Help with wife

She will not leave voluntarily. I can legally force her to do anything.

I have been taking to her about this for years, it's been an off and on problem since our child was born. She refuses counciling and I am not going to take away the vehicle since she hardly ever uses it anyways.

I can not* legally force her to do something like visit her parents. Or anything.

So your just willing to let her fuck up ypur daughter's childhood? You need to man up and do something about this besides just venting on here. Take something she dose care about. What dose she stay up all night doing?

Why would you need to legally force her? There’s always a way to trick your wife to go see her mom. You might even be able to conspire with them.
>Mother, Priya has been having trouble lately, and I believe she would do well to take some time to visit home.
>Of course, Virat, we would only be too happy to have her visit.
>The problem is I don’t think she will go on her own. She is very proud, and unwilling to admit she needs some time to distance herself from the stress of managing the household. I think a ruse would help encourage her.
Your mother-in-law could play sick or something. Who knows. There are loads of ways to get her to go home where her parents will berate her into reforming.

Sorry that you fell for the "dutiful"-but-actually-opportunistic-extremely-lazy housewife meme.

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do. You don't hold any cards against her. Cutting off shopping money doesn't mean shit to her.

She says up all night on her cell phone and practicing demonology, astrology, and alchemy.
Her parents want nothing to do with her.

Lmfao b8

Not bait. I wish it was.
I have a cross hung in my daughters room and put her in Catholic school.

Shut off her cell. Tell her this has to change, that if she dosent you will divorce her and do everything you can to make sure you don't pay for her shit anymore. If she hadn't worked for 7 years and her family hates her shes not going to be able to get a good lawyer in a divorce anyways. Tell her you can't take it being like this anymore and are worried for your family. Be firm but also let her know you love her and just want things to be better for everyone. Tell her she needs to go to counseling with you and your not taking no for an answer. Bring up that her sleeping all day is hurting your daughter and ruining your marriage. You are putting in so much effert working to provide and taking care of the house and she can't put in the least little bit by even waking up?

Okay. This is bait.

It's good you have her in a school where she will be fought morals, and hopefully work ethic. I'm not religious myself but I do see the value in what church values teach.

stop supporting her in every single way
she's almost entirely responsible for this unacceptable behavior BUT every ounce of support you are giving her is enabling her to be this way
all the good things you're providing for your daughter wont mean shit when she has such a shitty role model for a mom, in fact since your daughter is already 7 a lot of damage has already been done

Honestly, I am not sure what state you are in, but typically when you go through a divorce it is like any other civil case. Parties present evidence to show what they want to show, which in your case could be that she isn’t fulfilling her end of the bargain or completing her responsibilities as a caretaker.

Start documenting if you haven’t already, and issue an ultimatum. Check your state laws to find out if you are a one or two party consent recording law, and if you are a one party, tape the conversation without her knowledge, or if you think she wouldn’t have an issue with it being on tape, with her knowledge.

If she refuses to go to counselling or to take up her share of the labor, a court could very well find that you’re more deserving of custody, their role is to consider the best interest of the Child.

At that point, I presume your objection would be alimony. But any amount of alimony is cheaper than taking care of her completely and utterly while she does nothing, eh? Not to mention you may find someone as a partner who is willing to do their share.

she's psychotic and may in the worst case one day kill you or your kid. the spiritual dimension is real and lots of people who are consumed by "it" often do some crazy shit...

i dont know what could help you besides giving her antipsychotics without her knowing.

unless she is a physical threat to herself or anyonr else the dr's wont commit her into a psychiatric institution, and they will only see her as a threat once an attempt has already been made or once she starts threatening... so by that time its probably already too late.

Please inform yourself and double check, but if i m right then getting antipsychotics prescribed to yourself (for your mood. disorder so to speak... tell the doctor you used to take them and they worked wonders)

and then give them to her secretly.

+videotape her how she acts, talks and behaves BEFORE and AFTER antipsychotic treatment so you have proof if this ever becomes a legal problem treatment.

I can't shut off the phone because it's necessary in case of emergencies.

I can't threaten to take away anything because there is nothing I could take away that a court wouldn't consider spouse abuse.

Actually there is a way :
Show her she is not taking part in your and your daughter's lifes anymore.
Don't buy food anymore, just bring your daughter out to eat every time.
stop cleaning the house.
For every important event (like your daughter's birthday, or yours, etc) just do it outside and without her.
And if someday she point out she feels like she's not part of your lifes anymore tell her she did that herself.

