I have come to the realization that the way my relationship works at the moment is essentially the same as a mother and her teenaged son. My partner and I have had some rough times together, a lot of misunderstandings, emotional deprivation, bad things said, etc. Lately it's been going better, but I've been told by almost everyone I know to drop the relationship. I've been unable to. And now I feel like I realise partially why. It is because I feel responsible for this boy. He is very inexperienced, ignorant and kind of stupid about things I know more of. We have a 4 year age gap (him younger) and I've just done a lot more in my life than he has. Almost everything he does in the house is subpar, dishes don't get washed or sorted properly, runs the laundry half-full, etc. More importantly, when we have sex it's only to get him off. I do not get off. At the same time I almost don't want him to try, because it feels weird. If I help him get off it's almost like "I'm giving him a treat". I have to manage everything in our household when it comes to planning, events, scheduling, etc. If I don't, it doesn't happen. He has almost nothing going on for himself outside of his part-time job which he constantly complains about and video games/Jow Forums. He spends almost all majority of his time browsing Jow Forums and /v/ and playing games.
I'm at a loss for what to do here, has anyone ever had a similar situation?
What are you hoping from this? Somehow that he reads this and becomes a man?
Or or or , i know this sounds unreasonable. But talk to him about this, tell him he is your partner and not your son. And what is going on is not ok and it must be changed.
Adam Thomas
It's only going to get worse for you.
The dynamics are set. Accept it or move on.
You can't make a life with a person like this unless you want to make this person your life.
Forget having a child because you have one already.
James Smith
Just advice on how to proceed.
He's only 24, is there still time?
Sebastian Morgan
He's got a comfy life, why try harder. Frankly the only thing that's going to motivate him is if things get less comfortable for him. Like that sounds horrible but ultimately it's better for the both of you if he learns to take a little responsibility, gets a full time job etc. I tell yeah, I never appreciate my wife more than when I come home from a long day of work to the smell of pie in the oven and get glowing face. However the sex problem is totally on you, you (probably) set a precedent long ago about how the interaction would go. You need to break that down. Even if that means sticking your pussy in his face and begging for it. Mmmmm.. Yeah do that.
Thats how the modern wester man acts these days. They aee basically a manchild. Same as woman. Very egoistic and childish behavior. If you want stable family and kids then hes not the right one for you. You cant change him and when yountry that he will be angry at you for not loving him just the way he is. Search for someone whos mature enough, all tought that might not be easy these days.
Jace Powell
822 user here.
Like the previous user said right above. Be honest and tell him the current situation is not working, and you are not happy with it.
If he doesnt change or is not open to theidea. You have to make it clear though this is something that canbe fixed and not a fundamental character flow.
Christopher Campbell
Hey,
Once immature guy here.
You need to break up with him. Sadly he is never going to change. I know it's unfair but you are going to be the experience he uses to grow as a person and that can't happen unless you dump him. As for you, keep your head and standards held high and don't give up. There's plenty of guys for you.
Julian Carter
I had a long relationship before my current one, like 7 years. We lived together and it was my first long relationship living with somebody. What did I learn? My understanding of love, cohabitation and cooperation was severely immature. I was basically focused on getting my needs met and my partner existed as an accessory to that. Pretty much everything they did wasn't good enough for me because I had to be the best. It was much easier to point out flaws for easy points than to show compassion and wisdom. Really you've got to teach somebody and to teach you've got to be willing to do it correctly for the right reasons. If you can't teach somebody you've got to be ok with how they are because you focus on the positives. We both neglected our lives outside of our relationship becoming codependent and frustrated with each other, generally finding release from that frustration with manufactured arguments. We were inexperienced and selfish, demanding and uncompromising. Basically I had zero chill for the fact that we were young adults. We were trying to recreate what our parents had, without the skills and resources and with no tolerance for learning, development and practice, we had to be better than our parents, first time because fuck parents what do they know? It was weird, but typical. How old is he? I mean, I still pretty much am an immature person, but I don't believe it is very mature to suddenly start acting mature and displaying out of character behaviour in order to meet some abstract definition of being an adult, that is the most immature thing ever to me. I'm about being comfortable in myself and contributing in positive ways. I get we sometimes feel deaths claw on our shoulders and we wonder where we are heading and if we are meeting goals at the right speed, but it is all a bunch of shit anyway, the only thing meaningful is that feeling of restlessness as time passes and how we manifest that into something worthwhile.
