I'm posting this not with the idea to gain advice but instead with the intention of providing some advice to those who may feel that that're going through a rough time. An attempt to bolster attitudes perhaps.
When I was 25 I suffered a heart attack due to a heart defect that unfortunately I was born with. I was also diagnosed with a muscular necrotic disease. During this time I was also dating an abusive girlfriend, both physically and mentally, however I couldn't find any ability in me to break up with her as the idea of "fixing her" was apparently far too strong. Eventually we broke up as one night she had a physical outburst that crossed the line and she brandished a knife, leading me to have to get the police involved. This all happened within the space of a couple months and to top it off, my dog died a week later.
I sunk so low that I started drinking as a way of self medicating. What started as a few beers every night soon turned into 1 litre of vodka every night for about 5 or so months. Usually beginning drinking as soon as I woke, which was usually from 11am to 3pm.
Before all this, I had reached what I considered to be my goal physique then threw it away. Then one day I sat down, reevaluated my life and realised that I can either end up dying like this or soldier through it, so I quit the booze. The first few days are agony but it gets easier and easier. The trick is to distract yourself as much as possible.
I'm now 30 years old, I'm 5'10 and 189lbs and am in what I consider to be the best shape of my life. Shed all the weight and I'm lean. It's hard as fuck, life beats you down sometimes, but it's always up to you to make life work for you rather than you work for it.
I'm going to be online for the next few hours so if anyone is dealing with anything difficult, whether it's related to what I've said or not, then I wouldn't mind chatting. I will also go into any context regarding my story.
I'm currently applying to colleges and I've never felt so fucking lost and confused in my life. I feel like my grades are too low for me to get into any decent school and seeing my friends applying to top tier colleges makes me depressed and regretful of my past. I feel like I'm trapped by this general feeling of apathy and pessimism about my future. In addition I've stopped working out or caring about my side projects, which has been making me even more depressed. Any advice anons?
Jacob Edwards
OP here, how old are you fella?
I know how it feels to feel "lost" and depressed. What're you gunning for in terms of college and what're the side projects you talk of?
Just elaborate to give me better context.
Liam Davis
I'm 19, and my life is totally empty right now. My family was abusive, so I had no choice but to move out as soon as I turned 18. My high school gf came along with me, but after 2 years of being together, she left me so she could start sleeping with her 26 year old boss at her job, and then she told me *every* detail about that. I've got no family or friends now, so I spend virtually all of my time alone. I've got a good job (no need for school, thankfully), but it's pretty mindless work, so all I do is sit & think about how badly that girl hurt & betrayed me for 8 hours - and recall plenty of other shit events in my life, then go back to my apartment and do the same thing. Meanwhile, the graveyard I live next to is looking more & more welcoming with each passing day. Also, I don't drink or smoke, and I have the misfortune of living in California, where that's all that anybody does here to socialize, so making friends/getting girls isn't easy (not being in school doesn't help either). I'm real sad, as you can tell.
Okay, if you wanna divulge to me, how was your family abusive exactly? I think I may be able to relate, my upbringing was difficult also and my earliest memory is seeing my mother and father attacking eachother. She became (and still is) an alcoholic and he ended up stealing tens of thousands of cash from her. I moved out at age 11 and lived with my Grandparents until 20.
In regard to your girlfriend, it sounds exceedingly similar to my own experience that I mentioned in my initial post. In fact, after we broke up, she became a stripper and began trying to be my friend over social media, she would also try and tell me specific details about that, as well as people she was fucking. The only solution there is to strike them from the record and get on with life, no matter how hard it may be. I sympathise with you, it's horrendous aye.
What do you do for work? Not asking for the company name, just the job title aye. An yo if you need a friend I'll give you my email. I don't really mind. It's a burner email anyways but it sounds like you've been through very similar issues to me.
Evan Cook
Jeff Holliday?
Aaron Moore
Jesus Christ, fella.. That's a bit below the belt isnt it.
Dominic Miller
He told a near identical channel on his channel.
Isaac Evans
*story
Lucas Peterson
Thanks for the share. A similar story to mine with a different outcome. It makes me happy to hear you made it. I hope we all make it some day.
Ethan Allen
I'm gonna hit the character limit. My mom began dating my stepdad when I was 8, & he made my life awful for 10 years. I was home alone with this guy 5 days a week, and he referred to me as "It" rather than a person. He was a prison guard, so he'd basically treat my sister ('til she moved out) & I like inmates, but he hated me in particular. He'd go through my bedroom when I was at school & take or break things that belonged to me. If it rained, I'd have to bike back home in it - & I'd want to take a warm shower after being cold & wet - but once I got in, he'd go & turn off the water heater, making sure I was freezing. He'd tell lies about me to our relatives & neighbors, there've been times where I've walked outside to throw out the trash or something, and my neighbor, who treated his driveway like a living room, would come up & start lecturing me. Every day that I came home from school, he'd insult me, call me worthless, tell me how nobody cares about me, or shout & throw shit - and if his relatives were visiting, they'd join in on the insults. He made sure to drop me off at school in tears a lot as well, which got me picked on at school too. I'd try talking to my mom about it it earlier on, even recorded him a few times, & she'd either ignore me, tell me I have to deal with it because he's an adult, or tell me that if I didn't like it, I could just leave. She was very cold & distant. She started to eventually hate me too. They started excluding me. Once I got to high school, they'd go on vacations multiple times a year & leave me behind for weeks. Disneyland, Tahoe, Monterey, Angel's Camp, San Francisco, Hawaii, the Bahamas... And you know how most families have holiday family photos on their fridge held up with magnets? They made sure that my face was always obscured in every picture, either by a magnet or the edge of another picture. And eventually, they just started taking photos without me in them, to save the trouble of hiding my face.
