Ask the Opposite Gender Anything

Should I go out tonight?
I am veeery tired from training, and the venue is not one I particularly like, but it would be with two girls, neither of which I am interested in (one likes me but I'm not attracted to her, the other has a boyfriend).
My reason for asking is, that I don't often go out with a group of girls and I feel like the "social proof" could possibly help me meet women.

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wet bags of sand and rusty coins

my boyfriend has been kinda neglecting me recently. he keeps breaking the promises he has with me and he stops making time just for me. when I try to adjust my schedule so that we can have time just for the two of us something either comes up, so he gets pulled away, or he gets occupied with something else like video games and it feels like he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore.
my best friend said that he's probably gotten too comfortable with me around (cause i'm kinda affectionate and love to talk and stuff) and so she said to talk to him less to get him to pay more attention to me.. does this work? like is that a thing? i feel really hesitant to do this cause i love talking to him and actively avoiding talking to him hurts and i feel like he's too independent to wind up asking for me to start talking.

i guess i better answer questions
id feel pretty uncomfortable finding out someone i'm not in a relationship with masturbated to me
'hey what's your name' cheerily
yes, i don't even mind in public (i kinda like it actually) although it's never okay for him to do stuff like that if i'm mad at him
loud
you should do it just to have fun, i drink a little when i go to these things to deal with my anxiety and i enjoy myself

I don't mean to lump your boyfriend in with me as an asshole, but I barely tolerate my gf's nattering. If she stopped talking to me or did it less hoping I'd chase after her I'd probably do nothing of the sort.

Just a thought, but have you tried bringing any of this up to your boyfriend (in a non-bitchy, non-nagging way)?

So girls, am I an asshole in this situation?

Backstory from my perspective:
3 people involved: Me - "L" and "C"
so we were originally a very tight group of 3 friends for quite some time, 6-8 months or so before things turned romantic between me and "L", we were together for 10 months(ish) before she cheated on me.

"Cheated", maybe not the litteral definition of the word, it was more of a:
>"Don't worry about him, it's just a friend"
some time later
>"I think he's more then a friend so I'm leaving you" - type of situation but I feel cheated, I asked her so many times to stop giving him the kind of attention she did and when things started looking really bad I even went as far and asked her to stop seeing him alltogether, I didn't like the kind of "friendship" they had and ultimately I was proven right!
(many weeks summarized into a few lines of text)

So ofcourse I was very hurt when this happened, I felt cheated (even though it may not have been a litteral cheating), I still do in some ways I guess, it's about a year ago now since this happened.

So to my question then..
ofcourse I cut all contact with my exgf, save for 1 time we met up out of some kind of, "let's try to become friends again"-idea she talked me into trying: ofcourse it didn't work! But I'm still very much close with "C" and we hang out often, she is however still friends with "L" aswell, and it's not been an issue for maybe 8 months until she has recently also started to pressure me into letting the situation go so we can get back to the old days of us 3 being friends again: "She's waiting for you to be ready"

Part 2 coming soon!

As long as you don't tell her there's nothing wrong with it.

Anyone have experience in relationships with a 4 year age gap? I'm graduating college in the spring, this is her first semester. She seems pretty cool, we share a lot of hobbies and work at the same place (different departments).

Talk me into/out of this. I'm pretty torn myself, on one hand my parents were 4 years apart and got together fine, she seems fairly mature, but on the other were at different places in our lives and idk what kind of effect thats gonna have. We also are at 2 different colleges about an hour apart (mine is 40 minutes from our workplace hers is about an hour and a half)

it'll turn into a fight because i've gotten upset at him about this kind of thing before. i've talked to him about this a lot, how important it is to me that we get time for just the two of us, and that i adjust my schedule to spend time with him more than he does and more than i should and that it's not fun when he just plays video games all day and treats me like background noise.
Sometimes it does make me feel like we should break up but dwelling on the thought hurts cause i like being with him when he spends time with me and i don't wanna hurt him

There's nothing really to say my guy. At your age 4 years is a big percentage of your lives and the maturity difference between late teens and mid 20s is surprising.

That said, there's no real reason it can't work. Women progress faster though you will definitely be the more mature one. Only thing to watch out for is that you have no idea where your job prospects are going to land you in terms of being able to maintain a relationship with a girl who is, for now at least, tied to one location.

Honey you ARE background noise to most guys. Women talk a hell of a lot and he's probably just become comfortable tuning you out, assured that you aren't saying anything he needs to listen to.

