Why is burning bridges bad

Being a vindictive dick gets you nowhere in life. It's literally pure cope.

Successful people have large social circles and know how to manage them and maintain relationships. Unsuccessful people sit around stewing about how others have wronged them and how they need to get revenge.

Because we serve as reminders of the flaws of your society?

>Successful people have large social circles and know how to manage them and maintain relationships.

How in hell do you stomach being around someone who wronged you? I understand the large social circles issue but I can't even begin to comprehend being in the general vicinity of someone who fucked with me.

Sweeping things under the rug and tolerating an enemy's close presence like that is just a tacit admission that you're compromising your own values and sense of self.

Because your values don't correspond with ours. Instead of fixing problems you escalate them, at least if everyone where you come from has the same mindset.

Problems need to be escalated, brought to the surface and dealt with. Conflict can be healthy.

Being so averse to confrontation and bottling up everything under the guise of being "level-headed" is borderline-autism that can arguably cause even worse problems down the line when what is suppressed can no longer contain itself.

yet in the OP you state that
>I cut you off and never forgive you
which seems like the most aversive tactic to me

You don't need to be so quick to label someone as your enemy. Sometimes people are just stupid and naive, selfish, with underdeveloped personalities. It doesn't make them evil. If an 8 year old won't share candy with you because he hasn't learned to share, its because he never learned to share.

People are all at different stages of development and it does no good to hang on to anger towards them because they made mistakes. If someone behaves in a way that is detrimental to my life then I cut them out. I'm not angry about it, that's just how it has to be, for my own good. Maybe someday they'll grow up and we can reconcile, who knows. Let go of the bad emotions, for your own sake.

Because societies that practice forgiveness are more successful than those that hold grudges - they spend less time fighting each other and more time on cooperative productive endeavors. If everyone thought like you, we'd all be worse off.

Your example of Christianity is telling - whatever they became later on, the early Christians were the biggest "pushovers" ever, and yet they ended up taking over the greatest military superpower of their time.

If you have the time, read this essay:

slatestarcodex.com/2014/02/23/in-favor-of-niceness-community-and-civilization/

>I don't know a single prominent figure in history, politics or business that wasn't vindictive and prideful to some degree.

A lot of those people were scoundrels, if not total sociopaths.
If your goal is to get into the history books then I guess go ahead, but that won't necessarily make you or anyone else happy.

>If someone behaves in a way that is detrimental to my life then I cut them out.

>don't be so quick to label someone as the enemy

?

Just because someone isn't beneficial to my life, it doesn't make them my enemy. Everything that isn't good for me isn't evil or bad, it's just not for me.

The true nuance is to let go of those who hold you back or who have wronged you with detatchment. Leave revenge, retribution and grudges behind and instead, live your life

>people are just stupid and naive, selfish, with underdeveloped personalities

So yeah, that’s the type of people I wish to surround myself with...

>not

>If you fuck with me and I cut you off and never forgive you, why am I the bad guy?

Depends on the context but, most of the time seing interpersonal relationships as Good/Bad is considered immature or lacking nuance. The tendency to * cut off * people after a disagreement or a dispute could mean that the person has a poor adaptative response to interpersonal stress.
Always depends on the issue but, if this behavior is present in all your relationships, you should consider your implication in the negative feedback.

This works until revenge is taken against you; this also works until you're damning people for slights. The problem is just that if you burn the bridge and need to cross it later, you're fucked.

That said, a lot of humans nowadays are fucking positively obsessed with being able to signal their virtue. Just look at the race denial that goes on; it's 'racist' that most of the video footage shows non-whites committing crimes? Really? Truly, and earnestly? Like, good fucking God, that's some intravenous fucking kool-aid right there. I hope they spike that punch and just start sucking it down.

Anyway, in my life, I always find the that the ones to be forgiven are always more eager for it to be 'over with.' THEY don't want to think of themselves as flawed, having to deal with these things, or otherwise. They don't want to look at themselves like that, because it means they have to do work and put in effort to improve.
The NOTION of burning bridges is bad; but in practicality, it's a very effective way to protect yourself from shitty people who refuse to change or improve.

I give my enemies the biggest smile, I don't let people know I know they burned me, but I hold trust in very small reserves.

There is not a person alive that can't do /something/ for you, and if someone brands you a sucker you can get away with a lot. The people who get one over on you are people usually willing to deal with you again and you can be choosy with your dealings without losing the connection. Doing something in the name of retribution is almost certainly a waste of time and resources.

