I missed out on being a normal teenage girl. I'm 20 now, and I'm completely socially inept. I didn't have a television growing up, and I didn't go to the movies, so I never learned how people socialize. I never had a group of friends, and I never hung out with anyone outside of school, and did basic normal things like going out to eat at McDonalds or something, going to the mall, getting a mani, having a group chat, etc.. I never learned how to drive. Things that are so basic and casual to other people seem so foreign and exciting to me. I see girls on youtube like Emma Chamberlain and Haley Pham, and I become so sad. They have friends they can just pick up and get coffee with, and they have fun doing it. They live their lives with such ease, and hang out with friends so casually, I can't wrap my head around it. I am in my second year of university, and I still don't have friends. Everything is so boring. I have missed out on experiencing what normal teenagers should, and I think I am too old now. I don't know what to do, where to start, anything. Am I past the point of no return?
Is it too late for me
Pick up a hobby and socialize that way. People are forgiving if you fuck up and make a social faux pas if you engage with them and share interests
This thread will get 100+ replies solely because OP claims to be a girl.
I think a lot of us know how u feel just not to such sn extent. I had the same problem in high school. I fixed it by having enough confidence to walk up to people and talk to them. It’s a big step but it’s so worth it. Worst case scenario he/she lauphs at you or walks away. So what there are way more people to meet and discover on campus. Besides people who are rude in the first place become the worst freinds so don’t worry about them. Even making a freind is a huge step. Watch videos on how to socialize or just go for it. There’s nothing to lose here. I promise freinds can change your life. Good luck
Cheer up babe, its not so bad. Those girls from YouTube are just putting on a show, thats not how life really is.
Do things to make yourself feel happy and healthy. Exercise, get enough sleep, eat healthy, get some sunlight. Find things you enjoy doing and then go do them with other people. Work hard and try to be positive!
It will get easier. I’m 26 and I lost 70 pounds in one year, stopped smoking and got a full time job. That was after I stayed inside for nearly a decade.
Keep your chin up and keep trying. You can do it :)
Thank you anons, I just feel weird about going up to people because I feel like everyone already has an established group of friends, especially in clubs, since this semester is nearly over and I haven't been there from the beginning. I tried going to the video game club last year, but everyone came with their own friends, and I didn't know how to play any of the games. I hung around for a few hours trying to talk to people, but no one wanted to hold a conversation. It was pretty bad
Thank you for sharing your personal account, it's really encouraging, I'm so happy for you. I feel like it's not necesarrily the people on youtube which upset me the most, since I know they have to ham it up a little for the camera, it's just basic, everyday things, like when I see a group of friends shopping together, or seeing people taking group photos together.
I'm a 21 year old guy and I feel the same way. I had friends up until high school where I developed extremely bad social anxiety and started to avoid people. Spent 4 years straight being virtually mute and completely friendless, using online video games and Jow Forums as a substitute for actual socialization. I go to classes and see all these people getting along and when they talk to me, all I can do is smile and act awkward. Social isolation is like a snowball effect, when I isolated yourself for a period of time I ended up losing the skills or confidence necessary to socialize, and the more I don't practice socializing the more awkward I get. The only friends I have are a couple people I met at my job who I play video games with, but we never hang out in real life and it seems like the only reason they like me is because I'm somewhat good at the game we play.
Honestly it did feel nice to read this and see that there are people who feel the same way I do. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one in the world with this problem. If I just had one friend who I could relate to I feel like I'd be happy, but unfortunately people like us would probably never become friends with each other because neither person would take the initiative.
is your name tomoko?
What major are you?
I'm in engineering and there's so many guys similar to you. Shy, quiet, etc. Would just like to meet a girl who's similar and not so crazy and slutty.
For a while I did all the normal teen stuff even though it wasn't in my character to like it, I forced myself to. I was pretty so it was sort of expected. Anyway, it's overrated, believe me. Mostly I just read in my room and played computer games by myself as a girl. My best memories are by being by myself.
I have an idea for a social experience: be my gf and watch AKB0048 with me.
Hey user, would you like to grab a coffee with me ? Where do you live ?
This.
Op, stem dudes are the loneliest of the lonely, but still (generally) presentable and reasonably well adjusted.
I think it's important to know that you are not these people and maybe it's not ultimately desirable for your lifestyle. I'm a current shut in going from reasonably popular in high school and I've found people to be extremely draining when you're not incredibly sociable.
