ITT: everyone shares their successful relationship experiences

>>Now have more friend girls than friend guys
This is literally me, another upside to this is that if you don't like any of them, you can simply ask one of them to hook you up with someone in her network. Truly ez mode.

I got mine if you'd like it

>Meet woman online
>Talk every day
>We end up, not planned, having a mutual vacation in LA
>Meet up with her, her friends, and my friends
>Have a great week partying and having fun
>Once the trip is over work up the courage to tell her how I feel
>She rejects me
>Starts dating a friend of mine who went on the trip with me
>They fall madly in love
>Spent the last two years watching their relationship blossom
>Fuck this world and hire a whore instead
>Hire her four more times
>There's no point in living

I hate this world and I want to die.

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>>How long did you know each other?
4 months
>>How did you know that he/she is a keeper? and how long did it take you to realize it?
Within a year
>>What kind of red (or green flags) should you look out for early in the relationship or dating phase?
Avoidant, sneaky, past history of promiscuous behavior, hard drugs or alcohol, lying, bouts of unnecessary anger (none of these were the case with my keeper)
>>What is the worst mistake that you did when you were dating and what did you learn from that?
I was pretty shy and passive. I learnt to speak up and be more vocal about what I like/dislike and need.

We broke up for a while but got back together and I have a brand new level of appreciation for our relationship.

Been together for 9 years in total.

cuck

>Been together for 9 years in total.
that is pretty amazing. but you mentioned negatives to avoid, but is there anyway that made you believe that she is the one?

This. Referrals and wing girls are the best. That's where you find "where all the good girls are".

Also, make sure to do the same by hooking them up with your guy friends in your network.

First off, what do you consider a date?
What makes it different than just hanging out with a guy?
What makes it different than hanging out with a girl?

>What do you consider a date

Hanging out one on one with a girl. Usually with romantic intent. Though I haven’t done it without romantic intent either

I have female friends. Ive hung out with girls in a group all the time. But never with just one girl, one on one

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. No girls are attracted to me. I would kill just to go on a date

Lol what?

The negatives weren't relating to my 9 year relationship. They are red flags I noticed with people I met or dated.

Other red flags:
If he or she constantly posts selfies on social media ( few a day)
If they are unemployed and don't have any ambition
If they are emotionally or sexually withdrawn
If they take a long time to respond to calls or texts
If they don't introduce you to family or friends after 6months of steady dating
If during a disagreement or discussion you feel crazy or like you are fault when you are not, this is bad news.
If they actively make you feel insecure or make you chase them too much
If their actions and words don't match
If they ask you for money

>How long did you know each other?
6 months before we went out on our first date.
>How did you know that he/she is a keeper? and how long did it take you to realize it?
When I asked him why he works so much when other people in his department slack off. He said that he wants to build a good career and earn more money now that he's young, so when he has kids he can spend a lot of time with them without worrying about money. Also when I saw him play with his niece and brush her hair. Or when I got really sick and had my period in the same day, he went to buy tampons, made me soup and stayed awake with me all night. Yeah, lots of shit that make me think he's a real keeper.
>What kind of red (or green flags) should you look out for early in the relationship or dating phase?
To be honest I don't really know, he's my first boyfriend and the first guy I went on a date with. Green flags I think being considerate and caring, not being pushy.
>What is the worst mistake that you did when you were dating and what did you learn from that?
No idea how to answer this either. Probably the fact that I asked about his exes on the first date, without realizing it's a big no-no. He said that he found it funny and kind of endearing though, since I had no actual experience going out on dates.

fuck positivity. Life is shit

many people already know about the red flags. gib me green flags friend, the kind of stuff that makes you say "OMG this is the person i have been looking for my entire life".

>No girls are attracted to me. I would kill just to go on a date

2 changes to make first:
1. Drop that neediness to get a date. Girls can sniff the desperation a mile away and will cause them to reject you. Be ambivalent to whether you get a date or not, you're fine either way. Then, you'll get them.

2. Irrationally think highly of yourself. You are hot shit. Every girl should want to fuck your brains out. Each one who rejects you is making a mistake.
It's bizarre how well being a narcissistic jackass works.

