Snooped on gf's facebook

I need some Jow Forumsice bros
This is gonna be a long one, I rewrote it a couple of times to make it shorter, but please bear with me.

Today I did one of the dumbest things one can do in a relationship: I snooped on my gf's facebook.
Some background: We're both 24yo, and dating for 5 months. I've only had one LTR relationship of 1 year 6 years ago, and I ended it when I got a bad gut feeling, I broke into my ex's fb and found her literally begging her ex to fuck her. It fucked me over for some time, and because of some other reasons that piled on top of that I spent the next 4-5 years as a shut-in stoner NEET. I got back on my feet about a year ago, and 5 months ago I met my gf through a good female friend of mine.
My gf, on the other hand, spent her college years partying, having fun and gathering quite the sexual history behind her.
As I said, we hooked up 5 months ago.
We spent the summer going at it slowly (I was enthusiastic and eager to rush into it, but my friends urged me to take it slow and have fun, and her attitude confirmed that). I'd say it has become serious since September.
Her extroversion, attitude and sexual history has been a challenge. There have been plenty of occasions where I wanted to break into her facebook and snoop on her, but I put all my willpower into it and didn't do it. A big one was in august when she went on vacation with a female friend at a place full of opportunities to hook up - another one was when she went on a short trip to her college town, where every single ex including her "favorite" one (as she calls him) was.

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Fast forward to yesterday: we are chilling, and she receives a message from some guy. She laughs and says something along the lines of "damn, what a thirsty guy". I look at her with a big question mark on my face, and she replies that it's just some guy that she had hooked up with. I put it aside, but today dawns, and she leaves early to go to work. I open her laptop to work on a project, and I realize that she had left her facebook wide open - I couldn't resist (I'm a fucking moron) and snooped for a couple of hours.

Here's what I found out:
>One conversation with my female friend back in august
She's explaining to my friend how she's having a good time with me, but that she wants to keep it that way, and have fun on her vacation. My friend is urging her to make that clear to me, and have a DTR talk. On hindsight, during those days my friend also advised me in person to have a talk of that kind with her, now I see why. We never did.
Upside: she never hooked up with anyone. On another conversation with a different friend, she said that she had plenty of opportunities but didn't, and her friend replied with "oh, so it's getting serious with user?"

>One conversation with my female friend 1 month ago, during her trip to her college town
She's saying to my friend how her ex contacted her and suggested they go for a coffee. She's saying that she wants to go for a drink, and that she doesn't really want to tell him she's in a relationship. My friend tells her to get her shit together, that I had been betrayed in the same way in the past, that I think that exes shouldn't talk, and that it could easily develop to something more. More hindsight: that same night she called me and told me that some shit came up, but she handled it ok.
Another upside: from what I've gathered, she turned his offer down and never met him.

One last, the real kicker:
>The conversation with the guy that talked to her yesterday
That was a real kick in the balls. She hadn't replied to him, and she hadn't talked to him since july, but before that it was a shitfest. dick pics everywhere, with a few lewd pictures of her thrown in (thankfully she was smart enough to not show her face). Last dick pic was back in july (she replied with an :O), when he asked her to skype with him, but she told him she would have someone over (me).

So, here I sit, 12 hours later. Shaken, but with nothing to show for it. She never cheated on me. I knew that snooping fucks you over, but last time I did it at least it was fruitful.
Here are my questions:
>It is clear that she took the relationship as a casual thing at the start, and that I was much more into it than her. However, she has taken it much more seriously since september. Is it simply a matter of settling in, now that summertime is over, or is it possible that she's grown fond of me, and doesn't wanna lose me?
>Should I read more into her eagerness to meet her ex, or should I just take the fact that she didn't meet up with her ex as a good sign, and leave it be?
>How in the fuck do I get those dick pics out of my head? Just time? We had sex earlier, but I couldn't get a full erection, since the convo would flash in my head continually. Thank fuck I didn't read more into it.
>And lastly, how the fuck do I not snoop again? I know that if I do I'll find even more shit, and the relationship will probably be over. However, I'm left wondering if she ever replied to that guy with the dick pics. Trust her and move on?
Wat do Jow Forums?

