My girlfriend resents me for watching porn during my teenage age...

She’s too insecure. Whenever she has a chance to turn the lights off during sex she will take it. It’s a shame because in my opinion she is stunning and no matter how much I tell her that she doesn’t believe me. She doesn’t have the self confidence to keep the light on let alone make a video

It's up to her. I felt terrible insecure about vibrators at some point. My gf told me firmly that she loves me and that they will not replace me. We then didn't use then for half a year and now I'm over it.

Femanon here. I would try to reassure her but it is true that you can't do anything about your past. Is she paranoid about you watching porn in general? Maybe she believes you still do because 'she is not attractive enough'. I used to be self-conscious of porn until my bf pressured me (in a good way) to change myself. Help her get nice clothes, a nice haircut, maybe make up. Hopefully that should be a good start. What about watching porn or things like that together? She may or may not watch it on her own, thinking that she would not get aroused looking at other men 'like you used to do with pornstars'. If she can see that porn is literally about the sex and not the girls (unless you are obsessed with one), she'll understand at some point. Make it clear to her though that it's up to her to get over her insecurities, you can only be there for her and help her out a little.

Retard. I jerk off 3 times a day with the most disgusting pornography imaginable, but my gf thinks I haven't masturbated ever since we started dating. Not the same situation as you, but it illuminates the answer: LIE LIE LIE.

Should have lied, dummy.

Good for you, but I’m past that point now

Porn would be a no no. Basically she hates the thought of me being sexually aroused with another girl involved, although I’ve explained that it’s not real, and it was just me being naive and figuring myself out and these new feelings I didn’t really understand at the time. As for changing her image, she’s a natural redhead, when I first met her she had dyed hair, because she was insecure about her hair colour and her ex made her change it. I convinced her to go natural to try and convince that she doesn’t have to hide her natural beauty and that I like her how she is. She already wears so much makeup, I mean she piles it on, and when she takes her make up off she doesn’t like me looking at her because she feels ugly, even though I still think she’s attractive without it (I’ve told her this but she doesn’t listen). I suppose I could go shopping with her, she does complain that she needs new clothes.

Did you ever bring it up during that time? Even the occasional snarky comment? Time passes without the subject being mentioned and everything is fine, as soon as it’s brought up again it’s back to square one. Basically I’m asking if it was a smooth process or was it still tough to get over?

It's never too late to do the right thing. Maybe you can't lie about what she already knows, but what can you lie about? Go from there.

We talked about it in the beginning but after that it was a topic I avoided. I just noticed that I got more secure about. Guess I got more confident in the bedroom and in our relationship overall. I never made snarky comments. After a couple of months I simply asked if we could try using it together and that was that. You need to sit her down and make her understand. There is nothing you can do and it's not your job to deal with her insecurities constantly. Sounds like she has some issues with her body and looks so maybe she should look into therapy.

OP have some standards for girls and show them. The mistake you're probably making is that you love all women, you think all beautiful women are beautiful.

So come up with some standards that match your personality (and "coincidentally" your girlfriend) and stick to them, loudly. Let her see that you have taste in women.

It can be anything. Just walking down the street randomly joke "I couldn't date anyone who isn't a redhead"
Or say something (true from your life) like "I dumped my last girlfriend because she doesn't like video games. Could you believe that?"

Show some exclusion. This will show your gf that you have standards, which she'll naturally try to figure out, and it'll set up a mental wall in her head of how high your standards are. Then, when she sees another girl she'll *insstantly* and confidently know 'You could never date my bf' or 'You're not good enough for him :)'

You need to give her this mental wall in her head. You build it by having standards and **sticking to them**. Let her know you'll not date just anyone.

Her complains about porn is a proxy. Don't focus on your history of porn, get to the root.

I hope this makes sense.

and this is fucking stupid advice. Never take advice about women from women.
>What about watching porn [...] together?
wtf bitch you "helping" him, yeah?

Here’s a couple of examples on what she is saying. One thing is explaining what she’s and the other is seeing it, maybe someone can pick up on her mentality better than me

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This is sound advice, I’ll try it. I’ve no one in particular to compare her to, she took my virginity and also my first relationship. To be honest I think if I wasn’t a virgin before this relationship, i don’t think it would never have existed. I think she finds my lack of experience comforting so she doesn’t feel like she needs to compete

Woah.
Break up.

If you don't want to break up, then the first thing I suggest is hold her to account. Nobody is responsible for her insecurities but her. Your past didn't make her insecure until you started dating, you know what I mean? That means your past isn't what 's making her insecure, it's herself. You MUST hold her to this fact.