What is it that you and he talk about when you're together? Or I mean what would you talk about when things were better and he engaged you rather than playing vidya.

>Or I mean what would you talk about when things were better and he engaged you rather than playing vidya.
anything. We'd laugh and joke and talk and cuddle and wrestle and watch movies together but he doesnt wanna do these things it feels like.

So I took pic relateds advice and asked this girl I like if she wanted to go out this weekend.

She was happy to see me, as normal. Then some stuff unrelated happened and she was sad so I asked her why. She didn't say much ("I'm not sad") but a few minutes later came back and apologized for "snapping".

She started messing with me, putting stuff on my arm and back and stuff. All good signs. Then I asked her if she had plans this weekend and she said no, I said I was going out this weekend and did she want to come. She said
>Let me think about it
Now I would think this is a no, except for the rest of the day she was the most touchy with me yet, and showed nothing but good signs. Laughing, talking, hugging, etc. We were bantering until she we left.

So what the fuck am I supposed to take away from this? If it was a no, why would she ramp up touching, talking, and flirting? If it was a yes, why would she say she needs to think about it?

At least it feels good to get it off my chest and just ask her.

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hey would it be weird if u we’re on a first date with a girl or out with a girl for a drink and u have known this girl for a little while and it’s come up before in a more casual drinking setting that you think she’s really attractive and she was receptive of that
And you asked her “hey can I eat u out” would that be weird haha

>listening to a tripfag
I didn't even read it but I know it's retarded.

Why do girls bite their lips when attracted to you?

All he said to do was ask her out or else I'd regret it

If he can't make time for you, he is not worth yours.
It's fine to want time for yourself, but it sounds to me like he is taking you for granted and neglecting you.
Maybe you SHOULD break up with his video game playing manchild ass.

Maybe she just doesn’t want to go out and do something this weekend? Maybe she likes you but needs some downtime. I know I love to be social with people sometimes, but some weekends I just need to have a quiet couple of days with little to no activity for my own personal health.

Nervousness

I didn't think about that, but she is working a shit load this week. Should I ask her again in a week or two and then drop it if she says the same thing?

She knows there’s more to your interest in her than just friendship in mind and she’s not comfortable with that for whatever reason

he has a really stressful job (military) so i don't find a problem with him using video games as a distraction or whatever. but i'm working hard too full time job w/ 6 classes a semester and i like to destress by spending actual quality time with him

I don’t know, how communicative are you two? Would it be too forward to ask if she’s just really tired from work and might want to do something more relaxed? Or to ask if another weekend where she doesn’t have so much work in the week might be better? Yeah, never take the first “maybe” or “no”, try picking other dates first. Then t will become REALLY clear if she’s interested or not. But she sounds interested. I’m betting she just wants a rest weekend.

That's the thing it was only a passing romantic interest that pretty much faded when I learned she had a boyfriend.
I genuinely just wanted to be friends.

>yes, i don't even mind in public (i kinda like it actually) although it's never okay for him to do stuff like that if i'm mad at him
I did it (without asking) to my gf once while kissing her, and she didn't mind. We had sex for the first time just after. For a while, she said I could do it whenever I wanted, even going so far as to say that her tits belonged to me.
The last time I did it, though, she got really upset and said that what I did was sexual assault.

>and said that what I did was sexual assault.
probably cause she doesn't consent to you touching her tits at random
i've made it explicitly clear it's okay to him to touch me as long as i'm not upset with him, if you don't know if it's okay then ask for clear consent.

Quads
Some people don’t believe that “passing romantic interests” exists. Once attracted, always attracted some say.
But either way if someone is that cold and rude to you personally you should probably drop it. Doesn’t sound like a great friend

People destress is different ways.

Girls, what do you think of crossdressers?

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is that a valid reason to break up with him though
we've only gotten close to a breakup once and we both cried cause we didn't want it and the thought makes me so uncomfortable

i think it's cute and fun, i steal my boyfriends clothes to wear, why does it matter if a guy wears a dress?

I could probably get away with that, but it would be forced and likely come out weird.
What do you think of as a relaxing first date, though? Either way, I'll ask her again in the future.