I didn't say you should surround yourself with them.

I said distance yourself from them, but understand that they're flawed, not evil. Letting go of anger towards others is for your own psychological benefit.

vengeance only gives you temporary satisfaction

I cut contact with the most important partner in my life who now is an ex because I couldn't stand to see her with someone else

I loved her a lot, and if we kept being friends, I'd get jealous seeing her with her ex who she left me for. Even though we had a fucking out of this world chemistry, there were a lot of factors and the situation is in such a state, that I dont even know what is real or not.

Back at it, I didn't want to get revenge on her or shit. It's just that being friends with a girl I loved so much just couldn't work. It would have made me mad, jealous and ugly talking to her.

If other anons think I'm wrong, you can correct and explain to me. I still dream of the day me and her start talking again.

Its ok user, in a way you just can't be the friend she wished you could be right now. Work on yourself if you feel like it and it should be alright.

OP is talking about interpersonal relationships overall.

In your case you NEVER stay friends or in contact with a fucking ex-lover. That's just extra validation and attention that you're not getting pussy for. The only time you'd ever want to maintain contact in a scenario is if you were divorced and had kids to split custody of, and if you're in that situation to you fucked up a long time ago.

no such thing. It's just that our relationship was a bit anormal

Us meeting over the internet, keeping a strong virtual friendship over the course of 3 years and after she moved to my town for university, we started dating. Things went to shit in a month and here we are.

I don't even know if I was used as a rebound or not. There were so many contrary things going on and I just can't tell the truth regarding this girl

It's just that I never met someone as beautiful, as mysterious and elegant as she was. I love her and even though I'm against dating an ex, I'd clearly go for her again. Hell, I wouldn't mind if one day I'd marry her.

It's not that I want to be her friends. I see her and will see her as a romantic interest for as long as I'll have days. We can't work like friends. I waited for her to come to my city so we can date. Now that she did that and we broke up, things are pretty done.

the last message I sent her was something like:
"this friendship thing isn't going to work. In time I'll get jealous and mad and this will affect our rellationship bad. I love you, but you are not ready to be with me. When you are, you can call me, we will take it easy and steady. No rush.

>It's just that I never met someone as beautiful, as mysterious and elegant as she was. I love her and even though I'm against dating an ex, I'd clearly go for her again. Hell, I wouldn't mind if one day I'd marry her.

Jesus Christ

Are you OP?

No wonder she dumped you dude.
No one wants to be with an insecure , needy, vengeful, bottomless pit of despair.

Work on yourself instead of obsessing with how others "mistreated" you.

You sound like a very argumentative person.

You must like being alone.

And what if she never comes back user ?

Not OP, but I want to solve my problems.

I just said the reasons for cutting her off. So I wouldn't hurt her in this friendship. I don't want to take revenge on her or do something bad. The conflict between us was complicated and I don't want to jump to false conclusions.

well its pretty much over now. Only time will tell. I try and move forward and if it is meant to be, we will meet again. I don't hold any grudges

Yeah it's your ego taking hold of you. Everyone makes mistakes. If we retaliated to every mistake, then the world would suck and civilization would be impossible.

If you see a 3 year old boy slap a 3 year old girl. You probably won't tell the girl to hit him back. You'll tell the boy to apologize. Empathy and understanding plays a big part in why we're able to maintain a society.
But yeah, if people don't have empathy for you, then let lose and take full revenge.

feel you there
now exgf wanted to remain friends, as she does with a lot of her exes sadly because she's bad at letting people go

but i can't do it because i will just like you always see her as "datable", romantic feelings lingering around the corner

Burning bridges and holding grudges are not the same thing. By either points you have already severed the relationship but from different events.

>If you see a 3 year old boy slap a 3 year old girl. You probably won't tell the girl to hit him back.

I'd hit the 3 year old boy myself

well heres the thing user
phrases like that are designed to convey order in a justice system built around being elite

see if you hit someone
you go to prison
if you sabotage someones life until they kill themselves with legal means
its all hunky dory

when people begin to realise the political power of their actions and language they begin to exert real power that isnt as punishable and punitive by legal means
so they teach you the ideal is never to use that power
never lie and always be nice and forgive all wrong doings because god is in all of us and he is benevolent haha
theyre just ideologies designed to keep a rigged system functional

Based and redpilled