Every boyfriend and lover I've ever had has dumped me for being too clingy

>.>
Is codependency really bad? Isn't it the best thing in the world to snuggle against your lover under the blankets from sunrise to sunset on a lazy day?

It's nice once in a while with a secure person, but it's probably not so nice with a black hole of neediness and desperation who needs it constantly.

You probably have some deep seated abandonment issues or something. Work on it instead of just making the same mistakes over and over.

Black hole... interesting choice of words, because one guy I dated last year used it to describe me. Except in that context, he was trying to paint me as an all-around bad person.

Yeah, you're wired differently, but you can grow up and out of this. Time to dig deep and find comfort in yourself. You're absolutely a nutjob for being uncomfortable if he scratches his nose. No one wants that, besides people who have legitimate mental health issues that should be addressed by a professional.

Codependency is completely awful, because as you're literally already experienced multiple times, and are complaining about, the instant that person leaves you or betrays your trust, you have no one to fall back on. If they die? No one to fall back on. It's a really bad thing.

You're not a bad person, you just have issues that you need to work through. There's a clear pattern here and continuing with the same behavior is only going to get you the same results.

Is being clingy by itself indicative of mental illness? I'm not angry or depressed. Some people just need snuggles and huggles more than others.

It pretty much is, yes. I'd dump anyone 18+ the instant they said "snuggles and huggles" to me, too.

Stop trying to downplay the issue and accept that it's a problem.

Why? ^^;
I'm 22...

I've always kind of been this way... in kindergarten, I would cry at the beginning of each school day because I didn't want to leave Daddy, and I would cry at the end because I didn't want to leave my teacher. ^^; And during summer vacation I would get upset if my closest friends didn't call me on the phone every single day for at least a 20 minute quickie.

Do I sound annoying?

You're still a child. Time to grow up. Intimacy is fine, this isn't.

Different user, to put it short, give people more space because you’re slightly needy.
Remember space lets the heart grow fonder.

You're like a pet with separation anxiety. Seek therapy, for your own sake.

desu OP don't feel down. I would appreciate this so much in a relationship.

*wraps legs around user and nibbles on his ear*
I'll try. I guess a major problem here is that I don't understand why people need space, since I myself do not. Needing space from your loved ones sounds as weird to me as needing space from oxygen.

Very. I would hate that shit.

You sound like you need professional help. These are not normal thoughts or behaviour.

You have a very skewed idea of love than most people do, that's the main issue here. Disney-esque love almost never actually exists. Like it or not (and I personally don't), plenty of people are in relationships for either compromising or pragmatic reasons. Some are in relationships out of fear. Some people can't feel validated unless they're having sex all the time.

Whether you're just idealistic or completely crazy, the truth is, you're probably too young to have truly been "in love" and see what it's like to have to sacrifice when things aren't right, or deal with someone when they're stinky and sick and haven't worn something you find attractive in what feels like half a decade.

>There is no such thing as having too much of him.
This is correct but it's probably not what you're doing.

Without more details or knowing you, I can't help you. But most likely you're taking something, emotionally draining them, while giving nothing in return. Being clingy and giving the relationship your all is a virtue. It's just that you're doing something else and it's getting sloppily labeled as "clingy".

This is why you're confused to why, something so good, would yield something so bad. It's because your behavior has been given the wrong label.

Being clingy is not a virtue, this is terrible advice.

>everyone leaves me for the way I am
>what gives? the way I am is perfectly fine.

reconsider

>You're not a bad person
You don't know this. She very well might be.

If her ex was using the term "black hole" and explaining that she was a bad person, there is a very high probability that he is correct. If he's wrong and evil, then he'll not use this sort of vocabulary.

I see. I should've scrolled the thread before I first replied. OP you have this infantile type of narcissism. That is the problem.

Part of growing up is seeing the world around yourself and becoming more giving. In a relationship you should be altruistic and give a lot. But this is only possible when you gain the consciousness of other people and their own existences.

It can seem silly or scary to grow up. A lot of people our age resist it because life is so easy now, food is so cheap and abundant. You've probably never left your family or suffered dearly. But if you resist growing up, then you resist the full human experience. It will take a lot of time and it won't happen in a day, or a week. You should stay single for a while until you sort this out.

I'm comprehending OP. In the manner she explains it, it's virtuous. I understand her, what she's trying to say.

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This is my exact philosophy too, anonette, though I am a man. Don't worry, Love slumbers in this depraved age, replaced by lukewarm affection and an excess of lust, Most people haven't the passion that you or I have, wherein we see our beloved as our whole world, and want nothing more than to be with them, always and unceasingly. "Clingy" is a relative concept, and a judgement born of the statement-maker. You and I simply need to find types like us, whose standards for connection are higher than those of the ordinary, whereby what is "clingy" to them is "normal" for us. Good luck anonette, do not change who you are, and keep searching for the piece who fits you.