Your making excuses about every single thing suggested and they are all bull shit too. You can still call 911 on a phone without having texting or internet on it. You can stop buying her other shit, take her name off bank accounts. Your enabling her to be a spoiled shit and your ruining your daughter's childhood in the process.

I typically work 12 hour days so not buying house food isn't an option. Also not giving your dependant spouse food is abuse. And not cleaning the house makes my daughter's life worse and is borderline child abuse.

Are all 100% correct

No she's not traped in the house, not everything is abuse. Your being a bitch and making stuff up to help her be like this.

Stop working so much. Spend more time with your daughter and less money of the lazy wife. It's pretty simple, your just blatantly making shit up to keep things the way they are

If you refuse divorce there is literally nothing you can do.

You chose a bad wife.
Is she mentally ill? Depressed? Is she a danger for your kid?

You sound like divorce is a huge hassle. Well, shit happens. You either cope with it or fight it to change.

Nobody needs a lazy parent. Get enough proof to not pay alimony

I already had to take her name off the bank accounts and cut her off financially. Also it could be considered abusive to turn off the phone because it could look like in trying to isolate her.

We have sex usually once or twice a month. I could stop having sex with her, but that's pretty much the only thing I get out of this arrangement currently.

State laws would mean because my wife hasn't worked in 7 years I would have to pay allimony and I would lose the house, maybe the vehicle, and I couldn't afford to put my daughter in private school.

It's not fair.

>Her parents want nothing to do with her.
She's their daughter, they're kinda obligated to deal with her at some level. You can always divorce her, but they aren't likely to completely cut her out of their lives.

>but typically when you go through a divorce it is like any other civil case. Parties present evidence to show what they want to show, which in your case could be that she isn’t fulfilling her end of the bargain or completing her responsibilities as a caretaker.
This is incorrect. Divorces are no-fault in every state now. You can get a divorce regardless of whether she consents.

That said, all that shit becomes relevant when you're talking about child custody. If you can show she's irresponsible, neglectful, has a psych disorder, etc., you may be able to retain custody.

>State laws would mean because my wife hasn't worked in 7 years I would have to pay allimony and I would lose the house, maybe the vehicle, and I couldn't afford to put my daughter in private school.
>It's not fair.
It's actually quite fair. Equitable distribution of the marital assets is the norm. That typically involves one side having to buy out the other's interest in the house, or the house being sold.

OP, how long has this been going on? Has it happened suddenly or slowly creeped in?
What has she been doing before you had the kid?
To me it sounds like she might be depressed.

I also have a 7 year old son and if we wouldn‘t also have a baby, i would not stay home. Kids at that age are not THAT much work anymore. They‘re pretty independent already, but you probably know that.

I know for a fact that if i would be a sahm with only one kid that‘s already school aged, i would be bored to death. My guess is that she needs to get out of the house and have contact with adults again. She‘ll probably disagree, and that‘s because i suspect that she‘s depressed. The fact she‘s so involved in new age stuff also indicates that. That‘s how some people are trying to „solve“ their issues. They think they just need to „clean their aura/aligne their chakras/find the right energy stone/talk to their spiritual healer“ and all will fall into place. It suggests that there‘s something she desperately wants to change. Do you know how open she would be to therapy and medication?

Yeah in principle I agree that aspect is fair. What's not fair is that my wife is taking advantage of the situation, being irresponsible, and not doing anything to contribute. She also knows I'd be fucked over by the court if I tried to divorce her.
She is not open to therapy or medication and does not believe she has any mental problems.

She has always had a hard time keeping her living space picked up and is a self described introvert.

Well, then it‘s going to be harder.
Would she be open for couples counceling?

As far as i can tell you simply married a shitty woman OP. It's either a divorce or you accept it and stick with her. She is lazy and arguably worthless.

As stated by previous anons, i take this as a lesson for when i get married in the future. Don't get married to a woman like this.

>talk to her
Already did. Did not work

>divorce
It's a no-no

>manipulate her with stuff
That's mistreating.

>denounce her for child abuse and get proof
Don't want to hurt my kid.

