Ok seriously advice please.
>see therapist, try and recover
>or kill myself
Story time. Growin up, was coached to hump my step sister by an uncle. Ok well this became a fun game to play. By 10 we're cloths off bumping uglies. By 13 ive taken her virginity an she cant get enough. Mind you from 7-10 i was in a daycare where i touched a bunch of girls and so on. Onyl two people in my life know about all this stuff
>wife
>stepsister
Into my 30s i trot with a heavy mental illness of attraction for pubescent girls, triggers everywhere and noone i can sharethis with. Theyll fuckn crusify me.
>question
Do i try an seek treatment for this affliction that i do control for the most part. . .or do i just write my letters make my peace and shoot myself in the parking lot of a hospital.
Help? Anyone?
I need advice guys im at the end of my rope
Anyone?
Definitely seek help. You were sexually abused as a kid. This isn‘t something you can experience and expect it to not have a huge impact on you. This is not your fault. I repeat: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Please get help, you deserve it.
I'm quite in the same boat, OP.
I (m) just have some memories of doing sexual stuff with childhood friend, cousin, family friend, neighbors. All guys except neighbors. I really don't remember if I started it all or if it was done to me and I just repeated it on other people.
To this day nobody knows.
I sometimes have like "flash" when seeing young girls, then I chase it away. I don't think I will ever do it, or maybe in Thailand when I'm old/don't give a shit about life anymore.
So I don't know much, but what I know is that we are to reproduce what we've been through our childhood. It is not your fault, but you can get help. I highly encourage you to see someone.
Yea for sure kill yourself because there's no place for you in society, you're causing damage to innocent people because of something that is wrong with you, and you're incurable and will have issues with this the rest of your life.
Every memory of each expirience i had is so vividly clear. My older cousin flashin me her puss, a male cousin and i messed around a lot, i swallowed his loads multiple times, then him an i used to mess with a female cousin of ours. So many fucked things an we were just kids. I have an unfathomable ammount of guilt. As well as shame. Ive been leaning towards suicide for years but only lately have i planned it out. . .ive alreasy written the letter to my wife. .it just sits in my phone waiting on me to quit being a pussy
deffo kys
As I said I only have memories, it's not really clear (except for the newer stuff that happened when I was like 16) yet I feel so guilty, so sorry, and I can just hope I "broke" nobody.
I can only imagine the feeling of guilt you have when the memories are crystal clear like yours... I truly feel sorry for you OP.
But you have a wife now, this means you are not 100% bad, and you have someone who rely on you. You have good in you, and with help you can chase the bad away. At least give it a try, you have all your life to end it I would say.
Therapy.
They can't and won't report you just for having the thoughts.
But it will help if you don't think in terms of being "cured". Rather, a therapist can help you understand more fully where your confusion comes from and find ways to move past it. (In effect, understanding more will help you "cure" yourself)
I just dont know user. I fear the more time i give myself on this planet the more likely i am to loose myself. .my marriage hasent ever really been all that great and my family doesnt treat me as though they need me, im just kind of here ya know. Its haunting user my anxiety is out of this world. .but so is my will power. I wana seek help but im scared to, some therapist isnt gonna wana hear all this. .an even if they get paid to, theyre not gonna care about me. Im human trash in EVERYONES eyes. What does it fuckn matter anyway.
>kill myself
>try
Hmmm
Same user again.
OK so now I thing your conception of what the purpose of a therapist is. Maybe you'll want to look it up beforehand.
I did it when I was counseled to go see one (for my agoraphobia), and I don't want to spoil it too much but the therapist is not actually supposed to care about you. It's not his job, and he doesn't want to. Actually they need to NOT give a fuck about you. Could you imagine the mental health of therapists who care about all the fucked-up people they get to see every hour of every day? I don't know in English but in my language they call it "distanciation", this means they treat you like a mechanic guy treats a car. And you are supposed to use them to get well, not giving a shit about what they think about you.
do you cut your hair before going to the hairdresser?
Do you clean your house before the maid?
Do you care about what the chef will think of you when you ask for "this dish" at the restaurant?
well you get the point.
Incredibly valid point. My eyes were definitely shut there. I suppose i wont really know until i try hmm. An like the other user said, i have the rest of my life to kill myself i suppose. Hard decision to make. Thanks user. They can prune this thread now. Im gonna sit here an wiegh my options. . .
Thank you for the Advice to those who passed it along
Thanks for the votes to kill myself guys.
"other user" was me too.
I think the only one who told you not to kill you serf except the first one was me, the fellow once child molested/molester.
Good luck with your life OP, I hope we'll make it good.
Motherfucker Im in the same boat. Stop being a whiny faggot and understand the most basic part of it all "you were a child you didnt know better. Stop guilting yourself over it and become a pedo hunter to redeem yourself you fucking faggot
Yeah dude I think I pretty much said that but with better words and less insulting.
Therapists are useless. Jack off to some other porn until you think those bitches pr dicks pr bitches with dicks are hot. Psychology is psuedoscience
Its not your fault its not your fault... wtf is this bullshit hallmark cards everyone likes to read to others? No fucking shit its the uncles fault. It isnt like he drank a roofie at a night club
Wrong, he should kill the uncle then kill you for being a retard then kill himself because jail
What kid didnt do sexual shit? Fuck kids god married at 13 couple hundred years ago. Being grown and still wanting kids is the qeird part you sick fuck
His confusion comes from uncle making him hump step sister.... are you fucking retarded or do you need a therapist to tell you that?
What i was getting at is that it is not his gault he has these urges. And you wouldn‘t believe how many victims of sexual assault do feel extremely guilty and like it was their fault because maybe they were being nice to them, thinking they encouraged the intimacy or whatever.