Experiences with cheating

Oops meant to direct this to

Did it make you bitter against all women, or just her?

I wish I hadn't heard it because I don't like that people excuse shitty behavior in shitty ways. I also don't like hearing women who are supposed to be modern and empowered say that they couldn't find the will to say no when the time came.

It wasn't a resturant. It was a woman's retreat, most of it was in a long ass car ride and then more in the hotel.

See

I made a dumb move tonight and copped off with another person. Actual SO is away right now. It's completely out of character for me and I feel like a twat. It's not like I'm some woman pulling machine

Won't try to justify it, because obviously I'm the piece of shit here, but the current relationship has been rocky for the past few months. Nothing bad, no fighting or any of that stuff, we've just been away from each other a lot and when we are able to be together we don't really do anything, I've probably spoken to you guys more than her in this past few months.

What do? I'm 99% sure no one who knows my GF saw the beginning kisses happening at the bar, so I could theoretically keep it a secret from her. I doubt the fling girl will be looking for any more, we were just having a crazy drunken one night stand, and I don't think she's crazy enough to try and sabotage anything (more than has already happened anyway).

So what makes you think it's just a one time thing? Without trying to advise you one way or another or sound like a judgemental jackass, what makes this one night stand less important than your SO?

You said you had problems, things were rocky. And you kind of sound like you're ready to dismiss the one night stand without another thought. Why?

I’ve been around advice for a bit dropping pieces of my story where it’s relevant.

I met a girl when I was 15, she was 18. Took my virginity, and we stayed together. I turned that magical age, joined the military and married her. Within my first year, I watched my best friend die in his dorm room not even closely related to combat in any form. Just a freak thing. I was arrested for it, and released 17 hours later. I fell into a deep depression, drinking all the time, and doing nothing but playing video games. It became my life. I neglected her and turned pretty verbally abusive. She began to stray and cheated while on a trip back to the states. We were living in Japan at the time. Shit tore me up when I found out. But I figured it was a mistake.

Let her come back and we worked it out. Had some terrible communication issues and I was still gaming when not at work. We got pregnant, had my daughter, and transferred stateside. I wanted to change and do the right shit. Bought a house, new car, and everything else to treat my family well. Eventually found out through an act of god, that she was sleeping with another friend of mine during her pregnancy while I was at work.

Cut it off after giving one more shot at it. She ended up fucking a man twice my age who worked at a damn grocery store. That was it. I was afraid of being alone honestly. But I also spent all my time pushing her away. Way more to the story but I gave the major points.

I had a guy in college go after me pretty hard despite knowing I was married. He constantly messed up and called my husband my boyfriend, and constantly flirted and made me never want to tell him no. He never even treated me well or wanted to be my boyfriend but he did things like call me "babe" to my mom and would cut me off from going home and keep pressuring me for handjobs or blow jobs. Then he'd fuck with me and tell me he didn't find me attractive or say he was a child molester and I could never tell when he was messing with me after awhile.

I got cut off from my friends (who were moving on to new colleges and out of town) and I have always have had a hard time telling guys who seem to be interested no. It's got to be an insecurity thing, maybe it's vanity. I did tell my husband but he just wanted to go kill him and I didn't want my husband in jail. I have had issues with my husband, but I loved him and I didn't want him in jail.

But this guy was so persistent I thought, "well maybe if I do something a little for him maybe he'll lose interest."

I'm not going to tell you I did. But the thought was there. It was worse knowing that it was just a purely sexual game for him and I was just some weird fetish for him and the weirdness never stopped. (I'm not super attractive, but I hold my own)

I blocked him, moved, and two or three years later, he made a fake account to contact me again recently. I don't really know what to do about the whole thing.

I'd like to hear more if you feel like sharing. If not, thanks for the response.

