GIOYC / Get It Off Your Chest

There's no point in trying for the second time.
I already know the result.

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Let's try to keep this thread a bit more positive than the last.

I don't understand how to balance loving myself (appreciating my own positive traits) with not thinking I'm better than the rest.
The last girls I've tried to date rejected me and went on to go out with guys that I would definitely assume are lower on the scale than me.
How am I supposed to keep my self esteem up after that? I know I have flaws like everyone that I need to work on but Idk what to make out of the fact that the girls I found attractive would rather go out with guys who are stupid, boring (imo), sometimes act like jerks, have no job and are not studying, etc.

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kill them all

Where can I find more people that deeply regret their existence? I can't hang around normies it's just too painful.

lol
I know what you mean. Why the fuck is everyone happy?

That's not what I meant

what is it about normies that annoys you?

They have one over on me on everything and they're not afraid to use it. Fuckin sadists.

Ok so this is is probably going to be pretty long, just gotta write this knowing some peeps can read it is a bit helpful I guess

She's my first love and the way it ended a year ago gave me so much of a "unfinished business" feeling still present to this day, Although I've grown and worked on myself to be a better human, I still feel this missing piece... I tried to seduce other girls, I got interested in them but everytime I still had guilt about comparing these girls to her, thinking how they were not as interesting, not as soft, etc. We still in contact every now and then, we talk about our lives and stuff but not what we feel. I'm lost, I don't know if I should trust my gut and try to get on the subject some time or if I should remain quiet. I'm ont only focusing on her in my life, I got my shit together, been a wine waiter in a restaurant for some months now and it feels good to work. When it ended I was in a diagnosied severe depression, treated with high doses of lexapro that kinda worked but made me an empty shell and also had sex issues because I didn't report enough symptoms to my doctor I guess (and the psychologists I saw were shit). I made her suffer 'cause of this shit but now I'm at a better place and I want to show her the new me that has similarities to the one she fell in love with.
The fact that I still feel strongly about her to this day is hard to deal with. There's guilt but I also meditate about it and honestly it's just strong. There's this connection we had, we met on the internet and spent 2 years together, with highs and lows that mostly came from my fuckin illness and the lack of motivation I had back then by the end of the relationship... But the strength of the feelings that held us close was something I don't see much when I love people (I'm including family and friends here). The fact we were each other's first love and first time also adds to the bundle...

The difference between loving yourself and feeling superior to others may lie in the way you value yourself. I don't know, it could be you give too much importance to the image given to others?

>get new smash bros
>no friends to play with
>can't enjoy game because every minute i play i just keep thinking about how alone i am

God, I've never been this depressed before. It's like now it's bleeding into areas of my life that I used to use as an escape. Even when I read or listen to music it just haunts me. But I guess I just need to use this as motivation to be more social now that I have the opportunity after pissing away my teen years. I don't know anymore.

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This is the reason I stopped playing video games

the fact you evoke the possibility of using this negativity as fuel to get more social is already a huge step man

Same here, I also have no friends. I don't really enjoy videogames as an adult that much but I prefer old as fuck, single player only games.

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I wish so badly that this song project I'm doing is successful so I can make royalties and never struggle again. The composer did a great job, I wrote the melody, lyrics, and sung the song. It's a nice song. I do it because I like it, but it wouldn't hurt to have it do well anyway.

I pretty much have at this point. This is the first game I've played in a while.

Yeah, true. That's part of the reason why I post in these threads. Writing out my problems helps me sort this shit out better (though I guess I don't specifically need Jow Forums for that, but I guess getting some sort of feedback helps).

It sucks. The fact that I'm playing a game that's primarily meant for multiple people doesn't really help. [spoiler]I know there's online but I've heard mixed things about the Switch online thing.[/spoiler]

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How'd i deal with my ex at a mutual christmas party?

It's been on and off for the past 2 months, now we're on some no contact-ish situation
She's with someone else, most certainly, at least fucked someone else (stuck it to her dumb enough)

Ignored her at a party couple of weeks past, just so happened she was all around my ass and we made out

I don't want to ignore her, because i feel like an ass and i don't want that shit to happen again
But, being just "casual" feels wrong too

The second we look into each others eyes, this fire errupts again... and i'm scared of it

Aw are you mad I told her about what really happened and had her tell S not to disclose ANY information about us to you because you're am abusive psycho NEET?

how do normies even propagate? Do they just hatch?

