why am i unable to form an emotional connection with men? i have never truly liked someone for them, all my past crushes have been guys i've only admired from afar and the instant they approached me i am suddenly put off. similarly, the longest fling i had was 5 months and even then by the time he was obsessed with me, i still had zero feelings. when i ghosted him, i literally felt nothing meanwhile 2 years later he is still trying to contact me.
thinking back, my relationships with men have all been very short term, and 99% of the time being me who suddenly leaves. it's like one day i become a new person, get bored, and cut contact. i don't know how to commit to a male even as a friend so i'm kind of worried how i will be able to maintain relationships for longer durations in the future.
>my relationships with men have all been very short term You shouldn't be so promiscuous.
Carson Barnes
Your behaviour is motivated by a subconcious desire to shield your true self from rejection. Choosing to date people far more infatuated with you gives you an ego boost and a great deal of control over the relationship. You can cut off the relationship as soon as you get bored or feel threatened and it wont hurt you because you only gave them a persona. Your true self is safe from rejection and they cant use your insecurities agaonst you.
The kind of change you're asking for wont come quickly or easily. The joy of love is insubstantial without the suffering of rejection.
Pigeons don't have a language. They can't talk to each other and they lack the intellect to express complicated ideas.
Nevertheless, they bond and mate for life in a monogamous relationship. Once "married", pigeons will never leave leave each others side.
How does this work? The pigeon mating ritual lasts 30 minutes if successful. If the male is successful and earns the approval of the female, then they perform a "cloaca kiss" and sperm is deposited into the body of the female. This kiss is it. Just the touching of the cloaca for 3 short seconds, changes so much in the pigeons brain (both male and female) they they stay together for the rest of their lives. The males will serve her, protect her and die if necessary, and males breastfeed the kids. The females will remain sexually loyal and only stick to their man. It's really one of the most amazing things you can see in the animal world.
And it's all because they had sex for a few seconds.
Same with humans. That first intercourse is your only shot at pair-bonding with a man. This is why it's so extremely important for women to wait until marriage. Sexual dimorphism is a little more skewed in humans, making women more reliant on sex for pair bonding. Men can pair bond very well even if they have lots of sex. But women lose it, very rapidly, after the first man she encounters. After 3 men, most of her ability is gone. And a few more than that, she only has emotional scraps to offer. After a woman sleeps with 25+ men then the pair bond is completely destroyed in women, which is why feminists suggest that you sleep with at least 25 men before you settle down.
Anyway is right. Don't underestimate the value of sex and the incredible effect it has on the brain.
Jaxon Morris
Be more selective. While is a little too extreme - you can pair-bond well beyond just 1 time - take the time to actually get to know the person.
Needless to say, cut whatever loose ends you might have, like 5-month-dude (unless he never succeeds in actually contacting you, in that case ignore).
Mason Hill
There is actually studies done on this.
Also ancient discoveries which led to the virtue of chastity and virgin marriages.
This isn't my opinion.
Elijah Morris
i've literally never had sex with any of them
wow this resonates deep within me. how did you know :((((( i don't know how to change, it's all i've known? i don't even know what my true self is at this point since i've created so many personas for the guys i never cared for but desired their love
Connor Davis
on top of fear of rejection, i'm also dealing with severe trust issues (family stuff) and also because i've been inadvertently leading men on, i fear strongly they are also doing the same. like just witnessing what i've done to someone's love, as a result of my own insecurities, give me immense fear someone could do the same to me.
Brandon Barnes
>inadvertently leading men on How so? Like said, it's probably cause you don't want to leave yourself vulnerable. It's kind of a damned if you do, damned if don't, cause emotional connection is often heavily driven by shared vulnerabilities.
Jordan James
like limiting myself to dating the guys i know will not share anything long term with me etc. and still talking to them/showing interest to them w/o really committing myself emotionally to the relationship
Henry Adams
repressed lesbianism?
Aaron Watson
You're the girl my mother warned me about.
Brayden Diaz
> I've never had sex with any of them
Ryan Barnes
>why am i unable to form an emotional connection with men? Because your an incel larping as a female human
Dominic Barnes
Look into resources for people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm NOT saying that you have that, but some of the patterns you describe here are very common with people that have BPD. (Lack of identity, struggle to maintain relationships, 'cut and run' behavior.) There's nothing wrong with reaching out to a support group or individual counseling. Good luck.
Hunter Moore
Look, another trip-fag talking out of his ass.
Kevin Nelson
Interesting. Sauce on the latter half about human bonding por favor?
Landon Green
Damn this is so real, this is exactly how I feel. I know it's because I've developed some really layered personality shit over the years. Especially my extremely weird fetishes I've developed over the years that I've sworn to take to my grave.
I'm just never gonna be able to feel true love am I?
Kayden King
im literally also the same way. 10 years ago had so many friends and used to laugh but now have grown into someone who struggles to form lasting relationships, little need for people, dislike people for the most part, transient sense of identity, changing interests... its bull shit, but I think I can live with it
Nolan Brooks
Test
Juan Evans
it’s because you haven’t found the right person. i’m a girl and had the same problem as you my whole life until i met a guy that changed all that.
Sebastian James
While the gist of what my fellow tripfag's post isn't wrong, some of the evidence for the exact effect is circumstantial, since direct studies on humans would probably be a pain in the ass to get by ethically. I would clarify by saying that "love is a drug" is partially true--and by repeatedly exposing oneself to bonding hormones, one is essentially developing a "tolerance" for it. This effect is much more pronounced in women since testosterone is a suppressant of oxytocin--that is, men bond differently.
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK97287/ >"Several studies have now demonstrated that oxytocin plays a role in the development of the pair bond in the female prairie vole. Injections of an OT antagonist, a drug that blocks activation of the OT receptor, directly into the female prairie vole brain prior to cohabitation and mating inhibits the subsequent development of a partner preference" >"These regions [of the brain with oxytocin and vasopressin receptors] are excellent candidates for facilitating pair bond formation because they are rich in dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with reward and addiction."
I may be wrong, but what I got out of it wasn't a literal reading of "bonding is impossible more than once" but just a general standard of not going past that once. You can crawl out of just about anything, that doesn't mean you need to get yourself stuck in the first place.
Evan Bell
Correct I mis-spoke when I said you only have one shot at this. I meant to say it deteriorates very fast with each additional partner. Sorry about that.
