Exceptionally important question

I need a way to commit suicide without anyone being able to find my body ever. Any tips?

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Steal a boat, go far out to sea, sink it and drown. For bonus points attach weights to yourself. Make sure it’s in deep water. Your body will be unrecoverable even if they want it.

Fuggin smart. Thanks ill use a bullet instead of drowning though.

Won’t work as easily. If you don’t sink to the bottom your body may drift to shore. You need to drown. The key is that being at the bottom of a really deep area it’d be too expensive to recover your body even if they know exactly where it is.

Also if you sink fast enough, you might die of barotrauma before drowning.

But i really dont want to die either of those ways.

Do you want to kill yourself or not shithead

Go to North Africa and say " FACK ALLAH".

Well I guess you want your body found.

They'll never find a body if you don't kill yourself. So there's that method. What's got you like this?

sit on the edge of the boat tied to an anchor then blow your brains out

He might not sink though. Very well could wash ashore.

Leave for some fuck-off far-away country out of the blue. Cut all your contacts, all your social network profiles, and take nothing but your documents with you. Once you land in that new country, burn the documents.
You no longer exist. All the mistakes you committed, all the things you fucked up? No longer relevant. You have left yourself behind, and that self is dead, with no body left to find. Have fun, do whatever, it's a new "you". If you fuck up again and die of hunger, it's still more interesting than doing whatever it is that you tried to do before.

Jump into a fire. Easy. Or hang yourself over a fire. Or shoot yourself by the edge a a tall building with a fire below. Make sure it’s a remote llace & the fire goes for a long time so your body is completely burned.

Your welcome.

Seems a little too hard. I mean, normal people can’t easily steal boats. My fire idea seems better.

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt & say you want a painless death.

Are you sure, OP? You could take out a life insurance policy first and write me as your 1st beneficiary. That would really help me out of a jam.

This is my plan to make sure someone in the distant future brings me back to life.

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Go to Africa and pay someone to eat you, or to prepare you as bushmeat so others will eat you. Worst case scenario, they feed you to pigs. Slight chance this could all happen while you are conscious and they shoot video to make a little bit extra. Your teeth will end up on a bracelet or something.

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Why don't you want people to find your body, user?

Swan dive into an active volcano. Or there are pits in Yellowstone that will dissolve bone. Or the boat and brick thing.
Why are you ashamed to be found?

If you are concerned about what happens after you go, you're not ready to go