Women now are all the same and like to talk about the same things I find, and if not they're oddly standoffish, I'm unsure if its competitive nature in women but none of them ever really seem to genuinely want to be friends
Clubbing and going out for coffee just feels like a money sink where you can't even have a properly functioning conversation
Literally none of it is as good as it seems
It's a cliche but it's true: Be yourself; being like some youtuber, that is not you, and chances are you would not like being like them, so stop trying to be one like them.
That is not to say that you have nothing to work on, or that it would not be good to have more friends, but you shouldn't be aiming to be like some mainstream conception of how things should be. You should be aiming to create the experience you want. Were it the case that you'd rather be alone, then it would've been fine.
Here's the only stuff that matters in your post:
> Things seem exciting to me. Everything is so boring. I don't know what to do, where to start.
Here's what you do: Take a piece of paper, or a text editor or something, and start writing down what you want your life to look like. Not what you think your life should look like, but what you want it to look like, when you're 23. Keep it realistic, but it's okay if it's optimistic. Take your time.
After a while you should make it concrete: What can you do in the next week to move your life in the direction you want. You probably want friends. What kind of thing can you do to meet some? If you're the nerdy type you can go to a game store and play magic the gathering. If you like sports, start playing a team sport. You don't need to do everything in one week; just something that makes it better than the week before it. There are things that seem interesting to you: Try one of them a week, or one of them a month.
It's never too late to work on what you will be in the future.
read these two books:
improve your social skills by daniel wendler
and
how to talk to anyone by leil lowndes
the first one helps you understand the basics of conversation and social interaction and thel ike and how to talk to anyone gives you all the little charming tips to dazzle people, you dont really need to follow all of them but itll tell you a lot about how people look at others, couple this with practicing the structure in the first book until it eventually comes naturally and youre able to just be friends with people because of common interests or being like minded
READ THIS, OP.
It gets worse. You're still in college now, so now is your fucking chance. Join a club or something, it doesn't even matter if you like the club, just fucking join it. Get drunk with people, it doesn't matter. Learn how to socialize now before you're a working adult and you have to pay a psychiatrist thousands of dollars before you know how to make friends.
you're still young and you're in the perfect environment to learn these things. Just join some school clubs, try to pick up some habits which force you to go outside and have interactions with new people. Do volunteering stuff, etc.Maybe read some books about making friends too.
Theres nothing wrong with being how you are and different from the people on youtube and tv. But if you think you would be happier if you had more people in your life, then go out and meet people. Don't try to become someone else, become a happier version of yourself.
It may be too late for you to experience the whole public school experience and all that jazz, but it is no where near too late for you to make friends, go out, and act "normal". The beginning is always the hardest part because you need to go out of your way to interact with people, be it classmates or anything else. Basically talk about normal people stuff like how worried you are about a test or work, a show you like watching, a hobby, basically any small talk stuff. After talking to someone like that you're basically acquaintances and if they seem decent then talk to them more, if not don't. Asking for their number or something might seem a bit out there but actually doing it is pretty stress free and shows you care enough to talk to them more. Then the last part really is all the good stuff like planning a get together out or talking about deep subjects. The hardest part again is getting started, so practice talking online to people first to make it easier XD.
We're already getting the ;-):-)(^^)^_^ emojis in here too.
All we need now is babe, darlin, pudding, sugar, honey, diarrhea.
fag
I feel like it got easier when I was working than in school. It's easy to socialize and make friends when other people are forced to interact with you.
Teenage life is about making mistakes and learning from them. Personally I’m nearly blind so I’ll never drive but here’s my two cents.
First off people don’t go to Mc Donald’s for gatherings unless chicken nuggets or drinks are on sale. People on YouTube and any social networks only let you see what they want you to see it is not a real life image what’s actually going on it’s all a facade.
If you want to meet people you need to either pick up hobbies or go to public events. Talk to your classments study etc together. Growing up poor or without things isn’t bad at all so I wouldn’t worry about that stuff.
Going through a lot of the right now. Tried the whole club thing but it was so boring and awkward I quit.
I am glad you could relate user, I hope things can improve soon.
Nope
Data Analytics/ Business. From what I've seen at my school. even the nerdy kids here are very outgoing and involved.
