I say that but it’s not fully true so don’t take it the wrong way. I know very well he loves me. We’ve been together about one year now, we talk and are together pretty much all day. Neither of us have much of anyone else. But, he just shows a lack of emotion, in a lot of things. He’s often rude to me, then shows no remorse because he doesn’t think the stuff he does is mean/rude. He doesn’t want to do stuff with me aside just hanging out which, is fine I guess but. We don’t ever go out, nothing like movies, nothing. And I make myself vocal about this and he thinks it’s not a big deal. He can be semi-controlling is the stuff I do, but then he does everything he wants. Our sex life is... a little less than active. Just stuff like this all the time and he genuinely thinks it’s not a big deal.
He’s not cheating because he doesn’t talk to any other girls. Well. He doesn’t talk to realistically anyone else, aside from a few guy friends occasionally.
I don’t think it’s a lack of interest, that’s what I thought it was at first but I’ve had several confrontations with him asking if that was it, and he’s said it’s nothing at all to do with that.
Sorry if this is too long, I’m just not sure what to do.
"Hey babe, we need to talk really quick, can I have your full attention for a second?" "Sure hun, what is it?" "I'm a little worried about us. We haven't had sex in 'x' number of days and haven't gone out on a real date in multiple months. I need these kinds of interactions with you to make sure we keep this relationship healthy. I really love you and I know you love me too, so I hope you'll help me with these issues so we can stay in a healthy relationship."
It really is that simple. He might not take to it, you might have to talk about it multiple times, but you have to fucking talk about. Relationships are 100% built on communication and coming to complain on Jow Forums about him will NEVER help you, it will only make things worse because everyone on here will tell you to break up with him or some other nonsense. No one on Jow Forums has enough information to make that kind of call, only you do. Go see him right now and talk to him.
Charles Diaz
I’ve had several talks with him about it, like I said he just doesn’t think it’s a big deal. That’s why it’s a confusing situation. He doesn’t want to break up, but at the same time he doesn’t exactly want “more” And I don’t want to break up either, and I don’t want to have to force him to do these things because that feels dysfunctional. So it’s created this just, compelling situation.
Elijah Wilson
You should say it one more time very clearly, and then show him you are really serious by saying you otherwise want a break between you two. He will understand it's really something that bothers you
Yeah I guess. I didn’t want it to have to come to that but there’s nothing else to really do seems. Thank you.
Lol
Hunter Harris
I don't know if guys all think at least kind of the same, but if I was emotionless some serious consequences would help me see the light
Mason Gray
It sounds like he's just introverted and disagreeable. It's a part of his personality that's never going to change.
Adam Stewart
Sounds like he's not ready to commit to a full fledged relationship yet. He's comfortable because right now the relationship is very little effort for him. I've been there in my relationship where I was in a rutt for a number of months. My girlfriend and I didn't do much and it was due to a health issue. The not doing much makes a relationship bland, and it especially made it bland for my girlfriend. She talked with me and told me what she felt. I knew I meant a lot to her in that conversation and it was up to me as a man to meet her challenge. To commit more in our relationship. So I did, because I love that little shit more than anything in the world.
In my case, I didn't realize how stagnant the relationship had become. I'm not the best at those things. If you are telling him, and he repeatedly blows you off, it might be a situation where you deserve better. A man WILL step up if he cares enough for you.
David Price
Yeah, I think he would be willing to make some sacrifices, he’s done it in the past and gotten over some personality issues. I don’t think it’s impossible I do just wish it didn’t have to come to “this needs to change or we are going to break up” or stuff related to that. I guess that’s probably a bit too unrealistic on my part though.
Brody Wood
I know you make a lot of sense but it’s just hard to really come to terms with all that. I don’t want to go spouting any life stories or anything but we both pretty much only have each other, and before this it was even worse, it’s scary to think about going back to that, and it’s not even just that fear, I do love him more than anything, and even if I had everything going my way I wouldn’t want to loose him, despite our trouble I’ve never felt more comfortable and at home with anyone else.
Noah Russell
This has all gotten pretty off topic though. I appreciate everyone’s advice, it’s certainly given me a lot to think about. Thanks
Why don't YOU take him on a date? Like say you've got a surprise for him, meet me there at x o'clock, or make a dinner with candles if you're limited with money. Wear a nice dress and lungerie, make some efforts so he wants you and make things with you
Kayden Young
Not trying to be disrespectful but. I’ve done and do this. I wouldn’t be asking for advice if it was that easy...
Jayden Lopez
You said you don't ever go out, does this means he rejected your date suggestions?
Jason Roberts
Majority of the time yes. It’s rare for him to even want to have sex when I want to. Occasionally he will want to on his own but, that’s even less common. Like I said he just, seems perfectly fine doing nothing together, that’s what he wants pretty much.
