Desperate

Jow Forums I need help. I posted on /b but no one gives a fuck on there so I’m hoping someone here will. I’ll give more context and backstory here too. So I’ve been in a relationship with an amazing guy for a few years now. Recently I went on a trip back to my home country because a relative of mine passed away. While there I went to a house party that was hosted at my cousin’s house. I knew everyone at the party to varying degrees and because it was in my cousin’s house I thought it would be safe and fine to get totally wasted and at least enjoy the trip a little. Safe to say I was blasted. Could barely walk. Around 4am, someone who I considered a friend convinced me it was time for me to go to bed and I obliged. He hauled me upstairs to the room in which myself and my cousin were suppose to sleep in. I told him I was fine to take it from here but he insisted in making sure I was okay and helping me take my makeup off and get changed if I wanted to. I told him I just wanted to sleep and that’s what I proceeded to do. I was just barely conscious when I felt his hand go up and down my leg and eventually into my underwear. I was wearing a baggy one piece and he just started fingering me. I pushed his hand away but I was already falling asleep so it wouldn’t have been a hard push. He kept trying for a while but I closed my legs and eventually fell asleep. I don’t know what to do about this. I’m back home now and I haven’t told my boyfriend and I don’t know if or how I will. Btw this guy is a close friend of the family and he’s also in a relationship. Please help...

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He fucked up. Make him pay and you should be far more pissed off about this. You didn't drink to get molested. Fuck that guy and shout it to the moutaintops that he molested you.
>then watch as no one believes you because you were drunk.

Do what makes you feel comfortable, you won't feel better if you're not satisfied with the end result. I'd suggest talking about it with your bf for trust reasons because he probably cares about you but make it clear to only take the executive action that makes you happy though I do recommend telling your bf sooner than later and cutting contacts with the prick. Gl femanon, for what it's worth hope you feel better in some way.

It's a really difficult situation. As for how much it's eating at your mind -- definitely tell your boyfriend. Not only will you feel better telling someone who you love, but he will (after his initial feelings/reaction) be able to help you decide what to do moving forward. Explain it to him exactly the way you explained it to us. He might have a lot of questions and seem accusing at first, and that doesn't necessarily mean he's mad at you or thinks you did anything wrong -- he's just trying to gauge a proper understanding of what happened and how to move forward.

This guy being a close family friend is what makes the follow-up difficult. I don't know how your family is or if they tend to keep things hush-hush, but in my experience, nothing good comes out of making it a big thing and telling everyone. I had a similar situation with a member of my family and I told my mother years later and she basically responded with "Well what can we even do about it?" Best practice is just to avoid that person altogether, make him uncomfortable if you see each other again.

I would but it’s so hard. I don’t want to destroy my whole family or my reputation from their perspective. I come from a small town and as soon as word gets out his life would be ruined and so would mine for any of the time that I spend back there. Plus myself and my boyfriend are planning a trip there next year and I know shit will hit the fan cause they’re bound to run into each other.

Thank you so much for your advice. Though I’m not sure that I’ll admit this to anyone in real life yet, I’m glad I got it out and someone was nice enough to respond :)

You sound like a really sweet and nice person. You realize you are essentially saying to the guy that what he did was okay. With no consequences he got to sexually molest you like a freebie and you're settling to be okay with that for the sake of appearances. That's okay honestly it is. That's your comfort zone and call to make but at least make it known to this asshole that you remember and you know and his ass is yours if he ever tries again.

So you think I should talk to him about it? I don’t even know what I would say or if it would even mean anything considering her lives half the world away. Thank you for your advice regardless :)

Personally I think you should do what is best for you wellbeing. If putting it down and washing it off you is best so be it but acknowledge the fact you letting him get away with it too. You can send a text message saying, "what you did was wrong. You hurt me, and my respect for you. I hope for my sake you never do this again."

Thank you so much. I might just do that :)