Some of you may remember my earlier threads where I asked for advice on texting with a cute girl from school and changing the subject from school stuff to more casual stuff, well I fucking did it. All thanks to you, I wrote every single advice in a word document and used every advice I got when I could.
She messaged me looking for the questions she asked if I could remember ( I was sure she won't message me and decided that I would be first only if she didn't message until 7PM ).
After some exam / school talk she said "Yeah, I should be studying right now but instead I'm listening to music" to which I asked her what music she's into. She said she's listening to Queen atm ( super rare where I'm from ) and I was extremely pleasantly surprised. Asked her if she saw the recent Bohemian Rhapsody movie and said I didn't yet. She said that she wants to but none of her friends listen to that kind of music and she doesn't want to go alone ( Same as me ). Now, I took this as her inviting me to ask her out to go watch it. I gathered all my Ki energy and asked her if she wanted to go see it together over the weekend. She accepted. I still can't believe it, I think I'm dreaming.
Is this even a date? Is she just nice to me? We haven't even talked irl yet, I just smiled at her once like someone on Jow Forums told me. I heard movie dates are not good for the first date but it is what it is.
Any tips? Like anything at all. I've never had experience like this before in my 18 years on this planet and it still seems surreal to me.
I will be bumping this a lot in hopes that someone from the previous threads sees it. I wanna thank them full full heartedly. I would have never been able to do this without their help.
Yes, I know that long posts usually get neglected here and go unnoticed. I didn't even realize I was writing this much.
Liam Thomas
I don't understand. I don't see in your OP where either you or she decided on a show time or when or where? Are you picking her up or meeting and your parents drop you off? What details confirm its real?
Nathan Scott
"... and asked her if she wanted to go see it together over the weekend. She accepted"
Is this not good enough? Neither of us drives, we'll probably be meeting at the main square which is a 5 minute walk from the cinema
Jaxon Moore
Then between now and then you firm up the plan. In firming up the plan it becomes real. Exactly what show, confirm that theatre is the intended and where you'll meet up before going in. A good surprise for her is if you by her ticket too and don't make a big deal about it either. Make sure you have enough money for snacks and drinks for both of you. Doing that makes it more a date than an outing among friends.
Robert Evans
This guy has it right. Congrats, OP. You made it!
William Hill
>Exactly what show Bohemian Rhapsody, said already user
>A good surprise for her is if you by her ticket too and don't make a big deal about it either Ohhh this seems really good, noted.
Do you think I've taken it too far and rushed it? 3 days ago I didn't even know here name. Something switched in me and I decided that I'll change my life. Never had any interactions with her, added her on social media and asked about an upcoming exam their class had that ours didn't, at the end she asked if I could remember questions on the exam my class had before hers, which was today.
I'm I thinking too deep into it? I thought that she was hinting at me because she asked me to remember those questions, messaged me up first today, threw that " I want to see it but none of my friends like that kind of stuff " bit. Don't know much about her but from what I see she seems very shy, introverted and a loner.
Ethan Walker
>Bohemian Rhapsody, said already user I mean what exact showtime. Don't leave anything ambiguous, subject to a misunderstanding.
Here is your shot so you take it. I'm not saying you'll fuck and get married next week but you pay and make this a date so she knows you aren't trying to friend her to death and she'll want another. This gives the both of you a chance to talk in real life.
Daniel Miller
I think that user means the exact showing you will see. Like which theatre, what day, and at what time
Gavin Hughes
Bonus question: What's allowed on the first date? I don't want to fuck her right away obviously.. but what about hand holding? Hugging? arm over shoulder while in the cinema? Kissing at the end?
We're both really introverted and shy.
Easton Gonzalez
She said that we should discuss the exact time and details tomorrow ( another sign that she wants to text again right? )
Zachary Lewis
> Is this even a date? Is she just nice to me? Forget these questions. What this is, is going to a movie together with a girl you like. That's all that matters; it doesn't help to add any labels. She could just be nice to you; she could be into you. The way you find out is to slowly escalate: More serious dates, maybe spending time at your or her place together; over time you reveal more of your feelings and allow for more physical contact (first find an opportunity for hug or kiss, once you've kissed find the opportunity for making out, etc.) If she doesn't want this to be a romantic relationship she'll let you know soon enough. Basically what I'm saying is: Forget the labels (when you look back on what happened in a few weeks you'll get them for free anyway)
> I heard movie dates are not good for the first date but it is what it is. The reason for this is that there's not really any interaction going on. You shouldn't be talking during the movie and if you just met each other you probably won't be getting physical either. This is easy to fix though: After the movie go for coffee/dinner/drinks together depending on the time of day. This way you can actually turn the bad into the good because the movie will give you something to talk about.
