How can I convince my husband to WANT children?

the nature of fleeing when you are forced into something you dont really want, religion is not a good motivator neither is marriage

>marrying without wanting children
>expecting him to change mindset
Unironically "forget" anticonception and hope he doesnt have balls for divorce.

Attached: fertility_and_age.jpg (500x500, 38K)

We've never just dumped stuff onto each other, everything we do is very much done together, and I know he knows that. Thank you.

No.

everything apart from hiding your intentions lol, who are you trying to fool here, we have no access to your holes so you cant hook us onto your bs

Tell him about your change of thoughts and see his reaction. Mayhaps he will be excited now.

What changed my mind from not wanting children to wanting them (as a guy) was trying to imagine how the future would be with or without them, not just in my late 20s/early 30s, but also the consequences when I'm 40, 50; there's not much to live for once you've got your education done and career going.
Though I must say that everytime I see parents with a baby I wonder whether I really want this; they're dumb, stinking, ugly little creatures.

The best thing you can do though is just talk to him about wanting children and seeing how he reacts. What you're doing now is holding up the pretense that you don't want children but you want him to be enthousiastic about it. That's not gonna work. Be honest, talk it through.

>no
Men do things only becazse their either want them or because they have to. And since he doesnt want children, i dont see why would he ever change his mind.

But one thing is sure: he will have to take care of children...

He doesn't like the idea of having children just so that you're not alone when you're older. That's what his parents did, and it... didn't end up being good for anyone.

I do intend to talk with him honestly about this. I just don't want my own desires to color his judgement or make him say something he doesn't mean.

I think it's entirely plausible for his mind to change on this, chiefly because he's not of any strong opinion either way. He doesn't hate the idea of having kids, but he also doesn't love the idea.
And... yes? We would both be taking care of our children. That's part of the reason I want him to not just be neutral, but excited for the prospect. It's an important life decision that I don't want him regretting or being overly concerned about.

>We've never just dumped stuff onto each other, everything we do is very much done together, and I know he knows that.

Spoken like someone who is NOT going to relax his mind by telling a future pace story.

Look it up - you don't have to think he will do anything. just relax his mind so it is free to work.

He will be all for it after she's born. He's already said as much by agreeing to do it

Poke a damn whole in his condom, Jesus Christ. It's that easy. He'll come around eventually.

>He doesn't hate the idea of having kids, but he also doesn't love the idea
Sound like you're in a relationship with some dense ass fuck anime MC ala Shinji Ikari and you're the Asuka Soryuu. Nah, fuck that. You need a man with strong conviction, whose ideals are unmoveable. He can't be so wishwashy with the idea of bringing a child into existence because having a kid is very important. Make him understand that.

Same. I do want kids myself but I want to have a child with someone I know I will grow old with and die. Divorce can fuck up a kid and I don't want that for him or her. If I'm fucking it is going to be with someone I love, unconditionally.

>Recently, though, I think I hit my biological clock,
What a terrible excuse. Are you implying that your body has overridden your mind and is now forcing you to want to have children despite all your previous reasons in support of you not wanting children?

leave him for this incel
why don't people understand they are going to die eventually?

Speaking as a male who is against/fearful of having kids, the main problem is that men are often roped into becoming the sole provider financially.

If you really want kids, offer to become the working mom and have him as the stay at home dad.

If he doesn't at least consider that offer, give up because kids aren't happening.

I never wanted children until recently. I'm 36 now. If you'd asked me in my 20's I'd have laughed long and hard at the idea, to the extent that I was completely convinced I never wanted them. Thing is ... I didn't want them because it was objectively a bad idea at that time. I wouldn't really be able to raise children in a manner which wouldn't have been horrific for them and me. All the people around me raising children when I was that age were either much older and in a completely unrelatable position in life or clearly having a horrific time.

