GIOYC

That's shits lame.

I finally found it and killed it. That feeling will still take a while to go away though.

ok.

And you helped me with yours, Rach. Nice to vent to someone without spilling my spaghetti for mine.

I broke up with my partner of nine years because she wouldn't stop drinking. It was the one thing I asked her to do as it was fucking up our relationship.
There was no way to keep living the way it was. But I miss her so much. I miss being a family with our daughter. No one else fits the way she does.
I want my life back. I want my future back. I wanted another baby.
There's an entire world that's never going to exist now and I feel it in my heart every day.
I hate her as much as I love her sometimes

I'm going to marry a girl from Nigeria. I'm scared as fuck of course, but I think that failure comes from being unwilling to fully commit and make something work.
She's worth the risk.

It's not so much that she's uncomfortable, more that she doesn't think I could actually be attracted to her since she's 45lbs heavier than me. I tell her she's beautifu lthe way she is and I want her to see herself the way I see her.

disgusting

but it must be that she is uncomfortable with herself. you might be comfortable with her but that probably wont change how she feels about her own body until she's ready. like when she's home alone looking in the mirror and weighing herself, she probably aint that concerned about how you see it, but more how she sees it.

That I'm fucking a fat girl or that I like it?
Do you have any suggestions for something I could do or we could do together to help her self confidence?

Yes

I hate you.
I was okay before I met you, I was surviving. I didn't need you, didn't need anyone. It was like living life in a trance - I woke, I ate, I worked, I ate, I slept. Nothing more. It was enough. I did it for years, I could have done it until the day I died.

Then you came along.
I tried to push you away. Sometimes people like you came along - "Oh look, a pity project! I can feel good about myself if I force him into having a life!" - but it never took long for them to lose interest.
You didn't though, didn't let me push you away, didn't lose interest. You stuck at it, kept pushing and pulling and keeping me off balance until I woke up from my trance and started paying attention to the world again, or rather, to you, and though the world seemed bland and lifeless as it always had, when you were nearby it seemed to come to life in the glow you gave off - a guiding light, life-giving star, for just as the hunk of rock that is the moon looks glorious reflecting the light of the sun, so the hunk of rock that is the earth looked glorious framing the beauty that you were.

You battered down the walls I built around me and I felt complete for the first time since I could remember.
My first girlfriend, my first hand held, my first kiss, my first lover, my first hug, the first thing I ever had in my life that made me think I couldn't go without it.

And then you left me behind.
And now I feel like I'm going insane, because I can still see you sometimes, still hear you, smell you, feel you sometimes. And then I remember you're gone and it's I feel like the light in my world went out.

I hate you, Em. I hate that you made me love you. I hate that you showed me what it's like to live, because I don't think I can live without you.
I miss you so much.

>when you were nearby it seemed to come to life in the glow you gave off - a guiding light, life-giving star, for just as the hunk of rock that is the moon looks glorious reflecting the light of the sun, so the hunk of rock that is the earth looked glorious framing the beauty that you were.
God damn that's poetic. Like E.E. Cummings poetic.

all you can do is give her some good compliments (outside of the bedroom) and let her know she has a bangin body in your opinion. she will accept herself in her own time.

i wish when i was at my peak weight gain (due to a severe injury that stopped me from exercising) that my bf would have said "I love you exactly how you are." or some other gay shit like that.

Maybe you havent noticed but for the oaat 2 years I've veen extremely depressed and havent been able to get anything done. Like, at all. Have you noticed?

>she's 45lbs heavier than me
damn. how big are you and her?

As you know, madness is like gravity...all it takes is a little push. A push in the right direction can turn difference between brilliant madness and psychotic. Average human IQ has been steadily rising.

Pacify. Stupefy. Damage control.

Love.

I want to go out but I know I won't have as much fun since I wa

But I also don't want to stay in

I also don't want to text a bunch of girls inviting them out cause I know they'll flake. I made plans with this girl to meet up this week LAST WEEK and she says she made other plans and she can't come out and I'm a little mad about that 2bh.

Thanks. I already let her know how I feel about her but I'll give her time.
I'm 175lbs and she's about 220.

>since I wa
I can't even finish typing out whole sentences. Guess I'm staying in.

Yawwwn...