(Though personally I have wish for a Mommy GF, which sadly most girls would never accept being. But beyond that, you and I are one)

I'm this type, too.
I think people either 'get it' or they don't.

OH BOY MOMMY GF IS BACK

God this board is emotionally stunted.

I just don't consider people 'bad' in general. It's all circumstantial. I'm relatively certain OP went experienced some trauma that made her this way, and thinking of yourself as 'bad' isn't really conducive to the healing process.

>I just don't consider people 'bad' in general. It's all circumstantial.
That's called moral relativism. That's a very dangerous line of thinking. You should find ground in morality.

>thinking of yourself as 'bad' isn't really conducive to the healing process.
Case in point. If you want to be good, then you first have to accept that you're bad.

Morality that involves punching cats?

Anonette, I'm the user from

I'm sorry if this is strange to ask, but given how similar you seem to me, would you wish to be my Mommy GF? If not, please just forget I asked and respond to my above comment as if it were the only post. And sorry if I offend you.

>That's called moral relativism.

No it isn't. Moral relativists would argue that allahu akbar is okay because all cultures are equally valid. I'm saying there's good and bad actions, but people aren't inherently bad.

>but people aren't inherently bad.
Then what do you mean by "inherently" bad?

So you think there's good and bad actions,but not good and bad people?
You see, people are what they do. Your actions define you. You define if a person if good or bad by their actions. So if you accept that evil exists, then good and bad actions exist. And if these actions exist, then good and bad people exist.

I think you're playing a mental game with yourself because you're emotionally sensitive to negative-sounding words. Either that, or you're in love with OP and hoping she'll have sex with you if you sugarcoat your advice.

I'd debate you but youre resorting to ad-hom and I don't really feel like getting frustrated.

Yeah I regretted that last paragraph after I hit post and was tempted to delete it and try again. Sorry, user.

I think the ideal version of love is doing something you enjoy in life but coming home to your partner and just being with them, talking/hugging/etc. You shouldn't be completely dependent on your partner but having that investment doesn't seem so bad.

You’re in modern times lady, guys need space to do shit, especially young guys. They want you to do your own shit too. They can’t stay home with you in their robe and slippers all the time. That’s oppressive.

>every gf dumped me as soon as I fell in love with her
4 times it happened this year already and it's destroying me.

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>Falling in love four times in a year

Give it some time before you start calling it love, you manchild.

It still had a lot of time in between though, and the first one was still something from last year.

>A lot of time
>365 days

Nah man, it's not. I doubt you're even old enough to post here.

Maybe you should just be single for a while. Sometimes it's better to reflect on yourself. Can't do that effectively when you have to maintain a relationship at the same time.

I'm 23 though, and a year is long.

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Wah. No it's not. You're just desperate for validation, and think you understand what love is.

I'm now on my fifth relationship, just 2 hours after I got dumped.

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I appreciate the devotion, but if you were dating me, and I was to be 100% honest with you I'd probably have the same sort of feelings as the guys breaking up with you. Its nice to know your loved. That someone always wants to see you, etc.
But (and this is just me here) I am very introverted. I love being alone, even while in a relationship. I need alone time.

I have a friend who is much like you. She dated my roommate at the time actually for about 2 years. She could never wrap her head around him just 'wanting to be alone' for a bit. It wasn't that he didn't like being around her. While he wasn't as introverted as I am, did need some space and time to just have some quiet moments to themselves. I think everyone does really. I think even you do. You likely just haven't been in a relationship where you are with that person so consistently that you realize it yet.

Take what I say with a grain of salt though. I'm just one really introverted dude.

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you can cling to me babe... I'll love u no matter what

Do you expect them to reply to texts all sorts of hours? Do you expect them to spend all of their free time with you?
Do you encourage them to spend leas time or even quit hobbies and friendships?

Also you might just be too young for a serious settledoen relationship. Most people aren’t really ready until their thirties.

Ok that just screams that you have abandonment issues and parental self worth complexes. Seek therapy.

Yes... you sound dramatic and insecure. I want to run away and we have the internet between us...

Fuck off neet.

just telling u my willingness to love unconditionally I don't see how that makes me among the refuse of society... must be a girl thing...

also is that oily halfie asian faggot in here trying to steal my ellipsis again...

We live under a night sky that is never truly dark, stars whose illumination is overshadowing by the lights of the city. We live here all our life and never seen close to all the sights it has to offer. Oh, the walks of us together, pretending to never grow tired, even when our feet ached under the hard cement.

