Happy Wednesday. I work with a girl I'm extremely attracted to, but know nothing about. We never have any reason to interact, and are only in the same room for company wide meetings, and occasionally I see her go to the water cooler on my side of the building. I don't even see her when I come and go from the office.
I leave this job soon. Is there anything I can do here?
talk to her if you get the chance, ask for number and subsequently ask her out on a date. dont be a fag
I would need to go out of my way to talk to her, or ask a coworker to make a big deal of it.
Second thing is, no one in the office really knows I'm leaving. Hell, I don't even know when I'm leaving. We're working on hiring my replacement.
Similar situation, monitoring this thread.
Enjoy being blacklisted for sexual harassment in the workplace.
ask if you can take pictures of her nude for modeling
>tfw work retail and said our GM had a "juicy booty" in our store chat app with zero negative repercussions and everyone loved it
I would focus on other things because it is very unlikely it will work out.
I'm leaving this job shortly. There's no workplace to sexually harass at. It's not illegal to talk to a coworker and then ask them out when you leave.
Because of the job... or...?
>I'm leaving this job shortly. There's no workplace to sexually harass at.
you can still get blacklisted if you have a reputation of sexual harassment.
>It's not illegal to talk to a coworker and then ask them out when you leave.
unwanted advances (like talking to someone) is sexual harassment, which is illegal.
You're a psychopath. Talking to someone is not an unwanted advance unless you're a fucking bridge troll, or have no sense of awareness at all. How do you think people meet, or collaborate on projects?
How is hitting on one coworker at a job I'm out of in a few weeks going to give me a "reputation of sexual harassment" unless I walk up and smack her ass or ask her to suck my dick in the copy room?
Don't shit where you eat nigga
Why so many anons confuse work environment with speed dating night at Jerry's??
Read. The. Post.
I'm not shitting where I eat. I am done with this job shortly. It will be a few weeks and I'll be gone, and so will any chance I have of interacting with her.
But you are not gone yet...? Just install tinder my man, bothering your coworkers especially if you never really interacted with them before is not a good idea. Its an easy way to get branded as a creep
>tinder
lmao if you expect anybody to take you seriously after telling people to use tinder.
Tinder doesn't work very well unless you wanna fuck some fat skeeze. All I'm looking for is some advice on how to naturally strike up a conversation with this girl. She's in a different department.
Even if someone does think I'm a creep for daring to talk to a member of the opposite sex, what does it matter? I'm not ever going to see them again.
You clearly want to fuck badly so tinder is perfect for you. Anyway what is the point of making a thread if youe expect echo chamber?
>Talking to someone is not an unwanted advance
talking to someone *is* an unwanted advance if they don't want you talking to them. that's essentially what "unwanted advance" means.
>How do you think people meet, or collaborate on projects?
by not sexually harassing them.
>How is hitting on one coworker at a job I'm out of in a few weeks going to give me a "reputation of sexual harassment"
because you would be known as someone who committed sexual harassment
>unless I walk up and smack her ass or ask her to suck my dick in the copy room?
or making unwanted advances.
Someone's about to get #MeToo'd.
That was my first post in the thread you cretin. If course the tinder idiot boils everything down to "hurr durr u want fuck" and completely ignores OP's interest in having a relationship with one particular girl because it violates some arbitrary rule you made up.
>How do you think people meet, or collaborate on projects?
By doing those activities with people they actually want to be around. If it turns she doesn't want that with you, you've already overstepped your boundaries. Especially at a job, where sexual misconduct is rife.
Kek op doesn't even know her. A relationship? Please user we all know that he wants to fuck her and thinks that because he is leaving work he can get away with acting unprofessionally and bothersome
>dating coworkers, past or otherwise
i can think of so many ways this can backfire; almost none of it related to sexual misconduct or whatever
>it's another pseudo-nihilist thinks he knows everything and tinder sluts are the answer episode
*yawn*
You can't tell if someone doesn't want to talk to you until you interact. That's how human interaction works. You can't go around assuming no one wants to interact with each other. That's not how healthy people work. It sounds to me like you have extreme autism.