I don’t know what a relaxing first date would be desu
Depends on interests and all that
Like for me, one relaxing first date was with a girl I had known and flirted with for about five months, and at one point I just decided if she wanted to come over to my place and have a drink and watch a show that I introduced her to
In hindsight, she was a thot and cheating on a boyfriend that she told me was not her boyfriend, but we had fun just hanging out casually like we normally did
And then a sex scene came on in Six Feet Under and you know what happened next

>"I like to be groped in public"
>"My bf is neglecting me"
Those two statements don't exactly fit--odds are you have a warped view of what constitutes neglect.

>she said to talk to him less to get him to pay more attention to me.. does this work?
No. He either won't notice at all, and then you'll get even more pissed without even letting him know about it, or he will notice and will find you petty for the same reason--because you're not actually talking to him. How bloody hard is it to just say what you think? Why do you have to go through all of these catty social games?

Decided to ask her if she wanted to*
Other ideas though could be just going to a local close hangout for a little bit or something, a snack, somewhere casual and easy to get to

I attract the wrong type of girls. I'm highly educated and nerdy and have a very nerdy job. My personality is that of a 40 year old man even though I'm in my 20s. I dress like an old man too.

But for some reason I keep attracting the wrong kind of girls. The girls that are interested in me are all these sort of "alternative" types. I don't like their look nor their personalities. Their lifestyle is completely incompatible with mine.

I really don't get why these girls are at all interested in me. It's just annoying. What is wrong with them? What are they thinking?

>Those two statements don't exactly fit
One statement is over the course of the relationship, the second is an immediate problem. Does that clear it up?
>How bloody hard is it to just say what you think?
Because it'll turn into an argument and they make me sad.

ok I typed this like a shitpost idk why but i guess my question is how forward is too forward lol
i want to make my intentions and interest clear so idk

Have you ever actually tried to get to know any of them? What is “alternative”? What a general statement to make about a number of women who are supposedly attracted to you. Elaborate?

Part 2:
"Me"
>"I don't let people do that to me and then shake their hands, not to mention that we allready tried once and it was a fiasko: she didn't want to talk even though it was her idea to begin with, she showed up, I talked to her for about 7 minutes and then she wanted to leave!"

"C"
>Well that was because she felt like she had to censor herself of what's going on in her life with her bf and all"

"Me"
>Well that hasn't changed, I want to know as absolute minimum about her situation as possible"

"C"
>So you're saying you haven't moved on"

"Me"
>"I'm saying that the situation was shitty, and I have no control over it and I've accepted it for what it is: A shitty situation I can't change"

long discussion of what moving on is
the point:

>"Her situation" and a friendship between us can not exist simoultainously, it is within her rights to earn my forgiveness but time alone will not cut it, if she wants to be friends and truly means that, then she'll make the adjustments to "her situation".

"C"
"So her new bf should pay for your "male pride"

"Me"
"Well I didn't put him there, trust me it's not the optimal situation for me either, if I had my way that guy would never even have been around to get hurt in the first place.

"C"
"So you're not happy that she's found happiness?"

"Me"
"I know, I'm supposed to be feel that way... but I don't think anyone actually does, it would be faking it if I did, in fact, if I could: I would undo it completely.
(parphrased)
one example of a few times she's brought it up with me and as you can read: I'm not that into the idea of a friendship, but the question: is it really being an asshole if I don't want to and being honest about how I look at it?

>One statement is over the course of the relationship, the second is an immediate problem. Does that clear it up?
Not really. They both say something about how you think, although there's of course no way for me to know for sure.

>Because it'll turn into an argument and they make me sad.
So to avoid a potential argument, because they 'make you sad', you choose to remain sad and upset over him not interacting with you? That doesn't make any sense at all. And if you have a relationship where even a genuine question turns into an argument, you have bigger problems than the frequency of small talk.

The general pointer for avoiding trivial conflict is to phrase things in a hopeful rather than accusatory manner--for example, instead of saying "you never talk to me anymore", which will put him n the defensive, ask something like "I know we're both busy, but I enjoy my time with you, so can we work something out?" That's not from me, it's from a relative who works as a therapist.

I have a girl on tinder who agreed to hangout on saturday which is awhile away so I said 'we'll figure out details closer to saturday' is that fine or should I have completely organized now?

I only do it when I masturbate and its the only way I have for the last 12 years.
I've never dated and don't know how I should bring any of this up if I start.

If they ain’t into it they ain’t into it
If they are into it, cool!
If theyre not into it and wants you to stop doing it, how would you feel about that? Could you? Would you want to? If you value it more than them as a partner then you can say “fuck off” because you gotta love you first user
Always love you first

I'll probably try that next time. I didn't ask her to go clubbing or anything. She's not from here so I asked her to go downtown (pretty historic city)

Someone refusing to make time for you once you talked to them about it?
Hell the fuck yes that's a reason to break up.