Luke Lee
>Meanwhile, the graveyard I live next to is looking more & more welcoming with each passing day. Don't go out without a bit of revenge senpai!
Adrian Butler
(Cont.) So when I did get a girlfriend, who genuinely liked me, it was a huge deal to me. All my life, I'd been treated like garbage, and somebody finally felt something other than either hate or indifference to me. She was the first and only person I've ever opened up to, and I really trusted her. She was the jealous type, so I never thought she'd be one to cheat or anything, since you'd think she'd understand the pain that that could bring to somebody. But with no sense of irony or self awarness, she was seeing somebody else behind my back. And early on after the breakup, she liked getting drunk (she actually might be an alcoholic now) & blowing up my phone with details about the sex she'd just had and god damn pictures of the guy, and other shit to make me wanna tighten the rope.
I managed to get a job with the state. I work in a courthouse as a deputy clerk basically, entering information in computers.
m8 why are you even talking to her? You're humiliating yourself by doing so. The only acceptable reason to communicate with her is to encourage her drinking habits so she spirals further downwards.
Hudson Brooks
Nah, I'm too laid back of a person to seek revenge. I'm hoping that she fucks her life up all on her own, since she drinks so heavily now, and has surrounded herself with fuckheads that she thinks are her friends. I used to be really angry all the time as a kid, actually. But at some point, it got swapped out with being depressed all the time, and now I never feel angry.
Like I said, that was early on after the breakup, I don't talk to her now. I'll get texts from her every so often that just say "Hey" and nothing else, but I don't reply to them.
Christian Diaz
Man I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so tired of being rejected by girls because I'm average. Any advice?
Cooper Myers
>I used to be really angry all the time as a kid, actually. But at some point, it got swapped out with being depressed all the time, and now I never feel angry. I used to beat my brother up as a kid (and vice versa) and now I'm a meek cuck who sits in his room all day. Puberty changes you.
Jose Flores
I went from looking like an angry Little Bill, to looking like a sad Will Smith, who has long since lost his desire to live.
well Will Smith's pretty popular so you got something going for you there. I'm like the guy in the virgin comics, I stare at the ground all the time and do my best to avoid others.
Ryder Perry
I do that shit too. Hands in pockets, avoiding eye contact, headphones in, walking everywhere at lightning speed. I tried to get out & socialize awhile ago by going to a Halloween party that a girl from Tinder invited me to, but I was the only person in the building who wasn't high off their ass, so I had a shit time. I left with a headache, and drove myself home after 3 hours of being a piece of breathing furniture to go back to my apartment & play Spider-Man. I'm going to an anime convention soon, so hopefully I'll fit in better there, and won't run into my ex while walking around.
I’m addicted to 3 things. Sugar, porn, and entertainment (YouTube, movies, etc). I’ve tried quitting numerous times but end up relapsing every time. How? How do I get past this?
Charles White
When it comes to sugar, I'd say try cutting down on it first instead of trying to cut it out entirely right away. I haven't eaten candy or drunken soda in months, because my craving for it went away after awhile. Like with soda for example, I used to just drink whatever my family got in the fridge, but then I started only drinking soda if it was my favorite one (which is really hard to come by, thankfully), which it being such a rare thing led to me only drinking it if it's been either a really good or horribly shitty day (even though I had a lot of it stockpiled), and now I never drink soda. Somebody gave me a Sprite the other day, and I poured it down the drain, because I don't even like soda now. All I drink is fuckin' water and juice.
As for media, either replace it with a more beneficial source of entertainment to you, like a book (or even an audiobook if you've forgotten how to read, or just wanna multi-task but still get through a book). Or pick up a hobby. Drawing is always good, that's what I do, however a lot of the information about starting is on YouTube, which you're trying to get aways from. Or maybe writing.
And for porn, I don't really watch it like that, so I dunno, whenever you're watching it, just totally ruin it for yourself by overanalyzing the shit out of it. Think about how you're seriously beating off to another dude fucking some girl that you're attracted to. What are you, a cuck? Be grossed out by all the weird noises they make and shit, the shit acting & fake moans (count how often the girl says "fuck") or that fucking microscopic close-up that *every* porno does of the dude's asshole & taint as he jackhammers the girl's pussy on top of him, that camera angle needs to stop. Start imagining what it must smell like, especially if you're watch an orgy/gangbang. You ever have post-nut clarity, where all of a sudden, you're totally grossed out by what you were just into a second ago? Just try to feel like that, but all the time.
>I tried to get out & socialize awhile ago by going to a Halloween party that a girl from Tinder invited me to, but I was the only person in the building who wasn't high off their ass, so I had a shit time. I left with a headache, and drove myself home after 3 hours of being a piece of breathing furniture to go back to my apartment & play Spider-Man. I can relate to this. Any time someone asks me to socialise with them I shut it down now. I've tried enough times to know I can't do it. No sense putting myself through it when I know I won't enjoy it anymore.
Ryder Evans
I can manage in social settings if it's maybe 3 people max (including me). Any more than that, and I can't find the room to get a word in, or if I do, I'll get talked over a lot. I went to a girl from my old job's birthday party in September, and that actually went fine, even though there were about 20 people because everyone ended up splitting off into their own groups, and I just ended up talking to a girl I liked (who I later found out had a boyfriend, I'm still upset) for the whole night. And when she left, I went back to being my usual "I don't belong here" self until I went home.
