Fellow ladies, do you like it when a guy reveals his vulnerable side? Even if it's a flaw, does just understanding it have this humanizing and honest quality to it for you?
My boyfriend recently finally opened up to me and it made me really happy, and it made me think of how even with fictional characters female readers/viewers love that kinda thing. Eg: the Kylo Ren fandom (yea i know, pls stay with me here), Jean Kirstein from AOT, prolly better examples but maybe this gives the idea.
First off, the better and more relateable examples you'll want are things like Zuko, Todoroki and maybe someone like Vegeta, since you're on Jow Forums. Driver and his fucking satellite ears aren't gonna pick up as much recognition. Then again, Jow Forums is normie as hell so maybe it will.
People like when people they trust and appreciate open up. Nobody likes when the casual acquaintance starts playing emotional vomitosis.
I definitely like it, and contrary to what most guys on here believe, I'd say that most women like it. 90% of my female friends do.
As long as him showing his vulnerable side isn't him spilling his guts out about how he loves you and fantasizes about you every night while masturbating when you've barely had two sentences worth of conversation. That's just unnerving.
But so hot like fire. The trick is his emotions are rooted in something. Like when Tenya takes his internship, like when Bakugo challenges Deku.
The thing about that kind of exposure we like is that it's not the norm, but it's still unmistakably them.
The only thing that gets him going is his dad, other than that he's just a stone cold killer.
It's fine, but context and timing are important. This is something you don't want to happen too soon or too late. Personally I have found that it's a bad sign if a guy never opens up. That kind of thing will doom a relationship. Also, that bunny is so cute!
As a guy, its a very dangerous move to open up to a girl. No matter what they say to you (like its cute, they care for you a d shit like that), they always use it against you in an argument fight, sooner or later.
Definitely agree with that. In my specific case him opening up also included understanding why he even likes me, i was worried i was interchangeable with anyone but he noticed things in me that i valued and was proud of but thought he didn't value or care about because he didn't express it or reacted badly to because of insecurity.
Can definitely relate, before he did this our relationship was pretty much doomed. But this is still very fresh, so I still have to see what happens.
I'd say that applies to anyone towards their love interests. Can a relationship even work without doing that though? Honest question, i don't want to claim to be certain. To me it seems like a necesary step, regardless of the risk, part of the screening process, when ready of course, to see of it will work.
Also, I can see how it can be used against you in a manipulative way, but what if they bring it up to challenge you to be better or move past it?
For example if one of your issues was preventing you from treating your partner fairly wouldn't it be valid to identify it in the situation?
This. Also, you’d appear as sexually less appealing, less masculine, etc. They’ll be more prone to cheating and finding other men turning them on.
girls can't get turned on bro
Yea, those are good examples, was lazy to think of them because i just wanted to get my post up. Kylo i feel is a piognant example because he's unlikable to so many but he has an equally passionate fanbase despite that because of his woobie quality, skewed perception from it notwithstanding.
And yea a lot of people find that kind of unloading alarming from a stranger or casual acquaintence, some people might be sympathetic or equiped to deal with it but it shouldn't be assumed as a rule.
Less macho, maybe, but that's a good thing. Less macho doesn't mean less masculine, it just means less dudebro.
Depends on the girl and their preferences, so not claiming to speak for all of them, also the specifics of the issue they're opening up about. To me it's just human, the honesty itself and the ability to identify it and most importantly the want to move past it is beautiful.
But it’s not sexual. It’s emasculating and desexualizing, and it’s a threat. Not for you, but for us. Once you’re done with “beautiful”, you’d seek for “sexy” again from another man. It’s so easy being a woman, you can just be yourself and not having self esteem issues.
I'll just say it: I don't have anything to open up about to with the girl I'm dating.
And I don't mean that in an autist/edgelord "I don't feel feelings" kind of way, I mean it as I've got myself very well figured out and am 100% emotionally self-sufficient. I know how to work through my own problems, how to spot bad moods, how to shake myself out of things, how to problem solve. There is nothing that I get from externalising my feelings to another person. For me, if anything, talking to someone else about the way I feel is a hassle of having to explain it to them because they want to know what I'm thinking.