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>first true love was an Assyrian girl
>even though we only officially dated for about a year it was one of or even the best year of my life and never been in love this much
>very xenophobic people and her parents found out
>threatens to disown her if we don't break up
>just accept it and break it off since I know how much her family means to her
>be heart broken for years and still have her hair tie around my gear stick even though it's been just over 10 years since I've last seen her
>she's tried to add me on social media in the past but I never accepted, too painful
>married another arab and have kids but deep down think it may have been a way to replace her. don't get me wrong I do love my wife
>my wife has asked me what the hair tie is all about when we first started dating and said it was just from when I had long hair lol
>occasionally still think about what could have been but then feel guilty because if it hadn't been then I wouldn't have my family now

is this normal? I don't know why I still occasionally think about her. I still have a box of photos, hairties, ribbons, scrunchies and other shit she used to leave in my car at my parents house that I can't bring myself to dispose of. sometimes I go through them when I go over there by myself. how angry will my wife be if she discovers this? my wife knows of her but nothing more than just being an ex gf. never really mentioned that at one point I thought of her as "the one"

last I heard she recently got married and just had a child. supposedly she never dated anyone else since me until she met the guy she married now.

but I don't know, I guess the moral of the story is don't fall in love with an Assyrian girl it's too painful.

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also what triggered this post was that I saw my wife watching scream queen's and this actress came up who looks a lot. and I mean a loooot like my ex and now find myself joining her watching the whole series just to see scenes with her

Aaron,

For a manager you're terrible at communication. Don't bother approaching me and taking my phone number if you're not going to contact me. At the time I left, you easily could've looked up my number in the staff directory if you really wanted or asked G if he possibly had a way of contacting me.

I wish we could've been friends, but that's in the past now. You can have that book if it means I never will see or hear from you again.

how often does she crush you when you fuck?

I’m hungry

My friends suck
My job sucks
My school sucks
My degree sucks
I have no love life
I have no sex life
I feel disinterested in hobbies and media
I hate everything

Everything this time last year was going great for me, and now it all sucks

She doesn't since she won't go on top. I'd love for her to sit on my face though as her thighs are wonderful.

Want to know what is nice? Snug sex. Like, spooning sex.

And without a condom it's so much more comfy because you don't need to worry about cleaning up. You just snuggle up, sex, leave the peeps inside and cuddle up some more until you fall asleep.

It's just the best.

I love you. Genuinely. I don't know if you still feel the same but that's alright. I just hope we can stay like this for a long time.

If you were mine I would buy outselves a nice pickup truck
put a mattress in the back so we could drive out in the country
and make love with the stars as our ceiling above.

I would call you my little kitty, a baby just for me. We could drink wine and be mine.

But I'm going to die here, alone.

And no one is going to help me.

You can and you will. First love is just that... first love. She'll always be your first love, special, important, momentous, etc. There will be more people to love or maybe there won't ( there will lol) but it's not worth dying over. When you're done mourning the loss or during that time period, treat yourself well. Eat healthy, exercise, enjoy your friends. It took me years to get over my second love, whom I suspect was really my first love but I did get over him. And I moved on a lived life while still pining for him. Shitty idea but I came out the other end okay and you will too. Don't give in to the melancholy, try and fight it a bit.

Next time trap him under a cup and then slide a thin cardboard like a mailer under the cup and take him outside. Their lives are short enough, ya big bully.

Been talking & playing vidya thru skype with this cute guy for about 2/3 months. He's a total fucking nerd and I think I've fallen for him a bit. Gonna meet him tomorrow for an event but I'm really insecure about it bc he has hooked up w a lot of guys before and I think he even has a fwb now so idk if he even likes me or hes playing... it doesnt help my only relationship was toxic af and killed my trust in boys lmao. Wish me luck 4 tomorrow, I hope my heart doesnt get fucking obliterated.

We have a deal. I leave them alone outside and they leave me alone inside. When they break that, examples must be made.
I have a decent sized phobia of spiders among other things. I used to stay in one spot and call people to come over to get it, so I'm actually doing better I guess.

gaayyyyyy

Why? Why in the actual fuck that happens?! Every damn time, I can't be myself, I'm not a bad person, I've never hurted anyone and don't pretend to do so, so why? If I say a word that doesn't make me the tool they want me to be I get scolded, they blame and shame me, but why? I've done way more for then than anyone have ever done for me, I helped of everyone that came seeking for help, I've been lying for my whole life just to see them smile so why I dislike when I do? Why is happyness so far? Why numbing myself from everything and everyone is the only drug that make me feel "happy", but why is it what slowly kills me? Fuck, someone please tell me, I just wanted to be a good person

No u

It's been five years and I still miss you. This shit isn't normal. What the fuck did you do to me?