Now? Now I'm kind of bored. I've got a house. A steady job. No debt, cars are paid for. Raising children would be relatively easy (possible) compared to before. I'd look forward to it. If anything I've done so much now that fresh and new experiences are quite rare and hard to find so I either do the same boring shit feeling increasingly bored and frustrated with things which fail to match my abilities or I start a family because that would be cool? I can share so much, so many reasons to do things.

That sounds kind of weird, but an inherent desire for a child doesn't really exist for me. I can't say that children are inherently good. It is about what they would bring to my life. I know a lot of what they bring to my life will be hardships and challenges, but who the hell doesn't want to kick ass at hardships and challenges? Challenges are an opportunity to display how awesome you are.

So I'd try to convince a guy based on all the positives that a child would bring to their life. You wouldn't get far with me just saying "because they are great" without reasons. If his reasons for not wanting a child are basically "I can only see drawbacks and difficulties" then yeah ... that is entirely how making rational decisions work. You avoid making bad choices.

Also as a male I'm always slightly aware of the deal inherent in cohabitation. I don't want to be alone, I don't want to die lonely and infirm. I accept some compromise.

Is the only reason that you want children is so they could entertain you?

Also I'd say a lot depends upon his philosophy and his surroundings. I never wanted kids when I was younger because I was all about sensation and experience and against responsibility and reliability, both of which are required to successfully raise children. I knew that children are often wanted by couples and that if a relationship progressed far enough along the question would arise as to what we were 'doing', but relationships were transitory, brief, interchangeable and based on me getting what I wanted. People around me were my family and I could never imagine being alone except by choice. I was rarely sick, injured or ill, life stretched ahead, days too numerous to count. I've missed a sunrise, so what, they'll be many more to come.

My philosophy has always been rational though, so subject to change as circumstances change. As I've gotten older I've become bored with the same sensations and pleasures, if anything overindulgence prevents me from reaching my wider goals. Relationships have become something which incorporate a deeper understanding and awareness of love and commitment, more and more they are based on what I can give, how I can support, how we can be greater together, even if it means suppressing what I want immediately for a longer term and more satisfying result. Friends have moved away, died, gotten married, had families of their own, careers have taken off and over. I can see how being alone is not a choice now. Meaningful socialisation requires significant effort, something I'm limited time and resources to invest in and I want meaningful connections, not just shooting the shit with randoms which gets boring. I've had friends and family die, I've been injured and ill, I've seen friends and family get terminal illnesses, the concept of mortality starts to weigh a little heavier.

So eventually all signs point at it not being a bad idea to start a family and get some next level drama to feed my rational problem solving monkey brain.

I guess. Friends pretty it up by saying shit like "we realised we had so much love to give", but it amounts to the same thing. Historically you'd have had children because you wanted somebody to work for you, succeed you, look after you in old age and because children resulted from sex in the absence of birth control. The whole continuation of the species, societal support and obligation and religious imperative was the icing on the cake.

Now? It is ENTIRELY a choice. I choose to have a child despite knowing that continuation of the species isn't a problem, that no god I'm aware of is going to congratulate or condemn me, that society at large is probably going to look down upon my choice and be irritated at yet another source of atmospheric carbon and that I don't need them to work on my farm or support me in old age.

So yeah, it is pretty much mommy and daddy decided to make you because mommy would have likely left daddy and he realised that in order to maintain access to sex and companionship you were part of the deal and that as his friends and family age and become less available to keep him amused the problems and opportunities around keeping you amused would give him something new to do instead.

Lotta love to gib!

This can end marriages.

If you both got married under the assumption of not having kids and he still is operating under that desire, nothing will make him *want* children.

So either decide if your marriage is worth continuing without children and do that until his mind changes organically, or end the marriage and find someone who does want kids.

Honest conversation is a good start but when it comes down to it there's nothing you can do to change his mind on a big life decision like that - especially if he married you under the impression that you two wouldn't have kids. Couples therapy can also help if this brings up resentment and can help you both determine if the marriage is salvageable.

Expose him to some kids and give him a little encouragement. You can also talk about it.

