There's this guy I'm really good friends with. He's a genuinely good guy, but comes across as a total douche and I'm not sure how to tell him.
He's attractive, Jow Forums, really intelligent and pretty chad on the whole, has plenty of friends. At his heart he isn't the person he projects to other people. But he has no success with girls and although he doesn't talk about it, I can tell it's really getting him down. Not to mention I think he's losing friends gradually as time goes on.
The problem is the way he dresses he looks like a dudebro, with his general clothing style and backwards baseball cap. Given that he also lifts loads he looks really vain and kinda insecure (which he isn't but it really looks like it). Also any time anything remotely political comes up he invariably starts an argument. He's a big trump supporter, which is fine just seems like he goes out of his way to start political arguments every time he gets the chance. Most girls I know don't like him based on that fact alone. Even though I agree with a lot of his political stances, he always states his opinion in a really arrogant way; as if it was fact.
I genuinely care about him so I'm not sure how to bring this up without it being really awkward. There haven't been any good opportunities when talking with him, like if he was to say "I don't get why girls don't like me" or whatever I could gently mention something, but he never talks about that at all.
You see him as a Chad. He's Chad for a reason. Don't change that.
You know you're wrong when his problem becomes more of a problem to you than him.
He's almost a chad, he told me he has social anxiety and depression and stuff. He doesn't really have the confidence to pull it off
>social anxiety >depression >chad
Wait WHAAAAT? Chad is characterized by having none of anything and thats why people like chad. Chad is a fountain of positivity and strenght, (barely) no matter the looks.
If he didn't have confidence issues for whatever reason then he'd definitely be a chad. I think gym is maybe making him more self critical than he should be
How old is he? Is he in college or out of college?
It's not his image that needs to be changed then, it's that he's too consumed by his own political views. If you're trying to hook-up with a girl you should never bring up religion or politics unless you know they agree with you.
>big trump supporter, which is fine not to be a DNC shill or anything like that, but it’s not fine. it’s so not fine that it’s actually somewhat relevant to him not getting girls, whether he’s outspoken about it or not.
21, in university
Agreed but his image is a factor. There's something about the way he dresses that just screams douche. The only way he would be more stereotypical is if he wore a tank top, which he's mentioned he's gonna get before (not sure if joking)
Yeah I meant its fine in an each to their own kinda way, it would be ok if he didn't have to bring it up so often. He wants to find a more conservative girl I think so talking about politics is how he tries to filter them. The main issue being in the UK no one likes Trump
Is this friend you? Douchey-looking guys get girls all the time. Didn’t you watch cartoons?
It's not douchey in a cool way, besides in the UK here I'd say at this stage (university) dress sense is far more smart casual. His style is just kind of infantile. He could actually probably pull it off if he didn't have underlying confidence issues. Like he's an extroverted guy with great social skills but you can tell there's something underlying which gives an almost uncanny valley sort of feeling
Are you the guy from London who posted yesterday? If London is anything like NYC, the women can be pretty demanding. I don’t even like to talk to women who have no sense of romance and look for an escape pod every time the guy makes a mistake.
Anyway, can you articulate exactly what is wrong with this guy that girls don’t want him? Sometimes it’s a thing about a person’s disposition that turns women off, and it doesn’t even take place on a conscious level.
Why do you care so much about this friend getting his penis wet? It sounds kind of gay. Are you the supposed friend?
I guess my feedback for the issues you have listed so far, is for him to buy a sweater and some chinos and to say to women, “Yeah, that is really interesting. I never thought of it that way.”
So he wears TapouT shirts unironically?
>are you the guy from London No
>what exactly is wrong that girls don't want him I'm not a girl so I'm not exactly sure. Your point about disposition makes a lot of sense actually. I'd say it's largely just arguing about politics and coming across as someone obsessed with gym (which he is). The girls I've talked to think a guy obsessed with the gym is unattractive because they're vain and conceited, which I know my friend isn't but that's the image he's projecting
>why do you care so much I think it's a large underlying cause of his depression and social anxiety, plus I'm his friend so I want to look out for him. I wish people I knew would give me more feedback sometimes because I know I can often come across as someone I'm not
>wear a sweater and some chinos etc Not at all, just dress normally and pretend to be apolitical
He doesn't fortunately but he unironically probably would. He often wears shirts with pic related kinda logos. Nothing really wrong about showing off your hobbies but combined with the rest of his persona I don't think it helps
I actually think he would benefit from doing the things with the sweater and “I never thought of that”.
So far, the biggest issue I can see from what you’re telling is that he isn’t willing to blend or kiss up to any degree. If you’re not willing to do that, you relegate yourself to the “be yourself” community, which is a pretty mixed bag.
Most people don’t need you to be apolitical. They just want you to be kind enough to pay attention to them not assault them with political talk.
so yeah that seems like the answer. also, fitness isn’t vain.
>most people don't need you to be apolitical Agreed yeah
>fitness isn't vain Of course it isn't inherently vain, like my friend is into it because its a genuine passion and doesn't think more of himself for doing it. The point is he comes across as vain I think because that's the stereotype associated with frequent gym goers
>so yeah that seems to be the answer But how do I tell him? I can't think of a way of doing it out of the blue without it being awkward. It just never comes up naturally in conversation really
His lack of success with women never comes up? How do you know it’s a problem, then?
I had girlfriends from 17-22, and I’ve found it to be a mistake, or at least the way I went about it was misguided. if I could redo things, I’d probably be even more focused on goals and less interested in being palatable or bending to other people’s wishes. and then, that comes with the price of not being a social chameleon with loads of friends.
this whole thread seems vague and wishy washy, so it’s hard to give concrete advice.
Does he have any other interests that could make for something he could wear? Does he have a favorite sports team? Music, Movies?
you said he has social anxiety. maybe tell him to start out humble and work his way up in terms of confidence. it’s better than just not trying.
>his lack of success never comes up Only reason I know about it is through other people, like I know from other friends that the previous girls he was crushing on friendzoned him
>thread is vague and wishy washy Yeah that's my fault sorry, though the whole point is I want to know how to tell a friend an uncomfortable truth
>does he have any other interests Gym is his main interest, he spends several hours a day there and literally takes a rest day like once a month
>tell him to start out humble Thing is he actually is very humble, just he appears to everyone like he isn't. He doesn't wear muscle fit shirts or anything to try and show off, but his shirts with gym logos on it I think gives the impression he is trying to show off, which he isn't but its coming across that way
what is that uncomfortable truth exactly?
>he’s actually very humble. people just think he’s egotistical because he wears gym shirts. then they’re the fucked up ones, but he can always trick these noobs by pretending to be a sweater bro.
is he perhaps crushing on the wrong kind of girl, while there are plenty of girls who would be interested?
>uncomfortable truth Just that he needs to think about the impressions he's giving other people inadvertently. He doesn't seem to be very self aware about it
>they're the fucked up ones Yeah, but how you dress does say a lot about you as a person. I'm not a /fa/ggot by any means and really don't care about looking stylish or whatever so much as not giving the wrong impressions. For example, you wouldn't wear a shirt without ironing it first right? A crinkled shirt just gives off an unkempt and disorganised image
>is he perhaps crushing on the wrong kind of girl I don't think there are many girls interested because of his reputation as a Trump supporter and plus the general gym bro image
It sounds like he’d be better off in the US. Why should someone in the UK endorse Trump’s Presidency, the epitome of American idiocy? Gym bros are actually respected for their discipline here, too.