My absolutely toxic view of men ended up destroying my first and so far only relationship with someone whom I truly...

This is not me, and honestly, not really healthy.

Thing is, I know it's irrational, I recognize my point of view is skewed from how shittily my grandfathers/relatives/peers treated me and other women. Can't speak for men who hate women, because I am not a man, and thus do not think like one. I still let my emotions from past experiences get the best of me and that ultimately lead to my downfall with my ex. All I know is that I need to fix myself in order to save future relationships from sabotage.

Because most of my male caretakers were cheaters and generally disregarded my opinion when I grew old enough to express them. That and admittedly exposing myself to sites like Jow Forums at a young age warped my view of them too, you know how people here act. This lead me to distrust men on my campus/workplace as well, due to being used for grasping the material on certain classes then strung along, or just to cover shifts. I know the latter half of incidents is petty, but still ties in.

Wait, OP again, I'm sorry, misread your post at first. I appreciate the tidbits of advice in the second paragraph, I know you're trying to help. It would still be unfair to say I was perfectly fair to my partner too. I was a good girlfriend, treated him with respect and care, but trust issues caused me to break his heart. Not the constantly snooping through his phone kind, but getting to paranoid around this one female friend kind. That can't be good.

I feel the same way. I don't know if I'm capable of loving one. Misandry comes in many forms and none of them are conducive to long lasting relationships. I want to love and be loved but I get disgusted with how they act, there just seems to be so much casual disrespect for women. I honestly don't think most men see us as human which as you can imagine is a hard thing to get around. I want to go to therapy but I don't have any money so I'm just trying to look at myself right now and think about why I feel the way I do. It's not really helping at all but I understand myself a little better.

I know it's hard to overcome childhood influences, but you need to realize that the world is bigger than the few people you grew up with. It is true that a lot of men are scum, but in general they are not more scum than women, they just express it differently. If you are dealing with getting close to people, you always have to take an emotional risk, if you are paranoid about it, all you will end up with is destroyed relationships.
Try to judge the individual according to his own actions, and not the group he's in, and be willing to take a risk.

>Try to judge the individual according to his own actions, and not the group he's in, and be willing to take a risk.
Not OP but I couldn't do this, men are too guarded with their feelings and duplicitous, the way they act towards women they're trying to hook up with and the way they act when they're with their friends are night and day. This is why it's so hard for me to trust them.

I tried to keep this in mind, user, I really did, but in the end I still performed self destructive behavior that hurt my man. I hate myself for doing that to him. I know I gotta continue with that mindset, but I'm afraid of hurting someone dear to me again.

>broke his heart

Honey he isn't broken. If he was so dependent on you emotionally he's absolutely wrecked because you wanted space, it wasn't a healthy relationship. Neither of you are broken. Just give him time to heal.

Practice, practice, and don't tell yourself what you're going to do, that's a very cruel mind game that will lead you nowhere. Think about when did you make the wrong decisions, how did you exactly feel back then what were your exact motivations that lead to bad judgement, think about what would be the best decision in the exact same situation, and next time if you recognize you are in a similar situation, try to make a different judgement. You can change your behaviour consciously, you just need to be aware of what's going on and not let yourself being swept away by your emotions. To do this, you need practice.

As I said to op, most men are indeed scum, you need to learn the signs to find one who isn't. Judging all as a group will only make you depressed.

I've seen this same message but switched genders. Like on a daily basis it's in every thread. Maybe men should reflect too, just saying.

This is why so many women are single. They date bad boy chad thundercock and friendzone nice guys. Then when chad turns out to be an asshole its not just chad but everyone man is trying to destroy your life. OP is the kind of crazy bitch men run from.

user dropping the agressive wholesome facts like fire

Lmao, nice projection. I'm not shitting on him because he is my ex, but he was in no way Chad Thundercock.

I appreciate this, user, truly.

You're not welcome here roastie.
I'd explain but your tiny roastie brain is propably too small to understand anything I'd say.
So kindly just go kill yourself somewhere.

Humans are simply trash.

Male or female, it's all a glaring blemish on the otherwise pristine face of this universe.

Mosquitoes a shit too

You are projecting psychological causes on your relationship failure, but what did you do to begin with ?

FWIW I also date men as a man, ironically never had very high opinion on them, yet this never caused me any trouble.

What did I do to cause it to end? Well, there was an old rumor going around from several mutual acquaintances that he and the formally mentioned friend (girl) were getting close. Even though I initially thought this was bs, I began to over analyze every exchange they made, or rather, the affection he would give her. This would include small shit like hugging and compliments, being more passive towards me when she was around, etc. I thought I overheard him call her "side hoe" (in a joking matter, hoe is a running nickname in our friend group) and I angrily texted him later that night that it was insensitive considering the connotations. He basically said that holding on to that rumor that happened nearly a year prior meant I would never trust him, despite the fact he fully trusts me with my male friends. Things got uglier when mutual friends started to antagonize him instead of letting the relationship lie, but that's a separate story.

Ok, so let me give you a tip about this : fear doesn't prevent danger. In any relationship ever, either side can cheat for YEARS without the other to discover it. Usually, cheating discoveries are made because the cheater felt so bad he subconciously give himself away.

This is a fact that you are probably uncomfortable with, but the good news is that this is one thing less you should care. Being cheated on happens, and it's not the end of the world. Once you discover it, end the relationship, and move on. No harm involved

You can't control a true cheater to not cheat. Cheaters often cheat out of completely compulsive behavior. They can't reason themselves, they won't care your jealousy. So it's better not to care they act on your back as well.

In the contrary, boys will be impressed and be more inclined respect you if you respect their freedom.

I know relationships will always have an element of uncertainty to them, it's harder to accept when you're so inexperienced, I suppose. I respected his freedom as much as I could, all I'd ask is that he would let me know if he had the occasional event planned with his group or old hs friends so I wouldn't make any plans for us during our days off.

Reading back I'm no longer so sure, it could be as well he just needed a convenient excuse...

Anyway, don't blame your view of men, this isn't the proper root cause.
You need to work on this failure starting with facts and if possible trying not to repeat the same mistakes again.
Then just move on to the next ones, few people find the good one on the first try.

Yeah and you guys are rascals with nothing better to do with your time. I've done everything right and repaired all my mistakes (a long time ago!)