I guess other men would be more helpful, but anyone's insight is appreciated.

The past year, I've been steadily working to overcome some legitimate sexual trauma from my younger years. I think I've gotten most of the way there, but at some point I'm going to need to have sex to fully move on. I of course don't know how to do that. How should I go about this? Should I just straight up tell my friends what's going on and ask them to help me figure this out? When I inevitably find a girl who is into me, what do I do about it?
I'm not convinced finding a real girlfriend is the right way to do this. I think it'd be better to lower the stakes in some fashion, so I can relax a little bit more, but I don't actually know. I'd appreciate advice on this as well.

What I proposed was pretty forward and uh, obvious though so I’m not sure if my exact situation applies to yours
But yeah I find too much hub-bub around a first date to be awkward, maybe that’s just me though

Depends on your preference I guess... a lot of people might tell you to hire an escort or go to a reputable rub-and-tug or something if you just want sex for the sake of getting it over with. How would you feel about that?

I don't mean the having her over, I mean grabbing something to eat and seeing where it goes from there.
She's pretty religious as an I, so no sex.

Well good luck user

I'd prefer not have to pay. I don't think I need to either. I'm actually a pretty attractive guy and people in general seem to like me. I guess what I want is to find a girl who's wants to have sex with me and is not offended by the prospect of a relationship not materializing. I guess that means I want an fwb until I get the hang of it, if that's actually a good idea

Get a girlfriend.

Sex with someone you have feelings for is much better and far, far less awkward. For someone dealing with sexual trauma it will be worth it to do it with someone who will make the experience good. If you try and rip the band aid off so to speak you're just as likely to create new trauma for yourself when sex turns outt to be nothing like what you imagine.

Thanks. Feels freeing to just ask.

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This is for a woman who has dealt with this before. I wish to leave my gf so I can dedicate all the time I have back to music. Before I moved in with her I had never looked back, now I'm always looking back and thibking how much better my life would be if I could go back to practicing and writing all day and night. How has someone leaving you with this reason, or you leaving for this reason affected you?

I'd like to add that I also just feel like I should wait longer in life to be in such a serious commitment.

ok for real how forward is too forward or not forward enough when trying to express romantic/sexual interest with someone that you’ve known a little bit prior
i’m stupid as hell and i feel like ive been out with girls before and not made it clear enough and things just didnt advance from there
I dont know what’s okay or not okay to say or express

I believe you, but I'm honestly intimidated by the number of intermediate steps I frankly don't understand.

Are there any signs to look for when you want to know if a girl is interested in you? Stuff like body language, them talking to you first, etc.

Obvious enough that you make yourself vulnerable to rejections.
Rejection has to be an option, you just have to take that risk.
Too often do I see guys never being clear enough in their intent, that it would make sense for the girl to say "Sorry not interested", then they accuse the girl of "stringing them along" when they never opened themselves up for the possibility.
You probably don't want to hear this, but you need to make yourself a little bit vulnerable if you wanna get ANYWHERE.

That is the bare minimum.

You can be bolder if you want, but just don't overdo it. Don't overstep her boundaries, which are by and large down to the girl herself, just use some common sense and you will be fine.

whats the best way to make a move when you have are alone with a girl who likes you?

Ask a 28 year old dude who's been happily married for 6 years anything.

This makes sense, thanks.

Slap her ass and say it's not gonna suck its self. If she does, she consents. You win.

Responses from people who have actually been to one on a regular basis before ONLY.

Alright. I need you to level with me. -Who the fuck exactly goes to bars-. I need to know what I'm missing out on in case I am making some critical mistake by not going. I am not an extrovert. I do not have the patience for an extroverted gf. I do not want additional extroverted friends, the ones I have were difficult enough to manage before they got the message that I am an introvert and do not want to leave the house more than once a week. Am I right in assuming that only a small number of turbonormie types actually go to bars, or is it a grab bag of literally everything like normies who aren't aware of anything beyond their own world try to tell me? Can I find an introvert there? How many times and how much money am I going to have to burn before I see results?
God isolation is frustrating to break. Even if you truly want to, finding somewhere to actually go is a nightmare.

