Cheating

Do you live far from her? Long distance?

Aye, I'm not saying that she is. I cannot know. I really love this girl, but since I had this dream that she cheated, and starting to analyze a lot I have this feeling of dread that I just can't shake off. I honestly wish I could just erase the idea from my mind...

Not too far, like 40 minute drive. Tomorrow I'm going to her place, are there any things I should pay special attention to?

>since I had this dream that she cheated

dude
these could just be your fears surfacing

You should also be aware that if you act clingy and dependent it make make her distance herself from you.

End it

Oh I know that dude, trust me. I'm keeping it as cool as I can in front of her. But this damn issue is eating away at me when I'm alone. Just sucks, I would really want it to end, but my mind won't shut the fuck up.

I won't end it based on some fuckinf feeling. I would end it if I had proof that she is, and even then it would hurt. I loke this girl a lot.

Fucking*
Like*

Try to get control of your paranoia first. Second you need to be confident and not get clingy, needy, wussy, accusatory, or anything to drive her off (because she's probably not cheating).
When you're there with her, pay attention to details. Observe her place, her behavior. Don't obsess but also don't be oblivious.

Any ideas what to pay attention to? Like body language, her clothes idk?

Then man up and deal with the fact that you don't know.

Try talking to her. IF you can;t talk about your fears the the relationship was doomed anyway.

Also this sounds more like you have difficulty in dealing with anxiety than an actual issue. You should consider dealing with it as such, ie. working on dealing with your anxiety in healthy ways.

Thanks man. I started working out, having better diet and getting into more hobbies to improve myself and get over my insicurities.

Problems during childhood with parents cheating on each other, and ex gf that cheated are really a weight on my shoulders.

I went to get counseling. I suspected my girl of 8 years was cheating. She wasn't. Not even close. We had other issues to work through, but cheating was not happening. My subconscious mind was picking up on stuff but my conscious brain was scrambling the message.

Could you give me an example or two of what cuased you to think she was? I want to see if I have a simillar pattern

that shit will fuck you up user

it is better to be aware of it and try to deal with your problems and manage your fears than ignore them.

the reality is she may be cheating on you
but if she is or is not, the way your dealing with your fears is not healthy.

Hmm how should i proceed in dealing with all the past trauma / insicurities about my looks? Any tips?

>past trauma
That's pretty difficult user.

i would suggest counselling or friends to talk about it with. Being honest and not hiding from your feelings is important, but that shit isn't easy so don't expect any sort of miracle cure.

>insecurities about looks
Stop giving so many fucks and take better care of your body.
The chad bullshit on this website is a toxic mindset, and it is, for the most part inaccurate.

I'm a 6.5/10, overweight, balding, and my gf is smokin fuckin hot, so looks aren't everything

My own head user, a gut feeling.
Unless you have a real indication or clue, it's gonna be something else.
If I were you, I'd keep my ears open for multiple mentions of another male, always a friend.

>Counseling
Surprisingly helpful, desu, if you go talk it out with someone who's not involved and can be insightful

Ok will watch out for that.

Almost every time I've been certain in my head a girl was cheating on me, she wasn't

Are you cheating on her?
Is she accusing you?
In my experience, the cheater is always very cagey about the subject of cheating.

Not at all, and she is never acusing me of anything. She can be sometimes cold, she has difficulty expressing her feelings, i don't know if that indicates anything. It's always fun when we are together, hanging out

You’ll know something is amiss.
They cant hide strong feelings for very long.

If she's good at it, you'll never know.

This is what scares me the most.

What you don't know won't hurt you. If she can manage to hide it from you then she deserves it for being so proficient.

What? How can she "deserve" to cheat on me AND stay with me for some reason? That doesn't make sense

She deserves the ability to cheat if she's good at hiding it, but she doesn't deserve you if she feels compelled to cheat at all. But lots of people want and have things they don't deserve.

