Doomer -> bloomer

How do I radically and permanently grow spiritually? Right now I'm described almost perfectly by pic related top. 80% of my behavior can be summed up by "realist, pessimist, and nihilist."
I want to be pic related bottom instead. I still have some good and positivity in me, but it's rarely brought out, and I need the right kinds of people around me to do it. But I want to be able to be like that even when I'm alone, positive, motivated, a "morale booster for all nearby".
How do people just not be depressed? How do I beat my demons, not into submission (every time I do that they just come back at the slightest sign of my weakness), but into oblivion?

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I relate to this post more than I want to. Thanks for sharing the pic though the bloomer is the great personality I aspire to be

bump

option 1
realise your problems are exaggerated
realise you were an attractive and intelligent person all along
figure out insecurities held you back
bloom

or 2
because you werent born attractive or intelligent
and its not just in your head
take a sharp blow to the head
you want an iq between 50 and 75
low enough to be put in an institution and where everything is fascinating

why are you so fucking racist?

>positive, motivated, a "morale booster for all nearby".
also op
i forgot to mention
people dont need a reason to fuck your shit up
if youre happy and positive
that will actually be a reason for some

I go back and forth but spend most of it on the second because I experienced the first too much.

I think of it like this. All the bitterness in the world affects you the most. If you let things go and don't give the power of your emotions to others then you can be happy. There will always be times when you have bad luck or down on yourself but get through it not dwell on it.

Sometimes I cry and I feel like it is so stupid but I want to get it out and move on. Not hold it in.

Go get a deep tissue massage. A lot of stress is stuck inside you physically. It hurts a bit but it is euphoric right after. I've been in a haze all week after my second one, my gosh.

I think aspire is too strong a word for me. I hope I can become this person, but I feel powerless to do anything about it.
Hope is a pretty strong drug, doubly so when you've been robbed of everything but hope and negativity.
But my problems aren't exaggerated. As far to my knowledge I'm not attractive, and even though people put my intelligence on a pedestal I believe I'm barely above average.
I'm stuck in my room, in traffic, or at uni my entire days. My family constantly acts as if they WANT to argue, my education is getting me 0 practical knowledge that I could use at a job, and aside from Jow Forums there is nowhere for me to vent my frustration or otherwise express my feelings. I'm afraid of the future. I don't know what kind of job I'll get, I don't know how I'll move out (even though I desperately want to), I don't know what will happen to my social life after all my (less than dozen) friends become successful and move out (because they all have plans to go study abroad, and have families that are willing and able to support their plans).
I guess my greatest insecurity is always assuming I'm not worth people's time, even if we've known each other for ages. Especially since our lives started diverging with different schools, hobbies, aspirations, and most of them have girlfriends.
How am I racist?
People seem to have plenty of reasons to fuck my shit up as it is, and I'd barely classify myself as human. Closer to a human shell and some otherworldly being stuck inside, like I was sent here in a twisted experiment to observe mankind. Nothing people do makes sense desu; The simplest interactions have me questioning everything I thought I knew about how society works.
That's a pretty good thought user, I'll try to keep it in mind.

>Qts but no high IQts
loved that.

But to your question, what I did was focus on things I could change.
I mean, so many things are bad happen, but some of them are things you can do something about, focus on changing those.
Say you are short, fat and women dislike you.
The easy option is to blame women's perception of height, but why not focus on loosing weight as this is actually something you can change?
Stuff like that.
If you can't be anything other than a pessimist, take account of everything in your life, good and bad. See what you can do to change and make a list of everything that you need to let go.
I like to see it as a "not to-do list".

>But my problems aren't exaggerated.
like i said hit yourself with a big rock

>loved that.
It's a pretty big problem actually. I can count less than 20 intelligent, cute women I've met in my 21 years on this planet. Same goes for guys. It's like somehow you can't be both unless your genes are just blessed.

