>drinking at a club last night
>decide to steal some weird looking girl's bank card because drunk and bored
>no one saw
>make a new paypal account and order expensive shit from ebay
>too fucking drunk to think this through
>didn't even make a new ebay account so the order was made with my real name and address
>finally throw the card in a puddle
How fucked am I? Is it 100% sure that I'll get caught? I really want my order but that's probably not going to happen
I hope so, you're a real scumbag
Absolutely fucked
Over 9000% dude. You're fucked. Better start inventing excuses.
Cancel the orders, now.
Man, you should have at least laundered the money before you purchasing shit with it. Are you dumb?
Of course I regret what I did, I don't usually even drink that much
I tried contacting the seller. Is there anything else I could do? When should I delete the paypal account?
You're gonna get arrested for fraud, even if you cancel the orders.
You better hope you have Disney-tier lawyers
You are a piece of shit and 100% you are fucked when the police subpoena your IP from ebay. You know it was wrong to do what you did but you still did it because you are a fucking garbage human lol. Btw online fraud is a federal crime.
Would getting a quick flight out of the country be a good idea in a scenario like op is in?
No. Then you'd get arrested in a place where you don't even know their language and get more fucked.
Lol what a legend
You're gonna need an attorney.
>>Grand Theft
>>Wire Fraud
>>Identity Theft
You're looking at 7-10 in the State Penitentiary. For a first time offender. Although if you've done this, it's a fair bet that you have a long record of criminal conduct.
Huh, there's only one black dude. I thought cops were supposed to all be racist?
Alright... Here goes.
>Set your broadband router to “open”
>Order yourself something that you’d never buy
>Try to cancel the order
>Order something else
>Sign for it, then immediately try to send it back
>Order something again, only refuse to sign for it.
>lodge a complaint with Amazon fraud prevention that you think your account has been infiltrated and people are ordering stuff to your house, probably waiting outside to sign for it, then taking the parcels.
>Inform the Police as to proceedings
>Get whoever was with you the night you stole it to vouch that you were out with them all that night. A half-believable alibi is ESSENTIAL here. You don’t need to prove it wasn’t you, you just need to make them unsure it definitely WAS you.
>When they trace IP and you’re questioned, feign ignorance as to secure router importance.
You just have to give the impression that you were the patsy to someone who robbed her card, found your open connection, traced your account to get things delivered, then made off with the parcels before you were aware this was going on.
Right now, it’s your best chance, even if it isn’t a good one.
This is actually pretty clever, as long as OP can "prove" he wasn't at the same nightclub.
I'm surprised myself. Maybe it simply depend on the crime for blacks???
If there’s one piece of advice that my scumbag dad ever gave me that was worth half a shit, user, it’s “If you can’t be good, don’t get caught.”
Good advice OP. If you are too stupid to do this start learning Russian and get a flight to Belarus ASAP. They wont bother to/cant extradite you.
I would also suggest to factory reset the router, given you know how to set up again.
No, that would be too suspicious. You want to give the appearance of techno-illiteracy. You need evidence of someone messing with your shit. That’s your key. Hiding in plain sight.