I understand that I will never be very outgoing, but I really feel like I need at least some sort of social life. I know even introverted kids will get together to maybe play video games together or something. I realize there are great things about being alone, but at this point, I've been alone for so long that I think it is time for me to branch out. Humans are social creatures
Thank you for the thorough answer user, I will definitely be trying this
I will read those, thank you user
I am going to try going to a club meeting again
Where can I find people online to talk to? I'm not sure if Jow Forums is the best place to practice
I really don't know what teens actually do when they hang out, all I really know is from videos and what I've seen around. Finding someone to study with is a good idea
Even if I didn't reply to you, I really appreciate all of your responses. This is very important to me
Honestly those you tubers you mentioned have a more than ideal life. They live a fucking fairy tail. I have solid a group of friends and we hangout sometimes but it really isn’t as exciting as you might expect I don’t think you missed out on much
I know exactly how u feel babe I was home schooled so just going into public is still challenging for me at 21 years old, and I've only been driving a handful of times... don't let these concerns get you down, everybody has their special qualities and you're probably 100x the girl most girls are, I can tell by ur phraseology and the fact that you posted an akb0041 pic. Nothing's too late, all you need is a year to turn everything around trust me, one year, say it with me, one year. No more being afraid of things, no more feelings of missing out... I know how u feel my sweet lil turnip, u feel reluctant to grow up because you didn't live a full youth... well let me tell you a secret, growing up is a sociological process, it's mere conformance nothing more... live against the grain of society my precious honey bun that's all you need to do... don't feel bad about yourself...
you're a female
life is easy for you
she is NOT going to give you her pussy
shut up bro im not out for internet pussy im just feeling emotional tonight fuck you
true true. if a guy wrote the same thing you'd be lucky to get a couple of posts before it reached the archive.
I would think that even a little socialization is better than none, I think anyone would go crazy if they had to be alone with themselves 24/7, I think especially for girls
This is a very sweet message user, you're very kind, thank you.
(part 1/3)
I do not know if this is going to help you with anything, but I'll tell you how I feel right now. This is going to sound like a fucking fanfic. Today I'm in college, 21 years, but let's start at age 15.
15 years
very inexperienced and correct, person without objectives, pure and naive.
16 years
I won a computer, I started playing dota 2 for the next 2 years I would get 4000 hours played. My social skills began to decline a bit more.
17 years
last year of high school, I did not study in the 3-year series and did not go to the public university.
18 years-19 years
I started a private accounting faculty, I began to feel angry for not being able to go to public university and I gave up private to study for public. My parents were against it, but it comes out anyway. I did not know what I wanted to do, and it really left me in a wave of despair. At this time, there was no one my age close to me, I was already lonely. Next day of the registration of the entrance exam, the change happened. I was really in doubt between medicine and engineering, but the truth is that I had no reason to do any of them (and no other course to be frank). Now is the part that I do not know if I am insane or not (really), that night I was crying because of doubt and then a voice spoke in my ear continue and thus a fire appeared inside me and the certainty has contaminated me: I I'll do that and that's it.
(part 2/3)
18-20 years
I started to study in a non-stop course and new problems arose: I could not make friends and began to develop an anxiety that was translated in constant intestinal gases. It really hurt me mentally, but at least there was another one that gave me redemption. After 3 years trying to pass the entrance exam, I was approved last year in medicine. Now, new uncertainties have arisen, every day I was thinking about the stomach problem and how it would relate to my colleagues. Desperation took over me as I tried to solve this problem before I started college. I could not.
20-21 years
Isolation went by myself, realizing that such a situation generated by me could not be controlled and by the understanding that I could not get what I wanted: '' the perfect life '', hanging out with friends, talking, laughing and studying. Incredibly, the staff is tolerant even, but I did not get so many friendships. The continuous disappointment of the previous years became reality, finally I fell, I began to become more unstable and, at last, in an unsustainable moment I happened to go to the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist pulled me away for 1 month from college and I went to visit my brother in another state. There, he put a seed on me and I began to understand that I was being a fagot. Just like years ago, an intense desire to keep moving forward was still alive. I began to understand that all I wanted was a hypocritical reality in which I was not myself, but that in order to achieve that, I should think and act like others. I started to wish to move on, I no longer want anyone's approval or even acceptance of anyone. If several people compare us to birds, then I want to be able to fly and be free.
Part (3/3)
In my current, nothing else matters, I just need to keep moving forward. Life is dynamic, people come and people go, I can not be wasting my time whimpering if I'm going to lose someone. This life is difficult and I am not invincible, because I am defeated, but I am unbeatable, because I always get up for the next battle. There are people who in this life just want you to lick it, so be careful what you can look for, maybe sometimes it's not worth it.
Final changes: I have decided that I will be a neurosurgeon and a researcher. In my secondary interests: going to the gym, running (marathon), studying philosophy, history and music to learn to think.
At the moment, I am living a life without concern even with everything that happened in previous years. I could not make friends with the medical staff, but with the nursing and dental staff. They seem to have a reality closer to mine.
Future planning: I am a Catholic and I want to help the community, where I live, people are really humble and as I went to medicine, maybe with much study I can learn how to point the way for other young people in the community to try to change their lives. It's the responsibility I want to carry.
