>January 2017 >leave my boyfriend of four years after an old friend of mine (we've known each other since elementary) confess feelings for each other >September 2017 >sign up for college a bit late, aged 24 >develop feelings for an older guy in my class in his 30s >try to ignore them out of a sense of loyalty to my boyfriend >ultimately break up with him March of this year because my feelings for my classmate are so strong >we reach the present >I have fallen in love with - for the first time - a girl, a female co-worker >the feelings are mutual >planning to spend a week with my boyfriend this Christmas, at which point I'll tell him the news
The past two years have really made me feel like a bad person. I have never cheated in a relationship, just to be clear on this, but I have been called many more bad names during 2017 and 2018 than I ever expected I would; not just from my exes, but their friends and families as well.
I am an emotionally stable person. I have no mental issues to speak of. Am I a bad person, or is what I have done okay because I've been honest and avoided infidelity?
Sounds like you're struggling with the "settling" period of relationships and getting hooked on the high of meeting new people. It's tough to stick out a long term relationship. What you're doing here is not exactly okay, because you're ultimately hurting people based on momentary feelings. Just because you have them doesn't mean you need to act on them.
You're mistaking love for attraction, even if the emotion is in part based on personality. You need to focus on your studies if you can't function without wanting to leave for the next big catch.
This is bait, right? You're a horror story guys tell each other about women.
you might have been called exaggerations but you are certainly a flighty person, which isn't an admirable quality, no.
the opposite of you is the person who can keep their emotions in check, they are what people call 'steadfast.' your brain is more like one jenga block shoving other jenga blocks out of the way.
Roasties gonna roast.
>is what I have done okay because I've been honest and avoided infidelity? I commend you for this, but the broader pattern is one of instability and difficulty committing to someone long-term. While I hesitate to call you a bad person in light of this one point of restraint, I would certainly describe you as an unreliable partner.
It's been a weird couple of years... I never thought I would do anything like this either.
I'm only going for an Associate's degree, so I'll graduate this May.
Ah... yeah. It feels like I'm almost not in control here. Whenever I fall in love with a new person I lose my feelings for my current partner and can't imagine being with them anymore.
I'm not saying it to be hateful to you, it's legitimately one of my biggest fears. Imagine falling in love with someone, being with them for years, and them leaving you because they found somebody else. The thought of that happening to me makes me want to throw up.
I'm in a minority, hon. Don't worry too much. None of my former girl friends would ever do anything like what I did. A lot of my friends stopped being friends with me after the first time I jumped tracks at the beginning of last year, and after doing that two more times none of my old friends are with me at all. Literally not a single person was on my side or made excuses for me.
I guess that makes me feel a little better, there is a lot of misinformation about women here and it's nice to have some of it cleared up. This gets parroted a lot on here but I hope you see a therapist, I'm not sure if you have anything that could qualify as an issue they could fix but I don't think it would hurt to try.
Don’t ever get into another relationship again. You are whore. Don’t kid yourself or anyone else and pretend you’re not. You might actually like being a prostitute, you should try it, so you can get paid for being a dumb useless cunt.
Do you have a throwaway email, user? Have some advice for you, but it requires me to confide some personal stuff.
Stories like that are the reason I have trust issues. Thank you OP
I'm sorry... For what it's worth, I've developed a bad enough reputation (I live in a small town) that I doubt I can pull any more stunts like this.
You're not a bad person, just fickle as fuck. You enjoy the feeling for falling in love so much that you're incapable of long term commitment. You grow bored in a relationship and start to miss that excitement of early romance. Acknowledge this and don't even bother trying to develop a relationship. Stick to casual affairs and make sure your partners know that there's no future with you. If everyone is in the same page from the beginning, there's no harm in it.
You sound a lot like my ex gf, she did the same to me. Best tip I can give you is to be clear to everyone involved. Let them know how you are and what your past is. Don't ignore people or try to dodge them, coverse. They're adults, they should be able to handle it.
I don’t see the problem, you’re literally doing what people tell cheaters they should do, which is “if you develop feelings for/want to fuck someone else, do the right thing and break up first!”