I would like to start lifting but I just feel like I'd look like a twat since I'm basically a skeleton and have no idea what to do. I'd ask one of my Jow Forums friends to go with me but like I said, I have a problem with believing I'm not worth the effort.
I also don't believe I've done anything good in life. I do what's expected of me, and everything else is just hedonism. I run, cycle, sit behind my desk, read, because it makes me feel good, not because I think it is good in and of itself. So that's obviously bad, and it's also bad when I inevitably fail when something is expected of me (say I get a bad grade etc).
Becoming retarded will hardly fix any issues. I'd rather die than become any more mentally handicapped.
There's a difference between solving problems and blinding yourself to believe no problems ever existed.

>Becoming retarded will hardly fix any issues. I'd rather die than become any more mentally handicapped.
you wont know until you try user
how many sad retards have you seen
theyre always smiling because the flowers are complimenting their hair cuts or some shit

you could burn them with cigarettes every day and theyd still be jolly as soon as disney music starts playing

>There's a difference between solving problems and blinding yourself to believe no problems ever existed.

i guess we are at an ends vs means impasse
it seems like the means are more important to you than the end
you dont want to be happy
you want a journey that will make you happy every day of your life
a journey you can look back to fondly
and take joy in even counting the steps
a journey that can form a central pathway through your life
a path to which you can always return and retrace your steps to embrace its mirth

i hope you find that journey on the path of life friend
but dont be disappointed when the journey is laden with mud
and your compatriots arent there to hold you up and lend a guiding hand

most paths people walk in life are muddy and treacherous

>most paths people walk in life are muddy and treacherous
Mine is already muddy and treacherous. I just need a pointer on how to get from this one to that one, and how to find it again if I ever get lost. (Or, ideally, somebody in my life to point me, but I've long since accepted no such person will ever exist.)

there is no secret or trick to finding your journey user
for some the banality of a mundane life is the most interesting path theyll walk

>How do people just not be depressed?
I've always wondered about this too, but sadly those people don't share their secrets.
On one hand I would like to transition from doomer to bloomer the same way as OP, but on the other hand some of those bloomers appear so fake that deep down I feel incredible amount of hate towards them. Kind of curious if anyone else feels the same way.

I only know of one genuine bloomer, and I can't hate him. He posts on instagram all the time, he's successful, he's fit, smart, a 10/10.
There are tons of fake bloomers, especially if you look at women on social media, that I absolutely despise, constantly posting some "uplifting" shit but in person they're rarely positive, always complain etc. Or they're the silent optimistic type but it's very much obvious that they have as many issues on the inside as you and I do.

>I feel incredible amount of hate towards them
its called jealousy
its where you seek to deprive someone of something you want

the trick to being happy is to be reminded on a consistent basis that youre a valid product of your experiences and feelings
you qualify as a valid person
thats literally all people need to hear on a regular basis
people will go to therapists and all sorts to try to learn to convince themselves of this fact
its just easier when someone tells you every day that youre valid

some people have many that will tell them theyre valid every day
and for others that dont
they ask why they dont
and they begin to emphasise everything theyve done wrong
they put so much bearing on all of the negativity because we spin narratives for ourselves
and the primary essence of that narrative is that everyone has pure agency
that theyre responsible for everything that happens in their lives
that somehow fundamentally everything that happens to and around them is a result of their choices
so when they have nobody to tell them
youre a valid person
they believe its on them and them alone
they shoulder the responsibility of loneliness

then they try to fix their loneliness
they ask why will nobody tell me im a valid person
and they will hunt for reasons
they will comb through every negative response they got to find why
they will search for answers where no answer lies
they will feel like a piece of them is missing

cont

cont

so then when they cant find the missing piece
they go looking for it out in the world
they go to people and they try to make friends
and they try to work hard
because perhaps friends were the missing piece
or perhaps not working hard enough for others made you less valuable
and eventually one will say to the other
hey i have this problem
and the person will respond
wow that sucks i sure hope you find a solution
and both walk away
still missing a piece
theyll do it over and over again
eventually they forget which piece was missing
but they keep doing it almost out of familiarity

when all they needed to hear
was hey
youre a valid person
and it doesnt matter if youre good or bad or pretty or ugly
it doesnt matter if youre the smartest man in the room or simply a star gazer in awe
it doesnt matter if people love you or loathe you
it doesnt matter if youre in the biggest crowd or sat upon the loneliest rock
you qualify as a person
you are the sum of experience
and you are fine just the way you are
so try not to lament for whats missing
because in this very moment
and every moment hereafter
you are valid

