People actually have sex

Swallow your fear, disassociate and try talking to people just to get over the terror of interacting with other humans. I can tell you where I am now but thats useless to you, you need the foundation to stand on first. You have to learn to become comfortable in the presence of other people and talking with them, to do that you need to actively intend on engaging with them even if it's difficult as fuck. When I went to college I just gave up all my inhibitions and just started talking to people. I didn't know what I was doing or how to do and I was awkward as fuck, but I got the reputation as being the kind of guy able to go up and just talk to people and wasn't afraid of meeting girls and shit. I mean, I was, but appearances were otherwise.

If you don't have college just do the basics, go outside for walks, smile at passerbys and if they strike up a quick word about how nice the day is or the park is, don't be afraid to agree and find something to say in return.Be friendly with service people, even just to get acquainted with the idea of talking to people. If you don't have a job, get a job. If you do have a job, try working at it as much as possible and interacting with your coworkers (and if retail, customers).

Once you're comfortable and confident with just interacting with people regularly, you can worry about the rest.

>you are not making a point

I am. You're too afraid of having a social interaction resulting in negative consequences. That's the problem. Making excuses your voice breaks, you're on your period, etc. You learn by failing over and over.

I don't have any acquaintances so I can't really try things out but I don't think I'm unlikable, or if I am then people have always pretended to like me.
It's not so much about maximizing good traits, it's that I can't express any trait in the first place. I don't know how to interact with people my age, I don't even know what kind of language young people use nowadays
Well it didn't
Similarly, praise of any kind makes me feel like a fraud, while negative criticism completely destroys me
I don't want to do anything. Nothing interests me at all. I'm struggling to even get out of NEETdom given how utterly unmotivated I am and how difficult and boring everything seems.
I can't pull out a passion or interest out of thin air

who hurt you

>praise of any kind makes me feel like a fraud
Jesus, man, that's a huge thing. Look into impostor syndrome. It's a real thing and can be fixed. You've got this.

I’m 27, just got my first girlfriend this past year. We have sex, but mostly because she wants to.

Sex is overrated desu. There are many times when i’d rather play video games

When I'm with people I don't know well I just tend to listen, and when I'm talked to I just answer in a generic way as to not attract attention. This makes people feel like I'm boring and very serious, but it's better than being outed as a weirdo. That kind of interaction makes me uncomfortable but it's still manageable.
>appearances were otherwise
Your body language is supposed to work against you in cases like this. How did you trick people?
>Once you're comfortable and confident with just interacting with people regularly,
I don't get panic attacks. I can manage interaction, it's just very uncomfortable. So what's the rest

Well user if you have no passion and are afraid to put effort into anything, that makes you boring.
Seek professional help

I know about impostor syndrome. It's just a very small part of the overall problem. I know I lack confidence, but just knowing it doesn't help.
I can't help having no passion.
I know I'm boring, but a lot of boring guys have girlfriends and friends, so that's not the core of the issue.
>professional help
What's a therapist gonna do?

It's better to be outed as a weirdo than try hiding your interests.
>how did you trick people
I didn't really "trick" anyone, I just was willing to talk to them about the things they like. I focused on what they said and asked them detail questions about whatever it was they were talking about. The important thing is to remember what they said, and bring up pertinent details when you meet them in the future. This makes them like you. My body language might have said "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and I'm going to be in the bathroom with a bottle of water sitting on the toilet texting my sister that I feel like I can't breath after this", but choosing your words to get them talking about themselves, their interests and what they like, while responding positively and remembering little details, makes you endearing.

Please consider antidepressants and therapy, if you can. It can really change your life.

Sounds like me, except my parents would never give me an embarrassing talk like that. I guess I have some casual friends, but I'm always amazed that they like me since I'm so awkward and I know they know it. I don't know where most people get the motivation to do things with their lives either. I just want to stop worrying and be comfortable somehow.

i'm 27 and my mom asked me if i'm gay cus i never bring girls
you'll be fine

You lack confidence because your brain has effectively short circuited the part of itself that feels good from success. This leads to you not trusting others when they provide positive feedback and completely destroys you because you have no reliable previous positive feedback to act as a buffer against negative criticism.
It's a self feeding problem.

I guarantee those guys you think are boring have charm to them and that is why they have a girl and friends.
A psychiatrist can give you some meds to you fix your mental issues

>It's better to be outed as a weirdo
I guess it's a childhood thing but I react really fucking badly to embarrassment or perceived ridicule so I don't know where to even start with this. I still remember dozens of brief and seemingly insignificant awkward moments I've had since middle school.
>I didn't really "trick" anyone
I mean you must seem naturally inviting or something. I've been told I'm stuck up or tense, or that I look annoyed. I also don't know how to smile without seeming creepy.
>asked them detail questions
How do you do that without it becoming some kind of interrogation?
>therapy
I don't want to take meds but I'd like to know what exactly a therapist could do for my problems.