An unwanted advance is walking up and rubbing her back while she makes coffee, not saying "oh, I like the picture of a spaceship on your mug."
You can't tell if someone wants to be advanced on without interacting. Do you think every girl creates a chart of "people I'm okay with interacting with" and emails it to her boss on the first day, based off of nothing?
I don't particularly want to just fuck her. I think she's pretty and I like the design work she does that they have posted outside of her part of the building. I would like to get to know her a little bit and see if she is interesting. Isn't that how relationships work?
I'd love to hear how you think people exhibit "wanted" advances without speaking to each other.
>I don't particularly want to just fuck her.
Yeah man, we all believe you
Get over yourself. Yes, I'm attracted to her. No, I don't know much about her. This is how dating starts in almost all cases in countries where arranged marriage isn't a thing.
Dont even bother replying to that edgelord.
Yeah I was right, you just want echo chamber because some office chick gives you a boner
Just know that by trying to pursue a coworker you prove that you are immature and can't stay professional because you'd rather think with your dick. Enjoy getting metoo'd man
I've been a Title IX coordinator at a couple universities over the 2010s. Let's see if I can answer these.
>You can't tell if someone doesn't want to talk to you until you interact.
And if it turns out they didn't want want to talk, it counts as sexual misconduct, even if you were completely oblivious to it.
>That's how human interaction works.
Human interactions work through mutual consent. One person talking to someone who doesn't want to isn't consent.
>You can't go around assuming no one wants to interact with each other.
You can't go around assuming people want anything to do with you.
>That's not how healthy people work.
Healthy people typically don't harass others.
>It sounds to me like you have extreme autism.
Ad hominem, boyo.
>An unwanted advance is walking up and rubbing her back while she makes coffee
That's more battery, or assault by some definitions.
>not saying "oh, I like the picture of a spaceship on your mug."
Generally, for it to qualify as an unwanted advance, it has to be unwanted. That's literally it. It could be physically rubbing them, or it could just be simple chatter. If it's not wanted, it qualifies as unwanted advances. The "advance" parts typically mean you were the one who made the first move.
>You can't tell if someone wants to be advanced on without interacting.
And if it turns out they didn't want that, then you've still done something wrong.
>Do you think every girl creates a chart of "people I'm okay with interacting with" and emails it to her boss on the first day, based off of nothing?
Sexual misconduct reports are majority female.
The sad part is, I have to deal with people like you on a regular basis at my job. And it usually ends with some kind of reprimand, or removal from the school altogether.
This is ridiculous. So what advice do you give to men and women in a working environment? Never speak to each other? Do they have to go to their boss first and formally request permission to speak to someone of the opposite sex as part of a project they have been assigned to?
I don't believe for a moment you have ever reprimanded or removed someone from a position for making small talk to a coworker that is in no way sexual.
>So what advice do you give to men and women in a working environment?
Don't do anything that someone else can interpret as sexual misconduct, and don't do anything that gets in the way of work. Pretty straightforward.
>I don't believe for a moment you have ever reprimanded or removed someone from a position for making small talk to a coworker that is in no way sexual.
I haven't. I just investigate the claims and process the reports. Administrations bestows whatever action they feel necessary, which has meant kicking out people in the past.
Right, and introducing yourself to a person is not sexual misconduct unless you're way over the line with something nonsensical.
My entire point of this thread was basically supposed to be "how do I talk to this person in an organic way where I can get to know them as a human," but has turned into just examples of the most extreme shit people can come up with. You do know people have been dating and fucking and marrying at work for decades now, right?
>introducing yourself to a person is not sexual misconduct unless you're way over the line with something nonsensical
It's sexual misconduct/harassment if they take it that way. There's no specific level for it. Even attempting to make small talk is misconduct/harassment if it's not something they want from you. It doesn't matter how severe.
>how do I talk to this person in an organic way where I can get to know them as a human
Which, considering it's with romantic intentions, and at a job no less, is very unethical, and risks not only violating boundaries, but potential consequences for you that will still follow for years to come. And companies are a lot less forgiving of accused sexual misconduct than universities.
>You do know people have been dating and fucking and marrying at work for decades now, right?