I love your excuses.

I can't afford an attorney to take the bitch to court. I can't afford the abuser program I was ordered to take. Its not my fault.

The reality is, you live off mommy, so even a part-time job, you could do the program and save for filing paternity. You don't pay child support at all, but can pay $150 a month for cable and internet.

You COULD work full-time if you wanted to but working at McDonald's or Starbucks is beneath you and you refuse to take a job "like that". I tried to explain to you when we were together, with only a HS education level and no stable work history, take a job anywhere to get the experience and you can have more options.

But you didn't want to and didn't have to because mommy and me supported your lazy princess hairy ass.

Now, there's not a damn thing wrong with the lifestyle choice you are choosing. Continue to be a lazy viday NEET. No problem.

But don't you DARE cry and whine about what a cunt I am for sacrificing and raising our child alone, keeping him away from your psycho ass, and how poor you are and how unfair it is.

You always wanted your cake while eating it, didn't you dear?

Mathias is an SOB, isn't he?

My friend is 95% gonna die of complications during his heart surgery on the 20th and there's nothing I can do about it. Only two other people know yet and they are really broken up about it (plus one is my gf), so I dont have anyone I feel I should discuss it with. Is it bad if I don't really feel traumatized about the impending death of one of my best friends, who is a fucking great dude?

Nah. I'm never sad when people I care about die.
It's normal.

Maybe take him out for an ice cream, or something.

It'll hit you. Don't worry about it

That is called the mask of sanity. Who he truly is only his closest family knows

But yea everyone else "thinks" he's a Matthias.

Karma hasn't been fooled;)

I'm confused about you, us, this, everything.

It's okay. All you need to know is that nothing matters, and we're all going to die.

Have fun.

...

I always fuck things up.

I felt such a strong affinity for you and a sense of connection for a while. I wish there was a way we could be friends. I thought maybe you were hinting that you felt the same way, but then I started to doubt myself and worry that I was delusional. I felt so anxious and it seemed like you did too. You seemed more nervous than I'd ever seen you before. But I don't know if it was over me or something else. I don't know if you felt drawn to me the way I felt drawn to you or if it was my imagination. I wish I could know these things for sure. I wish you would let me know either way. I wish something would happen.
It was really good to meet a kindred spirit for once anyway.

I've smoke tobacco/weed nearly everyday for 8 years. the cost of it and attempt to keep it hidden has kept me from advancing in life.

I've tried to quit 2 times before lasting about 2-3 months before relasping as I started to hang around stoner friends again.

I am 5 days clean. using a nicotine patch and nothing for the weed. I feel more emotionally stable. I want this to be the final 'quit' because if i go back again i'll never stop smoking and would happily never see my stoner friends and dealer-friend again if it means i can keep clean even if it ends our 20+ year friendship.

I am teetotal as well (drink killed my father when i was ten and is killing my mother now) I don't care if i end up a sad loner who plays vidya all my life because that's better than blowing 40% of my income on drugs.

any ex-stoners here tell me if I'll ever be 100% free as i feel i'll have the odd cravings for the rest of my life.

Well learn from it and try again.

It'll get better.

I just want us to get back again at how we were just a few days ago. I don't feel loved anymore, I fear you might leave me any minute now. Even talking has become completely different, like forced. I love you, and I can't take this anymore

>Only studying makes me ''cope''
>Not even good at it, but still do it
>Can't enjoy hobbies anymore because of loneliness and I feel I'm wasting my time.
>Taking to friends makes me more depressed as they are more accomplished than I'll ever be because they were born rich or smart.
How can I enjoy living again? Hell, I was 100x happier when I was a friendless shut-in. Now that I'm back to college, I still can't forget about the past. I keep comparing myself to others and want to die.

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He's not that invisible, really.

Ah, he's losing his temper more and more?

He's always been unstable. He always slip up. I called him out on him more than one occasion.

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I keep having nightmares about how disappointed my dad is in me. Sure, he's disappointed irl sometimes and I usually can't do anything right for him, but I didn't imagine I'd be having nightmares about it.

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I can feel that. I always feel like a total loser when I compare myself to how accomplished and productive my friends are. It stings. Typically I just try to ignore it but sometimes it's just so strong I can't help but feel like I'll never be worth shit.

