How to deal with a clinically insane girlfriend who will not seek medical/psychiatric help?

if it makes you feel any better I commute on a motorcycle so I'll probably end up getting ran over before too long

someone pleas offer legitimate help, for the last 4 years i've wanted to go the tough love route but i cant stop enabling her to be a terrible person

You're actually doing your girlfriend more damage by enabling this behaviour. As long she refuses to get help for her issues, you are doomed to have a dysfunctional and failing relationship.

Marriage, a future, a family, etc, are things you should only be considering if you are in a happy relationship. Can you really imagine somebody like her dealing with the stresses of marriage? Carrying a baby to full term with her history of eating disorders and self harm?

I am assuming that the main draw to this woman is her vulnerability and the fact she will never cheat on you. Unfortunately you cannot be certain of the latter, and the former is just an indication that she is broken.

You cannot live the rest of your life worrying that your partner is going to kill themselves or harm themselves, and it isn't fair for her to hold you to this ransom.

Your girlfriend needs help. She doesn't need somebody to justify her behaviour and reassure her that everything is okay, she needs professional help. You should be helping her to seek this out, in the hope that you can build a future together.

How often do you see each other in general? Have you spent a considerable amount of time together?

I always assume somebody must have hideous character flaws if they're willing to be in a long distance relationship anyway.

last time we saw each other was in november but we talk literally 100% of the time I'm not at work. I'm going back over there for another 2 weeks soon. We will 100% never have kids but I'm totally fine with that and so is she.

>hideous character flaws
I went through my own shitty depressed apathy phase and only wanted to play video games for a long time- which is where we met. I dont do anything social so I never really bothered or tried to meet people elsewhere. She's in europe and I'm in the US and we've already gotten about 90% of the k1 visa process done (she's just got to make it through the medical examination and the 1 on 1 interview [LOL fuck me amirite])

>she needs professional help
I know this, she knows this- but she's had a recent shitty experience with a psychiatrist who only wanted to prescribe meds and do nothing else so she doesnt see how its going to help

I am not drawn to her because she's vulnerable or wont cheat on me, that was a joke. I am attracted to her and genuinely care for her/ enjoy her company when she's not a psychotic mess.

She keeps saying when she makes it over here she'll try again to get professional help when I can go to appointments with her and help her explain because anytime she's in a situation like that alone she can't talk to the dr.
I really do think the whole long distance thing is the main factor that is making her so unstable but I'm also trying not to fool myself that it will fix everything either if she isnt willing to put some sort of effort in bc she absolutely isnt now.

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How old are you?

27

Check her into a fucking mental hospital.

I would love to

You're unlucky in that she wont get psychiatric help.

Am a self harmer, starvation-binge eater, depression, BPD, and want to get therapy and medication for it but my bf says no lol. Give her an ultimatum - therapy or you leave. She'll 100% choose the former.

>She'll 100% choose the former.
lel no, she'd absolutely rather I left her alone than unwillingly go to therapy. She has said for years she's a drain on my life and she'd rather just die in her apartment with her cat alone.
the instant I give up on her this will be over, and this is wearing me thin

also why the fug would your bf say no, you must not be nearly as bad as she is

If she genuinely thinks that then why stay with her? I don't think she actually believes what she tells you, just doesn't want to be a burden- I do the same. If she honestly believed that, she'd have left you or killed herself.

Attempted suicide twice whilst with him, cuts bad enough for stitches every time, mood swings and I run my mouth at him all the time. He Also has mental health issues, been sectioned, believes that meds/therapy isn't necessary because he doesn't need them.

>why stay with her
because I genuinely want to be with her but I'm painfully aware she needs something to stabilize her moods.
also most women dont have a breakdown before every period do they? she claims this most recent issue is just stress+horomones+coming off a diet but holy shit.

Im not gonna lie I don't know OP. Seek motivation. Ok, sparda bless.

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Post pics of her cuts OP

No her obv but like the pic on the right
And it's all on one arm and one leg

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Does she fucking know she is your gf or are you just weirdly fucking obsessed with her and leading her on?

