How fucked up is it to dump someone right before there birthday?
Ive been thinking about this for a while. I know I dont want to spend the rest of my life with her and its gotten to the point where it pains me to be with her. We've been together for over a year.
I just dont want to break her heart..
Probably no more or less fucked up than to dump them right after it.
I would wait a month or so, personally
This. It's not like it won't be obvious you're planning to dump her
But then we'll be in holloween. And then thanksgiving. and christmas. Valentines day. Anniversary. My birthday.
It just doesnt fucking end. I wanted to break up with her last november, and here we are.
I dont know why I feel so guilty inside. Its tearing me apart.
Then wait two weeks.
Also, what's the big deal with Halloween? Christmas would be shitty, but Halloween is just Halloween
Hes just making excuses to not do it because he's afraid of being alone
The problem is I live at home and now all my family members like her. Im the black sheep of the family, they honestly probably look better on her than me. If I dump her they will all turn against me and make me feel like even more a shit and question my own decision.
Fuck them. You're already a black sheep.
You can't torture yourself being with a person just because your family likes them.
Also, why haven't you detached yourself from them emotionally and/or physically? I'm a black sheep too. I managed to detach specifically to avoid situations like this. And it works.
>It just doesnt fucking end. I wanted to break up with her last november, and here we are.
This. You need to pick a date and do it regardless of what’s happening.
That said, post-Christmas is probably the best time. It’s when everyone else seems to do it anyway.
>Also, why haven't you detached yourself from them emotionally and/or physically?
You mean my family? Im kind of stuck in a rut (financially) atm and in between jobs, if I rock the boat too much I will get kicked out. Obviously they wouldnt kick me out for breaking up with her, but it would be a catalyst for finding some other reason to
Detaching is best done as an extremely gradual process. Think the frog in boiling water. You should have been chipping away at it for years
I wouldn't concern myself over when you should or shouldn't break up. It's gonna suck no matter what date it is. To be honest, you should rip off the band aid as soon as possible so the both of you can move on with your lives. Don't drag this shit out because you're scared.
That's definitely worse
Every day you're still together could have been a day she spends getting over you. Any occasion to drink (like a birthday) is a great occasion to move on from a break up.
I broke up with a girl maybe 2 weeks before her birthday and I was going to hold it off since the occasion, but exactly what you said she sensed something was off and I ended doing it 5 days before.
Im like 90% sure shes been feeling this vibe for months.
Which makes me feel like shes been cheating on me.
Which makes me insecure and want to hold on to her.
The whole situation is twisted and toxic. Its a relationship built on insecurity.
You're a fucking idiot.
If don't want to be with someone, just fucking tell them and let them move on with their life instead of letting them waste more time on you.
The sooner the better, for her sake.
he obviously isn't thinking about what's best for her though lol
Hot take: you didn't get into the relationship because you wanted to be with her, you got into the relationship because you wanted intimacy, support, stability, sex, etc. You were a lonely person who wanted to be with anyone. Now, you don't want to be with this person because you're no longer lonely, and want to do other things (most likely people). You're obviously scared you're going to wind up alone. You're already admitting this relationship is built on security.
Here's the hard truth: you will NEVER escape this cycle of bullshit in relationships until you figure out how to be okay with being by yourself, and start looking for an individual you want to spend time with instead of an object to temporarily relieve the symptoms of your ego.
HERE'S THE GUT PUNCH: You won't ever figure this out if you break up with her, because you're just going to mope around and be shitty. You'll have fun for a few weeks and then be lonely, isolated, and horny again. You'll either repeat the cycle, or become an incel. Your literal best bet is to learn to love the person you're with and grow from that. Go to counseling. Talk to people about it.
Grow the fuck up.
better sooner than later but if you're getting feelings of doubt in the relationship and questioning it and those feelings happen to come around the time of their birthday, it's not your fault, it's not going hurt them anymore or less and you're doing yourself and them a disservice by staying in a relationship you don't want to be in.