You’re not doing anything wrong by being true to how you feel. Would it have been better to stay with someone when you don’t really love them anymore? For what?
>I am an emotionally stable person Maybe but you are not honest with yourself about your emotionally capricious nature and that capriciousness is dragging other people in
You should be single for awhile and date and fuck around
Did your first boyfriend confess first or did you like him for a while? And what about the third guy and the girl? I think you like the chase and what you can't have and then get excited once you have it. But then it dies. Because it is lust and not love.
Just date around but don't commit to someone so fast. Someone else said you like the high st the beginning which means you aren't ready or haven't met someone you really click with.
I have been the one to confess and begin the relationship in all four cases.
Sounds like you need to be single for a while. Take the time for yourself first, you have a lot to think about and to find out about yourself that you won't find when you're in a relationship. She'll wait for you and you'll wait for her, if it's really meant to be
>I have been the one to confess and begin the relationship in all four cases.
Oh no...OP you really hurt my soul...
>get approached by nice and quirky girl >have a lot of fun and she is very loyal >breaks up with me out of nowhere and tells me she doesn't love me anymore
You sound like an ex of mine (and other people's in this thread it seems). She would break up with me for a day like once every two months. Later found out she was cheating. She didn't think she was because we technically weren't together. It's not just about the etiquette of dating but giving the fuck about the people you have in front of you.
I don't mean to offend but rather put things into perspective.
You sound sexually frustrated and unstable in relationships. It's not wrong knowing you don't want long relationships but try to be upfront about it with your partners. If you don't know what you want in relationships, think about figuring that out before hurting people who might invest in you.
I have projected way too much already but I think my points stand. Figure your stuff out, the rest should fall in place.
>Protip If you have any noteable hurtful experiences in your past you should check with a psychologist for personality disorders.
>I am not mentally ill >I have no self-control to the point all my friends and family have denounced me got news for you
A textbook example of serial monogamy whoring.
That is my worst nightmare.
I'm sorry to everyone I have upset with this thread. Maybe I shouldn't have posted it.
Well, we're not really mad at you. Disappointed, yes, but you recognize and admit that what you did was wrong and came here for advice on how to be a better person. So we're not upset about that. Triggering, for lack of a better word, our shared anxieties was inadvertent. I'd be a wreck for months if that happened to me.
>get call out on her bull shit >pulls the victim card You can do what you like in life, we’re just calling it have we see it.
Saying "I shouldnt have posted this thread I am sorry" is not pulling the victim card. If anything it's an admission of fault. Get your reading comprehension fixed.
I agree with honestly, have you considered an open relationship? Especially because it’s another woman you want now, your bf may be ok with it
This girl is pretty much how my first and only gf was. No one has ever said she loved me before then she left not even a month after for some random guy she met online who she then left like 2 months later. Women are awful
Your like an addict, you have bonding issues. You may have a personality disorder. Did your mother leave your father or vice versa when you were young?
Was your gf hot? How big were her tits?
>bad No, not really. >bad at making decisions Yes. Yes, very this. It appears you're constantly searching for greener grass. Two things: the grass is ALWAYS greener. And, eventually you will run out of anything to get you to greener pastures and will end up horribly dissatisfied and unresolved because you've spent your life on the chase, rather than the building-up.
Nobody's saying your partner is going to be 10/10 five star michelin shit. We're saying your partner, and you, should be adult enough to build something that the both of you value enough to not only keep, but build upon and protect. The distressing feature about you is that not only have you not done this, but you've laid the pretense for doing this despite that absence of production, so everyone THINKS you're in it to win it but in reality you're just tying your shoes before you start off on another thing to chase after.
Eventually, with so many people staring at your back, you're gonna turn around to find a whole lot of empty fuckin' space.
Ah, and obligatory, if you're a slut-- own it. It'll make your life easier, happier and healthier.
Hey, so I know you've heard this from a number of people already, but I'd like to add my voice to the conversation: you are a monster. I don't wish ill on you for it, but I hope you stop being one.
Failing that, please consider being alone. You are not relationship material.