> Any tips? Nothing you couldn't think of yourself I think: Good hygiene, nice clothes, facial hair not a mess, etc. If you're nervous: Focus your attention outward; in the sense that you focus on what other people (especially her) are doing rather than what you're feeling. Give her a genuine compliment (hair or something, but say it because it's true and not because you have to say something)
By the way; I think you did well so far. Assuming you'll actually go together then even if it doesn't go anywhere afterwards, you've learned that you can start talking to a girl and ask her out and it doesn't have to be fucking weird. You have to start somewhere and now you did.
John Diaz
Yes, it’s going great
Asher Edwards
hey! i was the user giving you advice (lol I need to gtfo here), glad its picking up just go and get to know her, buy ice cream afterwards or some shit and talk no hand holding or anything cringey unless she initiates
Tyler Wright
gettin more real by the minute
Daniel Morales
>What's allowed on the first date? There are no rules anymore, so there is not set answer. It's important to remember that you can be not forward enough as well as too forward. Now adays, not being forward enough is a more common problem. So you have to make at least some moves to let her know you like her, but don't push too hard if she starts to get shy and back off.
One suggestion is just to casually grab her hand when you are walking along, like when you speed up to walk around some people. Don't make a big deal about it, but you'll be able to judge her reaction to it.
Arm over the chair is probably too 1950's but I've done it in an exaggerated funny way to make them laugh. Kissing is best first done in private. Many people who would love to kiss you don't want to do it around other people. However if she makes a move to kiss you, don't pull back.
Christian Collins
The "forget about labels" part is pretty good, noted
Yeah, I planned on taking a walk after the movie or something, but would that be forcing her too much?
I don't know how I can use the last thing though, we're both really and I mean really shy and quiet, how do we avoid awkward silence? I would much prefer if she could be the one leading the conversation.. Maybe she opens up a bit when it's just us?
Thank you, very much. I will try to update my status here and I would love to see you come again. >no hand holding or anything cringey unless she initiates I admit, I thought about doing some cringey shit like saying we could share the hand rest thing while laying my hands over hers or saying that I could warm her hand up while walking if she says it's cold. Only thoughts though. I don't think I'll try it unless we really really click.
Ian Garcia
>avoid awkward silence Remember that silence is not always awkward. That's a myth that extroverts push. Quietly walking next to someone you like can be very warm and wonderful. Much better than someone yammering on about nothing.
If you have a silence, just look at her and smile warmly. It lets her know you enjoy her presence.
Jayden Nelson
>we're both really and I mean really shy and quiet, how do we avoid awkward silence? you ask her open ended questions and not yes/no and then let her talk.
Xavier Moore
>I don't think I'll try it unless we really really click. Do remember that shy people tend to not notice attraction in others unless it is pretty obvious. If both of you are shy, then she may not realize you like her and you may not realize she likes you even if both of you do. So push at least a little bit.
Christopher Harris
I am terrible at smiling I should practice that.
Yeah, I've figured that out. Any examples?
How do you push a little? I feel retarded, I will either not push at all or push too far? Help
John Sanchez
Shit, I forgot to respond to you user sorry, how do I read if someone wants to kiss me? Also, what are some more excuses to hold someone's hand? I was thinking like, because it's cold, that if she says she's cold I can warm her hand
Christopher Wright
>I will either not push at all or push too far? Help Push some and look at her reaction and listen to what she says.
For example, there is one bench to sit on while you wait. She sits and you sit close enough that you touch her. That's the push. She stays there. Win! She scoots aside just a bit. Don't scoot closer so you touch again. That is watching her reaction. Note that if she scoots away a bit, it does not necessarily mean she doesn't like you, it just means that she is not comfortable sitting like that. Perhaps she worries that she will start sweating and will be embarrassed.
Lincoln Brown
Do I do the thing where I lightly touch her while talking? Like, say for example, I see something and want her to look so I gently redirect her head in that direction? Is that too much? What's the tier list here.