In regards to the cheating? I didn’t proofread until after I posted and realized I left a lot of room for confusion. Ask away if you got questions

How many times did she cheat?
Are you bitter against her, and or all women?
How would you do things differently?
Do you think it was in her from the start?

test

Oh boy. So the first time she did it, it was only one time with the guy in California. She came back and told me it was rape. I tracked down his contact info, and sent him pictures of my approved leave (off time) and told him I was on my way to kill him. He replied with their text conversations, of her telling him we were swingers. I chose to forgive.
My close friend who was banging her while she was pregnant, was a repeat visitor. I found out through his wife actually. After I had left the country.
And I’m not sure how many times with the older guy. I caught a glimpse of a cell conversation she deleted while sitting next to me talking about not having to be so rough and shit.

I was pretty bitter honestly. For a bit. Up until recently actually. I trained myself to look at it as just a failed experimental marriage.
I’m not bitter towards all women, I just have some severe trust issues. I’m actually engaged now. I seen the bigger picture and woke up. I stopped gaming quite awhile ago and improved my life many times over. And I love this girl I’m with like there’s no tomorrow. I’ve never learned what it’s like to realize you love someone so much that you tear up by yourself on your way into work.

But the exwife, definitely in her. She had severe sexual problems. Her step dad raped her for 11 years straight as a child. Just a messed up situation all around. But it’s much better now. And I learned what I had to.

No judgement felt there bro/sis! I dunno why I feel that way to be honest, it just felt like a bit of fun between two consenting adults looking a bit of fun. The fling girl was chatting me up all night though so maybe I'm wrong and she's wanting more. She's nice and cool, not slutty or anything, so definitely could be something more if we let it.

I think I'm mostly dismissing it because it's such a weird thing for me and I'm just wanting to draw a line under it and forget it. Yes things are rocky with the current GF but again it's nothing terrible, we never fight and I still feel like she loves me (and I her), I think we've just hit a point where we're both too busy for each other. Things might improve on that front but it's difficult to know right now.

I see ya

Wow. Thanks for the response, glad things are looking up, fren

No problem man. Sucked going through it but we all gotta learn somehow. Have a good one

Why are the guys going after the guy if cheating happens? You know that the bitch chose to take another dick, right? I've never been cheated on, but if it did happen, I would beat the bitch first.

Another good reason to never let someone know you cheated on them: might get beat.

Just don't cheat then, it's easy.

Also easy to lie.

I'm saying this not to piss you off, but to get you to explain the self control and benefits of not cheating.

I was in a programming class in high school. Girl sitting next to me wasn't really understanding how to code, and I felt bad and wanted to help. The teacher heard me, and I failed the test, for helping her with answers.

which btw, was bullshit how I got in trouble for "cheating". I KNEW THE ANSWERS! WOULDN'T IT BE THE GIRL WHO CHEATED?!

Wait so you cheated and never fessed up to your husband right?

I'll come clean on some shit I never told anyone

Back in high school there was this hoe who was all over me, rubbing me under the table in class - the whole deal.

Anyway I led her on but nothing ever happened, I just liked the attention.

A few months later I met a girl in the year under mine and I totally fell for her and we started dating, best time of my life.
But at the end of the year I moved schools--I lived in a rural area and you did three years in the local school then three years in the city because our local school didn't have many resources. I couldn't see my gf so often, it was a real bummer but I though about her all the time.

That year this hoe from the first school moved to the same school as me because we were in the same year, and one night at a party we had sex.
In the morning I felt awful and left, didn't even take my stuff from my friends place. I got home and I even got an STD test even though I used a condom, just in case
Worth mentioning this hoe was really good looking and always had weed.

I didn't tell my gf because I didn't want to upset her and it happened when I was drunk, I don't think my gf ever found out.
Found out the same hoe had a threesome with my two best friends the next week and didn't remember who they were in the morning.

My girlfriend broke up with me a few months later, she was going through a rough patch and she just left without saying a word.

Man I still regret it years later, I always wonder if my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out.

Anyway three years later I'm back home in a bar and some drunk guy comes up to me and apologises, says he slept with my gf way back - I thought he was confused but it checked out.

