How Do I Stop Pushing Away Others

How do I stop pushing away my friends? I always end up pushing away my friends since I have this feeling like I'm not good enough and that I'm just a bore to be around and nobody actually wants me around. It's like I feel like everyone hates having me around and that I contribute nothing unless I'm 'On' or under the influence of something like addy or alch. I feel that they're eventually gonna get sick of me and push me away when they see how truly boring I am and how little I have to contribute so I don't bother trying and I push them away first so I can less dogshit when it eventually happens. It's like I just always feel like I have to fake and I'm an outsider everywhere I go. Any insight into this or advice? Thanks

Attached: 51yIzSxXmEL._SS500.jpg (500x500, 40K)

Gonna bump once then let it die.

Just stop initiating contact and only hang out with people when they try to contact you, otherwise you're just gonna be that weird guy who nobody really likes who just tags along for everything uninvited. I mean based on this post of yours you probably are a pretty boring dude.

you may have a "Fearful-avoidant" attachment style

>They tend to agree with the following statements: "I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to other people."
>They tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness, and the mixed feelings are combined with sometimes unconscious, negative views about themselves and their attachments. They commonly view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their attachments, and they don't trust the intentions of their attachments.
changing yourself is never easy, so prepare for some consistent hard work. please consider seeking therapy, its not bad it can help people who want to change.

terribad advice desu

But they do hit me up to hang out, I always just turn them down since I feel like I'm not 'On' and I'm just gonna be boring and not fun. It's not like people don't want to hang out or find me explicitly boring, it's more insecurity and just feeling like I'm not entertaining enough.

How can I be fun to hang out with then what makes someone not boring? I feel like I never know what to say or have anything to say so I just sit quiet like a fucking idiot. Other times I'm the life of the party and cracking everyone up and I have no clue how to tap into that consistently or what flipped to make me entertaining, so when I'm not in that state I feel it's not worth it to hang out.

Yeah that sounds about right, I always get really uncomfortable with more serious or emotional discussions. Or when people compliment me in general. It's like I just really don't want to fuck up and I want to say the right thing and not betray some expectation people have of me. It always leads to me just making jokes and having a lot of surface level friends and no deep emotional connections. Any advice for this, or should I just pursue therapy like you said?

If you feel like you're gonna be boring you probably will be boring. You can choose to ignore them and leave with your dignity intact or you can hang out with them and embarrass yourself by being awkward and quiet. Sorry but that's the only advice I can give you.

Why do you consider rejection a bad thing?

I really don't know if this is some reverse psychology shit to make me realize how dumb it sounds to not even bother trying or what, but there is literally no advice in what you said. Other than that I'm right to feel worthless and boring and if I do try then I'm just gonna end up embarrassing myself, which is literally of no use when I already feel that way. I refuse to believe that any time I try that will happen since I have been in countless scenarios where that hasn't been the case. I mean there's a reason people keep inviting me to hang out and go to parties. The issue is that I want to get to a state where I feel like I don't have to be 'On' to hang out. I am plenty entertaining and fun to hang out with in the right scnerios and I'm not gonna view things in such a black and white "Don't even bother, they're gonna reject you anyway" way.

I honestly don't really know, I guess for the same reason everyone does. It just hurts to feel rejected and like you're lacking. I feel like it also boils down to a fixed mindset that I can't change and I'll be this rejected flawed person forever, and that I won't be able to learn.

fuck

user I want you to look at your life and see how far you've come from a child to today. You can absolutely grow and learn and become the person you want to be. You prove that every day.

The book "The Power of Positive Thinking" has been a great help to my personal life. It's a classic and a great read, even if there is some odd Christian messaging.

Are you sure you haven't built up this fantasy of people liking you as a coping mechanism? I doubt you're as great as you say you are. Likable people don't worry about being liked because they never have experiences with people disliking them. The fact that you're even considering it signals to me that you've had a lot of moments where you were quiet and pathetic. I mean if you wanna go out and embarrass yourself that's your decision, but when everyone is ghosting you and talking shit about you don't blame it on me rofl.

>The Power of Positive Thinking
fuck off

This is almost as cute as it is sad...

rude desu
ebin

I've heard of it but it always seemed a bit cheesy to me, does it actually help? I'll check it out for sure though. It's just so hard not to have a deterministic fixed view, and feel that things will always be the way they are, and that our traits/personality are fixed.

The fact you can't believe that someone can be insecure without it being the truth is pretty delusional man. I know plenty of likable people that have had people dislike them, things aren't black or white. I have plenty of friends that invite me to things on a consistent basis and that I can talk with, I don't know where you got this image of me being some social outcast who's deluded himself into thinking he's popular came from. I'm just voicing my insecurities that have been proven wrong multiple times and looking for insight into how to get over these feelings. The fact you feel the need to come into a thread asking for advice just say not to bother trying and that any value I feel I have is delusional and that it'll end in ridicule is pretty indicative of what a dickhead you are lmao . I'm still not sure this isn't some reverse psychology to get me to defend myself and see my value, but it has done that a bit, I appreciate the lack of advice bud, have a good life user.

Whatever you wanna tell yourself buddy. It's obvious you don't want advice you just came here so people could tell you what you want to hear and feed your ego.

Nah, I just didn't come here to hear some bleak "Don't even bother trying you'll fail and everyone will hate you" without any advice attached to it other than to stop trying.

There are different personality types and not everyone was meant to be social. It's not in your genes.

Considering I have friends currently, and have had friends and relationships throughout my life I'd have to say you're wrong. Maybe it has something to do with being more prone to insecurity and anxiety, but there is no one social gene. And even just the idea of not bothering to try just because you think your genes aren't right is beyond stupid.

You are fucking retarded dude. Stop trying to bring OP down you fuckin fag.

>they do hit me up to hang out
user I have no more friends due to depression, I've ghosted them all. But if they keep hitting you up there is nothing you should worry about. Even if sometimes you feel like you're boring, it's okay. You're not there to perform, everyone has highs and lows and friends understand that. Just enjoy their company and be the best person you can be and you will be rewarded.