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"Examples must be made" lol I was just teasing but ya if you weren't fearful I'd say take him out. They're pretty scary especially the jumpers. Was he huge? Are you in a year round warm climate. In Michigan our bugs don't get very big cos of the Winter.

I feel some touch of love~
Changin me~
The man ive been just looking for..
Is you~

There's no point in eating healthy and exercising and there's no frienda to enjoy. She was everything. She is everything. Any friends were just people I welcomed for their ability to make her happier.

It's not grief that dulls the world, it's her absence. I talked to a grief counselor for a while, mostly because her family had an idea how much I needed her and insisted it was what she'd have wanted, but it was pointless. It took about four meetings before he started mentioning antipsychotics, as though seeing her was the problem, rather than not seeing. As though not imagining there was still something worth getting up for was the problem.
I lived in melancholy until I knew her, but it never bothered me because I knew nothing else. Now she's gone and there's just a dark world full of places I can remember her being.
A house filled with things I only bought because I hoped it would make her happy. An adressbook filled with numbers I don't care about, a calender filled with birthdays I won't ever need to know again.

There's nothing I have that wasn't for her.
There's nothing I wanted that wasn't for her.
There's nothing I want that isn't her.

This isn't just first love, and there won't be anyone else, because there never was anyone before. I went 28 years without anyone caring, without caring, before, the only difference now is that the one person who could light the world is gone forever. She wasn't one in a million or one in a billion or whatever. She wasn't some statistical likelihood come true. She was Em, and there will never, mever be anyone like her.

I know my mental health is fucked, but since she can't be there anymore, hallucinations where she's still there are all that keep me going sometimes.

She made the world beautiful, trying to put into words what she was is hard, but I try.

I am going to have to give up all my dreams and everything else if I want to live on my own... God life sucks ass... I don't know how anyone fucking does it, but oh well...

Tell her how hawt you think she is and mean it

That sounds nice

Why do I still care if you never did?

Do whatever. I really cant care anymore. You're not here, you never fought to be here. I'm not fucking my head up anymore over you. Fucking christ.

Have fun with whatever the fuck you're doing I guess. Dont die. And idfk.

I'm so sick of my girlfriend but I'm too much of a coward to break up with her because she's 30 and that makes me feel like I'm ruining her life

Not many can say that they have had a love like that user. I would consider myself very grateful to have such an experience, even if it were brief.
The old cliche "Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."
Consider that her gift to you. Maybe you'll move on, maybe you won't, who knows. At least you got to experience such a wonderful thing. But if the tables were turned, would you want her to feel like you are feeling now?

>Dont die.
Why would they die?

everybody was extra nice to me today for some reason, I have no idea why and it creeps me out. Even online, people who don't know me were extra nice.

Now its a friday so people are in a better mood but it still scares me

Can somebody insult me to bring me back down

Shut the fuck up.

Why am I afraid to say things to people to the point where I can't even write a fucking e-mail.
I'm afraid of people and myself. I realise what I lack but I don't know if I will overcome everything.
What do I need to do with my life? Why do people expect me to know so much at this age for fuck sake!

Fuck off and die

I started a new medication today... 10mg of 20 mg of Paxil. All I've done today was sleep and cry. I am numb, I am exhausted - but cannot sleep. I do not have the mental strength to do anything, even eat.

I'll try to go back to sleep after writing this, I just had to...well...get it off my chest. Thanks, OP.

30 is a women's prime. She'll be fine

Uh oh.

Nobody expects you to know everything. People do expect you to do something about becoming something.

Write your email even if it's not perfect.

You know dude, I very nearly broke your jaw when you said he was better. I'm hella unstable at the moment and insults are pissing me off even more than usual. Lost a lot of respect and trust with you that exact second.

Why do I keep acting like a fucking moron? Like I can’t seem to be genuinely emotional with anyone about anything

It was a little bigger than a half dollar. I live near the E.C. Our weather is all over the place.

I still care, but thats not the same as love.

Why should I keep fighting? I am tired and have found enough peace to hang my sword and armor. I am done fighting. I fought my whole life.