When they actually consent and want to do that with each other.
it's generally creepy to have some random guy introduce themselves to you unprompted.
Alright, fuck it, I'm out, you're a nutjob. Taking the rules to the very extreme and not understanding it. If I got "blacklisted" from working, a new company asked me to explain it, and I said "well Jim, I told her I liked the picture on her coffee mug and she reported it as unwarranted sexual assault," we'd have a good laugh and I'd get the job.
Have a good night. Maybe I'll post this thread another time when I can get some real advice instead of people who read one too many safe space stories on tumblr.
I have been introduced to this girl before, when I was hired. We are on email chains together from time to time. She 100% knows who I am, as our part of the company is only about 25 people. I'm not showing up at her desk mouthbreathing.
No wonder the college justice system is fucked if people like you are in charge.
>If I got "blacklisted" from working, a new company asked me to explain it, and I said "well Jim, I told her I liked the picture on her coffee mug and she reported it as unwarranted sexual assault," we'd have a good laugh and I'd get the job.
Employers usually turn you away, and either blacklist you (if you haven't already), or warn other employers about you.
>Maybe I'll post this thread another time when I can get some real advice
You did get real advice: don't sexually harass the people you work(ed) with.
if she hasn't shown interest already, it sounds like she's doesn't want much more to do with each other than work
If they're in different departments how could she show interest?
So deal with it.
Are you capable of basic human interaction? Or do you need an administration to step in and do all the work for you?
In case you haven't figured it out by your age, you tell the guy to go away.
she would've found a way if she was truly interested.
no one should have to deal with a potential abuser harassing you at work
"Could've found a way" is a non answer.
if she was interested, she would've made it known by now one way or another
And what would those ways be that in another thread wouldn't be chalked up to just being nice?
completely depends on her. if she was really into you, she would've made it obvious by now.
Or maybe you shouldn't be a creep and harassing your coworkers.
You keep recycling this non answer instead of giving a few examples.
How could this happen to America? This is exactly what's wrong with your country. How talking to someone is sexual harassment? What's your next step, banish human contact? Fuck your metoo movement, fuck your genderfluid bullshit, fuck your paranoid sexual harassment nonsense. Just go out and know people, talk to women, have fun flirting with them and if it's a no, then it's a no. Live a worthy life, for fuck's sake.
you don't need specific examples, because that's an individual criteria, not a collective one. if she was really interested, you would've picked up on it by now.
> I would need to go out of my way to talk to her
Then that's what you should do unless there's some weird policy that says you can't.
I'm not OP, I want you to give examples of indicators but you refuse. "i-it's different" doesn't fucking matter, are you a troll or stupid?
Holy fucking shit, this. Your country is literally insane if you can't literally talk to people
>I want you to give examples of indicators but you refuse.
because you're asking for the completely wrong thing, and missing the point entirely. since whatever examples depend exclusively on her and her alone. even a simple "hi" is going to mean potentially hundreds of different things. the biggest qualifier being nuance, not substance. the type of "examples" you're looking for simply don't exist, and are a complete misunderstanding, since she's not some misogynistic hegemony or collective.
>"i-it's different" doesn't fucking matter
it does matter, since said examples depend on her specifically. not you, me, or op. only her.
>I'm not OP
doesn't matter. you're still just as much as a sex offender and abuser.
>and if it's a no, then it's a no
Actively not indicating that they want you talking to them is essentially a "no."
>since she's not some misogynistic hegemony or collective
Wow, you are wound up. It's not that serious.
>if you try to talk to girls in real life you're committing sexual harassment.
>just try to find a mate on tinder
If you unironically think like this then their is no hope for you and you should kill yourself.
You don't understand how dangerous it is for women in the US. Everyday one is snatched off the street, at work, school, in a store parking lot raped and killed. Several years ago a graduate student working an intership was targeted, attacked, raped and her body stuffed into a wall by a male coworker. Women going about their everyday life but the predators are always lurking waiting for a time she is alone and isolated. Most times they never see the attack coming.
So because deranged people rape and murder women i shouldn't even attempt to talk to them unless it's over a shitty hookup app?
probably because sex crimes over here are absurdly high.
