and cooperate with them, and had a strong and beautiful bond with them, which I in this case do.
Ethan Myers
bitch please you're already emotionally affected
>do still love you, not going to become monogamous again. good thing going with the 24yo, date with a 27yo last night. This is what happens, when you let good things go for no other reasons than external ones. >told her i was poly, chose her over another, since the other wanted exclusivity when you let good things go >agreed to monogamous LDR a month and a half later for no other reasons than external ones >she cheated on me with one other bloke during the entire first year This is what happens
>You went slutting in Thailand, and now you're stuck with a kid because you fell for a manipulative, emotionally abusive asshole, just months after we talked about one day starting a family. why call it slutting and not be consistent when you could just call it poly and make it okay? >You son is a darling, and I'm not going to resent that you kept him, but lol "he says, as he continues detailing his blatant resentment," >what we could potencially have will never be as pure as it could have been. polynigger unironically whinging about purity is tippity fukken toppest of all keks >That's why I'd rather have kids with different women in addition to you, than to father a child that isn't mine, and miss out on all the other puss I'm getting. >She no longer wishes to get into open relationships >There is no animosity :^)
>who's to say parents need to stay together in order to cooperate. you, hopefully. >I will answer, but I won't get affected emotionally good. rational thinking is sorely needed.
1. what characterises resentment? 2. mother, father, kindergarten teacher; briefly define each role 3. state the chief differences between the priorities of teachers and fathers 4. what distinguishes a proper father figure from a subpar father figure? 5. what distinguishes a good mother from a subpar mother? 6. what values do kids need to learn? 7. how do kids learn shit?
Aiden Morales
>easy to manipulate with commitment issues >sound father figure
>mommy bringing home blokes to fuck with >sense of family for the children
consider the following:
Henry Sanders
You gonna be paying child support for both kids man
John Parker
This. Jesus Christ, OP. As someone raised by a single mother, go fuck yourself for wanting to make another child to suffer that fate. What the fuck is wrong with you? Keep your dick in your pants, Christ.
Dylan Lee
You are seriously considering bringing another mouth to feed into this world, because it is the whim of some woman who appears to be a trainwreck. And yet, you somehow have the audacity to make jabs at someone's ability to think? Neck yourself, you fucking hippie.
Alexander Powell
Ah yes, raise the kid in a household where the parents are constantly fucking other people, that will go fine. Bang as many women as you want, man. But people like you should honestly be sterilized.
Alexander James
You're paying attention at least. Just remember stuff i greentexted happened years ago. I was 26 at the time I agreed to monogamous LDR. That lasted a little over two years, even if it wasn't monogamous. I'm 34 now, and my thoughts on poly are much more clear now.
I can only state in so many ways, the fact that women I'm involved with are having sex with other men, is totally their own business, and I expect them to do what seem right for them. Honesty and open sincerity between loved ones is what matters the most to me, not whether they indulge themselves to other dicks. This isn't even about fucking. I'm not resentful about not being able to sleep with her. If she can't into having a partner who's poly, then I won't sleep with her (apart from however much is needed to knock her up, of course, should I choose to.)
1. When you see it in the other, but don't recognise it in yourself. Same with infatuation, only opposite. When you're not in balance with whomever you choose to deal with. 2. I don't tend to see mother and father as roles, per se. Adults should encourage children to be creative, curious and couragous, provide them with nourishment and safety, stimulate language and sensory-motor development, and teach them compassion and kindness. The roles fitted for each depends on walks of life, and the age of the child. Kindergarden teachers see toddlers during their waking day, more so than the parents. The most important distinctive role being involvement in group activity and mentality. 3. Fathers will depending on their involvement from early age establish a bond to their children, unmatched by any other male adult. It's much more of a choice what you prioritise as a parent, the teachers teach what's constituted as syllabus by law. As a father you are only governed by children's rights, what you teach them depends highly on your beliefs. 4+5. Negligence when talking with the child about his interests, fears, hopes and dreams, in addition to #2
Logan Flores
6. By what age? It's probably a good idea to start teaching them about money at one point, but in terms of raising children who'll be fit to leave home, in addition to the values previously listed, I'd suggest as quite important; a healthy respect for oneself and those who deserve it, conjoined with acceptance and the ability to let go of troublesome emotions, like disappointment in oneself and others. To learn how to look beyond percieved limitations, and strive to provide good. 7. They mimic other humans, repeat information, explore and challenge their physical limitations, and they play a lot.
Nathaniel Gray
>kids >polyamory
I just have no idea why you people insist on mixing oil and water
Alexander Evans
Who said anything about bringing them home? You know, there are such things as babysitters, grandparents, etc.
In all actuality, you're most likely expecting all cases you read about on Jow Forums to be worst case scenarios. It doesn't take much imagination to think that some people, once they are parents, especially those who give birth beyond their twenties, actually make sure they know and got what it takes to keep their children sheltered from their parent's seedier sides, and that they are provided with all it takes to feel completely normal during their upbringing.
No, just the one who's biologically mine. I don't know what backwards laws you got in your country, but that's not how it works where I'm at.
Depends on your definition of single mother. If I have children with this woman, I'll make sure her own child won't feel left out of whatever I bring to table, since he'll be my child's brother. Stuff like that matters.
I've always wanted children of my own, I just wasn't in any hurry. Now there's a opportunity, so I'm bouncing the idea out. Laughed at the hippie part, desu
She hasn't had sex with anyone other than her son's father the last couple of years. There's no "constantly fucking other people". It's either having children or not having children, I'm not changing my ways unless for very personal reasons, like meeting someone who actually makes me want to change. Sterilization sound drastic for someone who don't mind having kids.