Baaaka. I won't die, as long as he knows there is no threat to our marriage. And can you blame him for snapping if we did end up running away together. It would break his heart, even if he doesnt seem to have one at times. I am all he cares about in this world, it is true, he wants me around him 24/7 because he feels lonely and empty without me. He thinks I am his soulmate and no one else. And hell, maybe he wouldnt kill us, i could be paranoid it rubs off on me after all these years, but he would certainly kill himself. I dont want blood or death from this neither do you. You were the one and only threat to him, yknow how jealous he got when we were chatting in steam and I would stop whatever we were talking about to gush over you just because I met your eyes for a split secound? He hated that you had my attention and affection without even talking to me even though he was just an efriend back then.

But now that I have elimnated my love(lust?) For you, he feels secure again.

Thanks for the chance to larp user.

I work night-shift in a hotel and this chick came off the street asking 8f I had a toilet she could use. When I showed her the way to the staff toilet she pulled me inside and sucked my dick while she pissed. I blew my load in about 20 seconds and then told her to fuck off. When she left she climbed into a car that was waiting for her.

This happened about 5 minutes ago and I'm kind of disgusted with myself because she was obviously not sober.

>she pulled me inside and sucked my dick while she pissed
Charming.

>blew my load in about 20 seconds
damn bro you alright?

You're going to get a visit from the authorities soon.

Also yeah that's pretty damn disgusting.

please drink bleach

I have feelings for a girl that doesnt even like me back. We had a fight over some small bullshit and now she wont even talk to me anymore. I think about her and the time we spent together every single day and its killing me. No one has made me feel this way before... I dont know what to do anymore.. everything hurts

why don't you just apologize?

She wont talk to me.

I have apologized, multiple times. I dont know what else I can even do at this point

I'm happy she was in my life for as long as she was.

If the tables were turned she wouldn't be feeling like I'm feeling. I don't know how to explain this without skmeone being able to experience it, but she was fundamentally good. The world was brighter when she was around, and the brightness of the world as it basked in her glow is the only world she ever knew.
I don't know, never knew, what she saw in my, why she came into my life, or why she stayed, but had I been the one to die, had I been able to die in her place, she wouldn't be what I am now.

When she was alive, life was dull and all I had to look forward to and move towards was her, now I'm left with a hollow world with only reminders that the person who made it worthwhile is gone.
That is the situation for me. There are no friends, because I never met any other person with even one iota of the brilliance that made Em light up the world, and I didn't see a point in inviting the dullness of the world further into my life for no reason. There is no family, my mother died in childbirth and my father never forgave me for it. He never beat me, but he never hugged me, held me or comforted me. A bare wire father provided house and food, but never home. A bandaid on a cut, never a kiss.

Em's world was filled with the warmth and light she brought to mine. A loving family, a number of friends, new and old. The world was better around her, and people could sense it. She might go out to buy milk and bring back a new friend, find someone had scratched the car and return with insurance detail and plans to meet up next week and catch up.
She wouldn't feel alone in a dark world because no world she resides in could be dark.

I still don't even really know what I had tk offer her. I wonder sometimes if she really understood what she gave me, and how precious little I had to give in return.
She would be happy without me.
I am not because she gave me happiness, but she would be fine, for I had none to give.

that's so goddamn toxic I wish it was funny but it's gone all the way around to hellish.

how did you think I thought about you? do you know? did you pay attention? I was never like that with anyone else. it never mattered. I never mattered. and you were everything. you accused me of so much that never happened. you just hated me. and I'll never hate you. and it doesn't matter anymore.

you have no idea where I stand now and it doesn't matter. here is the only place I actually put out what is in my head and heart. I've got so many people around me and I just don't tell them anything.

did you ever care? when you asked me questions about what our kids would look like was it just a play or did you really want that with me?

nvm it really doesn't matter anymore.

I think that you don't actually love me. I've had recurring doubts for a long time now. I know you're a secretive person. I can sense when something is off. By the time you finally tell me I've already been questioning everything. I think you keep me around because it feels good to have someone who loves you. It feels good like the pills and alcohol. More and more I'm starting to believe all the affection came from the times you weren't sober. My heart is already so invested and I'm afraid to keep loving you. Maybe if/when you get better you'll realize you've been wasting your time on me and decide to end it. Maybe that's already starting. I wish I knew this earlier on. I feel like such an idiot.

