I recently got ditched and i don't understand why.
I don't say this on behalf of myself, just what other people tell me. I'm very caring in a relationship, i like to spoil the person alot, and i don't fear communicating everything, like things i didn't like, jealously, anything like that. I always find a way to "put it in words". And i rarely get to the point of fighting, but even when i do, i sit with the person, ask if it's a nice time (to give the person a chance to procrastinate talking about it, which happens alot) and calmly try to address the situation, without ever raising my voice. My problem is anxiety, but even then i take a beating for the person and control it for the both of us.
Well, my last relationship ended with the person saying i'm "too perfect" and that i was never the problem, but still couldn't go on. The person slowly took distance and the more i told him i'd be here to support him always, the more he went away. "I don't want to be spoiled", "i'm not used to things this perfect". I feel fucking worthless and feel like i'll never find a relationship where the person will like the way i am, or won't step on me for being like that. What's the worth in a relationship if you can't fight every week and hit your wife with an alcohol bottle because she keeps arguing, right? Nice people aren't fun or gives you any adrenaline rush i guess.
Where is my place in this, should i change the way i am? Give less attention to my partner and demand more, act more cold? There's no such a thing like a perfect relationship i guess, but you can make it very close with communication and understanding the person but is that even possible?
I'm the same way, and I have had this problem twice. It's because the person you are with is too insecure, and is afraid that you'll realize how much better you are and leave, so they decide to leave first and not get hurt (which they will be anyway).
One relationship failing is not a reason to abandon your values. He was probably being genuine when he said "I'm not used to things this perfect." Broken people tend to gravitate towards broken relationships.
>I feel fucking worthless and feel like i'll never find a relationship where the person will like the way i am This is the only thing I'd recommend changing. A scarcity mentality when it comes to finding a romantic partner only leads to suffering. There are plenty of fish in the sea. They're not always easy to find, and you won't always find good ones, but I'm certain there are many people out there that would love to have you in their life.
Don't give up hope due to bad experiences, and try not to be "results oriented." Just because you could have done something to make THAT relationship work, doesn't mean you were doing something wrong. You can only stick to your values and hope for the best.
Its probably just an excuse for having met someone new/more interesting and the lack off guts to address it. Like the other user said, dont sweat it, you seem like a good person, focus on your own well being and try to move on
you made a boring gf, thats all
Get someone you rightfully deserve that wont do highschool level shit like call the cops on you, whilst lying.
There's a truth about human relationships which is not self-evident. People want to be challenged and loved at the same time. A relationship with only positive interaction is bound to fail as much as a relationship with only negative interaction. Mostly positive interaction is good, but stability is boring; people want to be bitten from time to time.
Too nice is lies. You are either ugly, insufferable or unfuckable.
>Its probably just an excuse for having met someone new/more interesting and the lack off guts to address it.
>It's because the person you are with is too insecure, and is afraid that you'll realize how much better you are and leave, so they decide to leave first and not get hurt (which they will be anyway).
>There's a truth about human relationships which is not self-evident. >People want to be challenged and loved at the same time.
>One relationship failing is not a reason to abandon your values. He was probably being genuine when he said "I'm not used to things this perfect." Broken people tend to gravitate towards broken relationships.
also correct, and related.
Based on info so far, and assuming OP is not crazy bitch, then the dude is a child who is too afraid to face the responsibility of someone who was actually serious relationship material, afraid of being judged, afraid of putting in the work on himself, and/or lazy as well.
>It's because the person you are with is too insecure, and is afraid that you'll realize how much better you are and leave He was, extremely insecure and beaten by life in multiple ways, but i gave him reassurance often, i never expected that would still be how things ended. I was the one to break up actually, in the terms that If he was going to stay closed in his own world and not accept any help like it has been for the past months, i couldn't help.
>Broken people tend to gravitate towards broken relationships. All the talk about "treating a bruised dog" is not worth it in the end?
I'm just wondering and learning with that, i don't mind helping a partner with problems and it makes for a strong bond sometimes, but if i ever get in a situation like that again, it's better to let it go in the start?
I actually wish those were concrete reasons, because then i'd have clarification. But it's not even that.
So you broke up. Not him. This whole thread is a lie.
Based thot always bending the truth.
>All the talk about "treating a bruised dog" is not worth it in the end?
well, not literally, an actual abused dog benefits greatly from rehab.
but its just an analogy when used for people who's troubles are far more complex.
>So you broke up. Not him. This whole thread is a lie. >Based thot always bending the truth.
I think you're over emphasizing the 'event of breaking up' as a formal announcement/declaration. If someone renders themselves completely unavailable to the partner, that is functionally no different than breaking up with them because the terms of the relationship have dissolved from their mutual-ness.