Other thing is, shut her down with "If you can't handle my past, then you're free to leave".
She trying hard to make you look like a bad guy when you're not. She's trying to make it appear like you're the one tearing up the relationship, when in fact it's her. So giving her this omen forces her to accept that she's the problem. If she fires back, just stick to it with
"I feel you're judging me for my past. I can't change my past, but you can change our future."
or "I'm all yours now and you're the only girl I've ever known. I can't change my past, but we can make a future together."
or" Our starting point is the day we met, not my teenage years. Please don't pretend you were my girlfriend back then.

See, the truth is on your side. So you never need to get frustrated with her, or trick her, or anything nasty. Just calmly lay it out for her. She's trying to subvert the truth because she's insecure.

Once you get in agreement on that, and then you've opened a door to fixing a good future together, then you can finally start working on her insecurities.

desu I think you should get a little mad at her for that one. You're not the angry type, are you OP? Allow yourself to get a little angry sometimes. If you don't, women will walk all over you like this.

In all seriousness it sounds like you're in a relationship that is semi-abusive where she guilt's you and makes suicidal threats to get what she wants. You seem reasonable probably deserve better than this.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. I had a girl that said similar shit before. Dont blame yourself for the way she feels. That's legit crazy territory. She has to fix her confidence and esteem issues.
Dont ever apologize for what you did. She is the one with the problems not you. She needs a really check

Thanks for the support. What was the situation with that girl in the end?

I broke up. I was her dad and not her boyfriend. Dont stick it into crazy

>I was her dad and not her boyfriend.
I hope that's not literal.

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Thanks for the advice, I’m not ready to break up yet, can’t shake the feeling that if we got past all this drama we could be happy together. In the past I have been very angry towards the situation, but I can’t win with anger, she’s delusional so when I gave her facts she thinks her facts make more sense but like I said she gets deluded. Then I get more angry and turn nasty as well, then insults are thrown everywhere. I’ve learnt the hard way that getting angry doesn’t get me anywhere in this. I know that if this can be redeemed, it’s only by being supportive and diplomatic. The messages I’ve shown, that’s her angry. There’s truth to what she’s saying but she’s piling it on with insulting remarks. I can’t communicate with her right now, I need to wait for her to calm down because she won’t take in anything I say. So when she is eventually calm I just want to be ready with what I can say, which is why I’m here asking. I know being angry and argumentative won’t help. I need to be supportive but find a balance where I’m also sticking up for myself. The advice you’ve given has given me a bit of wisdom so I’m grateful for that, thank you.

Did you see anything else in her? If the craziness wasn’t there would have seen a future with her? Apart from the arguing, did you work, and have many things in common?

When she isn’t angry and deluded, she is the best I’ve ever met. She’s selfless, loving and generous, and if it wasn’t for times like this, I could easily spend the rest of my life with her.

I'm not a fan of you, but this is some good advice.

No of course not. But that's the role she expected of me.
I did. She was a good person that got dealt a bad hand at life. Her issues were not due to her own fault. The more time passes the more I realize how futile it was to hold on to the relationship as long as I did. I was blind. Your girl doesn't seem that crazy but with sever self image issues. Mine had a whole case of abusive childhood trauma so not sure if that's comparable.

>There's truth to what she's saying
Break up with her right now. She is fucking with your head if you think anything she's saying isn't complete bullshit. This is an incredibly unhealthy relationship.

My gf has had a shit life as well. Her mum beat her when she was little and she still belittles her to this day. She’s also had an ex that cheated on her and another that beat her. She hasn’t had the best life. And I just want a life with her where we can both be happy together, but she can’t let some things go.

No its not your fault and there is no truth in what she is saying. That post is me a year ago. Dont let her manipulate you and fall for her bullshit. She needs to fix her shit and its not your job. You can be supportive but dont let her walk over you or paint you as the bad guy. Dont listen to tears or screams. It's time to stop being a brat and actually be an adult. Getting some real flashbacks to my ex here.

I get it’s not my fault, I just get that it’s something that bothers her and silly as it may be, we all have flaws. I want to help her through this one the best I can. Fair play for managing to get out of there, I obviously understand how shit life is in that situation, I’m just not ready to give up yet. What’s your story?

Jesus fuck, what a manipulative bitch. Dump her, user. She will keep guilt tripping you, if not over porn then over something else.

I meant truth to what she’s saying as in when she describes herself, that’s how she always describes herself. She isn’t messing with my head, I just want to help her get over this insecurity so we can be happy

Ok dude get your balls out of her grips before it's too late.

Don't explain anything else to her. You already have explained it - enough is enough. You're enabling her codependency. Tell her to either drop it, or drop her.

What a polar opposite in behaviour. Almost could say she's... bipolar...

If you still watch, tell her it's because she doesn't let you see her a pretty body. See how it goes.