I guess it's time to shape up. It's time to get real and strive for a goal. Dreams do not lie.

>dreams do not lie

I’d be the most fucked up person if that was the case. I always have the most surreal, messed up nightmares. Like, just today I dreamt that I killed a kitty with my own hands. Maybe I subconsciously remembered that Murakami novel with the guy that killed stray cats or something.

>lost my job
>went bankrupt
>moved back in with parents
>closed my gym membership
>lost all my friends
>car is falling apart
>flunked out of fall semester in college

Have you ever lost everything, Jow Forums?

Yes, I am leaving you today forever. I don't hate you, I will always love you and wish the best for you.

Did the kitten dream disturb you or confused you?

fuck these fucking cunts. I have my mind made up.

>inb4 school shooting

>school
No, the temples, the guilds, the NSA and the spooks.

Yup. I've been homeless twice. Due to alcoholism. I was homeless at 25 and at 28. At 28 I wasnt sleeping under a bridge, I had just drank away too much money and couldn't make rent and got evicted with nowhere to go. Spent a week in my car.

I'm 29 now and finally on my own again. Hopefully for good, but I'm not hopeful. Drinking will make me a miserable wreck at every turn of my life before it kills me. Currently 6 months sober, but it won't last.

Different guy then.

My guy was and I'm sure is still very preoccupied with his "image".

He likes to come across as the "nice guy".

He doesn't get close to anyone though, which is exactly what he doesn't because the true him is fucking psycho scary.

Only his mother and siblings know him. His mother makes excuses and his siblings keep a safe distance.

>but it won't last.
Not with that attitude it wont

I'm so tired I'm so tired I'm so tired of being exploited I'm so tired of using myself as an object and being used as an object I'll just be alone from now on and disappear disappear disappear i don't matter i don't have any hope everything i try to do ends up in turmoil and drama and brokenness and i don't want to shatter not anymore not anymore i don't want to have a face just so someone can destroy it not anymore not anymore i won't doubt myself anymore

i always think I'm more than i am in other people's lives. I'm done with people. i have bpd. my favourite person just sees me as a passerby and it makes me want to fucking die. no i can't just get over it. i will just give up on being attached to anyone. my relationships are doomed to be toxic. it's okay, it's my deal with this life.

The guy I know is a psychopath too. He creates this public image that he is a family man that enjoys the outdoors, but I traced him and I could see that he doesn't spend much time with his new baked family. He is talking to a lot of women, like he is flirting with them. I'm pretty sure that he is sleeping with a sociopath that we both know, equally as unstable as he is.
I can also tell that he is highly impulsive, acts very aggressive and strange when drunk and I am sure that he does a lot of drugs.
I feel so bad for her woman and their kids.

I'm sure it's just going to sound sappy and cliche, but probably my favorite quote of all is this: "Don't quit your daydream."

Sometimes it's fun to stop and reminisce to myself about how far I've come. Over the last 5-6 years, I've been literally turning my idle daydreams/fantasies into reality. Every step of the way, I would spend time just living inside my head and daydreaming about where I want to find myself next. Sometimes it was at work while slaving away at crappy retail jobs, sometimes it would be on a walk in the evening with my headphones on. The content is always the same - Where do I want to be in the next year, or the next two years? And then, I would take action to make sure I get there.

In every case, I reached that place, and then I started daydreaming of somewhere else. Some other kind of life that is yet another step above that. 10 years ago, 8 years ago, the life I have no wasn't even a consideration - And there are higher places to go yet, places I can daydream of today.

The actual form of those daydreams and the kind of life you live depends entirely on what you want, but one idea seems to work really well. Imagine it, do it, live it. It really is that easy.

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Stopped being overly anxious in social situations when I finally convinced myself that anxiety is just making conspiracy theories about myself.

Maybe it'll work for someone here, however stupid it might sound.

I thought we had something going after months of playful talking in class, smiling and looking into each other's eyes. I thought there was a real connection here.

I finally got the courage to ask her out, and she said yes and then asked for my number. I gave it to her but I didn't even think to ask for hers. It's been nearly two days now and she still hasn't sent me a text. I know finals week is coming up but I guess if she really liked me too that wouldn't matter.

I just feel depressed now. I was so sure that there was a connection and I had built it all up in my head, imagining where it might lead... I think it feels so much worse because she really is, in every sense, so perfect, and there are so few girls like her. How am I supposed to get over this? I keep thinking there's still a chance but come on, I have to be realistic now.