Read man are from mars, women are from venus.
Seriously.
It turns into a fight? It takes two to fight. Don't argue with him. If he talks to you, listen to him deeply. I mean deeply, too.
Listening to your post sounds very selfish. It's normal to have wants and needs, but it's not ok to cut throats to get them. So yeah listen to your man and value his feelings. You are doing something wrong.
I know he's not perfect -- like I said, takes two to fight -- but you are definitely doing something wrong, so value him more.

oh hey :D

The proper way to ask a girl out is always directly. With a yes/no answer and no judgment. Something like:
"Would you like to go out with me?"

Direct like that. It shows confidence and it's unambiguous in your intentions. It also guarantees you the yes/no you need. Just don't judge her if you get a no, it's normal to be rejected sometimes.

That's the part that a lot of guys miss. They're scared of rejection, or scared of showing their intention, or both. So they'll ask a girl out in a weird way like "If you're free sometime would you like to hang out?". It's actually kinda creepy because it's not clear in intent. Like do you want to just hang out? Are we friends? Is this your subtle way of asking me on a date? And am I, the woman, supposed to decide if this is a date? and so on.

If I was you, I would fix this situation by finding a chance to ask her out directly.

Well obviously you don't want to break up. Seriously read that book. there's a few nooks about male nature you should understand.

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you take this "extrovert/introvert" dynamic way too seriously.

Seriously maybe but it is as stark as I make it seem. I am not an outgoing loud person who actually sees any way to have fun at a bar. Extroverts love them though. That's enough for there to be a dynamic.

tripfriend please help

Girls don't like to be seen as "slutty" which is why even on tinder you normally have to give some pretense to your conversation so that she feels less like a slut who just wants to bang.

In this way being too forward is a problem. You're likely to get turned down on the principle of the thing by a girl you've never been with. Your long term gf might be okay with openly begging for your dick but you have to work your way to that level of familiarity.

As with many things, the optimal path here is to show, not tell. You ask her on a date, which makes your interests very clear, and when on that date you kiss her, which makes your interests crystal clear. You do it a couple more times until you go on a date where you're in a position where it's appropriate to escalate further. Take her shirt off or unbutton her jeans or unhook her bra, anything that shows her where you're thinking of leading.

From my experience, it's best to state your intentions the moment you have them.

Just the fact that they're talking to you means you have a chance. Every interaction you have with women is a test. If you're a desirable man, then they'll desire you. They're not like us.

If you really can't tell from her body language et al, then you can always take a small risk. Touch her, kiss her, ask a personal question, whatever you think of. Then see how she reacts.

Start by putting your hands on her then listen to your heart and the situation. It's not hard

You're not going to find what you're looking in a bar. The people that go there are, like, chill and fun yeah, they go every weekend and generally know each other and hang out at the same bars. If you walk in a place, everyone will know you're new.
But like, the kind of people who go on the regular are lesser people. They most often don't have money or good thinking skills. They are paranoid of "negative-feeling" conversations. Talking to them is like half human. Also alcohol is a prerequisite for them to have fun. They quite literally inject poison into their blood and brains, to generate artificial happiness, to finally be able to have a nice time and enjoy themselves. Really quite pathetic. And any girl you see there is really, well, I'm sure you can imagine.

Anyway do you not live in a city? If not, consider moving to a city. A proper city. Like with millions of people.

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Im an introvert who doesn't enjoy bars but I go for special occasions like a friends birthday and stuff. My tolerance for them is low but it can be fun for a few hours to drink a bit, talk shit with your friends, maybe meet some girls (it's super fucking easy if you aren't a fat uggo), and then when you're ready to wind down you can go grab some late night food. I can't stomach doing it weekly but I can certainly put on the pretense of enjoying it to go every now and then. I always find that once I'm out I'm okay and enjoy myself, I just build up how much I hate it in my head beforehand.

>Anyway do you not live in a city? If not, consider moving to a city. A proper city. Like with millions of people.
I've lived in one of the most popular metro areas in the US and it's not enough. Sure there's shitloads of everything but there's never been much for my kind of people. Handful of LGSs maybe. They don't last long.
Yeah but I'm deliberately trying to find a way to unfuck my love life. I'm 27. Clock's ticking. Another few years and all I'll be able to get is pity and single mothers.

Do people ever talk to people because they feel bad for them?

Sometimes I feel someone might like me or something like that but then I feel they may only Snapchat me/text me because they feel obligated to not hurt my feelings or something

A girl stopped me at uni and asked for my number. I'd spoken to her before and she seemed to really like talking to me.