>you'll be fine
doubt.jpg
Seems accurate, can it be fixed?
>charm
lol I've been told that once but doesn't it just mean "you're ugly but nice and I have to give you a compliment so I'll call you charming"

CBT may help. It focuses on fixing bad thought patterns. Asking leading questions that build on one another avoids the interrogative feeling. Dude has kids? Ask about kids. Then ask about school as a lead in to sharing your own experiences about school. This pribably to dude comiserating about his own school experiences.

Yes!

Can I do CBT alone without a shrink
>Ask about kids
>ask about school
I remember reading somewhere that people just wanted to talk about themselves so asking questions was a good way to be liked, but when I tried to apply it I just ended up asking question after question and people probably just thinking I was interrogating them or something. It never sparked a genuine conversation, let alone a friendship

>I dont want to take meds
Highly recommend you reconsider this stance, antidepressants have changed the lives of many people in my life.
>childhood fears over ridicule
A therapist can help you break down these concerns, along with whatever underlying problem is keeping you down emotionally from finding the joy in life
>interrogation
So, lets say that I'm talking to a girl and she goes through and says her hobbies. Lets say I get the following:
>video games
>anime
>reading
>cross stitching
I could say "Ah, I love reading. What kind of books are you into?" "Cross stitching? Like PG or are you writing 'Fuck Off'?" "Nice, what anime have you binged recently?" or anything like that.

Any one of those can usually get them going off on a conversation for a few minutes about whatever the topic is.

But, again, it sounds like a part of your problem should be addressed with a therapist and medication. I'm not saying that you can't get over it through sheer force of will, but it will be much easier and successful if you seek help.

>What's a therapist gonna do?
I'm like you. I haven't had therapy myself yet but after suffering like this for so long I figure I may as well try it. Hopefully you have good insurance to cover most of it.

But aren't they addicted now? Not to mention the shitty side effects
>Any one of those can usually get them going off on a conversation
Yeah I get it in theory. But then I guess I'm just ugly, or my body language is serial killer-tier, or people can smell something's wrong with me. Since I've never gotten a conversation like this to go beyond a simple cordial exchange ever since I graduated high school.
And how do people go from this to friendship, or from this to sex? It boggles my mind

I'll think about a therapist. My mom also brought it up but it makes me uncomfortable to admit to her that I need professional help
Are you going to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist?

> This is the normalfag board

No this is the autism board.

>people actually have sex
>most guys are actually capable of talking to girls, "flirting" and making moves

You have to at least get settled hanging out with people first in a casual chill way, as an adult people will expect you to be a bit interested in them too. After that do it with a female friend and eventually a romantic friend, along the way you'll get more natural at flirting by figuring out how to have fun with them.

based and red pilled

And yea, I did the thing first time as well, gave it my all. But that is thing about the likes of us; we are actually honest.

T. 27 year old 6'4'', fit, big full beard, aesthetic face; but too, way too intelligent for my own good. I am not even socially unskilled, far from it, but it is always burden rather than something is see my self interested in.
So I would say it is not about looks, or skills. It is about motivation and excuses we make.

The cure? The cure would be to try to think about others, other than our self's, and our "happy self" while we socialise. Do it for others! Do it for your parents, it will make them happy and they will feel like they actually succeeded, do it for someone that will feel loved because of you, that will maybe want, because of you, to become better person. Do it for the children you will father/mother, they will be happy to have life.
In the essence;
>we should stop being narcissistic selfish fucks

So next time you approach girl and you ask her;
>hoy, hows it going
Actually try to listen

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>that one girl who never responded to your date invitation
>that one girl who you were certain was into you but in the end she was only being nice
>that one girl who was being nice and unintentionally stringed you along until she finally couldn't take it anymore and lashed out at you
>that one girl who liked you but never told you directly and only learned about it years later from her friend
>that one girl who stared at you, blushed when you were around, and even doodled your name in her notes during class, but you never dared to approach her and she never tried to approach you

People are so fucking confusing and I'm scared.