A little bit of a white knight shines through. Just a lil bit. We only have her word. She did say she was ditched. Turns out she broke up. Weather he really was emotionally already broken up is up to debate. We have her feeling of being kept at distance against the fact that she broke up. Without proof, facts beat assumptions.
>Mostly positive interaction is good, but stability is boring; people want to be bitten from time to time. Wish that could be skipped with a strong bond and a strong friendship/eroticism, i really don't understand why stability is boring if you have a nice relationship and do things all the time.
Or you're just unlucky enough and never find someone like that, user. The world is FULL of nice people and you should give it a try. Anyway as i mentioned before it's not me saying that, it's what other people keep telling me.
I don't want to see him as any of that when he was older and more mature... Isn't it very rare for a guy to be like that?
With basic reading comprehension and being less autistic about that thot thing, you would know why i broke up. The person became insufferably distant, only showing his face to apologize for "not being able to communicate properly" but never doing it no matter how much time passed by. Besides that it's like the other user said, absolutely no mutual-ness.
I'm not shunning anyone here, is that common in Jow Forums? I'm just seeking clarification on why something like that could happen and i have no reason to lie if i'm suffering with that. If i was the problem or went annoying or insufferable at any point, i wouldn't be wasting my time writing here, because i'd know the problem. He told me i was never the problem, many times.
I lost time of my life dedicating myself to that.
Yes actual abused doggos deserve all the care in this world too.
As for the analogy, that's what i tried to do. He really went through alot, in life and relationships, but i saw him so happy with me in the start i never thought he'd start acting like that.
I am going through the same thing, but with genders reversed. I fell in love with a girl troubled by her self-perceived inadequacy, which I honestly am baffled by. I don't see the faults she thinks she has at all, and some that she actually kinda does have are nothing serious and could be easily overcome. Like, it's crazy how closely your story matches mine. The girl broke up with me, however, and not the other way round like you. She told me that she couldn't love me, and that every time she saw how caring I was about her, every time I gave her little gifts that I thought up relating to some discussion we had or some little word she dropped here and there, it made her hate me more and more, and in the end simply had no fond feelings left and so left me. I have no fucking idea how that came about. I don't understand what kind of twisted logic could turn gifts, kind words and other manifestations of genuine love from my heart into... that. All I'm left with, in my case, is regret that I've caused this to happen. I can't imagine what she went through, and I was the cause of it. I don't know what I did wrong, and I don't know what I could do differently that wouldn't go against my conscience. The communication thing, I basically stated that one outright as soon as we went into the relationship phase, and in the end that was the one thing that didn't happen. She kept this problem bottled up inside, and even when I sensed something wrong and asked her about it she went "no it's fine you're worrying too much i can handle this on my own". Three days later, she breaks up with me because of that bottled-up problem. Frankly, I feel very inadequate because of it. I know this post doesn't help at all, but at least now you know you aren't alone in this. There must be others who have figured this out, and they can probably help you. All I can say is that being kind to your SO and other people is definitely not wrong. Keep it up.
We're left trapped with this thought about what could we have done but that's so distressing. If there was something we could do, they should have asked for help and been open about it (because we did our part in asking and offering help). I too heard the "i can handle this on my own", but in the end that's what happened. And the most disturbing thing is that it was really sudden.
Even your words "I don't see the faults she thinks she has at all, and some that she actually kinda does have are nothing serious and could be easily overcome" are absolutely EXACTLY what i felt.
I can only seriously hope you also find peace from that and lots of happiness user. This really sucks.
You said you "take a beating for the person" which suggests you might be a doormat which could be the reason. Boundaries, my dear.
It's a very odd feeling, isn't it? I'm not a social person, the friends I have right now are the same group I've had for 12 years now. With this relationship, I really thought I could make a difference in the girl's life - make her better, help her with her problems. We can build a healthy relationship of mutual respect and care and all of that stuff, I thought. And even though it's over now, I still get the craving to ask and see if they're dealing with it alright and all, though I know I shouldn't do that. I don't even know how to build a new relationship again. Hell, I wish I could give you a hug of solidarity or something. You'll do good in life eventually, I bet.
Mememe. My time, my feelings, i want this want that. Sure. Nice gal.
Lol fucking Thots. user is 100% correct. All your posts are written in a deceptive fashion. >i broke up. The person became insufferably distant >I got ditched I almost fell for your bullshit too. You're just shifting the blame to make yourself the victim. You're so full of shit. >should i change the way i am? Give less attention to my partner and demand more, act more cold? Also you have to be 18+ to post on Jow Forums. No adult would post such highschool level garbage like this. You're clearly a child.