- nsvrc.org
- rainn.org
- nsopw.gov
- bjs.gov
- independent.co.uk
if I lived some place where I could be attacked for being a white guy, I'd be paranoid too.
I'm asking you to understand the danger women face and the need to protect ourselves.
I understand that women face real danger, but telling men to ignore women in real life that they're interested in and find a different one online because of some made up claim that they're harassing them if they express any sort of romantic interest in them is flat out stupid.
it's not so much you have to avoid them, it's just because of certain circumstances, you're going to be looked at a certain way for something as innocent as trying to talk to the wrong people, and it'll screw you over as a result (getting fired or expelled).
and yeah, because of shitty people who happen to be the same demographic as you, you get just as punished for their shit, even if that's complete bullshit.
all I have to do is let my guard down once and I'm force fucked or dead. you don't hear of guys out for a jog and later found in an abandoned car trunk. try living your life like that
>you don't hear of guys out for a jog and later found in an abandoned car trunk.
Yes you do.
if they are gay or black, occasionally
This
It's not like this everywhere though
My boss mentioned how she wanted to marry my coworker if she wasn't married
I flirt with like 4 or 5 girls, 1 of whom is another boss of mine. I'll probably ask her out.
Just last week we were all having a laugh about how 2 of our coworkers must've been abused as children and their highschool lovers
You people work at some weird places.
Kek @ the utter state of America
>gays
>Male
>Blacks
>Human
I'd worry more about tablets than gays or blacks. It's not like their is a gay detector that deranged people use to hunt gays going for jobs at night so that's out the window and the biggest threat to black people at night is other black people.
You are literally making stuff up for (You)s
manlets autocorrected to tablets lol
Poor lil guys.
No, you don't hear about men dying because...
How do you ever expect to find a partner then?
they forgot to include women use mental health services 3x more than men despite being statistically better off
"it's not enough for me to win, others must lose"
Guy here, this is the neighborhood I grew up in:
>multiple drive-by shootings in a year
>police on every corner
>middle school fights everyday
>there's been police arrests and drug busts across the street from our school
>happened enough times that even kids as young as 11 were used to it
>nearby gang activity and gruesome fights
>one of the girls in school was struck by a stray bullet
>a 14y/o boy was found gagged and stabbed to death in a gutter, because his brother got involved with said gangs
>teachers would always talk about how you're probably going to end up in jail like everyone else
>a preacher was arrested on the front steps of our school for harassing students with the gospel
>the straight-A student in our class was expelled for bringing a knife
>almost all our dads were in jail for very violent crimes
>our moms would beat you at the drop of a hat
>one day, when walking to school, walked past some elementary school girls who "accidentally" set a cat on fire with fireworks
>one of my only friends had a heroin deal go south, prompting the dealers to lock him in a car and set it on fire
Join the fucking club.
It will be in a group and if I start to like them I will make them meet my mom and dad. if they cannot pass the parents test, especially dad, its the end
typical warzone but thats not bumfuck Iowa where a woman cannot go for a run without rape and death
I grew up on the west coast during the late-80s/early-90s, when America's gang problem was at it's worst, dipshit.
I understood of which you spoke and liken it to living in a warzone. Not minimizing your experience but leaving a warzone eliminates most of the risk for a male.
>ask female coworker what's the time
>get arrested for sexual harassment
>unwanted interaction
Who came up with those laws?
If you aren't allowed to talk to new people how will you ever give consent in the firstplace?
OP, just ask some basic questions or give her a compliment about the designs she did that you like.
And do it in a way where you can argue that it was relevant for work.
If she goes #metoo, be happy that you are leaving the company.
No it fucking doesn't. They still risk suicide. They still risk deaths in war. They still risk dying on the job. They still risk male-on-male violence (which has always been high and extremely common). Historically, most men died before having a chance to produce offspring. They risk various habits and behavior that cut years off their lives. They risk getting caught up in violence, whether deliberately, or unwittingly. When they suffer domestic or sexual violence, no one takes them seriously. It's a dangerous, unforgiving world in general. And to focus on certain shit happening to a specific group only minimizes and discounts the crap everyone else goes through.