>the autism board
Jow Forums and /soc/ have the highest concentration of people with normal lives and normal views on things like relationships

>You have to at least get settled hanging out with people first in a casual chill way
Ok but that doesn't explain such a vast difference in mindset.
Some people see sex as just another fun thing they do, if they enter a room full of girls they think it's awesome rather than scary. Things like seduction come naturally and they'll tell you to "just make physical contact man it's not hard" even though I've never touched a girl non-accidentally in my life who isn't my mom

That whole social aspect is very confusing and scary to me because I'm a 21 year old KHV and that alone in most people's eyes is disgusting and weird. I know you're gonna say "no it isn't" but look at any thread about older male virgins and you'll see that people definitely think something's wrong with you if you have no experience in your twenties (and surely they're not wrong)
Some guys are so fundamentally broken that they end up still being alone and clueless in their forties and then die alone, and the idea that I might be one of them is terrifying, especially since it's starting to become a real possibility in my mind and not some vague idea

Yeah, they have it online. Google some stuff.

>Jow Forums and /soc/ have the highest concentration of people with normal lives and normal views on things like relationships
most of us do, actually. we used to be autists. we grew out of it. now we just hang around
maybe help those that did not make it.

It's because your dick is so desensitized from masturbating to anime loli traps you weird fuck.

>that one girl who stared at you, blushed when you were around, and even doodled your name in her notes during class, but you never dared to approach her and she never tried to approach you
holy fuck the feels

Every time a girl looks at my direction and smiles I feel very conflicted. Half of me wants to go talk to her and the other half haunts me with past experiences of how I misread similar situation before.

>we grew out of it.
How did you do it? Practically speaking?
When I read posts like these I can't help but think it wasn't "that bad" or that you at least had some of the fundamental social skills required for becoming a normal person.
I want to know if I'm a friendless 21yo KHV because I'm just that fucked up mentally, or if it's the opposite

I'm pretty much the same. I only ever do anything when I feel like I absolutely have to and I'm sure I can do it. For example, I've never initiated a conversation with a girl in my entire life.

>Every time a girl looks at my direction and smiles
If that never happens does it mean I'm ugly?

Some people smile with their eyes and that only makes it even more confusing.

I've never seen strangers smile at each other in the street for no reason, do they put mdma in your town's water supply or something

>21yo

there it is, you simply grow out of it, im 27. but i also work allot on my mental and physical health but not for my sake alone

and I learned to not be selfish, read , it is me

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It's a regional thing. Some places do it, some don't. I grew up in a place where everybody waved at each other all the time.

kek, i wanna live there, in a place people wave at each other

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There are plenty of 27+ year old losers on this website who never grew out of it though

Don't expect mouth wide open clown smiles. Those smiles of attraction will be quick because they're automatic, and they will immediately attempt to cover from embarrassment.

Small towns are like this. Harder to find now. We had a place where you could get penny candy still.

I literally never saw that
Fuck

>You're probably trying to make a point by saying this but you aren't

No, it's really a real point. It might've been when you were younger, you may not even remember the point, but at one point in time you chose the "easier" social choice.

That might be not asking that girl out, it might be saying no to going to your friends birthday party when you were little, or it might even be not speaking up when you hear others discussing something you are interested in. It's easier to just stay stagnant than to risk being rejected. So you just keep making those easy choices. The hard choices look harder each time you make the easy choice.

Unfortunately for you and others, the hard choices is how you make friends and build relationships.

Because you're ugly and have zero confidence.

Here's some fun facts about normalfags OP
>90% of men did not have to cold approach their women, but 90% of them claim that that's what they did
>normalfags say it's all about confidence but in reality it's all about not being born autistic like me
>mostly it's a game of genetic luck
Women aren't worth it. There are women who would rather let a dog fuck them than have anything to do with you or me. Let that sink in for a second.
We're better off ignoring these cunts or better yet, plotting the best ways to kill every last one of them.

It's hard to have confidence when you're ugly. I don't care about your personal counterexamples, being unattractive makes you feel like shit 100% of the time and puts you at an objective disadvantage.

>This is the normalfag board
oh god, no. lol.

>By not being afraid of failure.
way to open yourself up to the definition of insanity

then just take advice from those that did

And I am not even shilling that life will somehow become amassing and wonderful, nah, you will just learn what it means to be inside a woman, what it means to carry woman in your heart, to lose her, to fuck someone and not care who maybe did not deserve it. To yell at people, making them feel fear. To beat the soul out of someone.
To have people hating you, and you not giving fucks, because you have lots of them that actually like you.
Life is colorful, so we should stop projecting our perfect day dreams onto it.