What you do is admit you snooped on her shit so she can dump you for being a creep before she gets anymore involved with you.

For fucks sake dump this used goods skank user.

Honestly, what is the endgame here? Turn her into a loving housewife? Lmao. The writing is on the wall (fb pun intended)

Honestly you're more panicked about her sexual history than anything else. It's just that up til now you'd been able to say it was "out of sight, out of mind".

I think in some time you'll be able to get past this part, though the real question is whether you'll be able to get past her sexual history. I honestly think if you've not made a breakthrough yet, you might not be able to. My first GF was like yours, and it took me a little time to get past her sexual history, but I did get past it. I dunno, I guess it was partly my feelings for her combined with honestly believing that she was 100% into me and not anybody else.

>I know that if I do I'll find even more shit, and the relationship will probably be over.
I don't understand why though. It's all shit in the past. Move the fuck on. Internalize the shitty feeling that seeing all that shit gave you, even though you had to have known it was there before you ever looked.

Forget you did any of this and don’t fucking talk to her about it unless you want to break up. She didn’t fuck up here YOU did.

Stop being a insecure little bitch

You sound like a used skank yourself.

OP.. Idk what to tell you. Maybe it sounds like you just arent sure if she loves you. You should maybe have a chat with her about your relationship and where it stands . just be careful

Thanks for the replies fellas
Fair enough, I'm well aware that I fucked up severely. Frankly, I'd always heard that snooping fucks you over, but hte only time I did it was when I caught my ex trying to fuck her ex. I now know why it's a dumb fucking idea, and I'm trying to move on, and not do it again.

Can you elaborate a bit? Are you calling her a skank because she fucked other people in hte past, or because of the stuff that I found out?

To her credit, she never hid that she had a pretty big sexual history since we started hanging out, and I dealt with it with no problems (I got over the "she fucked other men before me" phase with my previous gf, thank fuck for that).
However, seeing those dick pics and so on fucked with my head. Yeah, I knew that I was gonna find shit like that, and if she looked through my PC she would find some bad stuff too, I'm not a saint by any measure.

Yeah, I think you're right, and a talk is in order. All this time I've just made assumptions about our relationship, but never actually sat her down to see how she sees us going forward. Maybe if she tells me that she only wants me I can put my mind at ease and move on. I'm just really uneasy: I understand the conversation she had in august, and the dick pics fucked with my head but that's to be expected. However, can I trust her about the ex thing? Does she still want him? I don't wanna get fucked over a second time in the same exact way.
>just be careful
about what?

>Today I did one of the dumbest things one can do in a relationship: I snooped on my gf's facebook.

People who think this are retarded. It's only dumb if they're hiding something you don't want to see. The thing dumb was doing it BEHIND her back. It's an obvious violation of trust.

>(I was enthusiastic and eager to rush into it, but my friends urged me to take it slow and have fun,

They were right.

>and I realize that she had left her facebook wide open - I couldn't resist (I'm a fucking moron) and snooped for a couple of hours.

This isn't as bad as trying to get her information though. It's still bad, but not as bad.

>now I see why.

You WILL always have to have this conversation with anyone you involve yourself with. Learn from this mistake; if it is not explicitly stated, it does not mean ANYTHING.

>and she hadn't talked to him since july,

So she was talking to him while she was in a relationship with you?

>dick pics everywhere, with a few lewd pictures of her thrown in (thankfully she was smart enough to not show her face). Last dick pic was back in july (she replied with an :O), when he asked her to skype with him, but she told him she would have someone over (me).

Was she in a relationship with you or not? Why are you saying "smart enough to not show her face", like, man, who gives a fuck about this girl if she did this behind your back? There is a HUGE fucking difference between "I'm having someone over" and "I'm having my boyfriend over, so don't send me anything like this again. I'm not interested in you."