I hate that you walked into my life used me, ruined me, and left me to suffer on my own and made it look like my fault. I hate that you moved on to have a happy life and fucked mine over for your own personal gain.

he tells you everything you want to hear and you buy it. I tell you a few things you don't want to hear and proceed to stand by you until I'm completely exhausted and try to get everything set for us... and I'm trash.

it won't last. and I'm sorry for how it's going to end. but I'm not gonna watch it go down.

I'll probably do something pretty stupid soon. dunno if you've noticed or cared but I don't want to be here. not asking you to care but you're pretty much the only person I feel comfortable telling here knowing I'm actually telling someone, if that makes sense. I always understood why you did things, this is why. it's why I never let it break my love for you. it's why I stayed through everything until I was just too tired to even be able to make a point. why I was so concerned and serious about it.

you know he just wants a new N right? that's what he'll turn you into. and he'll do you the same. I'm not watching. I know enough psychology and have enough experience watching this shit. I don't need to see this. the pleasure he takes in it is almost enough to make me not care about jail time.

Now I'm reminded of this poem:
youtube.com/watch?v=rf7aBCrfOQE#
For what it's worth, I think what you're feeling is healthy considering the situation although I think your upbringing made you co-dependant. By defining your happiness in one person, you're left empty handed when they fail to keep it up. They always do. Nobody's perfect. In this case it wasn't her fault.
You're the only one who can make you happy. She just showed you the way.
Not really advice, just my perspective.

I think the saddest part is that I know you just wanted to survive. but you chose the path where no one does.

I will forever regret not kissing you when we shared that moment.

I can't tell anyone whom I know personally and/or those persons which are physically proximate within my local region about the particularities of how and what I have done to improve my mothers life without creating liabilities.

I wish I could tell them how her money is now, about the new and updated electronics which have the memory capacity to cope with her difficulty in using them, how the pantry and household supplies are stocked to such a degree that she won't need a single thing for a fortnight and thus will be able to partake in more discount prices on necessities because of the luxury of buying things in advance brings for the needs are already satiated; therefore, the stock replacements are more lax and the ability to buy an excess which is a discounted price is readily possible.

Although the above is rather obtuse, I state it like this because these are specificities I want others to hear about her. I want them to hear it because their excitement makes mother realize her good fortune in a manner which I am incapable of properly extolling. They communicate with their excitement this privileged status in a manner which make her realize its importance and makes her happy.

She needs this because she forgets and egresses to a mentality of thinking she has hardly anything and "upgrades", so to speak, are out of her reach. She forgets she already has those "Upgrades" already.

But I can't let people know these things without painting her as a target to be exploited. All I can do is list/show her over and over again all of these things which could be told to others. But she forgets. She always forgets. But the excitement others show when they're told about like this and similar always make her happier and she forgets about it after a longer time than the paltry alternative that I can provide. But the ideal is not for this circumstance. All that can safely be said is that things are much better now

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Why is weight loss not even a consideration?

Took my dog to the vet due to having trouble getting around, she's a tripod due to supposed osteosarcoma in her back leg, 95% sure it was but never biopsied or tested, just amputated the leg. She was fine until about 3 weeks ago when she started having trouble breathing and can barely walk, went from going around the neighborhood twice daily to not being able to go about 10 feet without having to sit down. Kept checking her lungs through the months to see if/when the cancer would spread there but no sign. Turns out it spread to her stomach and liver, the tumor in her stomach so big that it's pushing other organs. The vet mentioned euthanasia saying it's pretty much all downhill from here, but I took her home to let everyone say goodbye on the weekend. The only problem I have is that other than struggling walking, she seems like her happy self, still excited to see me get home and eating and drinking just fine. It feels wrong to put her to sleep while she's still like this but I know she doesn't have long. She's getting put to sleep Monday morning and I'm freaking out, feels like I'm murdering her.

I felt like I shouldve kissed her at our dance but she didnt say "yes I like you, a lot," me so I just gave up.

you miss me rubbung your back baby?

>rubbing
ftfy

I swear you have a car and stalk me around town with a dildo. Fuck that turns me on. Gets my kokoro going shit.

I want to put a cigarette out on the back of a girls neck just as she cums.

and she can do it to me.

it's the only way I can feel anymore.

Thank you. You got what you wanted.

I probably dislike people irrationally right now because I hate the shit out of my life. I'm going to start exercising and getting therapy but still, fuck these guys.