For something simple that doesn't need you to change much and will get you some experience, invite a girl to hang out to somewhere YOU'RE ALREADY GOING and that is low pressure.

For example, to grab a bite to eat (not dinner), or get some coffee, or something kinda interesting like inviting her to dance lessons or a wine tasting.

"I'm going to grab some coffee, you should join me."

"I'm going to try that new lunch place over there, you should join."

Lay off any romantic vibe if you're friends, unless she starts it.

When you're ready to start dating, cold approaching strangers for dates is infinitely less awkward and liberating. Straight up romantic intent from the first second of meeting. You will get rejected much more often, but you will never get friend zoned.

That doesn't happen.
That kind of epiphany doesn't happen all of a sudden. For me I just knew they would be the one I'd marry and spend the rest of my life with.
I knew when we got back together and our love felt more mature and real. There was no pettiness, just love and honesty.

oh shit if it wasn't related then its alright
good luck m8

>I just knew they would be the one I'd marry and spend the rest of my life with.
>I just knew
every single one in a successful relationship says this regardless if it was a male or female, it is not even a joke or a coincidence anymore. why is it so hard to describe the chain of events leading to you "just knowing?".

My problem with this thread is that in order to get a relationship, a lot of these people need to stop slurping their own kool-aid

>a lot of these people need to stop slurping their own kool-aid
elaborate

>meet girl in university who is super generous and kind
>we hang out and get more and more involved until she gives me an ultimatum of "either we date officially or we stop hanging out"
>very reluctantly decide to date her mostly because I liked her company
>date for four and a half years, living together for two of those
>we get along okay, but tend to argue a lot since we are very different people
>new girl gets hired at work
>oh fuck no she's the girl of my fuckin dreams physically
>work consists of 12 hour shifts with extreme amounts of down time in teams of three
>new girl gets put on my team, of course
>literally angry at her presence because I know if she's even remotely cool I'll fall completely in love with her
>turns out we're almost identical people who have amazingly similar interests and can hold nonstop conversation for twelve hours at a time without getting remotely bored
>to say I loved her would be such an understatement, I was obsessed with her but still in my long term relationship
>confess my feelings in Jow Forums threads literally every single night just to relieve some of the crazy emotion I felt inside
>gf raids my laptop one day while I'm at work and goes through my deleted history to find the threads
>loses her mind and kicks me out breaks up with me
>move back in with my dad two hours away from work
>say fuck it, wake up at 4am every day to make it to work just so I can spend time with the girl
>slowly grow closer and closer to her
>bump into her at a bar one night a couple months later
>get absolutely fucked up with her
>"to be honest, I'm absolutely fucking crazy about you"
>"I never stop thinking about you"
>we kiss in the rain waiting for an Uber

Yesterday we jumped out of a plane together. We've been together for a year and I'm going to marry her.

I hate myself and I will NEVER find a gf. women like men who are full of themselves. that's where the confidence meme comes from

>Yesterday we jumped out of a plane together.
L A R P
A
R
P

>women like men who are full of themselves.
maybe, but you don't have to be full of yourself to look confident. You can be confident but humble at the same time, true the difference is a hair but it is possible.

Because it's chemistry that you can't explain.
Ok I can give an example of when it was confirmed
When they have your back even when you're not there
When they think about and actively plan for a future with you
When on your worst day they can make you feel at ease
Little things they do satisfy you and all of your expectations of a partner is met without even asking for it. And all of the things you thought you wanted were met with better realities.

It comes down to biology and if you're compatible or not.

>I hate myself and I will NEVER find a gf.
With that kind of attitude, I think finding a gf is the least of your worries right now, how is your life in general?

Get on my level niggaman, I'm living your anime storylines in real time. I promise things are even happier than I was able to convey in my first post.

>>new girl gets hired at work
>>oh fuck no she's the girl of my fuckin dreams physically

This is my nightmare and this scares me to death, how the hell do you I know that the girl I commit to isn't going to be replaced in few years? This is kinda part of the reason why I held out so long I have been following the attitude of "someone better will come along". Now I am almost 27 and never had a real relationship, halp!

