I just need to vent, but about a month ago I found out I was pregnant and ofc I panicked because I'm no mom and My boyfriend is your average curly haired glasses wearing NEET. I love him but he's no dad, I do everything for him as is and I work full time to manage us, plus we live with a roommate. There was no way we could keep it, I wanted to just give it up for adoption but he said he'd never let me give away our child, and if I did it in secret he'd never forgive me and get it back. He insisted I get an abortion. I agreed it was a top option, but Idk I didn't like the idea of it but hey it was teeny tiny and it had no chance if I kept it. I got the pills and did it yesterday. I'm your average retard with my own health so I didn't think it through when I took aspirin for my pain, and good christ I've never seen so much blood before... I didn't think I had that much blood in my body. He helped me because I was extremely weak from all the blood loss, but he wouldn't look because it was all nasty. I feel guilty. I feel like a bad mommy. I feel like a murderer. I saw my baby and I was so horrified... My little boy was so small, but bigger than he should've been (about lime size but he was 9 1/2 weeks) and didn't ever hold him. I didn't hold him or show any kind of love I just.... Flushed him with the blood and wiped away the rest of the blood. I know he was dead already, he was purple, but its the principal of it... My boyfriend is upset about it but He just buries it and doesn't see it the way I do, he didnt cry nor does he feel the guilt or shame or sadness... What do I do now? I don't want to let him near me. Its his fault I got pregnant, I don't ever want this to happen again. I feel like I can never be a real mom, but the pills don't affect my fertility at all. I'm just torn up inside.
I just need to vent...
I'm sorry you went through this. I think many people overlook how devastating an abortion can be, to both people involved but especially to the woman.
Its ok. You can forgive yourself. Looking forward, what will you do differently next time?
Depends what you mean by next time, I don't want to have any kind of sexual interaction with him at least for a while, and I'd feel guilty if I got pregnant again, especially if I kept it.. Like this one I killed, my little boy, wasn't good enough or worth the effort but a different One would be... Plus my pregnancy was horrific, average 4 vomiting events a day and I fainted at least 3 times a week ._.
It was for the best right? Why feel bad
seriously?
She herself said keeping it wasn't an option and neither was giving it away, so it was basically the only option. Why feel bad about something you had to do?
I am sorry you had to make such a decision and do such a difficult thing. We can't really help, but I hope it helps to get this off your chest, even here. Sometimes the best people in these cases are the people who allow us to continue on as though nothing happened, even if for a little while. You have made the right decision, even if it was a difficult one.
Thank you, I'm just not sure how to grieve or go back to "normal functioning"
Im sorry for this, kid.
It won't go away, and yes, you are a murderer.
You chose not to face the bad cosnequences of your actions.
But it doesn't work that way, they ALWAYS catch up with you ( you are seing this, and you will see this as this emotional pain will follow you ).
Again, i realize i am being a massive asshole here, but i think it's better to give the truth here.
There are enough lies around, and those are what keeps us down, and bring unhappiness/damage society imo.
I know, my guilt is deserved. What would you have done if it was your gf?
keep it. throw a party. get more money
This might shock you, but there are guys that browse Jow Forums angry at girls for .. stuff.
Anyway I want nothing more then to be a father and hate it when a girl robs me of that just by breaking up with me.
If She aborted.
I would probably lose it for real
What's done is done, nothing you can do now about it but to accept it so the guilt doesn't corrode you away.
What I would do is tell that guy to get his shit together and stop being a NEET and support you for once so you don't have to be the one always taking care of him. He was scared of losing his NEET stability.
Well if you were my partner I would've kept it, but in my situation with my partner means I would've had very little support and basically been a single mom struggling to raise him and give him the basics.. I feel guilty yes but only my little one was robbed of his opportunity, his father didn't see anything really lost.
well fuck me then
how come this faggot gets the girlfriend and i sleep alone
He's a sweet guy, gamer, "I can totally go pro just give it time" type of guy. Looking for a job but somehow hasn't found one yet. He's like a little boy in a lot of ways but I love him, I hope he'll eventually grow up and be a man though. I have hope, but doubts too. As you can imagine I'm pretty bitter about having to get rid of our child and I blame him for the slip up... In my opinion a real man would do what he had to in order to support his woman and family.
>_>
Hi
Real man here
I am going to go shoot myself now
Dunno your personality really so I can't say, I did date a guy at one point who was very firm that if I got pregnant I had no say in it I was keeping it 100%, but he would be been absolutely no help at all he just liked the idea of fatherhood. To be honest I'm just kind of attracted to weirdo fags? I need to find a normal guy
Howdy white knight, define real man? I don't like the softy onions boys that think it means "treating her like a goddess" Blegh.
Share your story with other women who need to hear it. You can't undo the damage you've already done to yourself, relationship, and kid. But you can save another woman from the same fate.
The fact that you feel so upset means you care a lot. You're a very loving caring woman and you can still be a mother one day.
The way to get over this is to learn from it, take what shards of value you can and move on. Some things I see are:
--Your boyfriend is selfish. He gave you bad advice that only served himself
--You perhaps didn't think things through well enough. Or perhaps you didn't listen to what your heart was telling you.
--You clearly want to be a mother.
--You have a very big heart.
