I've been together with my boyfriend for 5 years almost. Weber lived together the whole time, we're very close and are both wanting to have children in the next year or two or three.
Neither of our parents have been married. Recently he basically told me his mother doesn't care if we're married, as long as the baby is healthy. This is basically his roundabout way of telling me he doesn't want to marry me, I'm assuming, because I don't give a shit what his mother thinks regarding this, he's a grown man and she was a single mother.
I told him very matter-of-factly that I wasn't willing to risk being a mother without being legally bound to him. I said I don't care about a wedding, literally just the legality. If we have 2 or 3 kids, I'm going to be dependent on him financially, and for support. Neither of us live near family. I'm not going to leave him, unless he abuses/cheats (he's a sweetheart), and I earn more than him. It's just that he will be legally required to support me and the children if shit does hit the fan - and I think this is fair, because I would be giving up a good wage to produce and look after children for us both. I also want our finances to be legally tied for this reason. Again, I have more money, but in case he starts to make stupid decisions (e.g. taking unnecessary risks, it's happened before and he even lost some of my money...), I have more control over our grouped finances.
Do you think this is reasonable? Even if we just go to the office eventually, without anyone else present, and get our marriage certificate? Is it even worth it, or am I worried about nothing?
Definiktely, but the Jow Forums virgies here won't understand stuff like this. Ask him if he'd be willing to give up his career and look after the kids
Zachary Nelson
Yeah I'd say so. If people have kids they should be married, it adds more responsability to the whole thing. Otherwise one of the parents can say at any momrnt that they'll bail and face few repercussions, for the good of the child you should do it.
Landon Allen
I'm probably going to have to go back to work soon after because we're not well off, and have to pay someone else to look after the kids during the day... Which is depressing as fuck. That's what happened to both our mothers. He didn't say 'no' when I told him what I said above, but he just went quiet and changed the subject. He probably thought I'd be like 'ok great, well if your mother approves then what are we waiting for?!'
Nathan Barnes
My advice is to break it off with him and find another suitor.
Jack Martinez
Why? We're very compatible in a lot of ways, I adore him and we're building a life together. I'm almost 27. I don't get much male interest, and I lost my virginity to him. I have to be a little bit controlling, because he can be naive with money and things, but he makes me very happy.
Juan Hughes
>should marriage be prerequisite For certain things, yes, but from his point of view there is no compelling reason, outside of his affection for you, to bend on this. You've already given him everything freely, without commitment, and now you're demanding he tie himself down to you, to load a gun, point it at his head, and put your finger on the trigger.
You talk about unnecessary risks--well, you already took yours, and he has very little rational reason to take his now. You have no leverage unless he gives it to you. He'll probably agree to it if he thinks he loves you, but I can certainly understand why he would refuse, and given his background it's not impossible. That's not to say I support it; this whole situation is very unfortunate.
Zachary Green
The leverage, and biggest risk, at this point is reproduction. I've said to him several times that if I don't feel secure enough to have children, I won't. And he very much wants a kid. Currently we're waiting until we buy a house, which is likely to happen next year.
Evan Hill
>The leverage, and biggest risk, at this point is reproduction. Indeed.
Jack Carter
Sure, it sounds good on paper, but the deep reality is that you two value two different things which makes you incompatible. Lets play devils advocate... You force it and he reluctantly marries you. He will always resent you.
Christopher Brown
Refuse to have his children unless he marries you and don’t budge. Period. Like Hitler said, you literally have no other leverage and why would he marry you? The whole “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” idea seems old fashioned but it’s true. You’re already having sex, living with him, presumably cooking and doing housework etc. Why marry you when you’re willing to do all that stuff for him without it?
Sebastian Carter
Making a contract between you is absolutely fine. A friend of mine have this with his gf and it makes it easier. They need each other for support in different ways. Financial is just one of them. He once told about a day where she got home early and didn't want to make dinner as planned, waited for him to come home from a long shift and tell him to make dinner last minute. He just said nope, went and got takeout for himself and ate it in front of her. Petty as fuck, but it is a team effort to get things done. You can't just make one person do it all or it will fall apart. You need to be able to agree on something and then rely on them to follow through on it before you have kids.