Couples Therapy 101:
If you want something from your partner, approach it by saying "What can I do to make it easier for you to XYZ?" This allows for a non-confrontational discussion, negotiation and agreement. Mention everything you stated her as feelings - this is not about problem solving but negotiating.
In your case, the best solution for her is cognitive therapy. Try to engage her into it and be supportive.

If she says nothing can help her, say "if you change your mind, please let me know" and leave her alone about it.
If she is uncooperative or resistant or not interested, then give her an ultimatum and seriously consider breaking up. This will only drag you down and make you loathe every moment you spend with her.

we're planning on getting married and have done the k1 visa to move her to the united states, I'd say she's somewhat involved

>how to deal with a clinically insane girlfriend who will not seek medical/psychiatric help?
Leave.

>one of her arms is 100% covered in self harm scars
We're no longer talking about depression.

>what the hell am I supposed to do?
I would say give her an ultimatum to seek help or you're leaving, but its a long distance relationship and you have no means of confirming that she's following through so...leave.

>I would say about 51% of the time she is reasonable and normal
Thats what you're saying, but we both know its a lot less than that and its getting worse.

>I really do care about her and we are planning on getting married
Thats a mistake if she is not healthy. Like, "I won't even have this conversation with you if you are not taking care of yourself and if that means this relationship is over I accept that."

>I really do care about her and we are planning on getting married
A day will come when you will look back and become physically ill to think of how incredibly naive and stupid you were being right now in this moment.

>She keeps saying when she makes it over here she'll try again to get professional help when I can go to appointments with her and help her explain because anytime she's in a situation like that alone she can't talk to the dr.

I would not allow you to accompany a patient into my office beyond the first session. Even that would require some convincing.

Let me be blunt: she's playing games. Either this is an excuse or its a set up for the nearly inevitable "but you can't leave me I NEED you" bullshit.

Is this more or less the arc of your relationship?
>meet
>this girl is fucking awesome, we click so well, she's spontaneous, she cares so much, the sex is everything I've ever wanted, we just got so close so fast
>"hey, user, just so you know I have some depression I hope that doesn't make you hate me"
>oh fuck she's so vulnerable and cute and I just want to take care of her
>mental illness builds
>well, its still awesome 90% of the time!
>says "I love you" way too soon
>fuck, thats kinda weird but I've never been this happy 80% of the time!
>mental illness builds
>at least this is a dream a solid 60% of the time, besides, I've invested so much in this relationship
>major blow up
>maybe I should leave, but I care so much and it used to be so good and she needs me so badly
>now we're talking marriage, we're gonna move in, we'll be each other's everything
>MY LOVE WILL SAVE THIS WOMAN AND WE'LL GO BACK TO BEING HAPPY 60% OF THE TIME INSTEAD OF 30%!!
>lather
>rinse
>well, if I killed myself she'd probably die soon after, which means I'd be killing her too...god I wish I had 10% of what we had before...

>we're planning on getting married and have done the k1 visa to move her to the united states, I'd say she's somewhat involved

You...do realize that you're financially responsible for her even if the relationship fails, right? Like, the government will absolutely garnish your wages to cover her medical bills if she ends up on Medicaid? You could walk in on her fucking the mailman, your dog, and a clone of Adolph Hitler and you're still on the hook for her existence so long as she remains in the United States.

This is a sad story OP. Does she lives with her parents? Are they abusive?

she's lived alone on $400 a month in assistance since she was 20 and shes 32 now
her parents were not probably not abusive but they didnt give a shit about her and let her turn into a mess

also completely wrong lol she's never pretended like she's not a basket case but she was considerably worse when I met her and has become slightly more normal since

good thing she doesnt go to the doctor amirite lol

It s pretty clear u deserve better :)

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You already know you're supposed to leave, the reason you wont is because you feel some kind of sick pleasure from association with this mental case. Maybe savior complex, maybe a perverse love of watching her self destruct, maybe you love chaos, maybe you are an insecure faggot who cant be alone or thinks he cant do better. Either way, you're the real nutjob here, she at least wears her crazy on her sleeve.

Break up with her, work on you until you're fixed, then focus on relationships from a healthy foundation.

Or eat glue until the problem goes away. Fuck you.

As a person who survived (barely, and not unharmed) a crazy/psychotic bitch girlfriend.... RUN FUCKING RUN