So here is the gist of the story, I had this friend since like middle school and we used to hang together all the time. Years down the line he got a girlfriend which he became completely obsessed with, she is annoying af but no biggie, he seems very happy.
Eventually I get into a serious relationship, I introduce her to all my friends, etc.
Me and my gf get into a serious argument and almost break up, but eventually we work things out. Once we get back together I find out that she came to my friend's annoying gf for support and to vent. And she mentioned how her and my best friend were really nice to her and took her out to lunch and to watch a movie to talk and relax.
When I find out about this I text my friend, because while we were broken up I never heard anything from him and since he had been my bro for like 8 years at that point (and he obviously knew that I had a huge fight with my gf) I thought it was weird he didnt come to me with a simple "u ok?" or something like that.
I get a reply and this is what he said, word for word: "Its not my job to make you feel better".
Seems that what he said was a bit harsh , but I'm sure that you could have reacted better than you probably did and talk through it / set him straight.
Angel Parker
Obviously I get fucking pissed, tell him that it is not an obligation to make a friend feel better, but it is what good friends do. Some back and forth basically saying the same thing, he tells me that if I stop being a bitch and apologize to him, then we can hang out, but he personally wont make any attempts to reach out after this.
Gee thanks buddy.
So fuck it, I move on with my life since I feel I was the victim in this case and besides I was legitimely busy with college. GF is still friends with them of course, and repedeately tells me that I should fix things with him since "he is your best friend right?". I show her the message, she apparently drops the subject.
Fast forward to a few weeks later, i do get a message from my buddy, asking me if i want to go out for drinks and talk, one-on-one. Bear in mind, this is a week before I was about to go on a trip to disneyland with my gf, and a few friends, including my buddy and her annoying as fuck gf; in which we were going to stay with my aunt free of charge because she has a huge house nearby.
Given the circunstances it felt more like them trying to half-ass an apology right before the trip so they didnt have to feel ackward while on the trip.
I tell him no, I dont wanna talk right now. He just replied with an "ok" and 2 days later told evryone they wouldnt be able to go to the trip for money issues. BS of course.
Will continue in next post.
Jace Collins
Honestly you are probably right, at the time it felt like no one was on my side, so of course I took it very bad, as you will see by the rest of the story.
Evan Ross
Should've taken him up on it. He acted like a bitch initially, then your girlfriend stuck her neck out and he realized he was being the bitch. Then you threw it at him. You can nip this shit in the bud and still get him to apologize to you. Tell him you're sorry for tossing it back at him and ask him to drinks.
Gavin Campbell
We come back from Disneyland, I had the time of my life, was fucking great. Nothing relevant happens on my end for months, my and my gf stopped talking about them and I reconnected with other close friends that I had. Eventually we are aplanning my gf's birthday party, she tells me that she invited both of them, I told her it was ok, it is her party anyways.
Party is cool, most of my friends show up and its fun. At around 1 or 2 in the morning he approaches me after evading eye contact with my all night, drunk af and tells me that "bro how are you? wanna talk?".
Im not that drunk and I tell him that if he really wants to fix things he should hit me up when he is not drunk as shit, that it is not something you can weasel your way out of by apporaching me when you think im drunk.
After this, total silence from his part. Nothing happens between us for months. Little by little he stops hanging out with our shared friends, to the point that people are asking me whats up with him. I dont tell them of course, and the cycle of life continues.
Will Continue in next post, almost done catching you guys up.
Lucas Phillips
Jesus fucking Christ. He acted like a bitch, but you're trumping him with this shit. Stop punishing him; it's vindictive and will solve nothing at all. That's twice you've rebuked his olive branch; it doesn't sound like there will be a third.
Robert Smith
Sounds like your friend is in the wrong and needs to grow up.
He should have been a better friend to you, but, everyone is at a different point in their lives and maturity levels. Seems like he wants to make amends but you're not letting him. Maybe have some empathy, let him apologize as a favor to him. I think he knows he was wrong.
