Finances in Relationship

Hey Jow Forums, I don't really know why I'm asking but it's been a constant bother for me to bring up finances with my gf. Now before you all jump down my throat, bear in mind, we've been together almost 6 years.

In December, I bought a condo. Initially much to the displeasure of my gf because a) distance from work / family and b) she was being a brat when I asked her to come viewing with me and wanted her opinion because it was going to be our home. Anyway, I eventually got fed up and put an offer in that was accepted and moved in. Up until moving day she wanted nothing to do with the place, and then finally we got moved in and settled she loved it. Loved it so much she freaked when I told her we'd have to rent it out because I was offered a job 6 hours away and because she didnt want to pony up rent and get a roommate so she could live there while I was gone.

Anyway, I put all the money down 20% and have been making the payments because she won't contribute anything unless I put her on the mortgage. Fair enough money is money. I told her I legally couldn't because I have a cosigner, but I was willing to do a separate contract with her so it would end up being the initial 20% I put down gets returned and we split the remaining based on contributions made by either of us. She refuses because a) I don't make enough money - which is complete horseshit, she cleared 5k a month with no bill living at home and b) why should I pay anything when I don't live there - a fair point that I explained that it's an investment for herself and helps me out while struggling. Anyway, she won't help out while we aren't living there, fine, I understand.

Now what happens when we move back in in a year - year and a half. She hasn't help me at all but now she'll want 50% because we'll become common law eventually. I want to protect my investment at this point but I want to be fair if she contributes. cont.

Attached: money.jpg (300x168, 14K)

I was thinking split the household bills down the middle. And if she wants split the mortgage payments. If we break up or I sell, I'll refund the money she made towards payments less like $500 a just like a monthly rent fee - no one lives for free and she shouldn't either if she almost doubles my take home.

>tl;dr: Gf makes bank, wants half my condo but doesn't want to pay anything if not on mortgage. I want finances to be strictly business.

It's fair to split the household bills down to the middle, it's unfair to ask her to pay your mortgage since she's not on the mortgage. Either buy the house together or let her live there without expecting anything.
I wouldn't pay rent to live with my bf at his house, and wouldn't ask my boyfriend to pay rent to live at my place.

>She hasn't help me at all but now she'll want 50% because we'll become common law eventually
That is a pretty shitty kind of thinking especially when you want her to pay a significant part of the bill for a house that she don't actually want to live in. What was the decision making process in buying the condo like? If there are communication problems that lead to you buying something she don't desire and then you would expect her to pay for most of the bill then that sort of problem should be solved otherwise you two might not make it to marriage or it won't last long even if you can.

it would be no different than renting a place and splitting the rent. And initially it was our place until she threw a fit and stopped looking with me and I had to make a decision. I can't put her on the mortgage hence the separate contract which works out to a no loss investment on her end - where does that ever happen? I get where you're coming from and had we been in a newer relationship or if she didn't make so much money I'd toss the idea away. But when she complains that I don't have money to go out and pay for $50-100 meals 2-4 times a week, she needs to understand that if there's no help, I'm on a budget and she can't cry I can't take her on vacations 4 times a year like she wants.

Also after two years here we're common law and she will get half if she pays or doesn't pay so how is that fair?

She wanted to move out and not live at home anymore. So I suggested we start looking now that I had a down payment. This is in a year - year and a half when I move back to our hometown... I'm currently 6 hours away making the payments myself. When I move back and we live together I feel like if we're getting married like we want she should have to contribute.

>it would be no different than renting a place and splitting the rent.
It would be - she isn't on the paper anywhere, she doesn't own the house, you can throw her house whenever. She just pays for it, without getting anything if you decide she doesn't.
If you split the rent, then, it's different because you both live there and have benefits from the investment you're making. She has none, in this case.

If you both are on the mortgage then it's fair to split the mortgage, but if she isn't on the mortgage then it's unfair to ask her to contribute.

Just tell her that you don't have the money to treat her, and if she wants to do those things she can pay for them herself for both of you since that's your finance situation.