I don't think that all wimenRevil or anything like that, I love women, I just have nothing to share with them. If you want to bounce your shit off my that's fine I don't mind listening here and there and maybe offering help if that's what you want, but there is nothing you can get out of me willingly in terms of emotional vulnerability. And none of this means that I don't love you, or that I'm not vulnerable with you, or that I'm afraid of you/afraid of sharing with you, it just means that I don't need your help and for as long as you want that to change, you're going to be asking me to change something that is at the very core of my personality and I'm both unable and unwilling to alter myself on such a base level jus because it makes you feel warm and fuzzy to feel like I need you.
OP if you take one piece of advice from this board hear this. Despite what girls tell you, do NOT show your vulnerable side. DO NOT. Do you hear me? DONT DO IT.
Why the fuck did you ask the question if you're going to argue for one side of the answer? Fucking retard. Yeah, keep taking advice from girls on how to get girls, because we all know that works out well right? Fucking beta cucked loser.
And there it is >I want my man to be vulnerable and emotional about the right issues under the right circumstances
Guy here. Was in an amazing 1 year long relationship with a girl I totally fell in love with. We had so much closeness, intimacy and love. She pushed me hard to open up for MONTHS. I finally did after my dad died, and became emotionally vulnerable to her. After about 4-5 months of being vulnerable, and open about my depression, she dropped me.
Males reading this thread, make NO MISTAKE. Emotional vulnerability will destroy your relationship. It doesn’t matter how much you think she’s different, or how hard she prods for you to be. DO NOT DO IT. Women say they want this, but they will lose all respect for you. Never forget this. Save yourself the pain.
This. Every time with a girl I'm in a relationship with, the more vulnerable I am, the worse she treats me. The less vulnerable I am the better she treats me. It really is that black and white.
That's great, it's not about generating artificial vulnerabilities if there are none, but if he can't spot his own problems and acts out and i don't understand the reason it's harder to deal with.
I know it sucks having to face rejection and think men are the only ones that go through it because you are one, but please know plenty of women face the same thing. Any gender can have traits that put off a partner.
Love it when he opens up or sometimes cries. It makes me feel like he trust me and isn't afraid that i'll judge him If i open up and cry around him, why shouldn't he
What a bunch of virgin bullshit and female lies. Yeah sure open up. Whoooops suddenly my man isnt mysterious and strong. Just a weak human like everyone else. Now Im bored. I want a real man. Neeeeext dick pls.
Do you ask a fish how to catch it? A wild horse how to tame it? A criminal how to judge him? Get real.
Jeebus man, did you even read the original post. My question WAS directed at women. And this is a discussion not a one-sided info dictation. If someone not even rudely offers a counter and it makes no sense to you explain why or if you're so triggered leave.
Depends on the girl. I personally woundnt see a great relationship with a guy that felt like he couldnt open up to me. I and many others don't want "mysterious and masculine guy" but rather one that cared for me and someone i can talk to and he can in turn talk to me. You don't have to be tough all the time wat hell If a girl dumps you for showing emotion you're really better off without her.
I won't deny, it's still interesting to hear people's different experiences, even the ones from guys where it ended. My question was abound how universal this is and how other women react, so i will add that to my perspective.
I'd still like to add, because it seems to get misconstrued this way by people:
I'm not claiming this is instantly gonna guarantee you get the girl and you have happy endings. No one should expect any one thing to give you that, expecting that only leads to bitterness and disappointment. Everyone should understand not everyone is going to like what they find or respond well even if what you're doing is being true to yourself, and yes some people are going to be callous and selfish in their rejection (including men). I also want to ask though, is the relationship even gonna work if you're not going to be yourself? If it ends at least you find out it wasn't meant to be, or has someone managed to make it work while hiding who you are?
His entire point was that you shouldn't believe women about what they say they want in a partner. What are you even doing replying to him with what you want in a partner?
What a joke. NEVER show any weakness to a roastie. NEVER.