Blake Taylor
Just call up Chad. He'll give you every inch of emotion you could ever want.
Eli Watson
I’m sure you’re joking but. I’d never even consider cheating on him.
Hudson Perry
It's not cheating. It's acquiring fulfillment that your boyfriend cannot provide you.
Lincoln Myers
Okay well. I prefer monogamy, thank you though.
Jordan Johnson
Ur right. Don't cheat, you don't sound like someone who will actually get fulfillment out of that. You really just need some realtalk with him
Ryder Hill
You can be completely monogamous...with Chad.
Benjamin Myers
Thank you
Dylan Walker
OP, is he on antidepressants? That might be why he's not wanting sex. I was on them for a year and couldn't feel anything from my dick during sex. Few months after I got off I couldn't get enough sex.
Luis Torres
What if you are depressed but dont take meds? Are you sad but hard?
Alexander Nelson
Sorry this is too late, just got back around to this, not that I know of. we’ve talked about that type of stuff he doesn’t even consider himself depressed, that’s what he says at least. He doesn’t take any serious meds that I know of
Ian Reyes
I'm hard but I am fair
Cooper Barnes
Do you draw OP? you remind me of someone i know irl
Daniel Hill
What is your relationship like with your father? Was he also kind of distant, withholding and abandoning? You having a dysfunctional relationship with him would really explain why you're attracted to dysfunctional men.
Hunter Wood
Just got back on to see this thread hasn’t pruned yet. I appreciate the advice from everyone but it’s carried on a bit too long, best to let this thread die. Thank you all though, I haven’t had a talk with my boyfriend yet about all this I’m collecting all my thoughts. Thank you all, best to let his thread die now though lol.
I don’t draw, sorry
My relationship with my father is, more or less fine. We see each other at the least every month or so, no abuse or anything growing up. Yeah a lack of presence I suppose, that’s all though. I don’t think he’s dysfunctional, for the most part we get along great, it’s not like he doesn’t give me attention or he’s distant from me. Like I said we talk and are together for the most part all day every day. Aside from all that I said we are fine relationship.
Jonathan Foster
Uhhh, proof reading that it ended up sounding weird, to clarify, after I said “Yeah a lack of presence I suppose, that’s all though” I was talking about my boyfriend
Caleb Harris
Sounds like he's a fucking manchild honestly, it doesn't say a great deal about you that you're okay with letting this happen, especially when you've tried and he doesn't want to snap out of it
I have a friend like that, he's not my bf (I'm a dude), but we've been friends for 8 and a half years, only last year I stopped trying but before that I would do EVERYTHING to cheer that dude up, make him active, make him go out with me, sign up to shit together, play together, he has always been a fucking tool but he degraded SO much through time, now he literally wakes up, plays heroes of the storm, poops/pees, makes food, goes to sleep, wakes up and repeat, once in a week or two he'll go outside
what a poor existence, these people can not change, will not change, I bet my ass your boyfriend is just a stagnating ratbag sitting at home playing video games and indulging in all the dopamine inducing activities from the comfort of his own home, don't put up with it, I know It's hard to let go, you want to believe people can change and move on, so do I, but it doesn't work
he's digging himself a hole he'll never go out of, stay and drown with him or make the choice to let him go and wish him all the best, then he'll either take it as a wake up call or stay and degrade further but at that point - It's not your problem
find yourself a real proactive man. good luck.
Benjamin Gutierrez
please read my post It's important for me to let you know this, I've pretty much been in your position with my friend for all these years, I care/cared about him no less than someone in a romantic relationship except It's not a sexual relationship
Lucas Lopez
every thread nigger why u do dis
Evan Fisher
Sorry, I’m not trying to just hit away everything that everyone says, there is some truth to what you’re saying yes but I think you misunderstand a little. It’s not exactly that I want an active man or anything like that. I really don’t mind if he was inside 7 days a week playing video games all day, I just want there to be time for things that I want as well. Like I said we aren’t some pruning relationship, there’s plenty of activity and interaction that I’m contempt and okay with. I just want him to feel a little more, “alive”
Isaiah Gray
>there’s plenty of activity and interaction that I’m contempt and okay with. I just want him to feel a little more, “alive” I dunno lady there's something contradicting about what you're saying, but if you're talking about the fact that his inactivity makes him carry himself in a more mundane way then It's because he probably doesn't do anything else with his free time than play video games.. but yeah I'm not here to bash you or your bf, it sounds like you match with him perfectly if you're fine with that type of behaviour, I've had enough of those sorts of people, I've been surrounded by them for a large portion of my life and at times have been one myself but I've always known that it isn't the real me, but to each his own, so good luck with your relationship anyhow lady!
Wyatt Adams
if you've talked to him about it and he still refuses to change he probably doesn't care. might just be keeping you around because you're 'safe'