Also, there's something you need to think about:
>I love him but he's no dad
>He insisted I get an abortion
>Its his fault I got pregnant
>he didnt cry nor does he feel the guilt or shame or sadness
>I don't want to let him near me
user, ask yourself... Is he really a good man? Is this the man you want to spend your life with? Your post is littered with breadcrumbs. Learn from the abortion; maybe you need to think things through and really listen to your heart.
I aborted a child too OP and it haunts me still. The father wouldn't step up and hold his end though we both caused the pregnancy. I never forgave him or myself and left him. He was never and never would be a man.
It's.... Complicated I guess.. I'm not sure where I'd share with other girls but I just do t want him near me because I dont want to risk it happening again, I made the mistake of thinking "he's a big boy he can handle a condom just fine", and no I don't think I want him as a life partner. I want to give him a chance to grow and improve himself but I understand that means I do t truly love him how he is if I want him to change. Its all messy. I'm conflicted on leaving him or staying
He failed OP. End of story and he's not going to GROW and IMPROVE but SHIRK and HIDE.
What a sorry tale of retardednes from you both Go to church .. and beg for forgiveness
Tell them you will need the heavy duty cross - with metal bracing and barbed wire.
I'm afraid it'll be the same with mine and I don't know if I want to forgive him
I don't need a church to talk to God, I prayed for him to send me a sign or just have the pills not get through customs if it wasn't the right path, or just let it go two g and kill me, but it happened and I have my own way of repented and if you think it wasn't excruciating physically to endure you're sorely mistaken.
IS THIS EVEN REAL? 9.5WEEKS YOU CANNOT TELL THE SEX OF THE BABY!
Nice try attention whore.
All humans are meaningless sacks of blood and flesh. Think of your first memory. Was it being born? No
All you did was empty some sentient human goo from your body. I understand why it upsets you but imagine losing your child after it becomes a sentient being with memories, thoughts and emotions. Way more devastating.
I didn't exactly inspect it jerk but there are other ways to know, or just a strong guess
Well your toll is paid then - nothing to worry about now.
Why are you posting here - Just to tell us how you have it all sorted and packed away?
Ty dubs, but i dunno I just needed to express it either into a void or to a person/people, nobody in my life knows except my partner and he doesn't want to talk about it
I was numb for almost a year and went through the motions for 4 months with my ex, he cheated and I didn't care. In fact he was mad because I didn't care anymore. He was happy and I was so sad. It took years OP but I finally fell in love with a real man, married and have a daughter and while there is still a hole in my heart its not overwhelming like before.
How do I avoid just getting swept away into it?
It doesn't mean your NEET boyfriend has to treat you like a goddess and you'll be a helpless little princess
It means he doesn't have to be an useless self-serving fucking pile of meat while you give it your all
I'm thinking it's be best to just leave and be alone for a while... I mean he might contribute very little but I let things fall apart, I bother to expect things and when he doesn't do them I just say fuck it and I leave it. I think we'd both be best off alone for who's to say how long
I forced myself to change everything in my life. It helped a lot not seeing him, a constant reminder.
I changed jobs and that took my mind off this a bit, and I moved, that helped too but I met some older ladies at work who had kids and I was around kids more through them and while it hurt it also was wonderful.
Your boyfriend sounds like a useless sack of shit. Leave him.
At least it's not like the greeks or whatever and they just left the baby in a vase or someshit outside
If you've ever read about the amazon natives, it's not unheard of them to just not feed a child they dont want.
Or maybe it wouldve an hero'd anyways or not even want to live, or've gotten into some weird accident and been paraplegic. I've also heard about nurses who drop babies and they become retarded.
I've been thinking about it but I moved here recently, and I dont have much saved up.. Id have to plan it well for at least a few months
Probably because you read the thread, ignored her repeated mentions of wanting to keep it but being unable to, and then put her on blast. Those aren't very endearing traits..
i’m in kind of the same boat as you right now (20yrs old, 5 weeks pregnant)
my boyfriend isn’t supportive and abortion is basically the only option
i agree with him, and want to get the abortion because i have 2 years of undergrad left and so does he
ultimately you did the right thing for yourself. it’s hard now but it’ll be so much better when you feel ready to have a baby.
as for your boyfriend, i’m guessing he’ll open up over time
i don’t think most men understand the gravity of the situation... my bf was more concerned with the financial aspect of it and i was more concerned with the blood loss/ losing a baby
I just want you to know your feelings are primordial and natural and it's okay to feel them and that your boyfriend is genuinely a fucking monster for disagreeing to an adoption (ie having a kid) but doesn't see that same kid at 9.5 weeks as a human. That takes sociopathic cognitive dissonance. Fuck him.
If feel you need to go see a psychologist or a counsellor for the grief, please do.
> most men understand the gravity of the situation
'Most men' in 2018 are manchildren that forget that a couple generations ago, people were raising babies at 20 just fine and that don't see a foetus as 50% their DNA. And I'm a dude.
You just keep going. Eventually, you find that the grief fades enough to move around it. Careful listening to too many people here, it's still Jow Forums.
No, it's both your fault.
Unless it was rape, and we don't want to go down that route, do we.
Ditch this manchild and find a real man who will love you and your children.
and don't be too harsh on yourself.