>counseling or therapist
She doesn't want to

Well guess what Opie, you won't be able to protect your kid forever. She will learn sooner or later that life can fuck us up. And if you don't want a divorce because you got a shithead of a wife then the only option you have is to murder her. I'm serious, just do it yourself and put her in danger. Go take a trip innawoods and throw her off a cliff. Pay someone to kill her and pay with monero/bitcoin.

If you don't want a divorce because you want your kid to forever live life in a pink bubble filled with roses then keep things like this and become mad and unhappy forever. There is nothing you can do unless you move states where law is different (because of work or an excuse you want to make) or force your wife to have a job.

I can't believe people marry shitheads. It's all over the place. Why, tell me why? It's not fucking hard to choose a 7/10 wife that is lovely and might not be the best looking out there but has a lovely personality,her shit together AND common sense.

You know? My wife had depression problems, she didn't work I did everything for a while. But she legit felt like shit for 2 years. It crushed me and I didn't get mad at her for being depressed. She got out of it because she always had this thing inside of her. This thing fighters have you know? Common sense. A good natured soul. Good person at heart.

I seriously not get why people like you marry shit trash that won't even have empathy with you? How come you didn't see that?

Shit happens in all marriages but this is insane. Your kid will experience fucked up things regardless of your controled setting with all the stuff you are telling us you know.
You will either let your kid become exactly like her or let her suffer and become a normal person

Murder is obviously not okay, ever. Violence is not acceptable either.

Me providing a home and a good education, and a good life for my kid isn't bad and it shouldn't be considered normal to not give her those things.

I came here hoping for some outside the box ideas but looks like I struck out here.

Thankyou to all of you who tried to give constructive advice. I am grateful for your thoughts.

You know what? I'm starting to think you actually deserve it.

You won't get a divorce because you are a whiny piece of shit who will breed equally whiny pieces of shit who can't confront life.

I hope your kid ends up hating you both because you are both bad parents. Your kid is already probably being neglected by her mom and will grow up to have a weird personality disorder like most kids neglected by one parent.

Yeah, murdering is not ok and that was a joke but you seriously need to analize your situation. You say no no to everything that implies change yet you yearn for change. You just don't want to make the effort of going out of the box. You are just whining at this point.

My wife is screwing up not me. I won't fire-bomb my kid's life to punish my wife for her poor performance as a parent.

If that makes me the bad guy then I guess I can live with that.

You don't need to fire-bomv your kid.
You don't need to give up your own happiness for your kid. (This shit is extremely detrimental to kids. Look it up)
You don't need to make a mess just do the right thing for both you and your kid
You don't need to hurt your ex-wife
You don't need to resign to a better life.

But it sounds like you are a huge masochist honestly.
Youw kid will realize sooner or later her mother is cray cray and likes demon stuff. She will either get influenced by it or get crushed by her mom's state.

Mmm I wonder which path is better. But not my kid not my problem. Opie, you were born to suffer

The consequence of divorce, the financial ramifications, and the realities of life mean that my kid would likely be forced to grow up in a bad appartment in a bad part of town attending public schools in daycare with strangers every day.

That is an unnaceptable option.

No it's not, your pretending every single thing us abuse. She could go get a job and pay for her own phone. Your fucking stupid and ruining your daughter's life by bring such a whipped pos. Your doing every thing you possibly can to enable your lazy ass wife to fuck up you and your kids life. Your just as bad as your wife is. Work less, spend more time with your kid, stop kissing your wife's fat lazy ass. Stop doing shit for her, don't buy her food, only buy for your daughter, stop paying for her phone, stop paying for her snitch craft garbage, stop speaking to her don't do a dam thing for that lazy bitch till She agrees to counseling. Pretending everything is abuse as an excuse is utter bull shit. Your going to ruin your daughter's life. Stop being such an enabling little bitch boy

Out of curiosity, what makes you believe that she is psychotic, and not simply lazy/apathetic?

This is not true. You can tell the judge she refuses to work. There is no reason that she can't go to work, they don't just fuck over the guy, your just being an idiot and making excuses to keep things the way they are. My father in law divorced his wife of 20 years and she never worked. He makes 6 figures and only payed her like $160 a month because the judge said she could go get a job. You are spending more then that babying the bitch in your house. And your completely fucking up your kid

You keep saying the court thing but it's a blatant lie. You can pay for a good lawyer and bend her over the bar if you want to.... but that would require you to grow a pair

Now THIS is some advice!

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>not working for 7 years
>believing in demon stuff
>expecting someone to do everything as if it where a realistic thing
>neglecting the kid. Not even cooking for it.