I look and I catch you staring at me, as if there is a question you’ve been longing to ask for so long but you can’t muster the courage. Is she happy with this relationship?

You always catch me with the style you go for. Is it plain today; clothes that fit comfortably? Maybe simple, just a t-shirt and jeans. Maybe classy, with some fancy designs on a skirt or shoes. Sweatpants and hoodie, in the middle of May? How about professional, with her hair in a bun and sleek, black clothing.

It never really mattered what. You always stun me, I can never stop staring.

That personality of yours, I could never place it, still can’t. Happy, childish, gloomy, proper, social, ambitious, brilliant, a lazybum, helpful, motherly, nerdy, a bookworm, creative, sporty, outdoorsy, a prankster, smug, and even a tease.

I feel like a newly wed every day. I just have to kiss and touch your soft body.

And then one day you’ll look at me and say

‘I want to know who I am without you’

And maybe it’s for the best. I’ll remember the words when you say them.

‘Stay happy? For me?’

And it will take years to forget that I spent the best year of my life with you. I’ll constantly wonder, stalk your Facebook, think about you every day. But never speak to you again.

Then after a few years, I’ll only think about you every other day. Then, every other week.

We’ll both find other people. We’re charming, handsome, polite, who wouldn’t want us. But I will never be able to stop imagining my future with you.

There are guys out there who will appreciate how close you want to be with them.

They're out there. Don't lose hope.

Sex is about passion, love is not.

And putting that aside, even if we assume that relationships are about passion and that I should be able to get my fill from you, that's wrong because I have passions other than you that I could set aside as easily as I could grow an extra limb.

whore, die in cancer

my ex was like you, i couldn't take the constant accusations everytime i was out with friends. My best friend is a girl and i almost cut all ties with her for my ex. things were so toxic, she'd be the only one i'd hang out with, she'd drag me to wherever the fuck. i wouldn't have time for myself, even what little cash i made all went into her.

You have to respect your bf some space and respect how he wants to spend his time. If he wants to be by himself then let him be, and you have to find something to do during that time.

Clinginess isn't passion, it's codependency like that one user said. Defining the entirety of your life around another adult just makes you a frankly worthless liability, not a partner, and even the loneliest guys will head for the hills at the sight of it no matter how much they shitpost about wanting an obsessive gf.

Even clingy people aren't safe from other clingy people. I've seen them date eachother and it just descends into literal madness because neither have anything substantial to base their personality and attention around.

Some people appreciate that in a relationship, some people don't. Don't look it as "I'm doing something wrong", when it isn't something necessarily pathological.

I apologize if this sentiment had already been posted, but I don't feel like reading the whole thread right now.

This is going to sound harsh, but hear me out.

You need to have an identity of your own. If you only do things that involve your S.O., you are largely basing what you do with your life on what the other person likes and wants. Building a sense of self is crucial before entering a relationship. You don't have to have everything figured out, but youshould have goals, morals, etc., that are what YOU want for your future.

It's not attractive to have no personality or to completely copy your S.O.'s personality. Think of what they need from the relationship: someone who can be supportive but challenge them intellectually, someone who can broaden their perspective and teach them new things, someone who has life experiences to bring to the table, someone who can give them personal space if they need time alone, etc..

I'm not saying that opposites attract, but you need to have an identity other than "I'm Jimmy's lover and do whatever he does!!! ;P".

There is such a thing as too much of a good thing, think of it like chocolate cake! It’s foddamn fantastic but if you have it for every mean, you’re going to start going “Oh god, no more chocolate cake please, I’d rather eat a dead hamster than more cake”. You’re the chocolate cake, gotta make sure there’s enough of you to go around but not too much.

>tfw no clingy gf

Nice burn.

I'd kill for a clingy gf. All the girls I attract end up becoming extremely aloof quickly, except for one but that was back in hs, and her clinginess was a product of jealousy that wasn't really based on anything

Probably this.

I can't see a guy getting upset "just" over having a clingy girlfriend. My reaction to that isn't repulsion, it's creating a feedback loop of "cling", grabbing and groping more and more of each other until we're tangled in the sheets with your legs in the air.
Basically, if you're the kind of girl that bites her nails and wonders if her guy is still into her, you'd quickly go from that to "oh GOD! He's after me again!"

I did always see some sort of identity in the girls I've pined after, however, usually based in creative and feminine things they can do, which my boring, math-inclined ass could only dream of, or in damage they'd taken which I naively thought I could patch up.