What should I send her? She's not really my type, but I'd still hookup with her. I'm also not into dating right now since I got out of a bad relationship.

So my intentions are to either make a friend or hookup. I'm not sure of her intentions other than that she seems attracted to me and she liked me enough to ask for my number.

Ouch
Just thinking of this hurts
This is too much anxiety/paranoia/self doubt
Don’t entertain those thoughts

Sometimes people might seem concerned if you look depressed, but I doubt any of them would have paid enough attention to you to actually pity you as a person if you're talking about being randomly approached.

Like, in HS I used to sit alone in the cafeteria and read or play my DS, and one time some girl came up to me and asked if HI wanted to sit with her friend group. I'd never seen her before, and didn't recognize her from any of my classes, so I just assumed she was trying to be nice.

If they do know you as a friend, then obviously they'd be more likely to try and help out if they think you're having a difficult time.

Are you hoping that they like you? If you are, your best shot is to just ask them out.

Why are women so fucking lame and boring? They cry and get upset when you joke with them, rough housing will physically destroy them, can’t even be good parents on their own, lie a lot, can’t play video games for shit, have shit ideas, and are mediocre cooks. The only thing they can do remotely right is fuck, watch tv/Internet/movies, and gossip

>"This girl might like me, but I don't really like her that way. Should I use her for sex?"
No. Either make a friend or leave her be.

I'm
Tbh I just don't know what to do anymore. We hung out one time and she smiled at me and I instantly fell in love at that moment. Her eyes were so beautiful and I cant get her out of my head.

She probably actually likes you this time.
Girls like what we have to offer them. If you don't have much, then you won't get much. You can offer her more than money; also status, attention, love, friendship, emotional stability, help with things (homework, taking shifts). I mean, she definitely sees you have more to offer now, so maybe you're not the washed up, over-emotional, broke loser that was blowing up her phone before. Maybe now you're a more decent guy and grew up a little. Yeah maybe she's curious.

But you gotta stop being so god damn needy, at least if you want a chance with her.

So your question is, is it possible to get together?
The answer is yes, of course.

Learn to give more to women than you take. Don't expect anything from them ever, let it always be a surprise when they do something for you. Even saying "i love you" never expect her to say it back. Just give and give. This, combined with a strong sense of honesty and flow in conversation will give woman a really strong sense of security and desire for a relationship with you.

Talk to everyone you meet. It's how I've always made friends.

Get to know her. Figure out if she's a moral person.

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>why are women so bad at being men!
If we evaluated men by their social abilities and empathy, they'd get shit on just as much. Your problem comes from expecting the wrong things from women, more so than a few of the faulty assumptions in there (e.x. "lie a lot", they just lie for different reasons than men; "mediocre cooks", learned skill; "good parents on their own", like being a single parent is easy anyway).

>Talk to everyone you meet.
That's unfocused, unproductive and highly unreliable. I'm more likely to meet a literal insane person that way than an introverted qt that will sit next to me and quietly plug away at whatever genre she's personally interested in as I do the same.

Why? Literally the last girl I was involved with in any sort of way just wanted to be friends with benefits and nothing more. If a girl likes me enough to ask for my number, then that could be something she wants. If I asked a girl for her number and she just wanted sex, I'd be fine with that.

With that said, if she was clear that all she was looking for was a real relationship, then I'd be totally honest and tell her I'm not looking for any relationships right now. If things were leading sex, I'd make that clear to her beforehand

I don't understand what the problem with this is, since I thought this kind of thing was pretty common for my generation.

How's the 8th grade, Hunter?

What qualifies as “asking someone out”? If they’re a member of the attracted sex and you ask them if they want to go out and do somehing just you and them, is that asking them out?

Why are you so motivated by sexual morality?
I mean I agree with you. Just curious how you became so hardline and why you share these views to others.

I didn't say befriend everyone you meet. Just start talking to everyone. You'll know when you and another man click. It's very obvious when you're about to make a new good friend.

It's degenerate.

>dating a girl for 4 months
>everything seems to be fine
>last saw her on friday
>she calls me today saying shes in a bad place emotionally and it would be unfair for us to continue dating

its probably bullshit but what happpened between friday and today for her to do a 180?

Just because something is common doesn't make it good--that kind of behavior might seem harmless or fun now, but it carries lasting consequences for both of you, especially her. It's best not to get involved in it.

Mind you, if you're open about it, it's slightly less bad, but it's still a bad call regardless.