Daniel Price
Get the fuck over yourself
Robert Ross
Fast forward to like three months ago, everything is basically the same except that I have become way closer to one of the circle of friends that we used to have in common, and my gf had to move away to do her Master's degree, bu we still going strong.
After like 7 years and switching careers midway through I finally graduate from college, and I invite everyone to my grad ceremony. I havent heard anything from him in like 6 months at this point, but I recognize that he did helped me out plenty of times when i needed help, so I invite him to my ceremony the same way I did to everyone else: through a facebook invitation.
Everyone got back to me telling me if they were gonna make it or not, some friends traveled from different states just for my ceremony, and my gf did too. I heard nothing from him, I assumed the bridge is burned and was sad but oh well. The day before my ceremony, since my gf is back in town she wants to go out for drinks and she invites all of her friends.
My buddy and her annoying af gf show up, sit as far away from me as the table will allow and noticeably avoid eye contact just with me, to the point that everyone else noticed and asked them wtf were they doing, they just denied it.
Will continue in next post
Jason Rodriguez
They're denying it because normal people try not to air their dirty laundry at a party honoring someone.
Alexander Howard
So fine, was akward as fuck for me but my gf had fun, fine. Next day is my ceremony and everyone showed up, except him. Feels petty to me but alright, he is not going to ruin my day.
Days later my gf told me she pleaded with them through text before the ceremony began, so they would show up, but they said they wouldnt.
At this point i do feel like shit, it was a big moment in my life and our shitty back and forth kinda ruined it in hindsight. So i tell her that i will talk to him, see what we can do...buuut she tells me that its better if I wait, that right now it wouldnt be the best moment. Well, at this point she knows them more than i do so ok.
I got wrapped up in trying to find a job after graduation, which takes fucking months. And now, finally, last thursday we got together for drinks and to talk. And he looked so depressed, it was sad dude. in the process of catching up he told me that little by little he basically has lost contact with all of the friends he had, he was complaining that no one showed up to his birthday party and that he had no real friends anymore.
Robert Gray
Since i had reconnected so much with a bunch of our shared friends I told him that if he wanted to hang out with us no one would be a dick to him, that we would treat him like a friend. I thought I was offering an olive branch there, but he wanted none of it apparently.
He told me that why would he want friends that dont go the extra mile for him; I told him that if he wanted that he should also go the extra mile for them, give and take and such. His response was a simple "I guess i dont care enough to do that".
Told him that someone has to make the first step if he wants to have those friends again, using myself as an example of trying to fix shit.
Of course he threw everything you guys have been saying at me, honestly i was a dick and too proud to do anything about it. I told him that, it old him that I was hurt by what he told me at the beginning but I also fucked things up more than they should have, and I am apologizing by asking you out to talk.
He told me, "and what Am i supposed to do with an apology now?". I didnt know what to say, so i just told him that it is only too late to fix things if he feels like it. Again he replied: "I guess i dont care enough to do that".
Fine, i went home and told my gf what had happened; she said that i guess that was it.
But yesterday she calls me to tell me that what I did was wrong, that they contacted her to tell her that I was very judgemental of their lifestyles, that I was not mature enough to understand that they ARE happy just the way they are and that I never apologized.
That is why i used that reaction image, I am honestly fucking confused about what I did worng, if i did anything wrong at all. I dont what they want from my at this point, other than just cut my losses and drop the whole thing.
What do you guys think?
Levi Kelly
They also try to get over themselves during a special occasion and not act like children, or at least not to make so obvious
Zachary Wright
Just tell him to keep living vicariously through your girlfriend as your life has never been better since he left... Mail him a dead fish for Christmas.
Remember that because you go around calling his girlfriend annoying, it’s probably spilling into how you interact with her and he’s probably butthurt about it.