Life is all fucked up

I got cheated on twice, two different guys
Broke my heart. First one was my first and I really loved him. I planned my whole life with him and in the beginning, he seemed that way too. After 4 years, he wanted other women and told me he didn't really care about me.
Next dude acted the same way.... really sweet and loving. After 3 years he cheated, but then told me how sorry he was about it.
I still left
I'm in a happy relationship now. It took me a long time to learn to trust men again. I was alone and had no friends for a long time before i left my pity party. I got therapy, started working out, and now i'm able to trust and love again.

It's your own fault for being abusive at the start imo you faggot.
I don't care if you're friend died, what you did as a response was what caused it. Even if it wasn't something you meant to do. You did it.
I'm surprised you stayed so long, guess you wanted to punish yourself.

Sorry to hear what happened in your life though. That's the stuff of my nightmares.

Well, we started getting close after talking to eachother and somehow we ended up talking about sexual fantasies. I told her what was mine and she said it turned her on and that "it was a shame her bf was out of town while her parents werent around". The reason she fell into it again is because she liked me, according to her it was the temptation that by the time she realized what she was doing was wrong, it was too late.

What concerns me more is why her boyfriend would continue talking to her and hanging out, I just dont understand no matter any which way I put myself in his shoes

Gf cheated on me. The relationship was perfect in every way. I was happy, she was ecstatic and she'd always say how much she loves me. I caught her cheating. I didn't actually see her or got suspicious. I simply felt it and I talked to her. She confessed, but said it was pure sex. She said she wanted more sex with others because she is young and she needs these experiences. I accepted instead of leaving her. That's what I would have done if I didn't love her the way I do. She got double teamed by two guys. Both of them had gfs. She told me. I couldn't hate her.

No; I couldn't hate her, but still I would hate. My heart emptied itself of all emotion save anger. So I went full retard. I basically got obsessed with it. I got other girls to cheat with me, some of them married. The harder to seduce the more of a turn on. See that Christian traditionalist wife? Slut. See that young virgin girl with strong morals? turboslut. See that fiancee who is in a loving and stable relationship and describes her boyfriend as perfect? Slut, just like a mirror to the girl I love so much. Slut. And, with method in my madness, I was one too.

I felt broken. Dead inside. After banging several women I realized how much they enjoyed cheating. They got the turn on, the thrill, their boyfriends could never compete with that... even if they loved them.
After a few years I got lots of admirers who want me to either be their "master" or leave my gf for them. They tell me what I want to hear. That I am amazing in bed, that I'm their dream boyfriend. That I look handsome and "hot". I stopped all contact with them. It makes me feel hollow inside. Not only the relationship I thought I had (still perfect aside fucking other people) seems to be a charade, but everyone else's. Women cheat. It is terrible. It makes me want to seriously live a life of loneliness and drown in some mind-numbing activity.
To those guys whose gf cheated on them with me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for both of us.

Attached: despair.jpg (1181x886, 312K)

i dunno man, i could never imagine my girl cheating on me. me on her seems more likely since i like to play a bit (lead on) with girls when i'm drunk, but i wouldn't cheat either honestly.

it's possible to meet people who don't cheat.

My very first girlfriend was a girl that I drunkenly made out with and fucked later that night, knowing full well that she was dating a friend of a friend. The place that we met her boyfriend brought her there and I spent the night flirting with her right in front of him pretty much, I mean he was off with his friends and left her alone at the bar only to check in on her once in a while, so it was obvious that she was being neglected.

Not saying it makes it right or whatever, but I don't regret it. That relationship was on death's door and I just happened to be there when it ended.

We dated for a a few months, as long as a couple of teens would date I guess and then she broke up with me and I was like "yeah that's fine I guess", and then some time later my friend was like "hey I heard that she was hooking up with a guy behind your back" and I honestly couldn't care less if she did to be honest.