NOBODY can answer these questions you dumbass. Talk to HER, not us. No one knows what this girl was doing or thinking. Here's what you should be asking HER:

>While we were in a relationship, serious or not, did you exchange nudes with anyone else?
>While we were in a relationship, serious or not, were you going to meet up with your ex and hide the fact that you were with me?

>20223465
>close your eyes and cover your ears

You have absolutely NO right to call anyone else a bitch. You're pathetic.

Probably this, quite frankly.

Reluctant to offer anymore rationale as to why, only that you’ve had communication issues in the past; you snooped WAY too deep - that “gut feeling” you referred to earlier should’ve prevailed in this instance, but you were stupid.

Have some fucking self respect, this girl is unlikely to be receptive to anything you had to say, and you went around it the complete wrong way, but this shits just gonna fester inside of you and absolutely decimate the relationship regardless, so be a man and just pull the bandaid off now.

...

>go through gf's messages
>find out she cheated on you
>user, what you did is past forgiving. You violated my trust, and I don't feel comfortable doing this.

Is this a fucking joke?

Thanks a lot for the elaborate response, I appreciate it
Every picture she sent was long before we got together, and the last conversation they had (with the dick pic and the skype offer) was when we were 1 month into hanging out. We were still way too casual, if this happened now I would have dumped her and moved on (although I still wouldn't be 100% in the right, since I haven't had a serious DTR conversation yet). Aside from it fucking with my brain, I can't really say I blame her for anything here. Tbqh it's the ex stuff that happened a month ago that worries me. I've already been fucked over once, and while she remained true and didn't meet him, I still worry that he's gonna pop up again in the future, and that time she might not be willing to not meet up.

While you have a point and I'm all for politeness, in this instance he was right, I was being a bitch.

I fucked up but I'm willing to work on it, and if it festers and I can't get over it I'll be truthful and just end it.

>We were still way too casual

Then you weren't in a relationship. Seems perfectly reasonable from both ends then, and you understand that well.

>since I haven't had a serious DTR conversation yet

Have it. ASAP.

>and while she remained true and didn't meet him,

Yes, but she did not tell you about it. Did she do it because she didn't want to get hurt again, or because she wanted you?

Talk to her about it. Either she wasn't in a relationship with you and has no problem with sharing what happened, or she WAS in a relationship, and you deserve to know what happened.

>I was being a bitch.

No, you weren't. You were confused and uncertain, it makes perfect sense to be insecure.

Someone who's telling you to just pretend the problem isn't there while you yourself are trying to address the problem can never call you a bitch.

>I'll be truthful and just end it.

OR you can be truthful and tell her. Let her decide whether or not she wants to be with you for that (assuming you still want to be with her).

I did something similar with my GF, told her after I did it, and she was furious, but told me that she could trust me knowing I would fuck up and not keep it from her.

Never tried anything like that ever again, and we're still happily together now.

You don't wife a whore OP. Get out of this relationship, find a woman who isn't a whore and respects you for the man you are.
It's not going to be easy, but happiness over not bedding a girl who's been dicked by over a hundred dudes is important

Look user, I'm going to be frank with you. Trust isn't a feeling you have, but a choice you make. Trust isn't always feeling completely reassured and stable with what you are being presented or observing in your S/O, but giving that person the benefit of the doubt anyway because you actually trust them and the decisions they'll make. Much like how a relationship doesn't start until you see the faults in your S/O and choose to put up with them, accepting they will never change, you don't truly start trusting until that trust is tested.

Now, do not misunderstand. You can decide to no longer choose to trust your S/O for whatever reason, and that is within your right. It is healthy to admit when a partner has broken your trust, and that is different for everyone. When you make that choice to no longer trust them or what they say, however, you have to communicate that to your partner so you both can decide together on what to do, and whether you want to stay together.