>Also after two years here we're common law and she will get half if she pays or doesn't pay so how is that fair?
I doubt she gets half of something you owned in your name only and only you payed for before the common law marriage.

we we;re both living at home, her with like 6 other people and just one bedroom shared with her cats and me with just my aunt and uncle. I was fine where I was and offered for her to move in with me where we had a full basement to ourselves, she said no because its a really old house. that's why we initially started looking because I was tired of always hearing her complaining of everyone waking her up and having no privacy and her refusing to come to my place.

>. I told her I legally couldn't because I have a cosigner,
Can you legally "sold" the condo to her and then split it back to you?

no. we'd lose money with realtor fees and taxes and such. plus she'd have to qualify for the mortgage which she can't. that's why i had a cosigner cause she has shit understanding of finances and credit and i've been trying to teach her but she has no interest and gets mad anytime i bring up being financially responsible

You sound like an asshole OP.
If she isn't going to own the fucking house with you she doesn't have to pay.

What kind of jew are you?

do you not fucking read... i said i'd give her a contract letting her own her own portion. why should get the full 50% when she's only paying a portion. If she were financially responsible it would be a different story but considering she clears over 5k a month and can't rub two dimes together some months, I can't expect her to hold up her end. I don't care about paying the full amount but she can't expect to just sit there not contribute to our future - which is the attitude she takes anytime I ask her to talk about what she wants in the end

And an asshole I may be but i've seen buddies get taken to the cleaners by women. I will not be that guy losing everything . I am not losing my inheritance where my mother's only wish was for me to have a home. I lose out on her home because she didn't write her will properly and went to my step-dad. I won't lose the only chance she had at leaving me a home.

call a lawyer, get a contact

Why don't you break up with her?

You spent all thread calling her a brat, irresponsible, insulting her. If you don't like her, and clearly don't see a future with her since you don't trust her with your money and your house, why do you keep her around?

I don't get it Opie, you didn't receive your mom's inheritance? Why? And what the fuck does that have to do with your gf and her not paying something she won't own? That's getting advantage of her. Stop being retarded.

She can waste her money however the fuck she wants. You can't have a say in it.

If you want a house so badly then get one and stop crying about your mommy who was more stupid than your gf who is in fact smart and isn't letting you step all over her.

Your gf is being reasonable op
You either write her name for her to help you pay or you don't

cause i'm obviously annoyed and mad at her. I love her and want to marry her but these qualities i'm bitching about are what make me completely dead stop when thinking about bending a knee. we see and remember the worse things / qualities and forgot all the good. we're complete opposites but want our lives together.

YOU ARE TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER.
HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT

Are you Canadian?

I would absolutely not permit her to move in until you are certain that your property is legally secured.

You need to see a lawyer.

I would also strongly suggest not marrying someone (or having a child with them) who is unwilling to be financially responsible.

Yeah, it's not going to last.
"We're complete opposites but want our lives together" is never going to last.

I can't tell if you're a troll or just stupid.

stated yet again, I am willing to let her have her share in a separate contract....
i lost out on my inheritance because of the exact same common law crap i've been going on about. My mom wrote her will poorly and got over ruled by common law - so I got her life insurance which i am using to get a home that I should have inherited.

And I got the fucking house for both of us, not for me to have her live in for free. If that's the case I'll rent out my spare room to help offset my payments and she can't have a say from what you are all saying.

The whole initial concept was me buying the property and we'd split it 60/40, due to my down payment, and I would create a separate contract for her stating this but they she started saying NO to everything because she wasn't on the title because I had a cosigner because she couldn't qualify for the mortgage because her inept financial abilities.

So the initial plan changed and I am making all the payments - which is fine. If I'm paying for everything then I should retain everything if something were to happen. She shouldn't be entitled to half. Then if the case I want a contract stating this. She won't pay a cent to live with me but I retain my property.

how am i taking advantage of her? I haven't accepting a dollar from her. SHE HAS PAID NOTHING TO DATE.

I think someone at least sees where i'm coming from?