>It comes down to biology and if you're compatible or not.
Maybe I am incapable of comprehending such things since I was through plenty of trash relationships and not once in my life have felt true love. So I resort down to using hard cold logic to protect myself. The way you mention the other points make sense, I will try to maintain a positive attitude though and convince myself that it might take me a year or two to feel something real with a girl. Probably because I got burned so many times and I am honestly very sick of it.

pretty hopeless. I'm short, ugly, stupid, and just generally worthless.

>pretty hopeless. I'm short, ugly, stupid, and just generally worthless.
ask yourself this question, if you yourself already believe these things, how do you expect them to be fixed?
In this life, you always, always have two choices, you either give up and accept whatever miserable shit you're in, or fight. And the choice is yours and yours alone.

Wut?

Being in a relationship is not some sort of eternal commitment. Marriage is the only eternal commitment where you agree not to break up.

If you're bf/gf and you find someone better, break up and go with the better one.

This.

The self attack and pity olympics create self-fulfilling prophecies.

If you think you'll never succeed, you won't.

If you KNOW you will succeed, you will, eventually.

>If you're bf/gf and you find someone better, break up and go with the better one.
I am absolutely incapable of doing this. I can't hurt people like that or breakup with someone unless they are assholes.
I mean imagine if I am with a nice girl who did me nothing but good, but imagine if this girl is a bit boring and I find a new girl along the way. Breaking with the first girl would devastate me emotionally (and most likely more than it will devastate her). Call me a pussy but I don't want ever to be in such a situation.

There will always, mathematically speaking, always be a girl better suited to you out there. Being bf/gf is a test drive to see if you can settle and square up that fact with the person you're with. Is she good enough to ignore the fact that you might possibly be happier? If so then marry her. If not then keep looking.

Until you're married there is the implied reality that at any moment the relationship could die burning and screaming in a fire. That's the horrible paranoid reality of life.

I've tried fighting, but some of the things I listed are insurmountable. there are things about me that I hate that I cannot change. Every time I hope I end up being reminded how worthless I am. I want to fight but I just don't see a path to victory

>>If you KNOW you will succeed, you will, eventually.
Even if you don't succeed, you're still fighting the war and that is the only thing that matters.

>Is she good enough to ignore the fact that you might possibly be happier? If so then marry her. If not then keep looking.
You might be right, then again, if I by some miracle I manage to maintain a relationship for six months then I would never ever want to go back into the dating game, no matter how "rewarding" the outcome might seem because that would mean that we have to go through all the mundane shit again, and build trust from zero.

WHY would you leave a BETTER UNIVERSITY for your girl?

No offence, but this is a stupid decision (unless I'm reading it wrong?). In a LDR at the moment and I would never in a fucking million years move to sacrifice my education - and I'm the lovestruck clingy girl in this relationship.

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Well the in the game of life that you were born into playing the rules are the rules and that's how dating works. Relationships are necessarily brutal things unless they work out which is extraordinarily rare. But when they work out it's literally the best thing in life itself.

So you gotta go into that war if you want to come out on top. There's no secret cheat code. Dating simply is what it is.

So I do have to smear my hands in deep shit if I want to find gold. Thing is that I don't know if I am ever ready for this, then again, life has been pretty monotone lately and it is getting quite lonely ( I live alone in my apartment) so I probably the reward is worth the risk.

Better to run the risk now while you've got your youth. Things are going get exponentially more grim the longer you hold off.

You will never get what you want if you don't try.

Everyone has to try.

Bachelor's isn't as important where you go in my field. Grad school matters a ton. For grad school I will likely be very far away. Also, her university is only slightly worse. They're both still in the top 100. Mone is in top 50.

>Things are going get exponentially more grim the longer you hold off.
How so? I thought this only applied to girls, does it apply to guys as well?

But mate, you're in more debt for a shittier university (I'd think that top 100 is significantly different to top 50 - especially for a considerable investment such as education). I get it doesn't matter as much, but economically you're worse off. Could you not have waited until you graduated?

