What is the actual best way to get over a relationship?
I broke up recently and i didn't knew my life was so dull and empty without someone. Picking up hobbies, like the guitar, feel meaningless. Escapism like games and anime makes things worse. I don't have friends to go out either.
Everyone thinks this of their relationship but that guy was the best thing for me. We shared the same dreams, interests and joy, i knew so much about his life, really liked his family and friends. But he started to be distant due to mental issues. I tried to fight for us but he didn't open, which led to many misunderstandings. In the end i was the one to step foward and say "i want to break up", because he wasn't there anymore, but now i regret it deeply. I've been having a hard time to cope. Had to pull over the car because i started randomly crying alot, and that's how it has been since then. He needs to work on himself and i'd be an annoyance if i went after him.
Is alcohol all that much of a bad idea? I've been thinking about buying some for the next days, there's a holiday coming up too so i won't have any problems. I just want the pain away until i get used to this. My stupid mind is screaming louder than any song and i can't sleep during the day.
My relationship abruptly ended with me being cheated on, and I'm in a weird friendless situation too, so I think I can kind of get you.
What helped me to take my mind off of things at least for a little bit was finding any excuse to go out and do something, because if I didn't, I'd be a complete fucking NEET. What you do really pertains to your interests, but I went to a concert for the first time, went to go see a stand-up special 2 days ago, started looking at shit on Google Maps around my neighborhood & just started walking to go see whatever looked cool & found a roller rink that I go to now. Also, since you play guitar, maybe try to learn some songs that match what you're feeling. I've always leaned towards anything with a bit of a sad tone, so all my favorite games/animu are sad a shit, and when I got my piano, the first thing I did was learn Hotline Bling, because that song was basically a mirror to my life, with the exception of me not being able to wipe my tears away at night with $100 bills like Drake can. Or find somebody new to talk to who you can befriend. I hope at least some of this bullshit that I typed helps even a little bit. I'd talk to you, but nobody actually exchanges contact info on this deep sea basket weaving forum, do they?
Also, please don't try to suppress your feelings with drinking. It'll only make shit worse.
Its going to differ from person to person, but for me personally the only surefire way I've found to get over someone is to find a new someone, plus just good old fashioned Time. Spend time with friends if you can, do anything and everything to distract yourself from thinking about them. I workout and generally just sort any disorder that might be in my life whenever I break up with someone.
Alcohol only makes things worse in my experience. It amplifies how I'm feeling rather than numbs me.
I'm really sorry for what happened to you, and that's awful user. I do admit one of the thoughts that surprised me today was "go outside". But i couldn't find any excuses. You did help tho, i'm happy it has been working for you, even if a little bit, i'll be trying to follow the same advice. Thank you.
We could talk a bit, i just don't promise i'm on my best with all that [email protected]
>For me personally the only surefire way I've found to get over someone is to find a new someone As in a relationship? I feel kinda scared about that, maybe i'm dumb enough and think too much about a relationship (because i want to hit with 100% accuracy in something that will last, as impossible as that is) but it's scare to get into one so fast.
I'm relying on the good ol' time. And your advice about working on any disorder that shows up is important too, maybe that's my problem with alcohol.
Gavin White
Happend to me too with the girl of my dreams. Everything that you've written in the OP sounds very similar to me. My former gf broke up with me and told me a couple of months later that she is still in love with me. Sadly i got someone else, to cope with the feelings of lonelyness, knowing that we are both distant, but still in love with each other.
Life is a drama and the only thing i can tell you is to never take anything for granted. Humans tend to realise what they have had, when it's gone, so ask yourself if you really want your ex back. If yes, do it now. My former gf never did it and is probably still crying over her loss, just like she has told me when we saw us.
Godspeed user. Also i'm here if you wanna talk about it, mostly because i have experience with this kind of situation and would have wanted this kind of help when i was in your shoes
Jackson Baker
There's a distance, but if he said something i'd endure it again. I was ready to fight over every problems and even sorted out my life to be ready for such a situation. What mainly broke our relationship was the distance. I think he needed close support (he's going through a psychologist, meds etc) but that'd have to wait just a bit.
So this feeling of just calling him again is very strong and i keep staring at it and wishing he sent me a message. But there's the problem. He told me he wasn't ready for the relationship and closed himself to any possible help or support. I don't know if he's ready, if he wants me at all, he's troubled and hard to read.
I told him maybe we could stay as friends someday. He apologized for everything, said he was confused, and that maybe we should have been friends since the start and he was silly to fall in love and put me in this situation. But i said "I'd fall in love the same way" and he said "there's nothing wrong with that". Then after some silence, that "we should really part and take time to heal ourselves".
I don't have anything to heal. He was being distant, closed, dumb. I just wanted him, and didn't held any anger for him. I just wanted to know so i could help and keep him close. My anxiety was off charts but i didn't care.
With all that i'm confused if i should even think about saying a "hi how you're doing", even if as a friend. We didn't block each other, and i think he didn't try to remove everything that i brought into his life. But i'm scared to fall again and experience that same pain twice.
user just message him. It's better to try and fail than never trying in the first place. You'll stay in mental angony if you keep waiting.
My only problem with your story is that he is apparently visiting a psychologist, which is in my opinion not needed for many cases. I have had a really.shitty past myself (poor, without food, mother died, friends died, bullying and so on) and the only thing i've needed would've been the support of my former gf, which i never got. She told me that my problems are silly and i should "stop feeling that way".
I guess you can only be sure if you try.