Blake Diaz
Well that is a whole separate issue, the deal is that no one, no one can stand his fucking girlfriend, and its only because everytime she is invited to some place (lets say, to watch a movie) she complains the whole time ("this movie is boring, I want to go home, this one is better, i fell asleep this shit sucks") so no one wants to invite her anymore. my buddy is too pussy-whipped (in my opinion) to do anything about it, since we have never seen him even raise his voice or correct her in anything ever. He has no male friends, and he was complaining that he only hangs out with HER friends at this point.
Jaxon Parker
Honestly that could be the root of the problem. Moreso than you think, but he’s also a bit of a dick and deserves what he gets.
You have to move on. And if you feel that he’s toxifying your relationship via proxi, maybe find a new girlfriend.
Evan Gutierrez
They are relatively harmless, I'll just go back to my normal life i guess.
As far as im concerned, going around my back to bitch about me offering my opinions about his life is proof that he is not happy with his choices, not very fitting of the "mature" mindset he keeps saying he has.
Austin Flores
You're really full of yourself
Christian Gray
I would say I was full of myself, that is true. So what would you recommend I do know?
Luke Jackson
You did nothing wrong and your friend-- maybe his GF-- has a behavioral disorder Move on and keep movin bud, guys like this are never worth the time. Got a bud with BPD and he puts forth more chuft in the friendship than that, boy howdy you'd better believe he does.
Your friend just doesn't want to be the 'bad guy' in the scenario. When it ends-- messily, invariably-- he wants to be the 'good guy,' the 'victim,' the one who 'got played.' He doesn't want to be the shitty person who ignored you and demanded you make the extra mile for him but not he for you. He literally said he doesn't care about going the mile, just getting it. Literally the worst type of friend to have next to maybe Charles fucking Manson and actual goddam serial killers, because they'll just parasite everything they can without ever really contributing in kind.
Frankly you're better off without him and I'd tell your girlfriend no good friend of any kind whatsoever says "I don't care enough to go the extra mile." I'm clinically depressed and anxious and I still manage to make the fucking time when they need me. I still manage to set aside my shit and take on theirs when they're in need. I still manage to go an extra mile even if I got a bum leg, or shit to do, or whatever. THAT is what that is about. Your friend is just a penis who wants his cake and to eat it too and I'd tell your girlfriend that, that you're not going to tolerate friends who say "I don't care enough to go the extra mile." That's not a good person to be a friend to, because they clearly expect you to go the extra mile instead.
Shitty person, and while your reaction was shitty it wasn't unjustified and he most certainly kept blowing it even harder as time went on.
Brandon Long
Honestly I would kill for a transcript of what he ended up telling my gf after he talked with me; because I cant fathom how I ended up being the bad guy by trying to bring him back to my group of friends; I dont know what kind of apology he wanted out of me.
Unfortunately my gf (and him from what i can tell) have this dumb frame of mind in which a friend is a friend, no matter if he is shitty to you, if you bail you are not their "true friend". I dont see why you shouldnt "expect" anything from your friends and why that is "mature" for them.
Adrian Roberts
Then you tell them that when he's willing to go the extra mile and doesn't say shit like "I don't care to go the extra mile" you'll happily receive him Until then I think you can tell your girlfriend that being asked by your lover to attend a parasitic and unhealthy friendship is not just offensive, but downright undermines the whole relationship. What's so fucken great about that guy that HE gets the preferential treatment in YOUR relationship? Like this dude told you to your face he doesn't care about you.
You DID mention this to your girl?
Jayden White
You all sound like little children. Holy shit stfu and get over it you fucking baby. Apologise, let him apologise and move on, it's not that goddamn hard.
William Martin
Of course I did, they are just using the fact that i have been very petty and vindictive until very recently as a crutch for any arguments.
They were right in the past that I was shitty, so they have gotten used to being 'right" to the point they dont see their own faults, and that is what I think happened.