Nolan Peterson
That might be a little too deep for this thread.
Joshua Harris
how in the world you can keep having sex with a guy like this befuddles me. I understand assuming he'll grow up or out of it but at a point its not cute anymore. Yes, I had a bf like this but once I started working around men, real men, it didn't take me long to distance myself. The kinda hurtful part was he didn't even notice I was withdrawing but when he started acting like a whiny insufferable baby when I broke up I knew I did the right thing. I just hate I missed an earlier opportunity with another guy waiting around for this one.
Nathan Wright
kek you've basically described my best childhood friend, except they are married, have a kid together, and he doesn't have a job. I can see the pain in his wifes eyes every time I visit.
Carson Wright
P A R A G R A P H
S P A C I N G
Wyatt Wilson
He's got you right where he wants you. And don't think you're any better browsing adv and ck all day either, that's the real tragedy of this entire situation.
Kevin Diaz
If you don't want to hurt him first become physically unattractive (without hurting your health). No make-up, nasty hair, slouch so your fat shows, be smelly, leave shit streaks in your underwear, etc.
Next, act like a psychotic bitch. Then be really, REALLY clingy. And then some more clingy, then go psycho again. (Don't do anything illegal.) Also, make him embarrassed to be seen with you when his friends are around.
Lastly, make the sex boring and horrible. Slouch so all your rolls of fat show when fucking. Fuck so long that his genitals become numb. At a certain point, he'll look at you and think, "I'm fucking her, but not getting off. This does't even feel good. Jesus, she's ugly and a weird fucking bitch, too. I'm done."
To recap: 1.) Be as physically unattractive as possible. 2.) Make social interaction as horrid as possible. 3.) Make the sex so mundane it feels like he's jerking off for three hours with whisky dick.
It could take decades for him to mature, if he ever does.
By 24 he should be mature enough to not be this immature.
You'll waste more years of your life waiting for him to grow up, thinking you can raise him unlike his mother was able to.
It'll be a nightmare if you end up having a kid. Even if he remains with you, you'll be a single mother, to two kids.
Ian Scott
just leave
Angel Torres
I don't think age is any indicator of emotional growth and maturity, it is more like experience. The problem is that within a relationship there are limited opportunities for experience and there can be a lot of cold, bitter resentment in the meantime.
I've been 24. I was a severe fuckboi until about 28? Unfortunately I've always been a good/great and efficient cook/cleaner and otherwise had good practical skills, hobbies and interests. I know first hand how frustrating it is to date a retard because most people I've dated in comparison have been retarded in comparison.
Only yesterday my gf killed the battery on her car by putting on the lights, fan, window heaters and radio, leaving her car for half an hour to 'warm up' except she didn't start it. Every winter I tell her about good habits and bad habits and every time I'm in her car I watch her turn everything on before starting the engine and stop her engine before turning everything off. Clearly my job is to jump her car, charge her battery and replace it when needed due to the constant deep discharges and keep my fucking mouth shut. It is easy to point out what a retard she is. It is much harder to do it, smile and keep my fucking mouth shut. It isn't a deal breaker, she sucks my dick with abandon, I believe that is how a man should strive to be.
If you think it is any better to have these skills without the emotional maturity to moderate my behaviour then think again. Fuckboi me would have reminded her at every single opportunity what a dumb retard she is and how she needs me and should be grateful. "hey guess what she did now? ha ha I date such a retard ha ha". When I was younger (and stupider) I thought that the social capital from complaining was worth something.
No, you have your partners back because you are tight dawg. That is a relationship people respect and admire.
Michael Richardson
This is amazing.
Isaiah Fisher
Date someone older than you if you don’t want to feel like his parent.
Lucas Watson
He's taking you for granted. Attempt discussion first a couple times, depending on how committed you are to this. If he doesn't try to change, drop him. This seems like a reasonable goal. A division of labor, implied or otherwise. She knows fuck all about cars and regularly attempts to tank hers, he is not so good at domestics, but helps. Sometimes it can go the other way. This is odd because society, but works.
