When he gets in bad mood he comes to me and complains until I solve his problem or get in bad mood too. He mostly ignores attempts of cheering him up. I've told him he's making me depressed and says he's very sorry, but next time he has bad mood he does it again.
What should I do? What should he do? How can I make him accept cheering up?
>user im your gf not your mommy or personal entertainer please sort yourself out or tell me how can i help and let me view you as a man instead of a child
if he does not change break up after a while
Give him two options. A) You can leave him alone each time he gets like this until he stops acting like a sourpuss and gets over his bad mood or B) to lighten the fuck up and at least TRY to let himself be cheered up, because it isn't even your job in the first place to be doting on him like that. You're being super nice, trying to work with him to see what'll improve his mood, and he's taking it for granted.
Is he depressed?
I'm afraid these would make him think I want distance from him and don't like him as much anymore, which would give him more bad moods and possibly make him threaten to do self-harm for attention.
Probably a little, but sometimes his mood changes fast and he acts like the bad mood didn't even exist. So I'm not sure if he's trying to deny real depression or faking it to manipulate me.
desu senpai, he sounds like a whiny little bitch. men need to be the rock of a relationship and what you're describing is pathetic.
this is good advice. but i'd guess that he won't change and you'll have to dump his ass.
I'm guessing he is leaning on you for emotional support but is also too ashamed that he has to, thus the simultaneous coldness and mood swings. Try to talk about how he wants the near future to be, and how you fit in. Let him know you've got his back, and help push him when necessary. He's probably stuck in uncertainty and needs reassurance.
Given your posts here I think the problem is he's comfortable with his level of non-contribution. It's time to let him see what he's doing. If it hurts him or pushes him away then it may be a good sign that he's content to wallow in that level of self-indulgent moodiness.
I've been depressed since my single digits. When I get down on myself, I either A) take some personal time or B) just open up to my girlfriend and ask for her help/comfort. That said I'm under no illusion that that's not my personal effort. He has to recognize that he's unwell and must act in ways conducive to recovery, rather than regression.
>shut up and listen for a bit
>"you're super smart and capable and amazing, I know you will handle it. damn, i am so turned on by you"
>then suck his dick and fuck him
i am also moody male in relationship. sex cures my bad moods instantly.
No fuck that, if he self-harms for attention because you tell him to stop acting like a child, you dump his ass. That's not healthy for either of you. That's such bullshit. You gotta tell him, "I dont want space, but I do want you to fix your attitude and at least meet me halfway with trying to cheer you up or deal with it yourself."
You're right of course but we don't do anything that doesn't benefit us so she's getting something she needs from engaging in his drama.
>which would give him more bad moods and possibly make him
listen to yourself talk. you need to admit to yourself as well that you're not responsible for your boyfriend's moods and behaviors. tell him how you're feeling honestly and that you want change. don't let him manipulate you.
I hate to admit you're probably right about that, because I'd like to think she'd know better, but clearly she doesn't. OP, frankly, needs to get her shit together.
>How can I make him accept cheering up?
Blowjobs.
Read men are from mars women are from venus. You're welcome.
hi op
i wrote some tips on being kind to your partner in this thread general well being improvements can help
lots of people just want to know theyre a valid culmination of their experiences and feelings
they want to know that theyre allowed to feel angry or sad and its ok
and for many others they beat themselves up because they didnt make the 'right' choices
so they just want some validation on that front
just be aware that rapidly changing moods are symptoms of schizotypal disorders
bpd is usually over longer periods of time
maybe he just wants someone to listen to his problems?
If I had a gf id listen to her problems and expect her to do the same.
But what do I know. Im just another virgin trying to give relationship advice.
>I've never driven, but here's how I'd do it
The problem is these things are a lot more complicated in practice because you have to contend with hurting someone with a vulnerability they have exposed to you. The pathway to Hell is paved with good intentions, and a lot of people have learned simply to bottle or repress their trauma and illness, and so even the most well-natured and gentle of approaches to it feels like an attack on your character. It can also be very hard to expose weakness because it comes with a number of implications.
Perhaps the greatest problem, though, is that you still have yourself to think about. You still have to weigh the scenario. You still have to decide if you try, leave it to pros, or just up and leave. And you still have to realize that no matter your approach, he's on his own for his reaction-- as nice as she could approach it, if he shuts down every time then there's nothing she can do. Trying to proverbially throttle it out of him will hurt him even more, but dropping it entirely is what led to this problem in the first place.
The level of intricate balance needed to make a relationship work and NOT go ass-up-belly-down is lost on a lot of people because we, as a race, are losing the concepts of moderation and subtlety in favour of instant gratification and aggression.
make him read Feeling Good by David Burns it will get him out of his negative thought loops
Let him know that you don't link being dragged down with him. Communicate with him.
Not to derail your thread OP, but this had made me realize something somber.
>be me
>30+ virgin
>only thing holding me together is the hopeless fantasy that I will eventually be worthy of love
>read your post
>realize I'm so damaged by a lifetime of being on the sidelines of normal human experience that I couldn't function in a relationship without using my partner as an emotional sponge
I don't have much energy left. This empty book I call my life is nearing its end. Thanks, I guess.
Go to therapist and use him/her as emotional sponge.
Fucking pathetic man, you need to be harsh with him. My ex girlfriend had this habit that when she was annoyed or angry she mad to make everyone else around them angry as well. I just straight up blanked her and told her to fuck off and eventually she realised that people knew what she was doing
I wish I could, but I really don't think therapy can fix the kind of experience with life that someone like me has had. You can't therapize 20 years of being a pariah and having to grow into an adult from that warped perspective. Most of the things normally functioning people do are as foreign to my version of reality as magic used in a book. I don't have support networks or interpersonal responsibilities -- I am not important to anyone and haven't been for most of my life, so the person I've become doesn't possess the skills or knowledge of how to change that.
I see it kind of like we're all trying to build things with Legos. Each color of Lego represents one aspect of life that people find important. Green is financial, red is passion, blue is safety, and so on. Relationships come in two colors, let's say purple and pink, and are typically responsible for many of the major structures people build. They're usually expansive builds, a good mix of colors holding things together. eventually leading into something they can learn on for support while working with other colored Lego constructions.
I have just one purple Lego: the relationship I have with myself. I cannot build anything with pieces I don't even have, so I really can't imagine therapy being an effective use of anyone's time. It also feels like, if I did go, going and not getting a positive outcome would extinguish yer another sliver of that hope I'm barely holding onto and inch me even closer to the end of my book.
Being a man is not excuse for bad behavior.