This girl and I have had a thing going for six months now. We recently called off being exclusive...

This girl and I have had a thing going for six months now. We recently called off being exclusive, I gave her some distance, and now she's texting me again and we have a couple of dates planned. For the first one, I told her I have a surprise planned. It's a helicopter ride over our city. Is this a bad move?

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brump

That is a good surprise as long as she is not terrified of flying. I would hope you would know that before arranging that surprise.

isnt it a little too much?

In what way? Like too strong of a gesture kind of way, or too expensive, or?

I'm hoping she isn't haha. I know she flies on commercial flights and she's usually pretty adventurous. Worst case scenario we just enjoy the wine tasting that comes with the service.

the gesture is cute, but i for myself would feel bad if someone would spend so much money for a date

Is there anything that would make you not feel bad about it? I'm hoping that if I'm just casual about it that she won't be overwhelmed, but I think I have good justification anyway if she presses.

Terrible idea.
Sage

great stuff

You're the reason why women are so entitled these days. I don't even pay for their food when I go out with girls.

i feel sorry for you

Lie about the cost if pressed. "Oh I won it at a raffle!" Whatever. I'm in the same boat as you often. I'm not rich but I like to think up fun and creative things. Or gifts that mean something (not like expensive jewels or anything), but say nice tickets to an event she wanted to go to, or a sentimental trinket that might be limited edition or rare, etc. I like to ignore the money part and focus on the meaning/gesture. I've gone overboard a few times and it's hard to reign in. I think it comes across as trying to buy affection sometimes, even if its not.

Why?

Because you have a bias that doesn't help you

Why would you take a fuck-buddy on this expensive of a date? You just look like a creepy cuck. You may as pull a Pinochete.

You got a dog in this fight?

i would advise you to start with something smaller. if you already start with such overwhelming things like a helicopter ride, how to you want to top this? and you are not even sure, if shes maye terrified of flying

>I don't even pay for their food
I pay for my male friends all the time, why would paying for a girls meal make her entitled?

Well she's not just a fuckbuddy, we've been exclusive before, and even though we called that off she still texts me everyday and hasn't seen anyone else. I think she has attachment issues so I wait for her to talk about it when she's comfortable.

Not really no, the point of this website is to speak your mind though. I'm just saying anytime someone says "x demographic has y negative trait these days" it's 99.99% of the time maladaptive if you use it as a genuine rule of life. The world is much too complicated and types of people much too diverse to not give each person a clean slate if you want the most out of each relationship, I personally think.

I see you're point. We've been dating for six months and we've been on plenty of dates already. I'm not concerned about topping it really, I don't think that's how it works in her mind.

>we've been exclusive before, and even though we called that off
So you're the softy she goes to when she wants emotional attention after being railed by a stud the night before.

No because I'm the only persons she's had sex with in the past year... not everyone is an incel stereotype lol

keep telling yourself that

you're the one who has to do the mental gymnastics and impose this perspective where all women are promiscuous, deceitful, and selfish to feel like you understand sexual relationships

its just sad and i feel sorry for you and all people like you

lol You're the one who's in an open relationship, but screaming INCEL at anyone who reminds you of that while you act like you're going to marry this girl who's not even your gf.

I understand what you're saying, but if you knew us and our situation personally you would not come to the same conclusion. Just because we're not exclusive doesn't mean that she sees other people or that she's using me.

You sound like an incel because that's the conclusion you come to without complete knowledge, you fill in the gaps with bias.

>you fill in the gaps with bias

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I don't know how I can explain it better to you. If you're wrong about something, it's not correct observational data that takes you to an incorrect conclusion, it's assumptions about the world that misinterpret the data. If you take in data, explain it with your own worldview, and that worldview is inaccurate, it's called bias. It's sad that most people look at the world the way you do, you see hurt where there is none.

"Who hurt you?!"

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i just want you to know that i pity you

Oh no! Anything but that!

You know I may agree with you about that guy but there's one thing I have to point out

>No because I'm the only persons she's had sex with in the past year...
You should think of the very real possibility that she's coming back to your life only because she's run out of options and you're the familiar, and people go to what they know. Needless to say but I'll say it anyway, It's quite bad that she's choosing you out of last resort or, "not first" resort, who would want to be anything but first choice? If you're not first choice then thats a recipe for a failed relationship

the way you keep laughing at your own statements gives me the impression you are insecure and the heli ride is to win her affection
just bear in mind that heli rides only work in the short term

It's true, I could see that. It's a matter of whether or not she's just resorting to me or if she missed me when I walked away after we broke up.

All dates are to develop affection, it's just a cool and interesting date idea. I don't understand where the whole concept of being disingenuous comes from?

im sorry but i dont understand what the fuck you are talking about
>". I don't understand where the whole concept of being disingenuous comes from?"

what

I mean like, you say that I'm taking her on a helicopter ride to win her affection. Like no shit? I'm taking a girl on a cool date because I think it'll be better than just taking her out to dinner, it's more enjoyable and memorable. I don't know why it makes me insecure?

>It's a matter of whether or not she's just resorting to me or if she missed me when I walked away after we broke up.
I'm sure that if she's coming back then she missed you, that's almost a given. It is almost certainly both. Missing you and coming back as a last resort.
Personally I wouldn't go for someone who I broke up with once, you do something once - you're now much more likely to do it again, and you guys broke up once, next time will be easier for whoever did it first

Well I destroyed our relationship by not listening to her. She broke up with me and then I walked away, and then she started texting me and telling me she missed me and we've had our old back and forth for the past couple of weeks now. I asked her out for a surprise + dinner and she seems extremely enthusiastic and she's making it a priority. She often communicates that she values me and sometimes directly says I'm a catch. I think if we did get back together we wouldn't break up for the same reasons we did before, as I took the time away to reflect on how it ended and why. I guess it's just a matter of how she sees me now. I don't doubt that your advice is good or that there's a reasonable chance it's correct, I just ask why do you perceive her communicating she's attracted to me as desperate or settling when she could just be genuinely excited to reconnect with me?