My fiancee lives 7000km away. We are getting married next summer and she is going to move to my country, but for now we are living apart but we take turns spending a few months in each other's countries. Everything has been great so far. I know her well enough to trust her completely, but recently she's been doing and wanting to do these that make me uncomfortable. First off, she has reconnected with an online guy friend she admitted she used to have feelings for years ago. She says she just needs someone else to talk to about problems sometimes besides me to get different perspective and she swears she only sees him as a friend. She explains by saying she living alone with no friends or family near her and really needs people to talk to. Which I can understand but it still makes me feel uncomfortable as fuck. And now she is asking me permission to go out to the bar and meet with a guy she works with. Once again she says she just really wants a friend to talk to. She also says she really doesn't want to talk to other girls because she has had really bad falling outs with all her female friends and just prefers talking to guys instead. I voiced my concerns about all of this and she says she understands but she also wants me to understand she has literally no one there to talk to and is desperately wanting friends and that I just need to trust her.
Am I right to be worried? I mean I trust her with my life and I know she won't cheat on me, but I'm still afraid she may catch feelings for someone else. I don't really know what to do or think. I'm a pretty jealous and insecure person but surely my worries aren't totally unjustified?
Everybody needs friends, user. And you say you trust her. So, do just that. You sound controlling by the way. Watch out for that. How long till you are getting married? If
Robert Diaz
I'm trying not to be controlling, I really am. I told her she can do what she wants with this, but I still made my feelings clear about it.
I'm just scared, basically. I also started out as just her "friend" while she had a boyfriend before and she fell for me while she was still with him so I'm just spooked of that happening again but being on the other end this time. I trust her, I just don't trust human emotion and I feel this constant anxiety she is going to fall in love with someone else. A big part of me knows I'm being fucking retarded but I still can't help myself from thinking like this. I'm just insecure as fuck and I don't know what to do about it
We are getting married in July
Julian Turner
what comes around goes around
James Morales
>she has reconnected with an online guy friend she admitted she used to have feelings for years ago >And now she is asking me permission to go out to the bar and meet with a guy she works with >she really doesn't want to talk to other girls because she has had really bad falling outs with all her female friends and just prefers talking to guys instead
Each one of these alone would be enough to make me break up with her, just because I know what they mean. All these red flags at once would make my head explode, i wouldn't be able to ghost her fast enough. These are just the red flags you noticed, there's undoubtedly many more you've missed. You know her better than I do, and if you're getting married then you'll have to take a lot more time to consider how to handle this. But personally I'd dump a girl for just asking the things she's asking you.
Parker Bennett
Dont marry her.
Jaxon Sullivan
Of Course that will happen again, you fool!
Camden Brooks
Does it bother you? Do you trust her? If the shoe was on the other foot would she be okay with it?
Jonathan Price
Huge reg flags here. This guys has it spot on.
First off, if she really cared about you and your feelings as well as how you feel about the relationship, she would drop this guys for you in a heartbeat. Secondly, you are the person she is supposed to confide in telling her problems too. It is vital you gain this role back regardless of if she drops these guys or not. If you fail to do so, it will end up in her losing feelings for you although she may ignore it or stay with you. The third thing is that you should ask yourself whether or not she would be okay if you did the same thing with a female friend. Would she be completely okay with the roles being reversed? Usually the answer to this question is a hard no. If you suspect it to be a hard no, you can bring up this as your strong point and you can complain about there being a large double standard.
It should not matter if you are "controlling" or not. You have your feelings and if after logical thought you still have worries of infidelity, then it needs to be dealt with one way or another. Also, your gut feeling is usually right on this type of matter. Usually because you sense things going on in your own relationship which may lead to her having this behavior.
Alexander Wood
For the love of all that is holy and righteous in this world, don’t marry this whore who doesn’t love you. Start moving on ASAP and find someone else to bone. To be petty pretend to still be engaged with her, just so she will come back eventually and you can bone her, cum on her face, then drop a 20 dollar bill on her chest and thank her for her services, and to get out now. Anything less and you’re a beta male who deserves to get cycled and lick feminist sweaty armpits for all eternity.