This

The only reason I resent my bf is because he was dumb enough to keep the nudes and conversation history. If he'd hidden it better I would never have felt horrible.

When I cheated on him, even though there was no chance of him being suspicious, I deleted, archived, and blocked the guy.

Bah. I never really understood the minds of cheaters. If i had feelings / sex with another girl I obviously wouldn't want to put my effort in staying with someone who I am not attracted to. Shit is fucked up...

And he never found out? Are you guys still togethet?

>maintaining the status quo is convenient
>having multiple guys interested in me is satisfying and empowering
>contrary to popular belief it is not actually fun to break a guys heart, it's just an unfortunate repercussion
>it's reassuring to know if something were to go wrong I may be able to fall back on one of the guys for support

It's not that complicated. I get that I'm a bad person, but it's not an unthinkable line of reasoning.

This is pretty much what my girl says to her bf when she's cheating with me.

any of these:
she accuses you of cheating
she is suspicious of you
your sex life changed
her mood has changed
she hides her phone
her schedule changed suddenly but it doesn't seem to add up

Tbh I've never been in this situation but I imagine if a partner was acting different than usual. Or if it happened since the beginning instead of signs of change look for signs of being checked out or not comitted. In the end why be with someone if you doubt them and don't trust them? Just break up.

This is another reason I resented him. Contrived reasons why he couldn't break up with me, and instead had to hurt me.
He never found out. I cheated on him before I found out that he had done the same. Didnt make it feel any better though; I was devastated and cried in front of him, threatened to leave.

But I stayed. We're still together.

See the weird part is she does not hide her phone at all. She doesn't even have it password protected. This kind of makes me hopeful.

oh man the more i read your responses op the more you remind me of myself. You're not alone, at least

kys

Thanks man. Any support is very welcome. It fucking sucks, i really care for her and I really want it not to be true. Last month has been such hell, that I had to post here.

We can’t give you evidence online and there are no detectives on the board to tip you off for “dead giveaways.”

Only thing you can do is ask her if she’s cheating or if she wants to stay together because of feelings of doubt you’ve been having recently (leave the dream part out of it) and prepare for the worst. If you trust her you trust her and will need to get over your paranoia. If not and you don’t believe her it would be in your best interest to cut things off and find one of the millions of other girls in your region.

And when I say be direct I don’t mean aggressive or confrontational.
>hey, I’ve had this weird feeling that I want to put out there and get out of my mind: is there another guy?
That’s all you have to say.

Hiding the phone doesn't necessarily equate to cheating; I hide my phone and my bf gets suspicious, but it's just because I'm doing embarrassing things on it. Like, I follow embarrassing things on Instagram and lurk this board, for example.

What a toxic mess of a relationship.

why not just break up with him instead?
why is cheating an option?
purely just curious

Another thing, I met her sister last week, she is introducing me to the family slowly (i'm the first bf who got that treatment). I asked my female friend to analyze behavior when we are all together. She said to me that she laughs at my jokes in a "i like you" way, we fit well together etc. God i feel like crying like a pussy for doubting her, but i just can't fucking let it go. Sorry for venting here so much everyone...

no problem. has this happened multiple times before? with my girl its like a rollercoaster. theres good times and theres bad times.

right now you and i are waiting for the good times i guess

What an hypocritical whore, lmao

Well, desu she was always kind of distant, but there are small signs that things are different. She doesn't like to text very much, but lately she always responds with a word or two. Before, she at least formed an entire sentance while texting.

While there are exceptions, like an inadvertent sighting or slip up, a woman that doesn't want to be caught never will be caught and you will have no clue when its happening. She can kiss you good morning go fuck all day and kiss you good night, you won't notice a thing.

The only time you will have signs and suspicions is if a woman doesn't care if she's caught. She wants out of the relationship anyway or knows you won't force an end to the relationship, she can on her own terms.