Marriage or no, that is between you guys. I think it is best for you to do it. Expensive weddings are a meme you don't have to fall for. Dressing up, going to church and having a dinner for 30-40 people does not have to be that expensive. If you can't figure out how to do that for less than $2k, that is on you.
Aaron Garcia
there's a bunch of red flags here and Jow Forums is always right wait a few more years
too fucking bad, he could also resent her once he realizes just how shitty and difficult taking care of children is. my dad begged my mom for kids and then packed up and left after a few months because he couldn’t handle it.
marriage provides legal protections, for user and any future children she has. divorce doesn’t carry the same stigma it used to. literally no reason not to.
Charles Roberts
He has hinted before at making me his wife. But only more recently he's hinted at having children first. He once brought up his cousin as an example - in her 30s with her partner and their two kids, but they only recently got married. What is the point of getting married AFTER you have children? If you're going to do it, you might as well do it before. To me it's kind of pathetic, as if you couldn't be bothered to make that commitment before.
Zachary Moore
That's why I'm worried. I know he'll be a good father, but I've seen cases where coworkers and friends had just given birth, then their husbands/boyfriends cheat or at least start eyeing up other women.
Gavin Myers
That's cause women get fat after giving birth and the sex stops happening. Not an excuse to cheat but there are always two people involved.
Henry Brooks
As a KHHV incel who wishes to get marriage, I wish you the best. You make good, valid, and logical points.
But I'm sure that your boyfie is already cheating on you, that's why he is so reluctant to commit to you. If he really loved you (he clearly doesn't by the way) he would have no qualms about committing to you. But he does.
You're getting cucked.
Lincoln Williams
Married mom of 3 pregnant with my 4th here. Get married, do not risk being a single mom. It's the best thing you can do for your future kids, being legally married makes it far more likely that if you run into issues you guys will try to work them out instead of just leaving. Having to go threw a divorce is a big process and makes people more likely to try to work things out and if you do wind up not being together your children will be entitled to more support and involvement from their father. Its protection for you and your kids and even your guy too. It insures hell have more rights as a father to see his kids, if you split up fathers who were married to the mother and involved in their kids daily life get more visitation and custodial rights to their children.
Christian Wood
Child support is not based on marriage. And alimony is based on which spouse makes more or has to potential to make.
Matthew Robinson
Obviously you need to sit down and discuss this with him.
Make a list of your life goals and see how much he wants to be a part of them. No more hinting or jokes about; a direct purposeful conversation about marriage.
Jacob Robinson
It is reasonable to get married before having children. Why do you want to have children?
Wyatt Nelson
absolutely, too many relationship horror stories start like this he's an edgy faggot, cool kids don't get married, he's sticking it to the man by passing up preferential tax treatment, a limp-wrist who will walk out once a baby starts cutting into his laid-back single life. he wants the option to leave open to him. why take that risk? I'll bet he'd freak and run out if you told him he's a few weeks away from becoming common law married if he keeps living with you. Try this, say you looked into it. If you're geographically plausible, I'll catch you on the rebound if he walks.
Hunter Myers
>Marriage Before I continue on I need to ask: you DO understand the kind of risk associated with marriage for a man nowadays, right? You realize that women control the divorce court as it is? Men have been getting hosed out by divorces for YEARS, all because some lady like you convinced them it was an ultimatum.
Me, I'd turn and run-- and that's as a man who DOES want to get married. Women who make demands like you do tend to be control freaks with undiagnosed/repressed conditions like BPD and other awful shit.
Isaac Gutierrez
>no hymen, no diamond >break her hymen >still refuse diamond pure impotent incel rage
Cool story, but he’s probably Southern hick, so I doubt Billy Joe Bob has any aspirations...
Angel Clark
It's more like She can earn the diamond instead of demanding it But let's be real, OP is probably a man posting epik bait
Sebastian Carter
Red flags all over. Dump him and find someone actually interested in starting a family, not just fantasizing about impregnation sex.
>mommy's boy >can't handle money responsibly - which, after marriage, could very well fuck you over too if he gets hold of your assets >is clearly against marriage, so you trying to make him believe otherwise will cause resentment -> the beginning of the end
Run OP, fucking run unless you're into living in poverty with 4 kids as a single mother. He's future MGTOW tier, not future father tier.