On one hand I'm thinking if I wanted motivational posters I would've gone to reddit.
But on the other maybe all I'm missing in life is the personal belief that I am valid, and everything else will come naturally.

How do i fix repressed sexuality?

>its called jealousy
Tbh I don't think that's what it is. I know a few people who are genuinely positive and don't hate them. They have good days and bad days, and they do speak about their problems sometimes. It's the people who keep smiling that fake smile 100% of the time that I absolutely hate. And whenever I think about trying to appear more positive I feel like I'm going to look as fake as them.

believe what you want to believe
what i wrote here is the sum of my journey
i walked a very muddy and treacherous path user

i got cast away by all of the superficial friends i had
and then i got sick
and as i got sicker
i got to watch
i watched as people blamed me for being sick
i watched people i loved get tired of me for being sick
i watched the world go by as my body grew weaker
and i did exactly that
i turned back through the pages of my life
trying to find a reason for why so many people could cast me aside
and time and time again i concluded that somewhere i wasnt valid enough
and eventually i learned
there was no reason
there was no defining factor that decided these events
they just happened

so user
that struggle that niggles people every other day when they get existentialist
that yearning to feel valid somehow
i lived it and relived it alone for many years
because i was desperate
i wanted to know if everything i experienced was a valid outcome because i was an invalid person
or if the experiences i had were invalid because i was a valid person

and eventually i found the latter
but i will always remember my journey
and though i would rather cry as i retrace every step than smile
i still found that one thing everyone needs to hear

>realist
>pessimist
These are opposites, edgelord-chan.

>and I need the right kinds of people around me to do it
Nope. It's all inside.

>How do people just not be depressed?
That's where the realism comes in. What the fuck would you be depressed over if nothing matters? Why the fuck waste your time feeling bad, when you only have couple decades left to live, you could just as well enjoy?

>How do I beat my demons, not into submission (every time I do that they just come back at the slightest sign of my weakness), but into oblivion?
You absolutely don't. Your faggotory is a part of you, you gotta learn to live with, not wasting energy on eradicating it.

Bit by bit.

A girl called me cute in /soc/, maybe that's all I needed in life.

I wouldn't say I'm total bloomer yet but I really feel I'm well on my way. What helped me a lot was writing my thoughts down on what I actually wanted to do in life, and being really honest to yourself. Not thinking "but that doesn't matter" but rather "but this is what I really want my life to be". I found out that I had to confront my fears, schedule my days to be more productive, learned an instrument again (piano), took extra classes in school to keep me doing productive things, asked that girl out that I liked, etc.
Also reading Nietzsche helped me a lot in figuring out what I wanted. Especially 'Thus Spoke Zarathustra" and also bits of "Schopenhauer as Educator". In zarathustra he goes into a lot of things that could motivate or guide a person and lays out what a proper motivation would look like, and what you have to deal with, (For example the death of god is something you have to deal with; revenge is not a good reason for doing something) and it is told in a way that doesn't really explain it to you but rather makes you look inside yourself and realize he's correct, it's really quite genius.
Schopenhauer as educator is more straightforward and kinda goes into how to properly be yourself. It's not as poetic but that makes it easier to apply.
I'm not the biggest fan of jordan peterson's self-help advice, but on some issues I was facing (like anxiety) he had some specific advice that helped me as well.

I fucking hate happy people.

Well I can always assure myself that I'm not this far gone.