Don't marry her because the house and everything you have will be split

> I love her and want to marry her
But you want to charge her rent?

> because we'll become common law eventually.
Then you have to make a decision. Shit or get off the pot, as the saying goes. You two have 6 years together. At 7 years, most states in the US consider common law marriage. You have 1 year to decide. Choose wisely.

Money issues break up 70% of marriages that fail. It broke mine. Unless you both seek counseling on financial matters, I don't see this relationship going to the altar.

Go your own way, and let her go hers.

Yes and those are the points i'm trying to get across, albeit maybe unsuccessful.

I'm ready to marry her but not have kids because we don't see eye to eye financially which then in turns burdens the child/children we would have. We were a welfare family and I refuse to let my kids go through that.

Break up with her pal.
Your SO isn't someone you have to speak off like this. This is someone you are going to raise kids with have a life with and take care off when you are 80. If these little things are a no no and raise questions it's time to forget the romantic love society has made you believe in and to search for real worthy partners.

1) She makes $5-6k clear a month. $500 in nothing when she has maybe $200 in bill. The rest is whatever she chooses to spend money on.
2) We have not lived together in those 6 years except maybe a month or two in the first year. We are not common law until we reside in the same dwelling for 2 years or more.
3) I want us agree that money has to be spent and saved a certain way and that once the bills are taken care of each person can spend their money as they see fit, but bills are priority 1. For her this means a small drop in the bucket for me it's a good portion of my monthly income maybe 90%.

> it's a good portion of my monthly income maybe 90%
You earn $555 per month? Man, get a fucking job that doesn't involve dropping French fries in hot grease. Shit, even welfare is $300 / week in the US.

no the 500 was in reference to her paying 'rent' that everyone was bitching about. I make around 3k a month due to huge reductions from taxes, pension and benefits.

>$500 in nothing
My boyfriend makes 15k$ each month but I wouldn't ask him to pay rent at my place, or to pay my debt.

I don't get your point. Why should she be in charge of YOUR morgage when she isn't getting anything out of it?

> I want us agree that money has to be spent and saved a certain way and that once the bills are taken care of each person can spend their money as they see fit, but bills are priority 1.
She's not your daughter. Stop going at it with this paternalistic attitude.
She's free to spend her own money as she pleases, even if you disagree with how she spends it.
You're free to bring this up with her, discuss it with her, but if she doesn't want to do it you can let her go. You don't decide that you both have to agree on something.

Just assume that reckless spending is not something that is going to change. If you can't look past it, move on.

ya and i bet you guys split everything perfectly dutch.

again, she hasn't payed a cent towards the mortgage nor have I asked her. I have expressed multiples times now if she wants to be apart of the property she'd have to sign a separate contract because there was no other way. If she doesn't fine, I'll make all the payments and retain sole ownership.

You think I want to give her marching orders? Fuck no, I just know from experience with her that if I don't do it, she will spend literally everything and be borrowing from me. It's happened more times than I can count. Why do I have to be the responsible one all the time, and have the safety net for her

it's supposed to be "our" place but given her stance on not wanting to make equal payments it is right now "my" place.

>ya and i bet you guys split everything perfectly dutch.
We don't, but I pay anything "property" about the house since it is mine and it will stay mine - taxes, repairs, furniture (unless it's a gift from him, he bought me some) and such.
We split all the bills. He pays the groceries.

>If she doesn't fine, I'll make all the payments and retain sole ownership.
That's clearly what she wants.
Why are you bitching so much about it?

>Why do I have to be the responsible one all the time, and have the safety net for her
You don't have to be. It's your choice by picking a partner who is irresponsible with money.
You don't change the people you are with, you either deal with their flaws or don't. If you don't want to deal with it (and I advise you don't, I wouldn't) then leave. You can't expect her to change just because it'd benefit you.


It's not "your" place, since she isn't the owner of the place.
It is "your" place because you dismissed her desires and went to buy it on your own, as you said in the OP.