Noah Cook
>how do I read if someone wants to kiss me? She faces you and tilts her head back a bit. She may or may not be looking at you, but her face is facing you. There is usually a drop in the conversation because both of you are thinking about the kiss. Bend down and start to give her a light kiss on the lips. If she does not respond at all, you've misread the situation. No big deal. Just make it short, like you would a sister or your mom and keep talking like it's unimportant. More likely she'll start kissing you back and so you make it longer.
David Walker
I do not condone kissing my mother or sister lmao
What do you do in a kiss like this? You don't use the tongue right? Pretty retarded question I know but just to be sure.
Sebastian Young
>what are some more excuses to hold someone's hand? OK Oldfag here that used to be very shy. As I got more confident in myself, I became way more successful with women. Here is the key Your excuse is that you want to hold her hand. There is no other reason necessary.
You want to hold her hand because you are attracted to her and people want those they like to like them back.
You only need an excuse if if turns out she doesn't like you and you don't want to be embarrassed. But if she doesn't like you then you won't see her anymore and no harm done.
So hold her hand because you want to. Smile at her because you want to. Laugh and talk to her because you want to. Ask her out again because you want to see her again not because you have homework to do together or want to see the next movie in the series.
Hunter Flores
>What's the tier list here. It varies by person. That's what makes it difficult / exciting. Try things and look at the response. It's the only way to learn her.
Henry Gomez
>You don't use the tongue right Not at first. But if she starts to get into it and opens her mouth then follow along. I have been surprised before by what different women like.
Evan Davis
That's too bold for me, smiling is different than hand holding, smiling can just be a personality thing. I don't know user, I never thought I will make it this far, especially in this short amount of time.
Ayden Carter
But if you fail you're done for.. At least in my head..
I doubt she'll start first, remember, we were in the same school for 4 years and I always see her alone or in a group of friends but quiet and not saying anything. Good to know though.
Cameron Diaz
If you're shy then it's probably not going to be a good experience, especially at a movie date. Girls don't even like movies.
Wyatt Jenkins
I dunno, that sounds a bit weird. But in general you just go a slight bit further than you've gone so far and see how she reacts; if positively you can go further still, and otherwise just keep the contact within the categories she did react positively to. In general I'd say don't stress too much about being physical. You just have to keep her interested, not in bed by the end of the night. Like, if you have some perfect movie scene moment of a smiling, blushing girl next to you looking into your eyes, head tilted, then fucking go for it (doesn't actually have to be that perfect obviously); what I mean to say is that if the moment is obviously there then go for it but if you don't kiss her by the end of the date that's not a huge problem or anything.
Simple kiss on the lips; if she returns the favor or obviously wants more then you can escalate perhaps. Chances are she has as much of a clue of what to do as you. And to be honest, if you actually have a first kiss at the first date and she reacts positively then that's just perfection and you'd really have to try in order to fuck it up.
Benjamin Martin
Good troll mate, you're the only one in this thread that said things like that. I'm stupid in the dating terms but I'm not stupid
Grayson Ortiz
It's weird, noted, what about some cliche shit where I "accidentally" go for something she's going for. ( Popcorn or stuff like that ) I think kissing on the first date would be too much FOR ME, I'm probably in the worse condition than she is, I had no prior experience and I'm the whole Jow Forums package.
Julian Martinez
>At least in my head.. You are catching on. It's all in your head. You would never learn to ride a bike if your fear of falling stopped you from ever getting on. The only way to teach your body the skill is by trying it and you were not perfect the first time.
Dating is exactly the same. You will make mistakes that cause some awkwardness. She will make mistakes that cause some awkwardness. That's fine. If you like her, you will probably find her mistakes cute and she will find yours cute.
Tyler Kelly
>I "accidentally" go for something she's going for. ( Popcorn or stuff like that ) I've only had that work if I exaggerate it to make it a joke. But it does work then.
Parker Adams
The reason I say it's weird by the way is because I assumed you saw it as some kind of second step or whatever (up from sitting close to her) and it's kind of a movie-like cliche. These things happen in kind of a slow buildup and much of the time people are too awkward to really escalate to much anyway. But of course, if you're already touching each other, arms around each other, then something like you said isn't an issue; just don't do it out of nowhere. Or even better: Do what comes naturally + a bit of getting out of comfort zone; instead of going for the movie scene.
> about some cliche shit where I "accidentally" go for something she's going for. How ballsy do you want to be? Chances are you'll instinctively pull your hand back. You could just let your hand wait for her to do her thing, touching even more in the process; Of course you can go further; but I wouldn't.
