>"you can't change a man"
>be 20 year old in relationship with 21 year old
>we started dating when I was 16 and he was 17
>at the time, he was moody, brooding, and surly
>a good person and not exactly a mean one, just sour and withdrawn
>now he's cheerful and friendly, and he attributes that to the happiness and intimacy I brought to his life
So is the "you can't change a man" thing total bullshit?
Yes. Its just an excuse people make to exclude those they need to invest in.
he changed himself via his free will
nope
Not bullshit at all. YOU didn’t do shit. Perhaps the social security of a partner let him experiment with himself and his judgement, but you alone didn’t make him a “better “ person.
Let’s also not forget that our psyche changes dramatically from 17-21, regardless of a relationship or not
It's called growing up. Most men do it. Most men here do not.
:( my growing up made me feel worse each and every moment i get older. The harder I try the worse it gets. I want to be happy or at least neutral again.
Don’t flatter yourself, /you/ did not change him. I was the same way and I am the same as him now.
The thing is, people use this to dissuade girls from dating anyone who isn't perfect. "Abusers can't change" and all that. My boyfriend was never an abuser, granted, but he showed that people are capable of change.
People can change, but you should never go into a relationship expecting someone to change.
Exactly this.
"you can't change a man?"
Who said that and why did you listen to ANYTHING they said? People change almost invariably, in fact, people generally change year-to-year just based on experiences and lessons taken from life.
You're witnessing what promoting positive mindsets does to people. Don't fuck it up by being a whore who has to brag about how she brought down the man. You'll make him resent you, you'll make other men resent you, and then you'll finally resent yourself for becoming something you hate.
>deluding yourself into thinking his personal growth and maturation as a human was your doing
major yikes
I've heard it said many times to girls who recently entered a relationship with an abusive girlfriend.
But he credited me himself for driving his personal growth...
this isn't a request for advice, you fucking blogger
But I don't think the fundamental nature of a person change. I think you showed him that if he opens himself to others, they won't reject him. You cured insecurity that kept him in a defensive mode, your changed the calculation add to whether going out was worth doing
t. recovering shut-in who is in the same boat he was
you're a fucking retard. Read your post.
Will other people think you're the same as you were at 16? If so, then you haven't matured and you're still as dumb as you were when you were 16.
He. grew. up. Wow! 17 year Olds are different than 21 year olds??
Use some fucking critical thinking, fucking retard.
When people say "you can't change a man", or any partner for that matter, they don't mean you can't make them more confident, happier and optimistic, this are good things to make your partner into and indicate that you are a good partner to them.
What that sentence DOES mean however is that you can't date a straight edge guy who's an accountant and collects stamps and expect him to become an assertive bad boy.
Or that you can't date an asshole and expect him to be any different dating you.
Your guy isn't changed, he's happier and more optimistic but he's still the same person, so no, you didn't 'change' him.
All the people in here saying having someone in your life who actually appreciates you for once can't give you the strength and motivation to better yourself, or god forbid, be the only thing his life actually lacks and thus improving his outlook attitude and level of optimism, is completely retarded.
>if you're not happy by yourself
Bullshit. That's like saying if a bee sting hurts now it'll hurt when its healed.
Doesn't he sound like a bad boy based on OP's description?
being depressed and unfriendly is not the same as getting in fights and being arrested for selling weed.
People can become more friendly, outgoing, happy and even charismatic over time, but that doesn't mean that they are fundamentally different, they're just better versions of that same self.
You didn't change him, dumb bitch.
Also you're not asking for advice so fuck off
Yeah, a lot of 'conventional wisdom' beliefs have some amount of truth to them, but aren't as universal as many proclaim them to be. Though granted, the possibility of a relationship 'completing' you and healing your problems do have a lot to do with how dysfunctional you are in the first place. Relationships can help with things like boredom or mild depression or lacking direction in life, but not necessarily with severe mental illness.
I've said this before, but he attributed his positive changes to me himself. I'm not just making stuff up, this is directly from the horsey's mouth.
>Asking lonely Jow Forums nerds a question about relationships
Just be proud of the effect you've had on him. Having someone you love and trust allows you to grow more than ever.
yeah and all the movies and porn and strangers he's met has changed him too fucking idiot.
again, 17 YEARS OLD
How fucking stupid can you possibly be. Men are just better than women because we have something called balls. Of course we change but it’s not because of you changing a man, but, rather you giving head which, causes the reaction of removing stress, and anger.