This isn't laziness. Lazyness is another thing entirely. She sounds like she has mental problems and OP sounds like a huge enabler that is only going to make her do worse.

OP's wife is sick and probably needs medical help. I think OP is the fucked up/morbid one here

What if she had post-partum depression that nobody ever noticed? And went untreated until it came like this and she already has a line of mental illneses?

Post pics of the demon whore's crazy chamber

>prefers his kid to be with a fucking crazy shithead of a wife than a normal healthy nanny

Are you retarded?
If the mom is abusive and is neglecting her and you are allowing this your kid will be 10 times better WITH a nanny.

Your kid will grow up damaged because you won't do anything.

When she comes with tyrone at 16, don't come back here to complain about it

I see.

After reading the definition, I was wrong about what I thought psychosis was.

Thanks.

Lmao OK I tried to help you as well as the others, but know the only thing I can do about your case is just imagining your daughter in like 20 years when she understand she has been neglected by her mother and her father (yeah she won't give a shit you have to work from 5 to 6, the only thing that'll count is that you'd not be there) and then she'll turn to you and ask you "why didn't you do anything?!" and you'll be all like "b-but sweetheart, confronting your mother about her behavior would have been negligence / violence / *insert here any of your meaningless excuse*" and I would pay BIG money to see her face at this very moment.

If I divorce her I lose the house and the vehicle and I'll be lucky if I can afford a bad apartment and daycare for my daughter.

I don't think you people understand money doesn't grow on trees. Nannies and houses aren't cheap.

Yeah yeah we get it, you have "excuses" for everything.
you said you came for "out of the box views" and you got a dozen, yet you still find an excuse each time.
yeah excuses are made to be used.
now, once again, your fucked up daughter won't give a single fuck about all you fragiles excuses. And she'll be right, because you will have take part in her destruction.

Literally the only advice was either to do things a court would consider domestic abuse, or divorce and condemn my daughter to grow up in poverty raised primarily by strangers.

Nether of those are acceptable options to compel my wife to be a better parent.

No they aren't your just calling everything abuse even this it 100% in not. And your blatantly lying about what would happen in court. Your a fucking idiot and are ruining your daughter's life. You must like playing the victim so much your willing to fuck your daughter up to do it.

>divorce
>court
>couple counselor
>family pressure
>shower her she exclude herself of your lifes
>cutting her means (money, phone, car)
and I didn't even read all of the replies.
as I said you just had a dozen of advices here. And you always have excuses, even HIGHLY fragile ones like calling abuse when someone told you to cut her phone and car.
Just open your eyes OP, you just wanted to complain, you were not looking for advices.

Real life isn't like your fantasy.

The divorce law and domestic abuse law isn't flexable.

You notice he refuses to address it when people like he's on his bull shit too. I brought up the fact that it's not abuse to not pay for some ones phone, that he's not stopping her from getting a job and paying for her own phone, that she's not traped at all. It's not abuse to say you don't pay for her crap when she's perfectly capable of working.... And he just refuses to address this.

Your lying fat out. I've been threw a divorce and it's not abuse to not pay for some ones phone. Keep making shit up and hurting your daughter tho, that's the best thing to do. Fucking idiot. Your calling things abuse that are totally not abuse, any where under any law. Your just lying to keep things this way how you apparently like it

Yeah he just won't answer to anything he can't contradict, or just straight up lie like "court is inflexible".
As if any not-shit-tier court would give custody to jobless lunatic instead of hardworking man.

Your the on in a fantasy where everything is abuse. Show me what law says you are legally required to pay for some ones phone, for some ones car, for some ones witchcraft shit.... o you can't because they don't exist. They can't say your isolating her when she is free to leave to house and go seek work to pay for her own shit at any time. Your excuses don't hold water op all your doing is making shit up

I don't want to divorce because that would make my daughters life worse. I want my wife to be a better parent.
My wife refuses counceling
Her parents want nothing to do with her
Being an asshole myself isn't a mature response
She barely ever uses the vehicle, and it's important for emergencies
The phone is important for emergencies and shutting it off could be seen as trying to isolate her in an abusive way.
I already took her off the bank accounts and she can't spend money I earn.

I already said all these things in this thread but I'm repeating them in case you have anything productive to recommend.