Well what i look for in a guy really is true. Happily in a relationship for 7 months now and don't want none of that "i'm so tough" thing. It's actually a huge turn off for me
You see, always the same meme replies. Dodged a bullet, she wasnt worth it anyway blablabla. Women dont know what they really want. Several close female friends admitted that. Social structure and biological needs are too far apart and make it even harder for women. The social self wants a human Partner. Your uterus wants a killer stoneman. Protective, unbreakable with a food/ resource dispenser for you and a baby. And man want a healthy baby maker. Nothing else. That means young and healthy aka pretty.
Why do people deny their basic biological self so much?
Some do, some don't
7 months. Fuck off. I can slit my throat and say look I didnt die! Not deadly to slit your throat and then bleed out a few seconds later. Thats how usefull you argument is. Delusional. I was in love too once. Makes you dumb as fuck but at some point you will be back to rational thinking. We all do.
What are you refering to? Was a small wall of text after all.
Ok then, so you haven't exactly "made it" in the same way you're asking of user either. So have YOU had a successful relationship by not being yourself?
Made what? I was "mysterious" and strong with my gf by instinct I guess? Didnt put conscious effort into it. Thats hiwbI got her to chase me for months. We were kind of friends for some time. I liked her as a person, woman and friend. You can imagine how hard i fell in love with her. I was so happy with her, opened up was soft. Now my ex. Got replaced.
What the fuck are you even saying in this post? You're just throwing together a word soup that makes no sense. You literally type like an idiot. Its obvious you're not here for discussion, you're here for an echo chamber, and you're mad you haven't found it.
based, redpilled, and high IQ like many other posts here. men, stop taking advice from women on what women want, especially OP who can't make up her fucking mind.
Hijacking as a dude to say no, with qualifications. I back up because it's the truth. Women want you to open up in a way that allows them to fulfill their motherly urges, or they want to tame the beast. It's all about that caring closeness wherein they can be saints or angels, soothing people's pain and bringing calm to an aching heart. But, actually flip the script on women -- that is, become so vulnerable that now they have to do the man's job of caring and catering to the man -- and they will drop you. They see it as weakness. The two girlfriends I did that to, even after they asked, the moment I did, I could see the change in their eyes and I knew it was over. Maybe not then, but in a few months, done. You can definitely open up to women, and they will treat you warmly, but don't do it so much that you flip the script. Which is bullshit, because that's how far you need to go sometimes to really let it all out; women can do this to men, men can't to women. Get a therapist instead. Seriously, if you can afford it, I recommend every man get a therapist to go full vulnerable, because there's nowhere else to do it as a guy; you'll just end up getting dropped.
Sorry that happened to you, that sucks. "Made it" as in had a long, stable, emotionally fulfilling relationship.
Can't expect to be an authority if you haven't exactly figured it out either, of course even if you had it still would apply to your specific circumstances, but atleast it's something. Not saying what you may have learnt doesn't mean anything but we're all still limited to our own experiences. Opening up may not have worked for you and I feel for you, that must have hurt, but how can you say with absolute certainly it applies to every relationship?
Which is why I asked, have you had a relationship where not showing your true self worked? It might, I'm genuinely curious.
That's interesting, thank you for explaining and not acting like a bitter asshole. I want different perspectives but I also want to know they're not from a person who is too angry to see past their bias and hurt.
That sounds like it rings true. In my specific case, I want him to open up because before he was acting out and I didn't understand, I will say with certainly it was killing the relationship.
That said I still expect him to want to work past it and get better, call it "maning up". I don't think anyone wants to just have their issue offloaded on them but with no effort into doing something about it.
Even female friends with no romantic interest withdraw the instant I or other guys talk even a little bit about our Emotions.
Authority? Makes no sense. I dont have to be Pythagoras or redo his work to claim that a2*b2=c2. Are you an elecrtitian or medical staff? No? Ok i wont believe you sticking my Finger in an electrical outet is bad. You have no Authority.
That look in her eyes. Now that you mentioned it. At a specific situation the adoring glance she had died and got replaced by this bored slightly condescening stare. That was even earlier than I thought she fell out of love.