When you're 42 years old you're going to be left with a pool of single mothers, crackheads, morbidly obese women, and general maniacs. The good girls are getting swept off their feet every single day while you're in your 20s and early 30s.

>When you're 42 years old you're going to be left with a pool of single mothers, crackheads, morbidly obese women, and general maniacs. The good girls are getting swept off their feet every single day while you're in your 20s and early 30s.
Fuck, time for me to get a move on. I don't know how I forgot the importance of time factor. I guess the "user you're stronk and independent" meme got the best out of me. But strength, money, and independence can't cuddle with me when I am feeling lonely.

It's true money is a factor. Not a large one. I don't personally have money, but my family aure does. Also, what is life without a bit of risk? Her school is barely worse than mine in terms of ranking. It's also a much more beautiful campus. I get to live on my own, get away from my bubble, and live my own life. Be with someone who makes me happier than anything else in life.

Hypothetically speaking let's say my school is rank 9 in our state. Hers is rank 11. It is barely a step down.

This is assuming I am even accepted into her university. If I am not accepted then the entire situation is obsolete.

Step 1: Grow a pair

Step 2: After you've grown a pair and feel the same way, marry her.

If you don't grow a pair, she will break your heart, and you will feel the pain while losing everything you held dear.

She can take it. Women can take it very well.

>Step 1: Grow a pair
being selfish is something that I really suck at, but I am improving.

>she will break your heart, and you will feel the pain while losing everything you held dear.
i am past the point of having my heart broken, it is as if I am become a machine.

>everyone shares their successful relationship experiences
23 years old, didnt have a single girlfriend
always waited for girls to tell me they liked me, believed in the "she'll come on day" fairy tale
continued to see how some girls show interest, missed some other girls
never asked any of these girls out, some of them mightve got hurt that i made no move
they lost, i lost

and yeah here i am a big pussy

>How long did you know each other?
We were texting penpals and never shared photos just talking and decided to meet up. We really clicked right away and I think liked each other right then but we remained friends until a few months later started dating officially.

>How did you know that he/she is a keeper? and how long did it take you to realize it?
I knew right away because good feeling and good chemistry, so much in common. But as I got to know him it judt grew, he felt safe and comforting.

>What kind of red (or green flags) should you look out for early in the relationship or dating phase?
Green is they always listen to you and don't blame you or take out emotions on you. It's true partnership. Red is anything that makes you uncomfortable, it's yoir gut saying something is off or it won't work out, you can't fix this, follow your gut.

>What is the worst mistake that you did when you were dating and what did you learn from that?
I guess when life gets hard for either of us we didn't want to burden the other and kept it to ourselves, but your partner should and will be there for you, and you have to tell them what is going on even if it's bad. But it was so hard for me to accept because I just felt ashamed of myself. We actually broke up because of this, and later I learned he was in the same place. And we got all those feelings out and made up.

I met my husband online, back in, huh, 2009?
I know it's cheesy as shit, but we have the happiest relationship I've ever witnessed, we love each other more a bunch and we're stuck in a constant love high. We were long distance for a while, I moved across the world to be with him when we got married in 2012.
We never had huge issues, we were by each other's side through anything, we changed each other's life completely, we're really crazy in love.

>How long did you know each other?
When we got together? Something like 4 weeks.

>How did you know that he/she is a keeper? and how long did it take you to realize it?
I basically knew right away he was the one. As crazy as it might sound.
He was the first man who was actually confrontational with me. I'm a very pretty girl, and all the guys I met online either were stupid jerks or bent over backwards to please me. He was just himself. Just beautifully himself. He wasn't afraid of pissing me off, of being nice to me, of agreeing or disagreeing. He wasn't afraid of showing himself to me.
It was so beautiful and I was so fucking crazy about him right away.
Also, he had an amazing way of writing.

>What is the worst mistake that you did when you were dating and what did you learn from that?
I was really insecure at the beginning, and I often took it out on him. We worked past those things together, he was really an awesome partner and I grew a pair.

Ah, I see, you don't actually pay yourself; makes sense now. I'm sure you'll get admitted though, user.