After that, there was one instance where I was dating a girl for over a year at the time but she was EXTREMELY needy. Whenever I had one night out with friend she would ask me to call her at least once or twice during the night - and keep in mind this was the earlier 2000s so it was way before everyone and their moth had a cellphone. Like I would have to walk outside in the street and find a fucking payphone and talk to her from there and be like "uh yeah hi femanon yeah me and the guys are drinking beers and whatever, uh-huh, love you too see you tomorrow/talk too you later".

I did love her too, which is why when I very drunkenly made out with a girl I I M M E D I A T E L Y regretted it. The girl had written her phone number on my hand with sharpie or a pen or something and I washed it off later that night.

>continued

You admitted you'd play yourself. A game pushed a bit too far, perhaps not even while tipsy, and you'll be fucking someone on a regular basis. That's how people tick. I wish there was a way to undo all these wrongs.

We dated for a few more months after that, but the gap in our relationship just kept growing bigger and bigger. I ended it before we became that couple who's having a screaming argument over breakfast cereal at the grocery store. I told her that she would be better off without me and with another guy, which ended up being 100% true. I ended up dropping out of college and getting into heavier drugs and even later becoming a NEET for a while and she managed to get her life in order.

I'm not trying to excuse it or justify it, but man if she had only just given me my space and time to myself maybe I hadn't done it. The more she tried to get a tighter grip on me the more I slipped out. it was smothering. Also I only like kissed the girl and played with her titties for a bit, she was about to like pull my dick out right there at the bar but I walked away. I could have fully cheated on her but I didn't.

That was the first and last time I cheated on someone. My brother would CONSTANTLY cheat on girls and I was just absolutely disgusted with him. mostly because he'd bring them home and he'd expect me to not tell them "hey by the way it's what Wednesday today right, well on Monday he was fucking some other girl", which was exceptionally frustrating when it was sometimes girls I knew. I had to tell some of them.

So in my book, it's always best to end a relationship before you reach that point where you're going to cheat on someone.

I suggest you move on and think about why you ended up cheating on your gf. Also think about what needs to change in the relationship to make it work. From reading a bunch of articles I totally suggest that you DON'T tell your gf what happened because she would end up feeling shit and the feeling between the both of you won't be the same.

I'm sorry user that happened to you, but I'm glad you saw what the problem was. Did you get custody of your daughter or was it your ex?

I agree user, Heck I would be scared for my life if I had a bf who'd beat me

I agree to don't cheat but I don't agree that it's easy. It all depends on what situation you're in and what kind of relationship you have with your partner

Oh wow.... Well at least you can move on now since you know she cheated too

First of all, if you're male, female cheating/infidelity is going to piss you off more because it affects you more directly, but in terms of absolute numbers, men and women are garbage at approximately the same rate (in the US, about 40% of adults admit to cheating on a partner--the highest would probably be in either France or Scandinavia). Their 'reasoning' behind it is different, however, and so is their conception of cheating.

Among the general population, while both men and women disapprove of both emotional and physical cheating, men near-overwhelmingly see physical cheating as more reprehensible, whereas women are more split and give a slight edge to emotional cheating as being worse.
This causes an obvious issue combined with the nonsense of egalitarian "we're all the same" thought, since it causes people to implicitly expect things from the other gender which simply aren't true. For women, in many cases, they would genuinely believe that "just sex" isn't as bad as "loving" another guy, since that's what they expect of a male partner.

tl;dr
>So if you did it, why?
I didn't do it, but the answer is obvious--because they can.

I cheated with my boss. It was supposed to be a few of my co-workers going out to the bar, but she said nobody else could make it. She flirted with me but I honestly thought it was all playful and was naive because I'd never had a woman ever make a move on me. She offered me a ride home, but we stopped at he place for some coffee. That's when things slowly spun more out of control. I was 22 at the time and she was 30something, all I kept thinking was wanting to be liked by her because I was at the beginning of my career.

I understand how women say they felt like they didn't have a choice, because that's kind of how I felt. She didn't rape me, but there was this aura of like hey you're a smart guy, you know how these things work. We're going to fuck.

I never told my GF about it but it sent our relationship into a downward spiral, I always had this guilt hanging over me. I just feel too much man I guess.