I started off this semester full of hope that I would make friends, but it ended up that same as every other. Im such a failure. at this point it would be so awkward to try and make friends as I already have a reputation as an autistic loner

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I don't believe life should be allowed to exist. I want Earth to get blown out of existence.

It's funny how similar all these narcissists are.

I would say mine was 2 faced - his public image and his private one but the reality is he wore many faces.

It just all depended on who he was around. He had no identity of his own.

Completely lost in life.

He just does what feels best for him at the moment at any given moment.

If that involves another person's suffering, that's not his problem.

dear amelia/joanne

why the fuck do you have 2 first names? and do you want to go out with me?

That's just the characteristics of these people. He never finish any of the fields he studies, he constantly switch jobs and ideas. He likes to be creative or something that's concerning helping people. I made it an hobby to profile these people, strange I know but they are very interesting.

Lmao start with yourself

When i was a hardcore christian i bullied a few gay students at my school and one of them tried to commit suicide. Luckily they stopped him but at the time i didn't even feel a little bit of remorse.
Now i look back at it and realized how fucked religion is.

Also i reconnected with the guy and became friends when we got to college. He hasn't forgiven me but i got him a nintendo switch for christmas as a i'm sorry for being an asshole gift.

I'm an empath and attract this type in relationships. I've ended up learning to study them so I can break the cycle.

It's funny but he tried to use my past against me, telling everyone I turn men into abusers.

I'm all powerful. I can make perfectly normal healthy men into monsters. ;)

>he plays nintendo switch
what a faggot lmao. you should bully him

>set a date with a tinder girl
>we chat daily
>supposed to meet today
>text a bit today like we normally do (she takes a bit long to respond but whatev)
>two hours before the date text her to set the details
>no response
FUCKING WHY

She seemed like a normal non-whore girl. This shit ain't funny.

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Did you do it? I always think I will but I never follow through.

Now that is something a sociopath would say.

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I've been tapering alcohol for a while now. I've been a heavy drinker for a year, aware that I had a problem, and a consistent drinker for three. I worked my way from 6 drinks every night, to for the first time last night, two. Tonight, it will either be two again, or just one. I have to allow myself wiggle room or I'll cave. I'm excited and proud of this small feat. I'll be quitting completely very soon. I've been sleeping excessively again. Going to bed super super early, then sleeping for around 16 hours. I don't mind, and I think it's better than getting absolutely wasted. I'd rather over sleep than keep destroying my liver. My roommate has expressed worry but it'll be okay. I think it's just my depression showing since I'm not hiding it with drugs and alcohol anymore, and once I'm sober, I'll start exercising and pursuing school, and those type of goals help me.
I would have much rather preferred to go to rehab, but I simply can't afford it. I couldn't quit cold turkey, I was binge drinking way too much before, and hadnt had a sober day in a year, so dangerous withdrawals were too likely, and my anxiety would have played them way up in my head. Anyway, I'm making progress. It's little and dumb, but I have to cling to baby steps right now. I'm out of options otherwise.

Honestly I don't know what personality disorder he would be officially diagnosed but when I described one episode of him setting a 5 minute timer on his phone and telling me calmly that when time was up he was going to kill me by strangulation, watched me beg in hysteria for my life, tell me to shush while "it'll be over soon" then strangle me into unconsciousness, only to repeat this scene AGAIN after I came to...my therapist told me his behavior sounded like he was in a psychosis and it was not the typical abuser cycle behavior.

My justification to her was, "But that was the only time he did that. All other times of abuse were normal."

Omg I was fucking insane how I thought and what I put up with.

Not little.

Not dumb.

You have a right to be proud. Yes the over sleeping is most likely depression. Like you said though, goals and future plans will help with that.

Hell I'm proud of you! Thank you for sharing and hopefully it can inspire someone else.

let's get drunk on an empty stomach to save money

I'll keep that in mind.

Now I think I understand why you wanted nudes. Not because you like me or are attracted or curious even. You are planning on ending this and feel you need insurance or something. Like I’d ever show anyone your photos? I didn’t think it was possible for you to hurt me more than you already have. I did everything I could to show how much I cared. Don’t do it this way, please.