A bit fresh still, but it is going the right direction so far it seems. Girl here.
>Flatmate with a guy because I don't really care, considered myself asexual for quite some time
>2 years in, he has really been trying for us to become more, but in the meantime, we are become really good friends. We mesh super well together, work incredibly good together, and have more or less the same interests and hobbies.
>He keeps pushing for more, but have so far shut him down
>Consult Jow Forums and get some advice pointing me to try it out and see what happens
>Decide that, fuck it, if I don't care about it anyway, might as well stay with the one person that never fails to cheer me up
>he has been super happy since, and we've been moving stuff around to cuddle together at night too
>He seems quite contend with blowjobs for now, though I doubt my asexuality will change much
>Still slept a lot better while cuddling in bed.
I am not sure if this will last, but aside from sharing bed and blowjobs, nothing really changed, so I don't see why it would. The only real change is how much more happy he is.

Surprisingly good advice from you guys here.

I have financial aid, so I am going to be in debt. But our families are collectively so wealthy it isn't enough money to deter me. I even acknowledge it is not the smartest decision.

I've always been a pragmatic person. Staying inside my safety bubble. Never taking a risk. This is a small risk to take for me if I consider what the results might be. Nothing is written in stone, but damn if this woman isn't wife material.

>How long did you know each other?
For about 11 years.
>How did you know that he/she is a keeper? and how long did it take you to realize it?
She was my first girlfriend, I wanted to marry her after a few years together.
>What kind of red (or green flags) should you look out for early in the relationship or dating phase?
Everyone is different, my gf and I took a long break (year+) when she cheated on me. But to be honest it was her or me that was going to cheat eventually since we were both in our first relationship. In that break we both had sex with other people and honestly. I think it’s a red flag if you’re their first person to sleep with.

>Red flag if you're the first person they sleep with.
>Its okay she cheated because "it would have happened eventually."

Lmfao at the lack of character either of you have.

My, oh my, aren't we twisting our perspective so our life narrative doesn't hypocrosize our ideals? Do you pat yourself on the back that she cucked you and came crawling back? That you're that much of a beta? So the next time she cheats on you will you also reason it away as being inevitable?

Jesus christ people like you are pathetic.

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now in college, and we're both graduating next June.

I figured that she's a keeper because we both actively try to make each other's lives easier.

We have a ying-yang sort of relationship where she is terrible with managing money and school, and I'm excellent with both.
I'm terrible with a lot of life skills and hate going out, but she is great at helping me leave my comfort zone.

The red flags I look out for in a relationship would be not having sex for over a month or sudden changes in life goals or personality.

The worst mistake I ever make in my relationship is assuming my girlfriend is angry with me whenever she wouldn't talk for a while. I didn't realize until later on that she's not pissed; she just spaces out a lot.

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>She can take it. Women can take it very well.
fuck off and die

>have lots of female friends
>not in the friendzone, i just dont want to date them.
>one of them sets me up with one of their friends
>this girl and i get along very well, we're both a bit autistic but not anime watching basement dwellers.
>im too timid to ask her out, but she eventually asks me out after hanging out as friends for a month or so.
>i have a lot of patience, so i dont see the relationship as terrible as most of my friends saw it.
Red Flags: she asked to get a tinder cause she wanted to guys to call her cute, she took pride in having self-diagnosed anxiety, she was fat and rather than overcome that she wore big clothing to hide it (i offered to take her to the gym and stuff)

Green Flags: didnt mind when i went out with friends or to parties, usually liked to be alone so she was ok if i wasnt around, really got along well with my friends

>eventually i started revealing things that im afraid of or make me anxious in life, after she keeps doing what seems like deliberate attempts to scare me (like flirting with other people and tries to make me jealous).
>i can only imagine this is what made her break up with me.

i would call that a successful relationship. i learned a lot from it. mainly that patience is key, dont let someone take advantage of you or try to scare you into getting what they want (I.E. i was flirting with someone the other day, so will you take me to this restaraunt. i shouldve stood up for myself), and other people dont care about your mental problems and thats up to you to fix them

I Will ask this here cuz it seem better to do it here than making a new thread. Confessed my feelings to the girl I like and she reciprocated it. Since she and her family are very religious and we met at church, I'm going to ask them to date her in the coming weeks. I'm not afraid of talking to her parents because they sorta like me already. Any tips on talking with your gf parents? How it was? Did it happend? What are subjects that you use to talk about with your gf/bf? What are nice things that you do or is done to you to show love or affection?