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Yeah I can definitely relate to this, you should've said that from the start.
But now the important choices have passed and socially speaking I'm a middle schooler in an adult's body.
>oh god, no. lol.
See

What a fucking moron.
>but at one point in time you chose the "easier" social choice.
>That might be not asking that girl out
Implying I ever talked to a woman enough to get to the point of that even being a possibility
>it might be saying no to going to your friends birthday party when you were little,
implying I ever got invited to parties as a child or as an adult
implying I had any friends, ever
>or it might even be not speaking up when you hear others discussing something you are interested in
implying I've ever heard someone else talking about the stuff I'm interested in

>the hard choices is how you make friends and build relationships.
99.9% of people never had to make a "hard choice" because it's always come easy for them

>just take advice from those that did
Yeah but what's the concrete advice
>you will just learn what it means to be inside a woman, what it means to carry woman in your heart, to lose her, to fuck someone and not care who maybe did not deserve it.
That alone sounds like something out of a movie that could never happen to me

>Yeah I can definitely relate to this, you should've said that from the start.
That was someone else, I just piggybacked

But it's not too late. It's like anything else, the more you make hard choices the 'better' you become. Are you usually too afraid to correct the McDicks worker when they mess up your tendies order? Start by being assertive and asking them to fix it (politely). Then advance into other social interactions.

Wah wah wah. Guess your life is permanently fucked. I don't care. I'm a random user, I'm 0% invested in your life.

If you want to go on blaming others for your inadequacies, go right ahead. You'll just push more people away, gj, you'll just fall deeper into that pit.

>If you want to go on blaming others
Where did I blame others?

>but too, way too intelligent for my own good
Do you guys ever stop and just read what you're writing? This shit is hilarious.

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You're blaming others by saying it's 'easy' for some and 'hard' for others. You're blaming yourself, but in a way that absolves yourself of responsibility. Blaming mommy for not making you be more social, blaming god for making you ugly/awkward. There's nothing you can do, because it's not your fault you're the way you are.

every advice is sound one if you know how to use it.
But if you are locked inside million and one;
>But I am like this and that, and I am powerless to change anything
Than you will not change.....
Kill and bury your fucking ego down. It is not your friend. Because it is false ego. the one you created by projecting. Just try to meditate (in a wide sense of that word) upon your existence, and accept that you can change.

Look people in the eyes, while you talk to them, but dont make them feel awkward by overdoing it, give them room to breathe

And maybe the best advice for those unskilled in social life is. Stop caring about what others think about you, stop thinking they are always thinking the worst about you. Because they also do it. They also think the worst of them self. We all are awkward. Realize that and it will give you at least little push forward

>something out of a movie
dude, let me just write to you how I got my first girlfriend;
>be me
>see a nice girl in a bar
>fuck it
>approach her
>hey I wanna know a name behind that cute smile
>get number
>day 3 lose my virginity
when i remember how much i stressed about it before I realized that it turned out to be one of the simplest things in me life.

I'm already trying to become more assertive but it's like I'm a natural beta male
People tell me I'm too meek and lack self-confidence, even when I actively try to come off as assured. How do I stop being pathetic

clearly it's my fault for being born autistic
clearly you worked your ass off to make sure you weren't born autistic

>let me make me self look better by pointing out how hilarious this other dude is, it ought to work, nah it does not matter if I dont know what the fuck i'm writing about, it really ought to work, I fucking need it too work!

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Sick comeback, man.

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>Stop caring about what others think about you
That's easy to say. Have you ever felt everyone was looking at you and making fun of you inside their heads when you were outside? I'm like this but 100% of the time.
>>hey I wanna know a name behind that cute smile
>>get number
>>day 3 lose my virginity
Gonna make assumptions here but are you attractive and/or tall?
I'd never have the balls to do something like that
My outcome for the same scenario would be, I go alone to a bar like a weirdo, see a girl who looks good, manually walk towards her, stutter "h-h-hey i-is there a name behind that uuuh s-smile haha" and run home

Embarrassing.
Try looking up what "ego" actually means before posting again.

>when i remember how much i stressed about it before I realized that it turned out to be one of the simplest things in me life.
That only worked because you aren't ugly. I did the same thing once and got thrown out of the club for it.

Dancing lessons and pic related. Leave your basement loser. Ask for her number.

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Imagine being ignorant enough to believe that everyone who is like this "just didn't put in the effort."

>Dancing lessons
"How to look like a creepy loser who chose an activity just to ogle women" 101
Jesus now I remember the first and last time I ever went to a nightclub and danced, I want to kill myself

>"How to look like a creepy loser who chose an activity just to ogle women" 101

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I mean it only applies if you ARE a creepy loser in the first place but my point still stands. If you're attractive but kinda shy then it's probably good advice.