If that doesn't work let it go. Forcing kids on a man is something many women have done and it never ends well. You'll end up divorced and with a mixed up kid.

>He'll do anything to make me happy
Looks like he's already on board. Please be aware you're an emotional mess and that's likely to only get worse during a pregnancy. Make an effort to limit these outbursts and recognize when they happen so that you don't end up torpedoing your own relationship.

>You need a man with strong conviction, whose ideals are unmoveable.
Believe me, he IS that man. He lives in a place where I would be killed, and risked his entire family disowning him, where family is very important culturally. He's not weak, nor does he lack conviction, he is simply indifferent to the idea of children.

Yep, exact same, and everyone who I've spoken to (both people who've done this and people who haven't) agree with me.

I'm not really sure what you mean. There IS a biological drive, generally stronger in women, that makes us want children. It's ingrained in us as animals, we feel the impending death of our lineage as we age, and try to preserve it. It's a common phenomenon for people to reach a certain age and then have an intense desire for children despite any previous stances on the subject.

With that attitude, you're never going to get anywhere. I sincerely hope you take that to heart and try to help yourself.

He's a very... I don't want to call him macho, as he respects my desire to work (I own a business), but he hates the idea of making me do all the work or earn all the income. I appreciate your concern, however there's no need to worry in our case, as long as we make enough money to support a child, that is all that matters to him.

I am well aware of this, as is he. I am prepared, I have no doubt he would be.

Every time someone mentions divorce so casually, it tears at me. I like to think people look forward in their lives and pay better attention to their relationships than this. Mentioning it like it's nothing, as a lot of people have done, makes it seem like... it's normal, or okay. I know it's common, I just... I don't know why? You have so much time before that point, why don't you hammer out of all these issues beforehand? Why go through all that paperwork and all that risk if you're going to throw it away because of a conversation you never had, or because you got "bored" of them? To me the idea is just unacceptable. To everyone saying this might be a marriage breaker or saying we might get a divorce - you don't need to worry about that, in the slightest. We've been through a lot, and I would rather die than make it mean nothing. He feels the same, and we're happy as we are. We worked hard, and still work, and he came from the other side of the world for me, and I left my life for him. To me, that's just how it should be... maybe not that extreme, but that level of... commitment? Love? Anything less than that, what are you doing?

That people think just one issue, or one flaw in their partner, is grounds for leaving them, and all their shared experiences behind, it baffles me utterly.

Well,thats how the real world works. You might not like it,but thats just how it is. The best thing for you to do is talk with him. There is such an easy solution here for you. Just go right now and talk with him about it.

>look forward to worrying about another life, what other kids are gonna do to it and how other-- much shittier-- parents are going to impact that life
>all while being basically powerless to stop any of the madness that goes on today, praying it's not your little 13-year-old boy who gets stabbed for Slenderman's sake or gets drowned in sand for Naruto pretend or gets stolen into trafficking and God knows what else
>just wanting that

No

show him Jow Forums pics of blonde women standing in wheat fields with babies and tell him it's his duty lmao

I know that's how the world for most people works, I just don't understand it. And yes, I am going to talk to him.

One problem - I married a sandy boi and we can't preserve the Aryan race together. Jow Forums would just call him a sand-nigger and tell him to fuck off back to turban land.

Wife and I got married and we both didn't want children. After 17 years of being together we had an oops. We still yearn for the days before children. We had money, time, energy, and patience. If he doesn't want any, don't push it. That said, we love our child and do everything for our kid. But man what I wouldn't kill without having to worry about another person's well being.

t. sociopath

Explain?

Wait for him to hit his biological block.

.t is a commonly used expression on Jow Forums, if you actually spent time here you would have known

I know the t. joke, I'm asking what made OP a sociopath.

Oh no, there was no joke in my post, I am serious

Then can you stop being such a faggot and explain?

>I married a sandy boi and we can't preserve the Aryan race together
Good thing he doesn't want kids then.