By the way something more on the point of going for a kiss or not: One thing you can consider is how much has been implicitly revealed. So for example: Going to a movie together leaves you wondering whether it's really a date; so if things go well you can go for it, but don't push it too much. But if you actually have some drinks together afterwards and have a good time together, then obviously that makes it easier. Say you ask her out to dinner a few days after the date and she accepts; then obviously there you have a situation that's overtly romantic and her willingness to go reveals how she sees things; I'd take that as a green light that unless it goes bad you can definitely try to go for a kiss after that.
Ayden Ramirez
I know it's in my head, I'm trying to change it all. I have extreme social anxiety. Even doing this much, adding a random girl I never had any interactions with on social media and asking about the school stuff, is something 1 week ago me would think is impossible.
You described a perfect relationship and I would love to have something like that with someone.
Landon White
Good to know, I may try it
I doubt that leaving my hand close would make her do anything. As I said she seems extremely introverted.
I thought about saying something like: "I really had fun today" and if she says me too I can say "Wanna go out again / redo it?". If she says yes, how long should I wait before the next "date" a week? a day? Wait for her to decide and do nothing?
Nicholas Bell
>1 week ago me would think is impossible. Gratz user! Don't over think it. You are on the right path. Good luck to you ! :)
David Wilson
Don't fall in love with the idea of being in love Don't let this place think for you Stop and reflect on yourself and your actions sometimes. If it doesn't work out at least you tried unlike most of us here I would imagine
I mean, isn't it like asking friends for advice? And I'm not that close with anyone irl, this seems better to me. If it weren't for them idk if I would've gone this far. The first post, for example, was if I should even add her and ask her about the school thing.
David Torres
By waiting for her to do her thing I mean going for the thing she's going for. So basically all I'm saying is don't pull your hand back like some startled cat.
> how long should I wait before the next "date" a week? a day? Wait for her to decide and do nothing? Anything except waiting for her to decide. If she tries to arrange anything before you do that's fine of course, but don't try to make her take the initiative. The next date I'd do in about a week. You want a combination of not leaving her waiting but also not being too obsessed. You planned the first thing on a saturday iirc, so maybe take her out to dinner the friday after that? Ask her on monday? Just a suggestion, a few days difference doesn't matter that much.
I think you should try to escalate: Make this date more obviously romantic than the first one. I think dinner together is nice because it's not too serious for a second date at all, but if she accepts I think you can safely say there's some romantic interest going on and that should clear the way to things like first kiss and such.
> I thought about saying something like: "I really had fun today" and if she says me too I can say "Wanna go out again / redo it?". Seems fine, anything that's honest and positive will do.
Connor Brooks
> I mean, isn't it like asking friends for advice? And I'm not that close with anyone irl, this seems better to me. > If it weren't for them idk if I would've gone this far. The first post, for example, was if I should even add her and ask her about the school thing. To an extent you're right; there's nothing wrong with asking people for advice. I think perhaps you just need some reassurance; I can remember the first time I asked someone out I was really worried that the things I wanted to do would be considered weird (approaching a girl, asking her to grab a coffee together, asking her over text instead of in person, etc.) But that can exactly be the problem: You don't need random internet people to approve; and by having others decide for you, you don't learn that actually your sense of what to do is quite close and you can have some faith in yourself. You seem to have a pretty good sense of what to do without us. So now you think that without us you would not have gotten this far, but you probably would've and now you've missed that lesson.
Not that it's a big deal but try doing as much as possible on your own, for your own sake.
Anthony Morris
me again you're over thinking bro i urge you to block all thoughts about it literally just watch the movie and meet another person, the task is simple
Camden Jones
So a week? Yeah I guessed as much. I'm more worried about becoming obsessed over her myself.
I'm doing as much myself, It's just that, getting some advice from someone is always better, you can take it or not.
I'll be trying to think about it as little as possible.
James Morris
Thank you guys, I will make an update thread under the same user name when I get more info ( at least once more before the "date" ) Just look for ThatGuyAgain. I'll go sleep, if I get more replies I'll reply to you in about 15 hours after I sleep and go to school.
Julian Lewis
Awww, sounds like she really likes you and you guys seem to really be hitting it off and finding things in common. Sounds like a date to me =) keep your cool, try your best not to appear as nervous as you are, and just keep talking and finding more things you guys have in common. Good luck, young autist! =D