You clearly have no fucking clue how common law marriage works in the USA, let alone in the Canadian provinces which have it. Most states in the USA do not have a provision to recognize common law marriage, cohabitation does not automatically equate to a common law spousal status, and as far as I'm aware, no states (or DC) in the USA recognize any property rights by a common law spouse to solely owned property not in their name. For that matter a common law spouse in the USA will not have most of the legal rights or protections affording to a legally married spouse.

Again, you need to talk to a lawyer to protect yourself financially. You are struggling and you have a parasite. That's fine to voluntarily host a parasite, but Canadian law is going to permit her to put you into a seriously vulnerable situation should you or she choose to break up.

I can't see someone who refuses to be financially responsible and to pull her weight in a relationship as being a viable marriage partner. If you're planning on not having children with her until she starts acting like an adult (don't hold your breath waiting for that to happen), there is no real reason why you should marry her.

I'm not saying you should break up with her now, just that you need to take your financial security seriously and act to protect yourself.

Why aren't you splitting the groceries, you fucking leech?

>If she doesn't fine, I'll make all the payments and retain sole ownership.
That's clearly what she wants.
Why are you bitching so much about it?

she won't sign off saying she won't pursue the property. she'll get 50% no matter what in common law here.

she threw a fit and stopped looking at properties with me when she found out I was looking at prebuilds with my buddy (who knew what to look for) without her while she was working. I end up buying the property she falls in love with so how does that dismiss her desires when I took them all into account before putting my offer in because she wouldn't say a word regarding properties after that fit. and the only reason I went ahead of it was because she already caused us to lose out on a property that larger, cheaper, and had more value (it went up $150k in a year) because she wouldn't even come look when I said I wanted it.

She was never going to be on the mortgage or title because she can't qualify and actually hurt my chances of qualifying. That why I have always proposed a separate contract for her only so she could maintain that she was apart of the investment. She shut it all down. So now I just want to make sure I retain all my investment.

That's the plan regardless of what people say here. I am taking my precautions. Luckily it wont be for another year - year and a half because I have moved and she is not living at the property.

Because he thinks it is fair that he pays for the groceries since I cover other costs relative to our household on my own, without asking him any money for it. And because he's the one doing the groceries most of the time, really. He stops to the shop on his way back from work.
Just the agreement we came down to.

>she won't sign off saying she won't pursue the property. she'll get 50% no matter what in common law here.
Then tell her she can't move in with you till she signs that, because you care about the investment and don't want to lose it.

Again, you can choose to make her more financially responsible. You either talk to her about it in a mature way and see if she's willing to change, or dump her and move on.

Trying and succeeding are a bit different. I've tried multiple times and she gets it then does a 180. I'm not dumping her simply because she won't show responsibility. We've made it this, I can survive as long as she doesn't go into debt which thankfully she has never - except when she borrows from me.

>I am not dumping her simply because she won't show responsibility.
Kek. You're retarded then.

That's, like, the only fucking thing you should look for in a long term partner beside loyalty.
If you can't trust them, you're not going anywhere.

OP is clearly not going to make it.
>getting a normie gf.

You dun gooffed Opie

Loyalty, finantial responsibility, positive but realistic outlook on life, knows how to laugh about things, accepts life is hard, hardworking, has mercy and is understandable.

You know Opie, a decent person? Not a whiny kid you just happen to like to fuck and find cute?

I trust her and she pays her bills. That's good enough. We get along perfectly outside of finances mainly because I dont care about anything else and just do whatever will make her happiest. I care about money because I am not being a welfare family like I was raised in.

>We get along perfectly outside of finances mainly because I dont care about anything else and just do whatever will make her happiest.
So you don't actually get along?
You just bend over backwards to accomodate whatever she wants. That's no getting along. Getting along is when you both want the same thing, or you can compromise to get something that makes both of you happy, and have a blast together.

And literally the only thing that is important for you (financial responsibility) she doesn't have it.

Are you legit retarded, OP?

Yeah ok. What are you trying to do here?

Just feel the need to whine and justify yourself to a bunch of strangers?

sure.