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Just find a clingy guy.. it can't be that hard

I'm right here ;_;

You're dating guys who aren't into clingers
I find with clinginess, open lines work best. Make sure they know they can tell you to ease up or squeeze harder.
>T. Seven years in the pot with a clingy qt

watch and learn

youtube.com/watch?v=FYCpEvVj_tc

I know how you feel, you have an anxious attachment style like I do. It's okay to love someone a lot but considering and needing them as your "other half" is a bad thing to do. You and the other person need to be complete people by yourselves. Is there reason why you're like this? Neglected childhood?

>Once I fall in love, I have no need for anything that does not involve the one I love...
Yikes
>If you can get your fill of your significant other, then you aren't in love.
Yikes
>I've gotten upset in the past whenever my boyfriend is holding me and he moves his arm briefly to scratch his nose or something.
Yikes
>during summer vacation I would get upset if my closest friends didn't call me on the phone every single day
Yikes
>*wraps legs around user and nibbles on his ear*
Yikes Yikes Yikes
Yikes anons, you are pathetic

Honestly OP it's not surprising that your boyfriends are leaving you. Even perfect lovers need days away from each other. You might think "but wait, I don't need that" but you're actually wrong. You need to find some self identity and avoid becoming completely codependent on your partner or you aren't going to be able to find a healthy, stable relationship. I wish you the best of luck, but you should seriously consider seeking therapy from a professional, Jow Forums is not a good place for support.

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>clingy and abusive
Yikes. I'll pass.

Clingy is just guy code for annoying and cunty. It could also mean a list of other things so who knows. But I can guarantee your problem is one of the following
>you're dating people for the sake of dating them, therefor when sex gets boring you break up since you were only together to get laid
>you're most likely just doing that actually
>yea it's definitely that
I'd recommend being single for a year and then really finding someone who actually likes you. If you've had a lot of boyfriends then you obviously have no problem getting them, so taking a break is entirely manageable.

>in the pot
What does that mean?

>once I fall in love
>every boyfriend and lover
Taking these two together, I can only assume you've been around quite a bit, and your idea of "love" is severely warped. Your problem therefore isn't in being "clingy" (which can mean a whole variety of things to different people), it's probably in being a whore who confuses lust for love.

Rule one of being a tripfag, faggot: you are never a candidate. You must always be a third party, otherwise your objectivity goes out the window.

Honestly, I really like clinginess, as long as it's not 24/7/365.

Just find a guy who likes that.

>it's probably in being a whore who confuses lust for love.
I disagree. It's perfectly possible that OP is actually just a serial monogamist who falls in love quickly, then broken up with because they don't have an identity and can't give their partner any goddamn space.

>just a serial monogamist
That's what I said, a whore.

Hey now, that's my wife you're talking to.

>being a monogamist is a bad thing
Jesus fuck, I want this degeneracy to stop.

I wish I had a clingy girl like you, I'd love to spend every second of every day together
do you live near NYC?

>you are never a candidate
You're right. I'm just speaking in general, that I like girls like this. Not necessarily OP. But I am guilty of doing this a few times so thanks, you're right I'll cease.

I wish my girlfriend loved me like this. God damn.

Is it wrong that I respect and appreciate you LH? I feel like you're the voice of reason sometimes.

ur stance on relationships is fine. he is still allowed to hang out with friends and go to work and do whatever he wants in his free time as he pleases. people like a friend of mine get a girlfriend, want to see her maybe once a week unless theyre having sex (which then he's down to see her whenever), and then preferably not be bothered by her all week. i dont really agree with that, but unfortunately if you want a guy to love you like you love him you might have to go someone a bit more beta-cuckish

i liked my old girlfriend a lot and she dumped me for the same reasons. i saw her every friday and that was too much for her.

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>20343409
It's very tempting on occasion, I'll give you that.
I'm glad that someone understands my thinking, at least. As long as what I post comes first (as opposed to giving merit where it isn't earned), it doesn't make much of a difference.

Can I ask, how close is your ideology to real Hitler? You do have pretty good sense with dealing with the hard truth of the matter.

I had a gf once...I lost her one day and it broke my to pieces
I then dated many girls that were like my first gf but none of them were like her
Lesson here-never fall in love

Date me then tbqh. There’s never too clingy for me

Gosh, you are just the cutest thing

I was the same way as you are in my first sirious relationship, but unfortunately I gave myself to a wrong person and got burned real hard. My partner cheated on me and with that the adoring romantic part of me kinda died - now I think of myself first.

I sincerely hope that you'll find someone who feels the same about you and appreciates your commitment, because I know how nice that feeling is. Hope what happened to me doesn't happen to you, tiger.

Same problem for me, It always ends in "you're too distant" because atfirst im too clingy and when they tell me to stop beeing clingy im distant :(((((