Someone finally told them whats up and why they are losing friends, but since it came from me, the person who is "at fault" they can brush what I am saying aside.
Or at least that is what I took,which is why i came here for different opinions.
Follow the thread mate, I did apologize two days ago; he got offended by my apology. It should be that hard, for some it is now.
Hudson Smith
Then tell them "I guess being shitty means you be shitty to others. I went out of my way to correct shitty behavior and if that's not good enough then I don't care to keep jumping for you because it'll clearly never be enough and I'll be on an uphill struggle. If you don't actually like who I am, don't force yourself to be around me. Do me the justice and leave or tell me to leave, but don't just 'put up' with shit because you want the title of 'good guy.'"
That's where I'd go. I'm serious though, dig your heels in on this and tell them the respect is two-way. They wanted you to offer it, you did, and that wasn't good enough. If it's not good enough, too bad for them.
Isaiah Jenkins
Just fucking ignore them and cut them out of your life completely. These people are fucking trash and there is no positive side to patching things up. Your girlfriend sounds like a stupid cunt, why is she still talking to him at all? This is all so pathetic. Why don't you just tell him to never speak to you again?
Ian Ross
I don't understand how ,from being your friend,you now end up talking to him through a proxy,your gf.And you've known him for years. It's your friendship.Why should your GFs play a part in this? He neglected his friends since the beginning,when he got into a relationship. It feels to me like whatever his own girlfriend thinks of his friends might influence his opinion.
He was in the wrong,you were still too hung up on it to forgive him when he did want to make up and now he's the obstinate one.He's a pretty sad sap,he has no friends left.Even if he's being impossible,I say you just keep your stance of wanting to patch things up; let him know that you've forgiven him,that you apologize for your past actions and if he ever wants to talk to you and get back on track,you'll be there.You can't do more than that.
Dominic Gomez
Sounds though but fair i guess, sounds like something similar happened to you, is that what you did?
My gf is a nice person honestly, she is very stubborn and has a pretty fucking stupid view on this matter but its not a dealbreaker because at the end of the day she can say "you can handle this how you want to" and that is a good compromise to me. She doesnt hang out with them at all since she doesnt live here anymore, its only when she visits so of course in small doses and on a party they seem nice.
Caleb Clark
Well it happened because at the beginning, she felt directly responsible for the whole mess. In a way she is indirectly responsible if anything, but hey I am glad i realized he was a shitty friend now, so i dont blame her.
>It feels to me like whatever his own girlfriend thinks of his friends might influence his opinion.
honestly I think this is the issue, they are inseperable to the point that we have not seen them on their own in like 3 years now. But they are incapable of seeing their own flaws, partially because they like to hang out with people who dont voice their opinion. But its starting to catch up to them since low-energy efforts in their part results in low-energy effort "friends".
Caleb Scott
Something similar has, in one case where the girlfriend dragged down a man our social circle just ghosted him. It wasn't really the right answer but he was far-gone before any of us realized it. Pity, but that's life The other situation, the guy came forward and apologized to me at which point I gave my apology and we had coffee, hashed things out and came past it. That said it involved lost money, shitting on goodwill and ultimately charity, and being ignorant of the position(s) myself and my roommates were put in on his account.
All that said he and I had never really 'grown distant' in the past, and we're still close friends. This is why I'm telling you it takes two, because he can't just sit there and wait for it all. Nor can he be piss drunk in order to stomach an apology to you, that's not really appropriate either
Jose Rodriguez
I see, that sucks.
I learned a lot from all this shitfest, I was being a bitch too but it seems i realized something he hasnt yet. Relationships of any kind are hard work, i stopped neglecting the rest of my good friends, I took one of my friends to lunch because I heard he was depressed, I stayed late and offered my apartment to my friends to crash when they worked on black friday; and they have responded as well.
he seems stuck on the "well, we all grow up so its normal to lose contact" phase, when its getting to be an excuse to not get off his ass to help someone unless its convenient.