Sounds like someone with Dyssocial Personality Disorder will do.
The timer strangulation sounds like it was planned, not something out of a whim.
Victims of psychopathic abuse tend to adopt a certain characteristic from them, a traumatic reaction to protect oneself from any signs of danger, usually they develop a disorder themselves.
I am sorry to hear that you faced such an abuse, I hope your recovery will be a successful one. It takes a lot of hard work but you will get there.

Look up fighting game events in your area. Trust me there's a huge group of nerds playing Smash somewhere close by.

Thank you. It's been the greater part of this year that I've been free of him. I've done a lot of work on me. I've learned boundaries and I believe I'd know what red flags to look for now.

The thing is, I am scared of getting involved romantically again. I don't know how I will be but I know I'd like to try again. He would just have to take it VERY VERY SLOW and be understanding. We'd probably have to be friends for a bit first.

Even then, I won't know how it feels until I'm there. I miss having a sex life enough to want to try again but if it looks like I can't get past being triggered, I won't put some poor guy through hell. If I feel like I can't comfortably trust, I'll just bow out and buy stock in duracell.

I'm not a hook-up type so it's either a loving relationship or single.

I want you back. God fucking dammit I miss you so much. We were happy and shit. Who care's if you didn't feel a "spark?" You never even elaborated what that fucking meant. Who cares if you think I'm too nice, and you're just using me for yourself. We were happy when it was just the two of us. Why couldn't we keep going? That inbred piece of shit is fucking using you just like he did. He doesn't care. Why can't you even just fucking talk to me? You keep saying that nothing is different, that you still care about me. Except that you don't even fucking bother to talk to me anymore. Not unless you need something, or if he's busy.
You know you still feel something. You know that when we're together you can feel the pressure between us. Just start talking to me again. Just spend a weekend with me. I'm only this much of a mess because you're keeping me at arms length 24/7.
FUCK

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You learn to love again. Remember that it's not your fault.

I hope so. I have a lot of love to give but if it doesn't happen, I'll be ok. I'll just focus my time and energy into other pursuits and share my love all with family and friends.

There are worse tragedies...I'm just thankful I'm alive and thriving.

Mentally ill people are honestly ostracized. You wear a scarlet letter for the rest of your life if you ever stay at a hospital. I've improved my life greatly since my hospital stay and I'm still looked at as some outsider. Isn't the whole point of mental health treatment to improve the life of the person so they can re-integrate with society? It's a sick joke.

I hope at least you’re getting fucked good. Maybe a bbc like you love. If I were a guy I’d love to dominate you. It’s what I’ve been trying to do all along.

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhaha

I aim to misbehave.

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youtube.com/watch?v=K4Qp1TEKswQ

dude
thats how people work
if you tell someone youre autistic even though youre not they will start to see you that way unless youre the polar opposite

you just keep that shit a secret
honestly mentall illnesses are fake as shit, its psuedo science, theres some evidence for things like shizophrenia and severe autism but almost all the other ones are exeggerated
my shrink even said, a diagnosis is what a certain team of trained professional thinks about you at that point in time, they can be wrong, its not unlikely and a diagnosis is only valid for a maximum of 2 years for that reason unless its something severe

this is all painfully obvious but just a reminder

I'm so happy I got to meet you. I'm not sure it was love at first sight but I knew I wanted something with you the first time we met, even if it was just a friendship. You made me the happiest I ever felt before you broke my heart, twice. Each time you broke it, it made me want to be a better man, I started going to therapy because of you and then two years later now Im going to the gym harder (and dieting seriously) and you made me want to go back to college when I never said I would. I love you so much and I seriously hope you understand that. No other girl I have met compares to your beauty, compatibility, and sense of humor. I'm sorry I couldn't be good enough for you at the beginning. I hope, maybe you let me try again in the future. Every second with you felt like a beautiful painting we made together, I will keep this proudly in my heart. My only regret, the only stain on our picture, is that I never got to kiss you. Having you as my first would have been perfect but I guess the only first youll be is my first love.

I love you. I don't want anything bad to happen to you and I want you to be happy, but I pray there's a way you can be happy with me again.

I've been trying to get over my oneitis for two years, but I'm still stuck
Can't even stay attracted to anybody else for more than a few days
Won't go anywhere, since we now live on opposite sides of the country
Last we saw each other was a year, last we spoke was April
Any advice?
I'm desperate to get free from being obsessed