Your Friendly Reminder:

The reason neurotypicals give out such shitty advice is because they don't want to face the fact that they never actually had to try to get what they have.

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>implying your subconscious is not better than your normal mode of cognition
>using terms like normies and autists
>being this dumb and actually trying to give advice

My subconscious must have a problem then because the last time I initiated a conversation with a girl she ended up looking at me like I was mentally disabled

But most people like OP aren't literally autistic IMO.

>let me tell you 999 reasons why i am so inferior i give up before i begin
You remind me people who claim they could have get uni degree but dropped from highschool.

>free advice
Consider leaving /adv and joining /r9k permanently so your delusions are reinforced every single day.

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OP here I'm too self-aware/self-conscious to be a genuine autist but I wouldn't be surprised if I were on the spectrum or had some kind of mental disorder

Are you mentally disabled?
That might have something to do with how she treated you.
youtube.com/watch?v=jYmn3Gwn3oI

that's how I feel too

>That's easy to say. Have you ever felt everyone was looking at you and making fun of you inside their heads when you were outside? I'm like this but 100% of the time.
Yes, for fuck sake, that is why i wrote it, and I was that guy. Just return the favor, make fun of them inside of your head, then maybe have fun together, kek

yes I am attractive tall and shit, I am also muscular, i worked hard for it, but it really does not matter, I also have huge cave man beard. I was awkward always, regardless of my looks, simply because i had little practice in socializing.
and you got it wrong, it did not start at the "h-h-hey i-is there a name behind that uuuh s-smile haha", but with me sitting with my friend, and seeing her, telling me self, fuck it. That "fuck it" is essential.

I will take liberty to assume you are not complete train wreck when it comes too looks, you probably even take too much care about it. you think about it too much.
If only you fucking knew how much pain does the way they look cause to women, the moments when they feel beautiful are so rare and always have to do with man telling them that. Imagine you are fucking woman.

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The nightclub thing is too painful though
I tried to get close to some girls and stuff but they literally acted like I didn't exist
Ended up """dancing""" alone which was probably a very painful sight, then going back home after half an hour
What did you hope to achieve with that post?

if you are "on the spectrum" then you are an autist

if you are attractive and have friends then your situation is already entirely incomparable

Why are you even here?

Nightclub != dancing lessons

So long as you're not standing in the corner masturbating and grabbing women's asses, they don't really care.
You're paying them to teach you to dance, not perform a public sex show.
You're making excuses because you don't even want to think about how you might have to actually touch and interact with a woman.

>I am attractive tall and shit
I'm not tall and if I'm being completely honest I'm probably a 4 in terms of looks. You can't deny that you had an edge even if you were socially retarded like me. If you can make a girl wet simply with the way you look, she'll be more open
>That "fuck it" is essential
If you can trigger it, I don't know what you're referring to exactly. I'm always in control of my actions and I don't drink.

>Try looking up what "ego" actually means before posting again.
I think I know what ego means, being able to meditate and hold my thoughts for hours and shit. I know bout most levels of it, ego.
And the one I am talking about is the one we are convincing our self's into, the one we are using to hide our self's from our self's

>That only worked because you aren't ugly. I did the same thing once and got thrown out of the club for it.
sorry i laughed more than I should because of it.
But I as well had girls turn me down, every man had them. That is burden of a man. To know what rejection means, to be very very familiar with it, and then to rise above it.

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I had a girl tell me I was probably only a 5 while I was balls deep inside of her. This shit does not matter.
>in control of my actions
It's not about being out of control, it's about getting out of your head and not worrying about all of the possibilities that MIGHT happen.

What's with the fixation on dancing lessons anyway? I can never go to something like that, even joining a nerd hobby group sounds stressful, gotta start slow
>you don't even want to think about how you might have to actually touch and interact with a woman
Putting aside that she'd be immediately disgusted if I touched her with my clammy hands, it's not that I don't want to, it's that I don't know how
Nobody ever taught me when it was ok to touch a girl or any of that shit

>I am only 4 in terms of looks
how much of it can it be changed? How much of it is weight, fitness and posture?

>being able to meditate and hold my thoughts for hours and shit. I know bout most levels of it, ego.
Man, you've really got to take a step back, you just sound hilariously over the top.

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did you then fuck her mind out of her because of that? that is what i would do

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>Putting aside that she'd be immediately disgusted if I touched her with my clammy hands
That's a self-imagined excuse.
>I don't know how
>Nobody ever taught me
HENCE GOING TO A CLASS, RETARD! THEY WOULD LITERALLY TEACH YOU WHAT TO DO