Call me a cuck or whatever, but denying that trust requires this uncomfortable sacrifice will only isolate you and set you up for failure as you destroy your relationships from the inside due to believing everyone is out to get you. Open, honest communication and trust are requirements in any fulfilling and healthy relationship.

Snooping is wrong, and OP obviously knows that. He needs to be an adult and take responsibility for his actions. If he doesn't and keeps this from his girlfriend, he has no moral ground to stand on. Keeping her in a relationship by withholding information from her is in a similar vein to her withholding information from him that would affect his judgment.

In other words, if you don't trust your S/O, don't waste their time.

Didn’t even read any posts, but the SECOND you thought it necessary to snoop, it was over anyway. Relationships mean zero, zilch, without trust. If you have reason to be suspicious, you’re literally cucking yourself by not immediately dumping her. Even if she was 100% loyal, it doesn’t matter if you don’t feel safe and secure in the relationship. Leave, and focus on yourself. You have tons of time to do so, retard.

>didn't read a post
>thinks he can contribute any advice

kill yourself

This probably won't help you but your story sounded 90% like my own story, only we aren't 5 months in but now on our 5th year.

I had the same betrayal as you, found some crazy shit on my exes phone that broke me for ages. Current girl is very extroverted and slept around when she was younger and had guys messaging her the first 2 years we were together.

I really wanted to end it because I thought the risks were too high but after keeping tabs on her phone like a grub nothing ever came up but I'll get back to that in sec. 4 years in and we're now engaged with a baby on the way and looking back, my first relationship went downhill for 4 years until she cheated, this one has been going uphill for 4 years until I gave in and I've gone all in and I couldn't be happier.

The difference though which I have to come back to is that not only do I still have the fear in the back of my mind that only pops up every few months, but when she was being messaged by guys the first 6 months she was like yours was but after getting more serious she hasn't replied to any of their messages. She never told a friend she wanted to meet a guy and not tell that guy she was in a relationship and some of the things your girl is doing are more suss to me, and would've made me more insecure than I was.

What I think this really comes down to is, you shouldn't fear being hurt because you know it's a possibility, so what you really should do is go in with no fucks given, give it a go and see where it leads. At the end of the day she has autonomy, so it's up to her whether she ends up taking the mature path to growth as the rel. progresses or drops the ball, not you. It's up to her own level of maturity and not a fault of yours besides how you act and whether she continues to like you obviously.

Give it a go, if she fucks up, leave without caring and if she doesn't, you might be pleasantly surprised like I was.

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Listen to this guy OP.

...

anybody who is not according to this list you should not even consider. yes, today it is harder to find decent human beings but it is not impossible. stop with the small talk and get to actually know that person. ask her deep questions from the very first date.
if she's not complying to this list it is just a waste of time. we want to rebuild a decent society and wasting your energy w women who have been wrecked by our current society bcz they were too weak is not beneficial for anyone. man up and find a decent girl...and most importantly make sure you are a decent man.

Haven't read thread.

But I don't get your issue, OP. She did stuff before she met you. Ok. So what?

She resisted fucking around when you were together. That's everything. To have had all the 'fun' she's had in the past, and yet have the disposition/discipline to not cheat, is very good. I don't know what more you can expect from a person. This is all the more exaggerated due to her being a girl, and subsequently having the ability to obtain sex instantly, with the snap of her fingers.

first reasonable post in the thread

This

Fact: There is no evidence she has cheated on fb though she may have cheated and left no trace for anyone to discover. Point is you don't know if she didn't or if she did.

Fact: She continues to respond to men she had sex with before and men she may have sex with.

Most people entering a relationship, both men and women, stop responding to other suitors because they have no interest in them.

Fact: OP your gf continues to make herself available to other men and does not see the relationship the same as you do.

not that user, but are you a total freakin retard? skank? by banging countless cocks with no regard for anything other than her pure pleasure is how. so dump and run and find a nice girl somewhere else.