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>Not wanting a virgin gf
Wtf dude

I hear you dude. I have a great girl, but I met someone else who is just perfect.

>just be ambivalent
user, if I did that I wouldn't want a date anymore because the soul crushing reality that I don't matter to anyone and can never be normal will have set in and I'll either have killed myself or have fallen even further into seclusion.

>How long did you know each other?
Known each other for maybe 5 years now.
>How did you know that he/she is a keeper? and how long did it take you to realize it?
I knew she was a keeper after about 4 months. It took me much longer to accept it though.
>What kind of red (or green flags) should you look out for early in the relationship or dating phase?
Red flags were numerous. She is a girl gamer and also temperamental. She is also into me for the long haul which is a huge red flag for any guy today.
>What is the worst mistake that you did when you were dating and what did you learn from that?
My biggest mistake was putting past shit on her. Past relationship mistakes on on her. And triple guessing every good thing about our relationship. Learned that I have to be happy with myself unironically and try to better myself. People change over time, and that is ok.

I'll give it a shot listing the things I consider to be green flags of my current gf. Disclaimer is that we haven't been together that long, and I wouldn't say I'm in love with her yet by any means, but these are the reasons I was willing to give her a chance despite me being more physically attractive than her:

>Very similar interests (not just basic shit like "oh wow we both like travel, oh wow we both listen to EDM, oh wow we both love coffee", similar down to pretty obscure interests that we can do together)
>Similar outlook on future life goals (kids etc)
>Wants to continue working after having kids, doesn't want to be a stay at home housewife
>Virgin
>Studying and about to graduate for a proper career
>Not a brainlet but also not one of the intelligent girls who are stuck up/argumentative/opinionated about everything
>Willing to try new things, not fussy
>Cares about health and fitness, does exercise
>Not a super "girly" girl (I find that type boring once you get over the honeymoon phase)
>Not overly concerned about the opinions of others/what's "normal" and "weird" etc which I would consider a sign that a girl is gonna become a pita later

Obviously shes not perfect which is why I'm not fully aboard in the relationship yet, but those are the green flags that caused me to give her a chance.

>How long did you know each other?
over a year, but ive had gfs i knew for a day and we started "dating", normally it was a few months
>How did you know that he/she is a keeper? and how long did it take you to realize it?
you dont know, its impossible, you believe shes different/better than others based on your emotions, a keeper is the girl you get old with, and looking back when you are 60 and still togather, then you could say she was a keeper
>What kind of red (or green flags) should you look out for early in the relationship or dating phase?
none, you simply cant enter a relationship with that mentality and expect it to be great, ppl are not products that need to be perfect and avoid malfunctions, with that said be cautious with: alcoholics, drug abusers, felons, listen to your guts, looking at an individual and getting stunned by her/his looks is not listening to your guts though
>What is the worst mistake that you did when you were dating and what did you learn from that?
being afraid of not being good enough, i mean if you are in love, you will never ever be 100% sure in yourself, but a relationship where no decision can end up breaking up is not a relationship but a hostage situation

i dont really want to give you positive energy, positive energy doesnt get you a date nor will it make a relationship function, hard work does, ive seen so many relationships end because the couple was not doing anything for it

>advice board
>people have problems and are looking for advice

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I'm familiar with religious families, but why are you asking the parents permission to DATE her?

Dating is a subject between you and the girl, not her parents. This is not even close to the same thing as marriage.

Talk to your girl on how she thinks you should approach it. You might even be better off keeping it a secret.

>i dont really want to give you positive energy, positive energy doesnt get you a date nor will it make a relationship function, hard work does
And you can't work hard if you don't approach your work with positive attitude.

More of a personal thing really, but I hate when a woman's parents think they have any say in me seeing their daughter.