Gabriel Wilson
whats the first letter in your name op?
Jaxon Jackson
I'm sorry for what happened to you user. It's true that a deep bond with someone that truly supports you sometimes is the most important thing (I went to psychologists before too, and just realized i didn't need them, i got better by myself in the end but such a support would've been nice too).
Still, i supported him, sometimes more than myself, and he constantly reminded me of how important i was etc. Then at some point he went silent. Like a friend told me, it's weird i was the first one he cut from his life when things darkened if i never did anything bad.
I'll see about that, really.
I'd rather not share it, as he posts in this website.
Connor Hall
I think an easy way is to know that theres people who've never, and will never experience what you've experienced (me)
Get over it pussy
Jason White
Shut the fuck up you goddamn Retard
Depression can change your behavior completly -coming from someone who worked in a mental ward for some time and also studied psychology for 2 years - it's important for you to either: >Block him from everything to "get over it (which you will do onr way or another) >Or if you don't want to get "over it" you have to message him
There is no in between, because not knowing what to do or feel will leave you miserable in the end. Try to get your emotions clear and decide if it would be worth to message him, or it might just be better for you to get over it.
It worked for me the same way. As i've mentioned, my ex broke up with me 2 times, once in december and then again in june. I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life, but was forced to get over it. Now i'm again in a happy relationship - something which i have never believed since my way of acting is highly autistic - with a girl that loves me more than anything else on this planet. I don't wanna tell you something like "there are enough fishes in the pond", but deciding what you'll do next (messaging / breaking it off completly) is important for your mind to coupe with what has happend. Staying in the dark will leave you in agony
Robert Russell
does it start with N?
Joshua King
Thank you alot. Staying in the dark may be the mistake i'd fall to, so i'll refresh my mind and decide it for once.
But i've been thinking about not doing it exactly because ofc what your sair. Depression changes your behavior, and i think he lost to it. Despite taking alot to think he didn't even try to do something to revert the situation after all.
No
Jonathan Butler
Been there, if you are in a friendless position literally this is the point where you take all ur trashy friends and cut them off. Make new ones and start to hang with those more (a BIG PART OF THIS ) This could be done by going out to nightclubs or school clubs and going out to new place Then after you have a good set of friends like 1-3 you consistently see and are really nice to you Start going out with new people and see where it takes you seriously take your time on this
As all of this is going on, find your goal in life and what you really want from it set goals you can do in a day to a month to a year and even for up to the near future
I can relate, I broke it off with someone and I didn't know how dull my life is. I'm a single dad so I am busy most of the time but I have a lot of free time. We would hangout a lot, go out and do fun things. Once we broke it off all I do is stay home with the kid, watch movies, waste time here, and listen to music. I play games and watch anime too but it hit me hard when I realized how dull my life is. I play music in a band so that's most of the fun I have. I can relate to this a lot.
Parker Garcia
>Is alcohol all that much of a bad idea? I've been thinking about buying some for the next days, there's a holiday coming up too so i won't have any problems. I just want the pain away until i get used to this. My stupid mind is screaming louder than any song and i can't sleep during the day. It doesn't help. I actually think it makes you more depressed since it's a depressant, which is a fact not an opinion if that's correct. I drink regardless, and don't recommend it at all in these situations. It won't help. What says will help. A thing that helped me once was going on tinder and talking to anyone at all, with no intention of meeting them but just making the effort to chat and flirt. It really helped a lot. >As in a relationship? I feel kinda scared about that, maybe i'm dumb enough and think too much about a relationship (because i want to hit with 100% accuracy in something that will last, as impossible as that is) but it's scare to get into one so fast. I think this is maybe why tinder with no intention of anything going anywhere helped me a lot. I knew I wasn't looking for someone, so had no standards, but the flirting and chatting helped so much. I'm recently heartbroken and I can't even chat to girls now, but maybe I need to force myself to.
My situation was so tough because we both were so crazy about each other. I'd say really in love from when we first met years ago. Then recently we had the chance for the first time to go at it together, but she just seemed like she didn't want it to work. Like she was scared at how fast and hard she was falling for me, which she said. It was the most frustrating thing ever, to have two people crazy in love but one of them is subconsciously trying to sabotage it, which in the end they did successfully.
Blake Bailey
>but deciding what you'll do next (messaging / breaking it off completly) is important for your mind to coupe with what has happend. Staying in the dark will leave you in agony Probably the best advice I've read in a long time. It's hard to do though thinking of the "what if they fix the issues"
Carson Cook
Stop running from your emotions and modifing your life expecting to never be sad. You could easily stay sad until you cut this shit out. Stay clean and sober, too, bud.
Julian Fisher
not op but how do you meet people when you go to new places? i always end up alone.
i enjoy myself but never make any friends.
Hunter Williams
Sorry foe the delay but confidence is key Literally take a step back and tell yourself at three you have to do what you want to do no matter what
All the people I've met at concerts I've met by doing things just on a 1,2,3 go mindset
Its worth it user i promise! And if they push you away and/or say no just take it as a learning experience and switch it up
>it's weird i was the first one he cut from his life when things darkened if i never did anything bad
Happened to me too. She said she was getting irritated by people, ranted about people being sheep and then not even a month later broke up with me. I found out she went off her medication (anti-stress and anti-depressant) which must have been some time before the break up too.
Don't even feel like being with someone else, I can message thots and try to get a bit of that going but it's hollow.
Adrian Collins
>I'd rather not share it, as he posts in this website.