>she has reconnected with an online guy friend she admitted she used to have feelings for years ago. Red flag no.2
>she is asking me permission to go out to the bar and meet with a guy she works with. Red flag no.3
>She prefers talking to guys instead of girls Red flag no.4
>I also started out as just her "friend" while she had a boyfriend before and she fell for me while she was still with him Red flag no.5
How many red flags do you need before you wake up and smell the coffee OP?
John Flores
if in the waters of your dick you think she is going to betray you immediately drop the bitch
Asher Wright
Your fiancé seems like the spitting image of me. I don't trust other girls and 99% of my friends are men. Don't worry too much. Fuck, she's moving to another fucking country for your sake, she must be scared as all hell. Makes sense she needs someone to talk to.
Cooper Cruz
3 and 4 aren't /necessarily/ red flags. The rest are enough though
Carson Myers
Your instincts are spot on, OP. A lonely, vulnerable woman, emotional intimacy with other men, especially an ex doesn't sound like a great idea to me. And no, I don't think you're controlling. But I do think if she can't get along with other women this will be an ongoing problem and no, you can't be her only friend.
David Powell
Where is she from? In her culture what she's doing can be seen as perfectly normal.
Isaiah Jenkins
OP here, I really still don't know what to think or do. I know on paper this situation sounds bad and it's easy to see her as a cheating whore but I know she won't cheat on me, that's not even a possibility and not something I'm worried about. I trust her in that regard completely. It's more just about trying to figure out if this makes any sense at all and what I should do because I really don't feel good about any of this. She's tried very hard to reassure me that my fears are not warranted but it hasn't really helped. I'm sure that if I straight up told her I really don't want her talking to any guys like this, she wouldn't. so idk if thats what I should do or not.
1. To clear things up, this guy she reconnected with was from like 5 years ago when she was 15 and what she said was she had a "crush" on him for the few months they talked (only online, he also lives in another country) but then stopped talking until recently when she remembered him and wanted to tell him about our engagement. She's been having a hard time emotionally with dealing with the fact she's going to be moving here and leaving her family behind and says she just needs more people to talk to about it, because she already knows what I will say and just needs more perspectives on it. I was fine with this assuming she would basically only talk to him if she wanted extra advice or something, until yesterday when she sent me a screenshot of her texts that showed she was messaging him very recently (like 30 min ago recently), apparently concerned about a sad quote he posted or some shit. I haven't really questioned her much on this yet as she is going through a rough time right now with work and don't want to bother her with it, but I will. She made no effort to hide it so idk
Carson Morales
2. This meeting this guy from work thing. It was actually him that suggested it first because they live fairly close to each other and initially she responded aggressively back with the whole " uh no I have a fiance" thing. But I guess she warmed up to the idea for some reason. She says she would never meet with anyone alone in private or anything, she just wants to meet in a public place to socialize with someone other than just me on the phone. The weirdest thing for me is that she knows nothing about this guy at all. But she maintains she just wants to make a friend because she has none.
I'm really just at a loss. Never thought I would have to worry about something like this. Like I know she won't cheat like I said, she's not that kind of person. The other week a guy jokingly grabbed and kissed her hand and she freaked out over it and said she felt horrible about it even though it wasn't her fault at all or anything so she really doesn't have the mental mindset to cheat so I don't really know what the fuck I'm worried about but I'm just uncomfortable as shit
Gabriel Long
>I know she won't cheat on me, that's not even a possibility and not something I'm worried about. I trust her in that regard completely.
Then why are you wasting everyone’s time here you fucking cucked faggot? Such a stupid shit soup of words you just typed up that makes no sense whatsoever. Can’t wait for the update thread in a year with you posting how you’re “shocked” she cheated and “didn’t see it coming”. Fucking attention whoring idiot.
Ahh now this is advice, I dont normally come to this board because its full of pussies and women who think they can give good advice, nice one sir, I tip my hat to you.
Every bluepilled guy with a girlfriend is convinced his particular girlfriend is some special unicorn who would never cheat on him.
Think again. Now i'm not saying OP's girlfriend WILL cheat on him 100%, but what i am saying is that with all these red flags in his story i consider the chance of it happening as fairly high. But the thing is, OP's girlfriend lives halfway across the world so even if she does cheat on him, how would he ever find out?
