Help

last bump i guess
sorry for bothering all you anons. ill stop bumbing this thread if no one replies this time. thank you to everyone who bothered looking at this thread though, i appreciate it a lot.

Hey OP that's alot of issues. Do you want to start with areas which you want to improve first? The more crucial ones.

maybe the social stuff:
>>barely any friends, tried to make some but im too annoying to keep them around
>>when i keep them around, im quiet, walking on eggshells, actively trying not to be myself, and all kinds of shit
>>zero self confidence
>>have confidence, but actively avoid being confident just because im an aspie retard who doesnt understand social norms. better to say nothing than say something offensive/cringy

and this:
>>have been genuinely convinced that im trans at some points, even though i dont want to be. probably a result of girls being treated better when i was a kid, and getting exposed to weird hentai at a young age. and being told i would be better off as one
>>now, i cant jack off to anything else. did months of nofap and girls dont arouse me anymore

the others either dont bother me as much, or might need a whole new thread

Stop being yourself
be like Rasputin
youtube.com/watch?v=VmkySNDX4dU

I can relate to most of what you mentioned. Can I ask what led to this situation? Did you have a rough childhood? For me personally I had an abusive mother. If I look at any one particular issue in my life (eg. no friends, feeling empty, crippling anxiety) I can almost 100% tie it directly to how my mother treated me. It might help if you have something like that to provide some clarity and explanation for what you're going through. It's not gonna magically solve your issues but it might give you a good foundation to start making adjustments and changing the course of your life.

rough childhood? not really, got picked on a lot growing up though. i moved away from friends at a young age. dad was never really around much, and mom wasnt abusive, but she wasnt an ideal parent either. she didnt help much

If I was in your position I'd start working on improving my self image. I think most of the other problems (not connecting with people, weird sexual fetishes, depression, etc) all come directly from that. It sounds like you view yourself as an annoying outcast who is unworthy of friends or girls. This manifests in you driving them away and also losing interest in them. This is entirely a subconscious thing and you can't fix it with logic or reasoning. You have to reteach your brain that you're actually a guy who has value to offer others. This is usually done by exposure therapy.

You mentioned that you abandoned some of your hobbies, but you should really pursue one so you can start making friends in that area... join a club or something. Sure you might not connect with xx% of people. You might drive some away, you might make some basic acquaintances, but eventually there's gonna be people where you just click. You're gonna fit with their dynamic and they're gonna appreciate what you bring to the table. Even if you're the quirky/aspie guy in the group, who gives a fuck. Just play that role, be that guy. Your subconscious has to learn that you're worthy of having friends and being around people.

I had a similar issue and I jumpstarted the process by taking a powerful shroom trip to sort myself out, then using 2g of phenibut to go out to clubs I was interested in and get my feet wet, meet new people, etc. Now I'm fully engaged in two clubs, and I made a couple close friends and a bunch of acquaintances from them. I'm not saying this will work for you, as it's risky if you have mental issues. I have C-PTSD and it seemed to work well for me. Good luck man!

thanks. ive been trying something like that, but it still hurts to be the aspie guy.

im a little scared about improving my mental image though, because of third and sixth point in the op. i dont wanna be the ass who also lacks self awareness.

bump again
can someone who is well adjusted help me with this?

No one here is really qualified OP. I strongly recommend that you see a therapist, that'll be your best bet. I'm rooting for you man

This for sure OP I could say some shit that helped me become more social but I was never as on that autism level as you were. I has just shut myself in for a year and un-leanred everything.

thanks guys. im not really in a position to see a therapist anytime soon, but ill do it asap.
what shit helped you be social? id love to know

bump i guess
sorry to everyone who said i should just go visit a therapist, i cant right now. and a part of me feels like you guys can really help me out

one more bump
sorry anons