My bf had a pretty tragic thing happen in his family when we were only like 6 months together. He broke down crying in my lap and I held him for what felt like an eternity.
Even though I initially fell for him bc he seemed reckless and the kind of guy who knows exactly how risky to be to get what he wants, this completely opposite side of him surprised me and I loved him even more for it. Humans aren't one-dimensional, almost everyone has feelings I assume. Sometimes they overwhelm you, and your partner is (or should be) the number 1 person to talk about them and let them out.
But of course, this also goes the other way: a one-dimensional guy that is emotional and litterally nothing else is boring and honestly exhausting. I don't think any girl would like to deal with this. Moderation is key, as always. My bf is usually very confident, and only sometimes vulnerable when he is alone with me which adds a certain flavour to our relationship. The ratio of acting strong to showing weakness should never be 100% to 0% in any given relationship imo, but the ideal differes from person to person somewhere in between.
Compensation by honeymoon phase. Funny isnt it? Would you not have mentioned how young the relationship is I may have been pushed to question my Observations so far.
What difference does it make? It doesn't change the person or my views of him.
Im curious. Did he Show weakness again after that incident that had no negative effect due to honeymoon phase?
I think at this point in the discussion we've firmly established that you shouldn't just do this to anyone, it should be at a point in a relationship where you intimately trust them or if not if you know that person is equiped to handle it. We're talking long-term serious romantic relationships here.
Not really but I know what you're trying to get at and you're wrong. If he broke down crying right tonight for example, I would comfort and soothe him because I love him and want him to feel well. It wouldnt affect my feelings for him, or my admiration for him as a person in any way. Emotions are part of every human, you cannot block them out.
I see, pretty good combination of your 2 personalities that made it work out.
Interesting train of thought.
it always happens like this so keep your goddamn mouth shut. If women know you bleed and hurt or damaged in any way you are a limp dick to them.
Why do so many mention long term? Guess what. Hook ups disgust me. I only ever have sex with a serious gf of several months at least. Of course long term. Just having to mention that makes me believe Im dealing with people who see short term flings as good. No judgement here really. Im just very strict and rather not fun in a way.
I see no counter arguments. Just proclmations and empty promises. You should go into politics. Oh god, are you a politician?
Why do you tell that to me?! I learnd my fucking lesson real painfull and gooood.
What if I am? Doesn't change the fact that I love my bf with all his flaws, whether you can imagine this or not.
I only mentioned romantic long-term relationships because you mentioned non-romantic female friends. And of course the relationship being long term matters to this discussion so it's relevant and will be brought up.
I believe you. Until he Shows weakness. I do not say your emotions are lies or fake. Do you understand now? I say your, very true and real, emotions for him will change once he Shows weakness. Did you get that finally? Either you are too dense or I suck balls at expressing myself. If the latter than I apologize. If not I hope I made myself clear.
If a friend gets repulsed by being like that. What do you think happens to somone who is supposed to bebattracted to you?
No need to be condescending. It seems like your worldview is already made up. But thanks for predicting how I, a random stranger on the internet, will feel at a very specific point in the future. Must be nice to be a psychic.
I think you're pretty lucky, and a lot of people here are bitter and hurt.
I think my takeaway from your story, and my own feelings (which haven't been field tested like yours) is that you still have to have something about your partner that you really admire inspite of their vulnerabilities. I think if what you love about them is strong enough and is proven true despite what they struggle with it makes you love them more.
Not everyone will find this, not everyone will have this for their partner, which is why there are so many heartbroken people.
I will say this again, opening up and or showing your damage is not meant as a guarantee to you getting the girl. People are complex and have things they look for in a partner, rejection sucks and people can be callous and selfish about it but it just means it wasn't mean to be and we all have to accept it. Expecting anything to be a secret insta win only leads to bitterness and disappointment.
Self improvement i guess. You know that common advice of working on yourself and all that before finding love?
Logical conclusions seem like psychic to people who wont or cant follow a train of thought. Im not condescening, I said I apologize if you dont understand because of my bad writing style or whatever it might be.