I cheated on him, he never found out. I discovered some time later that he had cheated on me (a while before my incident). We HAD agreed to break up before he cheated (me cheating was never a possibility) But I didn't want to leave him, I wanted to do something reckless to distract from the emotions at the time.

I was confused about him and guilty about my feelings.

Oddly enough, he said that if I had ever cheated on him he'd never take me back. Double standards because he begged me to take him back.
Yeah, I'd agree to that. But the first couple of months was a learning curve for me - I'm not experienced in relationships. We're a lot better now though.

Btw she is very against open relationships and cheating - that is her attitude. One time like a month ago i made a joke about cheating and she had a shocked look on her face, and said "man don't you trust me, come on you know me..."

Not a hypocrite. What he doesn't know can't hurt him (but the act made me feel slightly better) - at least I had the decency to not have him find out.

>because he begged me to take him back
Men always do when they discover you cheated. There is something in them that cannot process a woman leaving them to be with another man or men and they will hold on for dear life even if they are miserable.

I'm not judgemental but trust me, it would hurt me more if I found out on my own than if she admitted. At least i would respect it if she admitted, it shows you have some honor.

You are asking a woman to have honor, a social construct made by men.

yeah because men never cheat and always admit to it when they do.

Ofc they don't always admit it and do cheat, i'm sorry if i sounded misunderstanding. I'm just saying my point of view.

You justify your whore behavior with him cheating, which doesn't make it any better. Honestly you both deserve each other.

What a fucking mess

So that makes it ok??????? Nice

The devil is in the details.
Please don’t do retarded things like casually saying “Oh, I thought you guys were hanging out on monday” to her friend. It’s bad. It allows her friend to corrode your gf’s soul with accusations of you not trusting her, so you may end up creating a problem where there is none.

I agree with the user that said that if she is smart enough to cover her tracks 100% of the time it says much in favour of her. If she is sloppy and lets you cach her is because she doesn’t love you, likes the drama and also enjoys hurting you.

An unprotected phone is a good sign user. I wouldn’t worry much. You have to find the balance between suspicion and paranoia. Enjoy the relationship if you like her, get loose, get her loose and relaxed, have a good time... this is the perfect place for a cheater to make a mistake or give a clue, and it’s a win win. On the other hand if yoy militarize your relationship none of you will have a good time plus she’ll be with her guard up all the time and make no mistakes and give you no clues. So way better just to enjoy a lot by having good times and see what happens.

Misread - he begged me to stay after I found out about him cheating. He would never ever stay with me if he found out I had done the same.
It makes me pathetic really. Despite me being miserable after finding out he's cheated on me with certified hottie, I'm still a pleb and took him back.

no i’m just saying cheating is something people in general do, not just men or women. acting like women cheat more bc they lack the same sense of honour men do is ridiculous.

Yes he would despite what he says. I promise, heard it too many times and its sickening yet satisfying.

Her phone is unlocked, but idk once i glanced at the messages, and they seemed like a week old. And some of them were weird, like missing her response to the guy / girl. Could br that she is just ignoring or she is erasing them on purpose.

She does not keep it hidden ever, and does not take it with her when she goes showering, guess that's a good sign.

Also you said that if she was sloppy she doesn't love me. I don't get it, if she is careful but still cheats, how could that mean that she loves me?

At some point you’re gonna have to decide between letting it go and actually enjoying the time you spend together, or suffer constantly.
I strongly suggest you try to enjoy to the maximum the time you spend together, specially if everything is going good. You won’t regret having made a good use of your time. And if you find out she is cheating then you can deal with it THEN, not now.
Life passes, people with whom you connect are not easy to find, so if you have something good now you should just enjoy it.

Trips don't lie friend. Thank you.

I’m the other woman in a relationship and i know my man deletes conversations he had with me.

Coversations are present, it's the chat bubbles that are a bit weird. I was thinking maybe she was leaving the "innocent" ones on, and only deleting the "bad" ones. Hm.

> I’m the other woman in a relationship
> my man