My husband got full custody of his daughter and the mother wasn't anywhere near as fucked up as this bitch. He's just really stupid and willing to ruin his daughter's life so he can bitch and complain and play victim

Excuse after excuse. So you refuse to do anything to change the situation at the expense of your child.... ok well we can't help you then. Shouldn't you be at work? Why don't you fuck off already since you refuse to take any advice and are just lying at shitting at anyone who tries to give it.

This.

Take everything away and be ready to divorce. You should make appointments with a counselor and even if she doesnt go you can use that as proof that she didnt show up. Do it many times. Set up meeting with her parenta or frienda so they can help you talk to her. They will be witnesses in your divorce. Last resort is to divorce.

OK dude just answer to
Protip: you can't because either this whole thread was bait or you are just one close-minded "cuck" who just want people to pity him without actually wanting anything to change.

You are right, phone and car is important in emergencies for the kids. And being an assholes dosent work either.
You might not be able to turn your wife into a better parent. She needs help, and you might not be able to convince her. And who knows how long it will take for this to turn around, I wish I could give you a productive answer or solution.
I believe you need to make a choice. separate to save your children from further parental neglect or hope that things wont get worse and it dosent rub off on the kids

So if she sleeps all day and you work who takes your kid to and from school? Why can't you tell her she has to make a change and go to counseling with you or your going to divorce her? She dosent work and her family dosent give a shit about her, why can't you tell her you'll get a good lawyer and screw HER over in court???? You can and should do all these thing, you could demand a change or leave but your rather make excuses and hurt your kid. Having split parents is better then the shit hole childhood you and your neglectful wife are giving her togeather.

I am at work. Having a good job is awesome.

I appreciate everyone's advice but like I said, divorce is off the table, and so is abuse.

I want my wife to change and recommending that I blow up my daughter's world just to punish my wife's behavior doesn't seem like the right choice to me.

>mommy is never there (is she even alive? Yeah I think I heard her do black magic in the middle of the night )
>dad arrives at half past 6 and does housework until I go to bed
Ô what a world!

But how about you blow up your wife's world to enhance your daughter's life ?

Because people dont become happy from doing nothing. People that do nothing have mental/neurochemical problems.

Her night schedual + spiritual obsession + not taking care of her child is Strong indication for psychotic symptoms.

Again your lying about what is abuse and you already fucked your daughter's world because she has 2 neglectumful shit parents that are never the for her. You won't address the fact that none of what was suggestedwas abusive at all.

Your not "punishing your wife, or blowing up your daughter's world" you would be protecting your daughter from further neglect and abandonment, making yourself a happier better parent that is free of a parasite, and actually helping your wife by not enabling her and fircubg her to go out into the world and work to provide for herself which will ultimately make her a happier less mentally ill person too.

Your wife needs boundaries. Set a fixed allowance for her every week, and set up chores on a chalkboard. For the first times of cooking, you must show her how to do it. Give her some tasks like cutting up the carrots etc. Make sure she doesn't cut herself though.

Also, give her reassurance. You can give her small golden starts every time she does something that needs encouragement. And take money off her allowance if she disappoints you.

For bedtime you need to keep a strict shift. Put her to bed at around seven in the night, and if she is rambunctious, you need to bring her straight back to her bad and put the covers over her. Eventually she will fall asleep at the set time.

Gentle reminder that OP is a fidget because of

I already answered all of those.

I'm sorry that your advice to divorce isn't well received. That would cause my daughter to have to live in a bad apartment, be in public school, and be in daycare all the time with strangers. I already explained how that is worse than the current situation.

I was looking for advice with my wife, not encouragement to blow up the family.

She would not respect any of those rules you suggested and I already don't give her any money. Also bribing her with cash to be a good parent sets an ugly prescident.

Have your daughter ask her directly to her face to do things for her. Mommy cook with me. Mommy play with me. Momma hug me. Mommy wake up and watch cartoons with me. If that woman can look her daughter in the eyes and ignore her than you married a monster and if you don't leave you are responsible for what happens in the future. Period.

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She is almost old enough to work that angle with me. Not a bad idea.

Why do you people always marry a wife who's a dead end. Fuck we get background checked when we apply for jobs. Shouldn't the same apply for marriages.

You need to be careful with this. If your daughter lets on that daddy put her up to it, it’ll backfire and badly.

t. Dad put me up to doing shit like that and Mom caught on. She still complains to this day about it.

How did you end up on Jow Forums then?