Whatever the hell you do, do not throw away your virginity to tje first man who gives you attention.
Your future husband (whom will love you and spend ~60+ years loyally by your side) will thank you.
You seem pretty intelligent to me. Trust me later on in life it does get better but please don’t get involved with drugs or alcohol thinking it will get you accepted that never ends well. Ever.
Your only 20 and got another 50 or 60 so to go. Maybe more. Don’t let stupid shit like social ineptitude ruin your self worth.
Get counseling and see if that helps but don’t accept every drug they give you.
People are taking this way too seriously.
OP, you're a girl, even if you were a used up old fat slut, you would still have guys going for you and people wanting to talk to you.
True. I’ve even seen guys get brutal on fat girls and it doesn’t even phase them. But it varies not everyone is the same
>Data Analytics/ Business.
I'm so sorry user
I've seen it too.
Only, I've never seen a decent guy doing it.
Wtf kind of advice is this you're giving OP?
OP-- Respect yourself. Imagine a meterstick. Each centimeter on that stick is a year of your life. (yes our generation will probably live to 100). Now look at your dating years on this meter stick... Probably 20 to 24 centimeters. A tiny, TINY segmet of your whole life. Now look at your married segment... Probably around 25cm to death. A huge portion. Actually it's more than your entire life so far!
That man you're gonna be married to is going to love you, want you, and want to love you. He's going to be there for you no matter what, always, for an insane amount of time. And to top it off: most of that time you will be old and unattractive.
Respect this man who will love you like nothing else in you life. The dating years are not worth any amount of pleasure, "experimentation", "curiousity", or any other excuse for hurting your husband, who will cherish you forever. Don't wait until your wedding day to begin loving your husband... start NOW. Before you even meet him, he's out there. He's looking for you. When he finally finds you, show him that you loved him all this time before you even met him. Believe me, you and him both will be glad you did.
Don't know if you still check this thread, but if you need a girl to befriend/ talk to I can do that with you.
Or if you need general advice on how to get to know people, encouragement or 'practice'.
I'm 23, have a good social life, relationship and go out on a regular basis. You seem like a decent person, so if you're up for it leave me some kind of info (I know this sounds shady af but whatever)
>>>Data Analytics/ Business.
>>I'm so sorry user
What do you mean by this? I am working toward data analytics.
Did I fall for the r/data_analytics meme?
It wasn't until a fat girl started hitting on me that I understood why girls are so cruel about rejections.
I didn't actually say or do anything mean, I just didn't reciprocate her advances, but the desire to was still there.
fag alert
Everything you see on YouTube is fake to a certain degree. They only show the good parts of their lives. Also you're 20 you aren't old at all
dont worry, its just the time to feel like this. we all should long for something that we don't have so we can enjoy it for every second while its there.
Alright then.
What do you enjoy about your life? How do you spend your leisure time? What human beings are close to you and what quality of relationship do you have with them?
Hollywood is making you feel bad, but, like, do you have a good life? And if so, what is really missing? What is the spark that really made you post this here on Jow Forums? What more do you want?
I think advice is not what you need. Instead, the right questions...
>They live their lives with such ease
It's because it is easy for them.
What is easy for you is what you're doing. The hollywood lifestyle clearly isn't for you. Why, of all lifestyles, do you choose to idolize the hollywood one?
>I missed out on being a normal teenage girl.
Correct. But you didn't miss out on being a teenage girl. You lived your life, made your choices, ate dinner with your family, probably went on vacations, had hobbies, etc. All those teenage years... you actually did live them. Forget hollywood and youtube and "normal" teenagers for a second... did you actually have a nice teenage life? If so, then what is this spark making you want MORE?
To me, I see like, something sparked inside you suddenly for some reason. And now you are birthed with motivation to do more things.
>I don't know what to do, where to start, anything.
Indeed, it's probably not advice you need, but to ask yourself the right questions. Turn "I don't know what to do." into "What do I want to do?" or "What kind of life do I want?"
etc..
> Am I past the point of no return?
Do you think you are? Why even ask this question?
What point of "return"? Splitting away from the hollywood mainstream?
You'll never have your teenage years back. You should always learn from your past. Use your past to guide your future. But don't look back at your own life and feel bad. That's pointless. Look at what you HAD as a teenager and actually, your life was pretty nice. Imagine humans throughout history or the billions of people around the world in other cultures.
Ever heard the phrase, "it's not what you know, it's who you know"?
STEMfags can at least sorta get away with being social autists, but I'm not sure you'll be so lucky. The business world is filled with the most normal of normalfags, and you need to learn to socialize and make connections with them.