My World view is not made up. Believe it or not, I hate my current viewpoint. It is sad, lonley and harsh. Im trying to see the opposite but I get constant confirmation for it. Where is the good stuff? The love? Every time i thought I found it, it turns out to be a lie or broken. Im talking everything. Not just my life. Friends, family mere acquaintances. All a bunch of sad betrayals and break ups or in the best case indifference.
ITT: lying roasties and retards humoring them.
We are talking about present relationships. Not getting a gf or bf as usually. Pls dont digress or we might end up with specific terms and insulting Im afraid to metion.
God dammit. Im one of them arent I? Fuck. Took the bait so deep it went straight throu me outta my ass..
Grill here. To me, the key is CONTRAST. I am okay with guys being emotional, or making decisions under emotions. However, it is off-putting when they NEVER exercise any assertiveness / logic.
Same thing goes for girls. Girls who act cutesy and girly and very emotionally make me feel disgusted inside. I have a ESFJ friend who is this exact way and I secretly view her as inferior tb.h. My father who was depressed for fucking decades can't stop moaning about his depression every single day. STFU because it is tiring and draining to deal with someone's negative emotions, be it male or female. No one likes that shit.
TLDR; People like balance and contrast. If the girls you are with hates even your slightest emotional side, think about how it will be long term. Perhaps the type of girls you are attracting are the super feminine type who adheres strictly to society's norms? If that's the type of girl you want to attract, then you have to remain the type that they like. Simple.
Well you say you are looking for the love, yet you try so hard to convince me that my love for my bf is conditional on some very specific thing. There is love in this world, and maybe it would help you to just accept it without trying to find ways to conditionalize it. Maybe this would soften you. I honestly wish for you that you find one day what you are looking for.
Learn to read, incelcuck.
>i don't like what he said, therefore he's an incel Spotted the roastie that cucked her 'good guy' bf with Chad when he opened up to her.
Everthing is conditionalized. Every thing. There cant be something from nothing.
But I will try. I must get softer. For the plain reason that I might die from a stroke or heart attack. Im literally tense and crampy. Also grumpy.
No you fuck head. Great. Here we go. Incel and thot shitwar. Fuck you dude.
Serious question - why so many incels on Jow Forums?
Clearly you are a rational being and aren't in any way affected by a mentality built on hurt and self-destructive nihilism.
Because Jow Forums is a Jow Forums board.
PLS do not escalate. Avoid those words with r, i, t
I know but on /v/ most are poltards, on /mu/ never seen one, but when I open Jow Forums I always end up seeing the word roastie everywjere and those 2 Christian girls
Because hurt people come here for solace/advice. Some of those people are in no state to do that and instead want to drag others down or find a target for their anger, which is the whole incel philosophy.
And we all know what Jow Forums is. Lets call it a not so good place... like at all.
It's not all bad. It just has a mix of different people and some of those people are just toxic af
I like poltards.
Where is it not bad? Where? Gif? News? Even fucking ck is trash.
Did I strike a nerve there my little roastie? Call me an incel all you want, but you know what's what. Jow Forums is a great place, even if the retarded gook that's running it is trying his best to ruin it.
Dude. Stop using this word. Fml.
Same. They are so stupid anyone with a brain ends on the left, thanks them
Ok. Where is this greatness hidden? Pony???? Wtf? I legit never dare to click that abomination.
Why does the truth hurt you so much roastie?
Ok no political Debatte pls. Adv is a fucking mine field not a board.
Everywhere. Anonymity in itself is greatness.
You retarded fuckhead. Im the jaded redpill asshole. I just had it with roastie vs incel shit flinging contests.
Right Sorry. I got carried away.
Humm... You got me. Kudos.
Thank you kind sir. But the thread derailed anyway. Anything on topic? Im kinda burned out.
Then you're at the wrong place. Incel vs roastie endless shitflining will keep going, with new buzzwords perhaps, as long as women keep being roasties.
The roastie hating cuck made be kek. I got real roastbeef btw.